Just a walk in the park Kazansky...
It would be a beautiful day today. In fact, the sunlight is beautiful, the skies are mostly clear, and it’s the perfect kind of early afternoon to be out and about. But right now, you’re not really enjoying the niceness. It’s a little difficult for that.
Spitfire stands in front of you staring piercingly into your soul. She’s been doing this for the last few minutes with no sign of stopping, and you have no idea why she’s doing it. You were just passing by, on your way to see Fluttershy about that time last night when one of her rabbit friends snuck into your room to watch you undress. What the fuck was with that bunny anyway? Staring your down with it’s beady little black eyes that show no forgiveness or compassion. Studying your naked body without expression or motion, but with this intensity that made you feel like a five year old caught experimenting with the family dog again. Fucking rabbits. Gotta tell Fluttershy to keep them away from you or you’ll prepare one with green peppercorn sauce next time.
You’ll deal with that later, back to Spitfire.
She’s standing in the path in front of you, blocking your way. She’s not wearing her usual Wonderbolts dress or military garb, and you’re struck by how completely naked she looks. None of the other ponies wear clothes, but somehow it’s strange to see her without them. It feels wrong somehow, dirty. Not unattractive mind you, but definitely lewd. And that expression…
Her eyes are narrowed, her legs spread and bent slightly like she’s crouching. Her lower lip protrudes slightly, almost in a pout, not quite in a snarl. And she's looking at you like you are the most fascinating, disgusting, and empty thing she has ever laid eyes on.
What is she even doing here anyway? Why isn’t she up in Cloudsdale, practicing or teaching others flying techniques? You’ve been waiting for her to say something because under that gaze you really can’t think of anything to break the silence. You manage to clear your throat, trying to relieve some of the tension. It doesn’t work, she just keeps staring.
“Um…” you force out. “May I…help…you?”
With each word her eyes narrow a little more till they’re barely slits. She takes a step towards you, leaning forward to bring her face closer and closer to you. You feel yourself begin to sweat. What the fuck is going on here? What does she want? Did you do something wrong? Is there something on your face? What the fuck is going on!? Why didn't she answer you?
You want to speak again, but her face silences you. It’s speaking to you in its own dark and horrible way now. Somehow you just know, without any doubt, that there is nothing you can say to her that she will listen to, accept, or deem worthy of even hearing. You're sure of it. Your words are worthless to her. Suddenly you feel very small and insignificant before this pony’s searching and disapproving eyes. It’s almost a physical crushing sensation now.
You swallow hard and pray for this to end. You’re not sure why she’s staring at you, but her look is beginning to cause you genuine physical pain now. You can feel it burning through the back of your skull. You can feel her gaze traveling through every recess of your brain. Oh god…oh god she can see it all can’t she?
That time you tickled Spike under the chin while he slept to see if it would give him a boner (it did).
That time you made passionate love to one of Rarity’s manikins because you thought it might relieve your sexual frustration (it didn’t).
That time that Iron Will held you down and…
Oh god, she can see it all!
You feel sick. You feel today’s lunch begin to churn in your stomach as she draws even closer. Her eyes flicker like flames, the heat of her expression searing your very skin. You want to look away, but you can’t. You’re trapped there, paralyzed, as she dissects every last part of your psyche with her eyes. Make it stop, please, someone, anyone, make it stop! You want to scream and run but you can’t. You can’t even move. She’s so close you can feel her body heat, feel her breath. You’re trembling, sweating, nearly in tears now.
You should have never left your house. Fuck it, let the creepy stalker peeping tom rabbits ogle you while you change. It would be better than this! You should have never even come to Ponyville. You should have never been born. You know that now, you can see it reflected in her eyes! You’re sorry for it, sorry for it all! You wish for death and hope beyond hope that she will bring it to you now. You deserve it.
End it Spitfire. End the suffering and let me die.
All of a sudden, Spitfire’s eyes shoot wide open. She pulls her face back some from your sweating, shivering form, and she gives a little ‘hm’ noise behind pursed lips.
“Yep,” she says with a curt, satisfied nod.
Wat? Yep?
What does she-
Before you can react, Spitfire grabs you in a tight hug around your torso, pinning your arms to your sides. With a whoosh of air she springs towards the sky, hauling you with her. You shriek as you rocket upward, higher and higher, past clouds and birds. The air rips past your skin, stinging. Your eyes begin to water and the speed of your flight pulls your lips and cheeks back taught against your face. Higher and higher you fly, still grasped firmly in Spitfire’s hooves.
All at once, she stops.
The two of you hang in the air, the only sound the methodical flapping of her wings. You look at her, gasping and shaking from the intensity of the experience. Once your eyes begin to focus a little more, you notice that things have changed, and you’re not just talking about your elevation.
She’s smiling almost tenderly at you now and you can’t help but smile back. She’s not staring you down any more. The searching disgust and hatred is gone. She...she doesn’t know all of your deepest secrets! She’s not the pony antichrist! There might even be affection in those round, beautiful, kind eyes now! There’s hope, love, clouds, rays of sun. My god…she’s beautiful, and you feel beautiful too just being there in her arms with her above the clouds. This could easily be the happiest moment of your-
Spitfire lets go.
There’s a moment where you hang there, gravity not clasping you in its forces yet, where you stare at Spitfire’s grinning face with confusion, loss…
“…Why?” you manage to squeak out.
Then you fall.
You flail, shrieking as you plummet down, down down… You see trees and earth approaching you. The ground is rising up to swallow you, break you, kill you. This is it, this is…
You land with a sickening moist crack, and know no more.
Above you, Spitfire sticks out a pouting lower lip as she stares at your crumpled form far below. She sighs gently, and shakes her head, looking as disappointed as she’s ever been. As the blood pools around you, she turns away and begins to fly slowly back towards Cloudsdale.
“Damn,” she mutters. “Guess Rainbow wins that bet. Human’s can’t fly after all.”
-End-
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Man, Anon's liveliness really plummeted at the end there. It's a shame Spitfire didn't get the gravity of the situation.
They are so nonchalant about murder
6923218 i.giphy.com/13HxUABwfXHozK.gif
Your fan fic quality took a dive
That was bucked up. Good but bucked up.
I guess this story was descent. You built up the joke pretty well, but the punchline kinda fell flat.
huh
what
no
why
wut
[insert subtle falling pun here]
6925425
6923218
6925113
6925691
I have very much missed all these puns. And I am even happier that many of them are leveled as insults to me.
You guys really are the best.
Why did they even make that bet? And couldn't spitfire just ask?
Yeah... all those references to...
No.
6925965
fireheart.... I love those books that is all I shall say.......
6926017 Ah, well, thank you. Glad to meet a fan of that series.
6926047
Warriors was and still is a wundaba series
Beautiful
6925801
I will try to keep the quality of my puns from falling.
6925801
I'M HAPPY WE DIDN'T
LET
YOU
DOWN
6926345
...this is my fault somehow, isn't it.
These fucking comment sections. So beautiful.
6925801
It's like a certain red-haired singer from the 80s always said:
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you."
Especially that second bit there. ;)
...Ok he does not like Spits, but why is there a comedy tag on your story when there is no comedy? In fact this is horrible, there should be a gore tog on this story since a pony just mercilessly killed a guy for the dumbest reason ever.
What the fuck did I just read???
Why would Spitfire even do that?
God dammit
6923218
Your puns actually made me gag. Continue with them
dunno what the fuck I just read, but glad I did... :P
What the fuck?
What the dick did I just read.
I've made a terrible mistake. This... this isn't the Surrealism section of the internet at all is it?
*stomps away grumbling about Dadaism*
Why do you hate Spike?
6977216
WHY NOT.
6988396 Is it because of his voice?
6988434
It's because he's Spike.
The reasons involved in that are nearly endless.
6988439 But everyone is always giving him a hard time. Doesn't good guys deserve a break sometimes?
: -) I have nothing much to say ,but
(This story was freaking Awesome).
I give it a 10/10
I think this fic may need a dark tag based on how casually spitfire kills someone on a bet... That being said this was still really funny and I got a good laugh out of it. Dark humor FTW.
He fell pretty hard for spitfire there at the end
...well that was out of left fucking field... I don't even know how to respond to that other than mentioning that this needs dark and gore tags.
Everything about that was pathetic. Anon, the joke, even the premise was laughably lackluster. The only thing that wasn't drenched in mediocrity was Spitfire who went above and beyond in the lifeless dullard department. The best part of this story was the comments.
Now that my feelings are out out of the way, here are my thoughts.
The story was coherent and up to par with your usual standard. I do feel the story dragged a little, the payoff seemed to abrupt considering the lengthy build up, a more violent death would have been more fitting. All in all not your best work thumbs down.
7191368
*too abrupt
fixed
bruh
7191745 sequel.sequel sequel. First question.was he the only human?!.if so have somepony witness it.(rainbow dash from a nearby cloud
).have his ghost fuck with spitfire.by using his ghostly powers to humiliate her
.yes.good. very good indeed!
Well shit...
...
Spitfire lost the bet!
Nice job
7738295 Way to spoil!
Nice job!
7785961
Well don't go into the comments first silly
7785961
Well don't go into the comments first silly
7786301 But what if I like going to the comments first???
7786622
Insanity!
7787725 I learned from the best! Discord! :D
7787751
Sweetness! he best teacher out there, hohoh.
Thanks for watching too~ <3
7787751
Sweetness! he best teacher out there, hohoh.
Thanks for watching too~ <3