The Rainbow Dash Trial

by Nexas

Witness 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE

If any of you are treating this seriously I have one thing to say to that.

Don't.

Seriously, don't. You will not have any sanity by the end of it.

Just repeat to yourself; it's just a fic, I should really just relax.

***

"OVERRULED!" The Great and Powerful Trixie shouted at Luna. "Did I say you could talk?"

"Uh, no your honor." Luna stuttered.

"Now go sit down!"

"Yes, your honor."

Luna slumped in her chair. Not even the power of the moon could stand against the judicial system.

"Now," Trixie began.

"Wait!" Dash interrupted, raising a hoof in the air like a student in class. "Why are you even here?!"

Trixie stared at her for a moment and nodded.

"After the incident in Poniville, The Great and Powerful Trixie moved to Canterlot to become a judge." She materialized a mirror with her magic and fiddled with her wig. "They're basically the same thing."

Everypony stared at the magician/judge in shock; she really thought that she qualified to be a keeper of justice. The whole notion of it was insane.

Of course, remembering the reason they were on trial in the first place they decided to let it slide.

"Alrighty then," Trixie levitated a gavel and banged it three times. "Let's get down to business. Which is what exactly?"

"That Pegasus will not relinquish the title of Element of loyalty to Spike, who was clearly given the title by Twilight Sparkle!" Luna shot up again, pointing at Rainbow Dash and Spike.

"Oh my goodness!" Trixie gasped in horror though she could care less. "Is this true Twiley?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Twilight hiccupped and pointed in Luna's general direction. "But they can call in as many witnesses as they want and it will all be a big (hic) misunderstanding. Surely somepony as beautiful and smart as you can see that."

"Yeah, Trixie is beautiful and smart." Judge Trixie admitted. "Good call, alright old mare call your first witness."

Somewhere in the back of Luna's temporarily frozen brain, she could have sworn that the judge had called her an old mare.

Alright, no problem, just have to show them that Spike is more loyal than Rainbow Dash.

"I call my first witness, Angel bunny to the stand!"

Everypony else watched in confusion as Fluttershy floated into the court room dragging an animal container. Inside the container was the eponymous rabbit, not looking happy at all that he was inside it. The yellow Pegasus set the container on the witness seat and flew to one of the benches in the back all the while muttering 'excuse me' and 'pardon me' as she went.

"It's too simple." Luna whispered to her client. "We shall call witnesses who have experienced your loyalty and the judge will see that you are the more likely candidate for the title." She grinned. "It's genius!"

"Genius?!" Spike grabbed her by the royal collar and shook her. "That rabbit tried to kill me!"

"Oh, really?"

"There were carrots everywhere..." Spike shuddered.

The Doctor- I mean bailiff, walked up to the cage and inspected it, Angel growled and shook the container in response.

"I say, what a wonderful rabbit; he's so violent!" He exclaimed with a grin, taking a few steps away.

"Angel?" Luna talked to the rabbit slowly and haltingly. "I'm going to use a spell so I can talk to you. Do. You. Understand?"

The rabbit gave her a look of nonbelief that was mirrored by the other Ponies in the room.

"I'll take that look of nonbelief as a 'yes'."

Luna's horn began to glow softly; emitting a pale blue glow she stepped in front of the rabbit and touched her horn to his forehead. Nopony said anything for a couple minutes, they just watched in confused silence. Suddenly, Luna gasped and glared at the bunny.

"You dare to say that to me?!" She roared at the rabbit. "I have never heard something that disrespectful!"

The rabbit did not say anything, at least from what everypony else could hear but Luna gasped again.

"Don't you dare bring my mother in to this!"

Rainbow Dash and Twilight watched the scene unfold.

"This can't be happening." Dash sighed.

"Don't worry Dashie." Twilight patted Dash on the back. "Your friend Twilight will help you, or not."

She stared at Twilight. "You are completely drunk aren't you?"

"(hic) what makes you say that?"

"THIS RABBIT IS UNSTABLE!"

Everypony turned to see Angel had somehow gotten out of his container and was beating Luna over the head with it.

"Bailiff!" Trixie called. "Remove the animal from the premises!"

After a moment of struggling, they quickly realized the bunny would not go back in the container and was simply escorted out by the Bailiff who was quickly followed by an apologizing Fluttershy.

Luna dazedly stumbled back to her table while Trixie sat back in her chair, rubbing her temples.

"Alright, Lawyer Luna, enlighten Trixie. Who is the next witness?"

Comments

[Shadow Scryer]

Heheheh. Things aren't looking good for Spike hey?

Believe me when I say this isn't the most insane thing I've ever seen, but it's still mad enough to work as a story and be utterly nonsensical at the same time. Good work mate.

[TheKageKitsune000]

This is both funny and it scratches the old madness bone