Gotta say, I really enjoy where this is going so far!

Twilight’s eyes met his and Lero could see the warmth in her expression grow as she replied “Oh Lero... it's just so nice to see everyone together, it makes me feel like even if I can’t finish my research I’ll still have something to fall back on.”

As Twilight spoke, she saw Lero’s face fall slightly and she hurriedly added “n-n-not that it doesn’t mean I’ll be doing my all to complete my work... that is... its not li-”

Aw, Twilight...

The frown returned, however, as he looked down sadly at the snoring pegasus (some things even the swap could not change). To let poor Rainbow lose the fire that made up so much of who she was… all so that he could indulge in this paradise? Could he let all of his friends and their families continue to live under this delusion with the feeble hope that it might be for the best? It felt like betrayal. Like he was ultimately giving in to the force that he had anthropomorphized (hippopomorphized?): the spell known as ‘the swap’.

You have a good understanding of the major conflict within Divided Rainbow. Just this alone makes me eager to see how you handle The Swapped when they're awake!

"I save data compilation and assessment day as a treat for when I’m feeling glum.”

Ha! Should've thought of this one, myself!

“TWILIGHT! Abort the spell!!”

Ooh, exciting! You're taking things in an intriguing direction with this "Shift" thing of yours...

Jacob…. I think.”

“Well Jacob Eyethingk,

He looked out for any easy tells: fishing wire, creaking joints or gears, obvious stitching revealing a costume… nothing. As the tricks flowed one into another he found himself mesmerized by the artistry of the robot in front of him. Even the magic tricks were fascinating and without any giveaways. Some were designed to amaze, some to stupefy, but all were so engrossing as to distract him from his current situation entirely.

Loving the description! And Trixie is so cute, the way you handle her! Jacob is pretty cool so far too. A lot yet to flesh out, perhaps, but not a completely featureless "Anon," nor a Mary Sue. He's likable!

Trixie could not stifle a squee this time, “wouldn’t you say that she is beautiful?” Trixie said, batting her eyes in what would be a cartoonish manner. Jacob chuckled, this operator had a great sense of humor and incredible timing, he yelled over toward the backstage “sure, very beautiful to look at, if that’s your thing.” Trixie’s tail twitched at the compliment.

Jacob noticed the movement immediately. “The tail moves too? What’s the material made out of?”

The next few moments took only an instant, but Jacob would remember it in a moment by moment, play-by-play timeline. His hand reached forward and grabbed the blue and silver-white tail.

I love the comedy of all this. Poor Jacob! And Trixie just continues to be adorable in her own way. The whole chapter's well-written, it ends on a good cliffhanger, can't wait for more! Bravo, Qtip!

whoa! a new leroverse story outta left field!

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I like this so far :)

Jacob Eyethingk

All I could think was, "We got this guy 'Not Sure' who's gonna fix everything!"

Interesting start. I wouldn't worry about the whole 'another human in the Leroverse' thing. It worked well with Gus' story. If this character has something to offer (and it looks good so far, once he recovers from the concussion he just unwittingly earned) he'll do fine. If anything, I've always liked the idea of Lero having another human to compare a few 'wtf happened to us' notes with. I was actually hoping he'd see his family again somehow, like when Discord took him 'home' in Divided Rainbow (though probably just a dream sequence, still with Discord it could have been both...) Whether this story goes in that direction or not is fine though.

Trixie... well I'm on the fence about her canonically speaking. It doesn't seem like her contrition for her actions is genuine here; that would be unfortunate since it would make her a bit of a flat character, incapable of growth. But it's too soon to say. Also, out-humbling Jacob was adorable and hilarious, so she gets a pass for the moment.

There's a few minor errors and such, but I'm not going to nitpick about them here. Overall, the writing's good. There's little touches of humor and it flows well. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

6925853 You've hit the nail on the head! One of the biggest advantages to a second human (like Gus) is to give Lero a commiseration buddy.

I've always thought Trixie to be a villain character from the show with tremendous room for growth, actually. To me she is a very 'human' pony: insecure, prideful, flawed, and lonely. She's not a villain by her own design, she's just at odds with the world.

Compared to some of the more recent show antagonists (*cough* Glimmer *cough*) that go from incredibly evil (for very lame originating reasons) to being friends with everyone (for equally lame resolution reasons), I've always though Trixie would have been one of the best characters to get a little more time, if not a redemption arc.

Thanks for the comment! As I mentioned, the rust should hopefully continue to shake off as we go along, and I can't wait to reveal more of the plot as we go along!

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I completely agree with you, about Trixie... and Starlight. That whole thing was an ambitious project, Harrison Bergeron in FIM? Kudos to the writers for trying something like that, but yeah I just didn't buy into that character at all. And then her lame excuse? Yeah really didn't buy it... especially since magic of her level obviously required leaning heavily on whatever talent came with her own mark. Paper thin hypocrite... boring. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/305811/thats-it More or less summed up my thoughts on that one.

Trixie is much more interesting. She could have learned after her first appearance. But the truth is she didn't do much wrong, really. Okay, a little overly harsh in dealing with her hecklers, by pony standards (though George Carlin might have applauded); as a performer knowing your audience is key. Sets like that one, even without the monster rampaging later, would eventually sink her career. Humiliating pillars of communities (and national heroes in this case) isn't the best idea in the long term, whether they've got it coming or not. Still, not that major a thing. The humble pie in the end could have taught her something. It didn't, and that's actually fine, because again, she wasn't really too far in the wrong. It all came from a fairly innocuous lie; the kind of thing a performer might use to get themselves over. Her second appearance... yeah less defensible, but also more contrition afterward. Plus not really knowing the Alicorn Amulet would corrupt her (I assume... if she just didn't care that's less interesting though it does bespeak a certain determination) is a point in her favor. So yes, she is definitely set up for a worthwhile character arc. I look forward to reading it; enjoy your weekend!

Interesting. I look forward to seeing more. I always enjoy to see new stories in the Leroverse.

I expect to catch a bit of flak for bringing another human into the Leroverse

People do not like change. But provided the human is of actual purpose to the story and not a waifu stealer, its usually fine.
Both Chimera and Xenophilia: Advanced brought new humans into the Leroverse and they are both seen to be positive stories amongst the vast majority of the community.

Okay, Wow, this is getting amazing- We've got, what, a side-story, a crossover, and now two spin-offs? Impressive!

So, just some of my own observations:

“Good morning Ponyville!” Twilight spoke aloud to no one in particular as she threw back the comforter and kicked her hooves over the edge of the warm and inviting bed. The fact that her actions were met with grumbles and groans from her herd (most of whom took a different approach to mornings) was lost on her as she stretched her arms and back.

While I can definitely see Dash, Rarity, and even Lero being late sleepers, but Lyra's been well established as an early riser, as she goes out training early in the morning. I understand if you don't want her to have her in the following scenes/conversations, but that's easily resolved by having her, well, leave to train. Though you might want to consider keeping her for the morning conversation at least- she's a terribly underutilized character a lot of the time, and she is in the know about the swap.

“Sir, tell me: what is your special talent? Do you dare think you are better than the Great and Powerful Trixie in any way?”
“Who me?” Jacob asked incredulously, pointing a finger at his own chest to emphasize his disbelief at being suddenly singled out.
“Please sir, answer quickly. Don’t keep the crowd waiting” Trixie said motioning toward the seating area.

Ok, this strikes me as a bit odd, as it's clear Trixie's aware he's not a pony- specifically citing his "Special Talent" is kinda- racist? I dunno if that's the right word. Griffons, Minotaurs, and plenty of other races exist with no equivalence to the pony ideas of Cutie Marks and Special talents. Perhaps she could say after his confusion something to the effect of, "Oh, please, even if you don't have a cutie mark, you must have something you're good at!"

Those were the big things that stuck out for me. Good luck with the stories!

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Great feedback Rikmach, and exactly the type I like: clear, concise, and with concrete examples.

I do admit I kept the bulk of the girls asleep for simplicity, and I wasn't aware of Lyra's tendency to train early... I knew she was a Grand Master but didn't know if that translated to having a rigid discipline as well... I do like that thinking though, and don't worry, Lyra is one of my favorite Divided Rainbow characters, and she'll play a part in this story.

On your second point, I had meant for Trixie to play a bit of a 'sticks to the script even when it makes no sense' trope. I saw her as expecting a pony crowd and not deviating from that expectation. I considered her possible experience with minotaurs and other non-ponies and how that statement could come off as a bit species-ist. While Trixie is a bit oblivious and rude, I wouldn't want her to have too negative of an impression either.

Hope you don't mind if I use your edits. :)

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Great feedback Rikmach, and exactly the type I like: clear, concise, and with concrete examples.

Thanks! Mike brought me on as an editor for a reason, I suppose. :)

I do admit I kept the bulk of the girls asleep for simplicity, and I wasn't aware of Lyra's tendency to train early... I knew she was a Grand Master but didn't know if that translated to having a rigid discipline as well... I do like that thinking though, and don't worry, Lyra is one of my favorite Divided Rainbow characters, and I she'll play a part in this story.

Yeah, Lyra embodies allot of the "Wise Master" tropes, but in a good, fun way. (Being young and female breaks a lot of the cliches, after all.)

On your second point, I had meant for Trixie to play a bit of a 'sticks to the script even when it makes no sense' trope. I saw her as expecting a pony crowd and not deviating from that expectation. I want considered her possible experience with minotaurs and other non-ponies and how that statement could come off as a bit species-ist. While Trixie is a bit oblivious and rude, I wouldn't want her to have too negative of an impression either.

I got what you were going for, but Equestria is pretty multi-ethnic with Donkies, Zebras, and other living among the populace- and one assume Griffons and Minotaurs would show up on towns near the border- so one assumes her default script allows for them.

Hope you don't mind if I use your edits. :)

Of course not, that was the point of offering them.