February 2016 - Hap - Octavia and Tank, Sittin' In a Tree
Yesterday...
"So... uhm..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in the doorway to the recording studio. "...I'm asking this of you because I don't want any of my—y'know—regular friends catching word and thinking that I'm some sort of softy." She cleared her throat and stared into the shadows of the apartment, blushing furiously. "But, the truth is, I'm worried sick for the lil' guy every time I go on a crazy awesome adventure and gotta leave him behind. So... it would be really really cool of you to take care of him while I'm gone. Y'know... show him a good time and all that stuff." Gulping, the pegasus looked up, her ruby eyes glossy and sincere. "Is... is that too much to ask?"
"Hmmmmmmmm..." Octavia swirled a glass of wine. Reclining back in her chair, the mare tilted her head towards a record player dishing out beautiful violin music. "Stallionivarius. Soooooo divine..." She took a dainty sip and then cooed, "Take me away, oh prodigy..."
"Errr..." Rainbow squinted. "...is that a 'yes' or a 'no?' Cuz, for realsies, if it's too much trouble, I can go and ask Vinyl—"
"No no..." Octavia waved a hoof without looking. "Don't bother. It's quite alright. I'll... uhm..." She fluffed her mane and sighed happily to the music. "...I'll do that thing... at the place, for you, darling." She took another sip and closed her eyes with a delightful hum. "Mmmmmmmm here comes the bridge. Ahhhhhhhhhh magnificent."
"Whew! What a relief!" Rainbow Dash's wings and ears perked up. She did a little hoofy-dance in place, grinning rosily. "Sweet! Now I don't have to worry anymore!" She turned tail, trotting out the apartment. "You're the best, Miss Melody! Meet us at the Dine Fine Corner on the edge of town and I'll introduce the two of you! Six o'clock tomorrow! Don't be late!"
"Yes. Quite." Octavia's head rolled to the music. She sighed dreamily. Seconds passed... and then her violet eyes flickered wide open. "Wait... introduce us? What?"
Today...
"Mmmmmm..." Octavia fidgeted and squirmed. She wore her mane in a delicate bun, bordered with flowers. A slinky black gown adorned her perfumed figure as she stood at the entrance to a fancy restaurant. "Oh dear... oh dear..." Panting, she fiddled with the spaghetti strap of her purse and chewed on her bottom lip. "You need to pay more attention, Octavia. That's how you keep getting into these blasted messes." A deep gulp, and she reapplied more lipstick. "Mrmmfff... remember the Brayhamas?" She shuddered hard. "Ugh... of course you do, you absent-minded trollop."
She looked up, eyes squinting at the elegant sign above the entrance to the Dine Fine Corner. The bulbs framing the sign lit up as the sun went down. A stallion valet in a tuxedo stood at the revolving door, staring at her with scrutinizing eyes.
Octavia gulped and looked down the road. "Where is she? I just want to get this bloody thing over with." A tiny squeak escaped her delicate throat. "And whoever she's bringing, he'd better know at least a paragraph of Trotoyevsky or we won't make it past the appetizers..."
FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash flew in from the darkening sky and landed behind her. "Hey! There you are! Right on time!"
"Gaaah!" Octavia jumped in place, dress flouncing.
Rainbow blinked, wearing a saddlebag. "Yeesh. Why you so gussied up? I thought you had this evening free."
"I did! I mean... I do! I mean..." Octavia shuddered, straightening her mane and adjusting the weight of her purse. "Whewwwwwww..." After a long exhale, she bore a nervous smile. "I'm ready. Now, where is the charming beau?"
"The fuzz are you talking about?" Rainbow squinted. "Anyways, I stocked up on a bunch of lettuce and celery. It should be enough to last Tank for the weekend."
"Erm... 'Tank?'" Octavia cleared her throat. "That's quite an... avant-garde name for a stallion, but it does have a certain... roguish quality, I suppose."
"If you say so." Rainbow reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a stupidly drooling tortoise. She grinned wide and nuzzled the spotted reptile. "When nopony's around to listen, I like to call him Captain McScuttleButt. Heeeeeeeeee!"
"Ah, I see—wait." Octavia blinked. Hard. "...that is who you wanted to introduce me to?"
"Uh... yeah." Rainbow and Tank blinked at the mare. "This is Tank. My tortoise that I need you to take care of over the weekend."
"Errrrrrm..." Octavia leaned from side to side.
"What did you think I was asking you to do?"
"Well..." Octavia stared up into the sky.
Yesterday again...
"Alas, fair Octavia." Rainbow Dash balanced a teacup delicately in her hoof. Upturning her powdered nose, the pegasus smoothed out the ruffles in her ballgown and spoke to the candlelight. "I was wondering if thou wouldst be so kind as to look after my reptilian beast of burden for the next few sunsets." She fluttered her painted eyelashes. "He is ever so fond of lettuce, and my admiration for him is elevated to such a degree that it flusters me greatly to share in the presence of my feminine familiars. Now, what sayeth thou, magnificent maestro of music?"
"Duaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Octavia laid sprawled out across a velvety couch, gripping four whole bottles of wine and dumping their bubbly contents down her throat. She paused only to nibble at a cluster of grapes spilling out of a goblet held by a strapping young stallion while two more muscular male specimens in shiny saddles fanned her before a burning brazier. In the meantime, an entire orchestra performed a stringed symphony from an overhanging balcony lined with gold. "I LOVVVVVE Stallionivarius! HIC!" She waved down a line of marble columns. "Bring on the eunuchs with more buckets of wine! Verily, life is short and my esophagus even shorter!"
Today again...
"I..." Octavia rubbed her head, wincing in the restaurant's electric glow. "...m-might have had a tad bit much to drink..."
"Cool." Rainbow thrust the tortoise in Octavia's grasp. "Here ya go!"
"Guh!" Octavia fumbled to catch him. She grimaced as she stared into his wrinkly, drool-stained face. "But... b-but..." She looked at the pegasus with twitching eyes. "Why did you ask me to meet you here?"
"'Cuz it's just a block away from the Pet Shop, duh!" Rainbow Dash adjusted the saddlebag around her flank. "I had to grab Tank more food and I know how much a refined mare like you hates the smell of pet stores."
"Uhhhhh—"
"Thanks a ton, Octavia. You have no idea how much this means to me. Oh! I almost forgot." She tossed a set of keys. "There's the keys to my apartment. You're free to crash there. Tank loves to sleep in the foyer just beneath the window. And you're totally welcome to what's in the fridge. Just... y'know... don't drink all the cider."
"Errrrr—"
"Oh. Right. You like red wine. My bad." She turned tail. "Anyways, I gotta go help Twilight... uh... teach the Yak-Yaks of Yak-Yakistan to bro-hug... or something. Whatever. It's all butt-questing, anyways. Zoop!" Fwooosh! Rainbow Dash flew north.
Octavia stood alone with Tank. The elegantly dressed mare blinked, then stared at the tortoise.
The tortoise stared back. Tank smiled... then smiled some more.
Octavia blinked again. Her dainty ears twitched, one after another.
One by one, crickets broke out, filling the air with a crispy cadence.
Octavia and Tank sat a table on the restaurant's patio. White table cloth and softly lit candles lingered between them. Dark fluffy clouds shifted overhead.
At the far corner of the patio, a stallion sat on a stool, smoothly playing acoustic guitar for the couples seated under starlight.
Octavia hung her purse from the back of her chair and stared across the table.
Tank sat quietly with four phone books stacked beneath his scaled posterior. His head stuck out of his shell, eyes resting on Octavia.
The mare squirmed slightly. She bore a nervous smile, her teeth glistening to match the luster of her earrings.
Tank's eyes took five seconds to blink and another five seconds to reopen completely.
Octavia cleared her throat. She fluffed her mane, took a deep breath, and looked ready to open her muzzle—
Clank! A wine tray landed next to the table.
Octavia jumped.
The waiter dutifully placed two glasses on the tabletop. With expert motions, he stuck a corkscrew into the top of the wine bottle and began prying it open.
Octavia gulped, then glanced at Tank again.
Tank stared at her, enduring another ten second blink.
Pop! The bottle opened at last. The waiter poured Octavia a glass, and then Tank. He placed the bottle back into the tray, deposited two menus on the table, bowed, then left.
Silence resumed, save for the gentle riffs of an acoustic guitar.
Octavia reached for her glass, lifted it about halfway... hesitated... then placed it back down. Her eyes darted at Tank again.
Tank sat in place, saying nothing in particular.
The mare gulped. "Well..." She exhaled. "This... this is nice..."
Tank stared.
"It's delightful weather." Octavia cleared her throat. "I mean... for the month of March."
Tank stared.
"Have you ever been to Chicacolt?"
Tank stared.
"Don't quite care for the city myself." Octavia shuddered. "And don't get me started on their city council. Goddess above..."
Tank stared.
"I don't suppose you're registered independent?"
Tank stared.
"Mmmm. It's a scary world out there. I don't know what's nobler... to try making a change for good, against all odds, or to simply invest all of one's talent into art. The latter—if nothing else—stands to bring a certain degree of enlightenment to equine kind. Although it does seem to have an unavoidable stigma of cowardice attached to it..."
Tank stared.
"But... b-but here's the thing." Octavia leaned forward, painted eyes narrow. "If we didn't have art and music, then precisely what kind of life would we be striving to make equally available for everypony to begin with? If all we can afford is a stale existence, then what is the point?"
Tank stared.
"Hmmmm..." Octavia lifted her wine glass and swirled it. "...alas, silence is indeed the one indomitable stance in any argument." She raised the chalice. "I salute your steadfastness, good sir." And she took a sip.
Octavia sighed, barely touching the glistening oats alfredo on her plate.
"And... here's the thing..." She sniffled, gazing aside. "It's not that I devalue the clinical nature of depression. I just... feel that there is far too much weight put on it as an abstract diversion from the truth."
Tank leaned forward, quietly munching and scarfing his way through a thick plate of lettuce.
"I know that I am not one to talk, but I posit that depression is simply a natural state of being for all living things. 'Living' being the operative term, of course."
She nibbled a little bit on a tangled morsel of noodles, swallowed, and lightly dabbed her chin with a napkin.
"I mean... what is mortality? You live, and yet you know that you're going to die. So—effectively—every single thing that you aspire to do is inevitably going to crumble before the wages of time and entropy. And this isn't just the case with our physical beings, but the bare detritus of all our ambitions and accomplishments in the long run. This is because the abstract extension of our egos are just as mortal as our superficial shells, so why put any stock in making a name for ourselves if it'll all crumble to communicative dust in the end? I feel that—without even having to clarify the nature of such an existential dilemma with words—this is a grim truth understood by everyone! And how else is one to react to that except to be depressed? Why, it's simply the natural state of all creatures, a steady state of being before the great advent of unbeing. But confidence? Optimism? Cheerfulness?"
She pointed across the table.
"Those are freakish forms of thought. Those should be clinically documented as abhorrent to a healthy mentality, if we're to throw so much care and caution into one's psychological stability in the first place. But does the medical industry care to see through such a spectrum? Noooo... because it's far more profitable to focus on 'depression' and build a financial stockpile through pharmaceutical monopolies that benefit no one but the gross minority of fat cats who hold all health care systems on a leash!"
Tank took five seconds to close his eyes, took a bite of lettuce, then took another five seconds to stare across the table at Octavia again.
"Hmmmm..." Octavia smiled. "You know..." She dug a bit more eagerly into her alfredo. "...I've always been afraid of speaking my mind on this topic, for fear that I would be labeled as a 'pretentious fool' with 'unfounded theories.' But... you? You simply don't judge another pony for how they think, no matter how obtuse... or daring." She paused to perform a dreamy sigh. "I find that very refreshing. You're very refreshing. Has anypony ever told you that?" She stared at him while taking another bite.
Tank merely stretched his wrinkly neck out and swallowed more and more lettuce.
"Hehehe..." Octavia suppressed an unladylike laugh. "And you're so modest too." She cleared her throat, stabbing at her plate with a fork. "So... uhm..." She reached her free hoof up and brushed a strand of mahogany hair over her ear. "H-have you ever dined with other pretty mares before, or...?"
Glug! Glug! Glug!
Octavia finished chugging the bottle of red wine and slumped over the table, wheezing.
"Duaaaah—haa-haa-haa!" She slapped the table multiple times and smiled with rosy cheeks. "And... and... and th-then the cheekish tart had the nerve to call me a 'bucket head!' And I'm all like, you what?! I was performing Marerice Chavel's greatest masterpieces on a violin while you were still a bloody itch in your father's britches! So sod off with your personal attacks, ya bugger!" Her eyes flared. "She sure took the piss out of herself! Bloody wanker!" She lifted the wine bottle again. Glug! Glug! Glug!
Tank stared, smiling.
"Mmmmff... BRAAAAP!" Octavia belched, then waved a hoof before her muzzle. "Speaking of pissed! Hahahah! Whewwwwww..." She tossed her mane back. "Bollocks... I haven't felt this... this free in a long time! I don't know what it is about you, but... ulp... I feel like I can tell you everything. When I'm around you... I feel... safe." She sniffled. "I feel understood. Have ya ever felt that?" She patted her chest through her dress. "Right here? Right all up in your gut, mate. It's the bee's knees, I'm telling you..." Glug!
Tank stared, smiling.
"You know..." She dropped the bottle so that it rattled to a stop against a pile of other empty containers across the patio floor. "... maybe it's the grapes talkin'... ulp... but you're looking positively ravishing right now, love." She smiled crookedly. "I know it may be rather forward for a bird to ask this of a sailor, but would you like to have a go?" Her eyes darted towards the dance floor. "Just for old time's sake?"
Tank stared, smiling.
Octavia twirled on the floor with the tortoise in her grasp. A full moon hung overhead. All but one of the patio tables had been completely cleaned off, with chairs stacked upside down atop of them.
The one guitarist had been replaced by five, all wearing blindfolds as they hammered away at a classic tango suite, smiling.
Octavia spun. She held Tank close, then dipped low. She tossed her head back, cooing to the heavens as she lifted up again, resting with her muzzle against the reptile's.
Tank stared back. His eyecrests took five seconds each to wag.
"Hmmmmmm..." Octavia purred. "The things you do to me, love." They twirled once more. This time as Octavia dripped, she stared up into his beady turtle eyes and murmured, "So... your place or mine?"
Tank took another ten seconds to wink.
"Heeeeeee!" Octavia plucked a rose from her hair and bit onto the stem. "Sweep me away, you green devil!" She rose up. The two twirled, and when they finished, Tank was biting onto the stem of the rose instead.
The guitarists finished the last few chords and cheered into the night: "olé!"
Three short days later...
Cl-Clack! Rainbow's door unlocked, and a fuzzy blue pegasus strolled in through the front entrance.
"Whew-wee! A place that doesn't smell like hairy butt for once!" She dropped her saddlebags and hollered to the walls of the foyer. "Tankkk! I hommmme!" She coiled one wing, then the other, shuddering. "Yeesh! I lost count of how many screaming freaks I headbutted. Hey Octavia! Yo! Miss Melody! You better not have drank all the cider, 'cuz my body aches like a motherbu—" She flipped on a light-switch and froze in place... blinking.
Octavia stood up, eyes wide. "Uhhhhhh..." She was dressed from head to hooves in black lace with leather stockings. "Miss Dash...!" She glanced at the riding crop in her fetlock and hid it behind her back. "...you're b-back so soon!"
Rainbow's ears twitched. She looked up.
Tank hung upside down from a swingset, blindfolded and smiling. He had black lipstick marks all over his drooling face.
"I swear..." Octavia smiled nervously. "This is... uh... this is not what it looks like, darling."
With a loud clucking sound, a chicken flew out from behind a couch, followed by a bleating goat wearing a saddle.
Octavia's ears sagged as she sighed. "Okay... maybe just a smidgeon."
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Weel done, cutty sark and blost!
Everyone loves a good listener.
Also, Hedonism Octavia is a fantastic mental image, and I thank you for it.
*would make a compliment, but is too busy laughing at how hilariously funny this chapter is*
Ok, I'll admit it, it took me two minutes to stop laughing.........Ok three minutes.
And I thought that "Drunk Tavi vision" scene would be the tops...that ending.
Tank, he's not your average reptile
...
Excuse me, I need to buy a goat for my girlfriend.
I don't know why, but I lost it at that line.
If I might be so bold, this is the first time I've ever given a shit about Octavia.
She is without a doubt the least classy pony ever.