• Published 8th Feb 2016
  • 1,138 Views, 37 Comments

Remnants of Equestria: FRRP - RhetCon

Team Frappe, first years at Beacon Academy, are a band of huntresses who want to look out for each other in the next few years to come.

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Pinkie Pie!

For the record, I didn’t mean to break the whack-a-mole.

I couldn’t resist! Whenever hammers are involved, I have to bring out the big guns. It’s part of me!

Anyways, I had to end up paying for it. Problem is, I had no Lien. How did I pay for it, you ask?

“I don’t think they know what you’re talking about, darling,” said a voice behind me. Rarity was drinking her usually afternoon tea and sitting in on my recording. “Slow down and explain yourself.”

“Oh yeah,” I said with a smile. “Okay, let me start at the beginning. Writer! Could you please put one of those bar things for me?”

Thanks! So, I was going to the fair because everyone else had their own personal things they wanted to do. Of course, whenever I’m lonely, I automatically think “Hey, a fair would be great!” Who wouldn’t? Anyways, a fair just so happened to be passing in Vale for a few days, and I thought it was the greatest.

I went to the fair with high spirits. Not many people know this, but I am a fair expert. I’ve got the whole thing down to a math!

“Don’t you mean down to a science?” interjected Rarity.

I know what I said! Anyway, there are a few things you need to be aware of. The number one thing is your sugar level. Do not, I repeat DO NOT let your cotton candy Lien run out. When that goes, you go.

“I don’t think that’s really critical to a good fair-”

Another thing to keep track of is your ticket count. Some rides don’t require tickets, but most do. One of the ones you can play for a few Lien a go is the Whack-a-Mole machine. They’re usually in the arcade area.

“Finally, you get to the interesting part,” commented Rarity. “What happened with that Whack-a-Mole machine?”

“Come one, come all!” he said. That was the hook. People always turn your way if you say that. “Test your speed with a hammer on my Whack-a-mole machine!”

“I’m fast with a hammer!” I said, a mouthful of cotton candy. “Let me play! Let me play!”

“Uh, sure!” said the man manning the station (see what I did there?). “5 Lein, please.” I placed the card onto the machine and took the hammer on the side.

“Only one?” I asked. “I like two myself, but that’s just me.” I took all my candy in my right hand and used the small hammer in my left.

“I can’t help but notice you keep calling it a ‘small hammer’,” said Rarity. “Don’t you use a mallet in a Whack-a-Mole?”

Oh, right. I took the mallet in one hand and started playing the game. Almost as soon as the game started, the first mole popped up. I brought the hammer down, but narrowly missed the head, the score not going up.

“Wha?” I asked myself. “I should’ve been able to hit that. My sugar level isn’t down is it?” Mole after mole, I couldn’t hit them. My 30 second counter was coming down to the last ten seconds.

“Heheheh,” snickered the machine. “You’re too slow!”

“You’ll see!” I lifted the mallet high and slammed it down onto one of the spots. The force was enough to make the ground around the machine rumble and crack. I didn’t see this, of course. If I did, I wouldn’t have kept swinging and screaming “Bam, bam bam, BAM BAM BAM BAM!”

“I’m a little scared to ask you where your mind was at the time,” said Rarity. “The machine wasn’t broken yet?”

Well, no. It wasn’t until the machine said it’s last words to me that it was broken beyond all recognition. In the middle of my rampage, it whispered a few, quiet words.

“-Too… slow…” I then brought my full force onto the machine, a bunch of dust kicking up where the machine used to be.

“Pinkie Pie, you do realize you allowed yourself to be intimidated by a machine. You do know this, right?”

The silence that followed my scene lasted for a while. The owner was making noises of incredibility! Incredible disbelief, that is.

“How?” He asked. “How could you, no, did you do this?"

“Ahahah,” I said. “I’m sorry. I kinda got a little out of hand there.”

“You think?” he said looking at the ground. “Well, my machine is completely totaled. I want a refund.”

“A… a refund?” I grinned. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking for a refund?”

“All I know is that if I don’t have 800 Lien in my hand by the end of the day, your going to be in big trouble,” he said. “Don’t think about running either. Your quite easy to describe.

He’s right you know,” said Rarity. “Anyone could see your puffy pink hair from a mile away and tell it’s you.”

You’re right. I couldn’t run away. Also, I’m surprised you didn’t comment on his wrong “you’re”.

“His what?”

Anywho, I was in trouble. A lot. I had to come up with a plan, or else I could end up in jail, or worse! I could be banned from eating sweets for a whole month!

“Hey guys,” said Rainbow Dash as she entered our room. “What’re you doing with the camera, Pinkie?”

“She’s cataloging her day,” answered Rarity. “It’s quite the strange tale. I suggest you listen in.”

Okay, Rainbow Dash. You’ll have to read up if you want to find out what happened. As for Rarity, my plan was simple. All I had to do was get some Lien. The fair is also a perfect place to make money, you know? All you have to do is have a really good idea and a price. I know good ideas.

“No doubt, Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash. “What, did you set up shop or something?”

Rainbow Dash! How did you know I set up a shop?

“Wait, you actually-”

Of course, most games offered tickets. I wasn’t technically supposed to set up my own booth, and couldn’t redeem the tickets for actual Lien. Taking all of this into account, I got the perfect plan.

I’d set up an arm wrestling booth.

“That seems… unfair,” said Rarity. “I don’t know exactly, but aren’t you able to lift a ton?”

I was planning on trying a ton this weekend! Thanks for the reminder, Rarity!

“Oh, well, you’re quite welcome, although I’m not sure my reminder will be especially good for your health.”

“She’ll be fine,” said Rainbow Dash sipping on a juice box. “She’s a tough girl.”

Anyway, I got myself a good table and stools, made myself a sign and gathered a crowd using my award winning business tactic.

“I am the strongest in the world!” I yelled to the entire fair through my megaphone. “I’m the strongest Huntress ever! Don’t think so?! Beat me in an arm wrestling contest, and get a Lien prize!”

“Few questions,” said Rainbow Dash. “First, how did you get a table, stools, and a megaphone? Second, I’m pretty sure you’re not the strongest Huntress that ever lived. You’re only a freshman, remember?”

“That’s the thing, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity. “I may not understand Pinkie’s ability to come up with that stuff, but her strategy actually makes sense.”

“I don’t get it,” said Rainbow Dash. “Who’s gonna believe some random girl on the side of the road screaming she’s the best there ever was, is, and will be?”

“You’ll see.”

People came to my table like I was baking cupcakes! Huntsmen, Huntresses. I think I even saw Luna there.

“30 Lien says I’m taking that prize home,” said Huntsmen. “10 Lien’s all I got, but if I win, I can get a new battle skirt,” said Huntresses. No matter who they were, none of them could beat me. Before I knew it, I had already 520 Lien! I think that’s when people started thinking that the game was rigged.

And if there was anyone who could sniff that out, it’d be my best frenemy Trixie!

“‘Frenemy’?” asked Rarity. “You call that walking punching bag full of pride a friend?”

Of course not! I call her my frenemy. She’s not good enough to become my rival yet, so I call her my frenemy.

I don’t think you notice it at times, but you’re being savage Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the pink one,” said someone in the crowd during one of my matches. I recognized the voice, but I couldn’t quite make it out. So, instead of paying attention to the match, I looked up. “What is your name again? Pizza Pie?”

“No, silly!” I said, keeping the person’s arm in the middle of the table. “That’s my third cousin twice removed!”

“Trixie see you’re running a… what is this?” she asked.

“It’s an arm wrestling stand!” I said, slowly pushing my opponent's hand down. “Do you want to try?”

“Does Trixie? Why would she do such a brutish thing?”

“Well, I thought that since you’ve never beaten me in combat, you could try to beat me at something else.” Trixie looked pretty angry when I said that.

“What are you insinuating?” she said. “Trixie could beat you with both hands behind her back!”

“Great!” I touched my opponent's hand onto the end of the table. “Are you ready?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is always ready,” she said. “How much Lien have you collected so far?”

“I think it’s something around 600-”

“Trixie will raise you 300!” she said, placing 300 Lien on the table. “I will be taking home a hearty prize of 900 Lien once this is over.”

“How dumb is that child?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Pretty dumb.” answered Rarity.

“Thanks!” I said. “If you win, maybe you can buy a trainer to help you with your fighting!” Trixie sat and slammed her elbow onto the table.

“Enough chit chat!” she said. “Face me, now!”

We both placed our elbows on the table and locked fingers. I looked into her eyes as she stared back into mine. I put my other hand into the air and flicked it downwards, signaling the beginning of the match.

For the record, I didn’t mean to slam Trixie into the table.

“Jesus, Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash with a snicker. “You think you could hit her harder?”

I haven’t even gotten to that part yet!

“Really?” asked Rarity. “Why didn’t you take it easy?”

I felt that if I held back, she wouldn’t accept it. After the match, I collected the card and fist bumped my success. I started to head to the Whack-a-Mole machine when Trixie started getting up.

“What?!” said Trixie slowly getting to her feet. “I-I wasn’t ready!”

“Sorry, Trixie,” I said waving goodbye. “I’ll see you back at school then!”

I skipped towards the man who I owed money to. I nearly made it but stopped to bat a card out of the air. I already knew that Trixie wasn’t happy with me, but a large smile plastered my face anyways.

“Do not walk away from me!” she said. “The Great and Powerful Trixie demands satisfaction!”

“If you say so,” I said putting the Lien card in my pocket. “I’m sorry, in advance!”

“You will be sorry!” I smacked another card out of the air, reached down to my hip and withdrew my weapons.

Ironically, they were mallets. They’re about the length of my forearm and are made of pure silver. They’re only about 60 pounds, so I can tote them with ease.

“Wait, why silver?” asked Rarity.

Cause what if I come across a vampire?

“Don’t you mean werewolf?”

No silly. Vampires!

“I… I give up, Pinkie.”

I clenched the curved handle and ran towards Trixie.

“W-wait!” I stopped just short of the head crashing into her stomach.

“Hm?” I said. “Are you ready this time?”

“Ha!” she flicked a card at my face, cutting into my Aura. She jumped back and flicked another card into her hand. “Amature.”

“Pinkie, did you really fall for that?” said Rarity. “Come on, now.”

Hold up, it gets better. Once I realized she played a trick on me, I smiled bigger than before! Right then, I considered her a rival. So there was no need to hold back, right?

“Pinkie, I don’t think you know what holding back is,” said Rainbow. “Sometimes, you just don’t try as hard, but I definitely wouldn’t call it holding back.”

So, in celebration of her becoming my rival, I hit her in the chin with my mallet.

“Your logical procession is an anomaly,” said Rarity. “Celebrations normally don’t involve any direct pain.”

Have you ever been to one of my birthday parties? I’ll have to invite you one day.

“I’m quite alright”

Anyway, when I hit her, she was launched into the air. I flipped the handle, breaking it in half. The head twisted to become straight with the handle. The bottom has a huge hole in it, the large grenades inside ready to be fired. I aimed, and shot, the blast casting a shadow over everything under it.

“You shot a live grenade… at Trixie… in the middle of a fair?” asked Rarity. “She’s still alive?”

Of course! My rival wouldn’t die so easily!

“Changing ‘rival’ to ‘plaything’ wouldn’t yield much of a difference, now that I think about it,” said Rarity. “How can you take her seriously?”

I take everything seriously!

“No, Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash. “No, you do not.”

Anyway, Trixie wasn’t giving up. By now, more than a few stalls were packing their bags, ready to go home. If I didn’t hurry, the stall owner would go to the police! I’d be in a lot of trouble then. I placed one of my mallets in its place on my belt.

“What’s this?” said Trixie as she panted and heaved. “Not taking this fight seriously? Your pride will be your downfall.”

“Sorry in advance, Trix!” I changed the ground around her feet to mud, then wrapped the mud around her ankles, hardening it once again. She looked at her feet in disbelief.

“You think that dirt will stop The Great and-”

For the record, I didn’t mean to break Trixie’s ribs… again. Heheh.

“You’ve broken a lot of things,” said Rainbow Dash.

“So is her nature, apparently,” continued Rarity, with a sip of tea.

Well, Trixie was flying for a while. She hit the dirt eventually, apparently fracturing a few bones. I couldn’t stay to see what happened to her because the sun was already coming down. I turned and bolted toward the Whack-a-Mole.

“It’s about time you got here,” said the man, eagerly waiting in a chair. “I wasn’t able to get any money today, so I hope you’ve got the-” I showed the man the card and he raised his eyebrow.

“Here you are, friend!” I said. He reluctantly took the cards. “Well, it’s getting pretty late. I have to get home before I get in more trouble. Bye!” I skipped away and got back here before 9 last night.

“That’s why?” asked Rarity. “What a peculiar tale. I assume this is the end?”

Well… not exactly.

“What do you mean, ‘not exactly’?” asked Rainbow. “Didn’t you pay off your debt?”

Yes, but I may have gone overboard with Trixie. Take a look at this.

“What is it? A letter?” asked Rarity.

“Read it out loud.” The door opened and our final teammate walked in. Fluttershy surveyed the room and gave a quiet hello to everyone.

“Ms. Pinkamena Diane Pie,” started Rarity. “We regret to inform you have been charged with the following: Damage to property, assault, disorderly conduct, disruption of peace, and theft. The person who has issued such claims is one Trixie Nala Lulamoon. a court date has been scheduled for you.”

“Pinkie…” said Rainbow Dash. “How could you screw up so hard?”

“Pinkie is going to jail?!” asked a frightened Fluttershy. “B-but, we need you!”

Don’t worry! I’m amazing at working a crowd! Have I ever told you about how I escaped 3 murder charges?

“That never happened,” said Rainbow. “Plus, the camera’s still running.”

Oh. Hehe. Well, That was my day. Have a good one, readers!

“That reminds me,” said Rarity. “Who, exactly, are you telling this story-”


Author's Note:

Is it bad that the formatting took more time than writing the story?

All jokes aside, here it is! Finally, after 2 weeks of face banging, I give to you the next chapter in this 5 chapter story. This is 4, meaning the next will be the last.

Prepare yourselves, 'cause this is gonna be a bumpy ride.