4. Nobility
Rewrite Edit: Ugh! This chapter needed a metric crap-ton grammar edits. I'm honestly kind of ashamed of myself.
Now, I know this is a cartoon and a suspension of belief is demanded in some ways… Just look at Pinkie Pie… but I just can’t bring myself to write Applebuck Season as it was written. There’s so much wrong with that episode that the humor fails completely to balance it out.
Applejack is a dependable pony. She is hard working, she’s competitive, and she’s proud, but she also tends to be the member of the Mane 6 who is the voice of reason… so how in the nine levels of Tartarus did we get Applebuck Season? Nevermind the fact that Sweet Apple Acres is simply too massive for two ponies, let alone a lonesome Applejack, to handle on their own. There has got to be at least ten farm workers that the family has hired. At LEAST!
There is being competitive, Applejack, and then there is being stupid.
EDIT 02/12/2016: I feel kinda bad regarding what I said about Applebuck Season. I stand by... a majority... of what I said, but I definitely could have said it better. So here's me trying to be reasonable.
Applebuck Season really isn't that bad for a character development episode. The issues Applejack kept running into were very real and very possible considering her lack of proper rest. (The less said about Baked Bads, the better. Gag!). However, one thing always brings the whole house of cards tumbling down for me. This entire episode hinges on Applejack working herself to unhealthy levels, which happened because she tried to handle applebuck season on her own. That shouldn't have happened!
Applejack grew up on a farm. The well being of the family and the farm is instilled into all farmer's children before their allowed anywhere near even a hoe. Applejack should have known that handling harvest on her own was not only impossible, but dangerous to herself and the farm. This is also ignoring the small hole of logic in the fact that Sweet Apple Acres, as big as it is, should have at least ten workers in the fields to remain efficient.
I liked the episode's lesson, I did! But it's execution could've been handled better.
As such, in place of Applebuck Season I will be doing the test Celestia’s chefs will be putting Applejack and her family through. I apologize if you do not like that I changed something like that. If that is the case, I feel I must remind you of something. Writing fan fiction is, in essence, changing the show to suit our purposes. If you enjoy reading fan fiction, then that means you enjoy the changes, if not… why are you here in the first place?
Enjoy the chapter! Or don’t. In which case, the exit’s that way. *Points at massive meat grinder*
Oh! One more thing. I struggled to get this chapter finished on time, and as such haven’t exactly had time to do my normal editing work. I ask that you please tell me if you spot any grammar, punctuation, or spelling mistakes. Thank you!
“Are you sure you’ll be able to handle Applebuck Season without us?” Applejack asked, looking at her older brother, Big Mac. “I can always try again next year if you need my help.” She was doing her best to not insinuate that her brother couldn’t manage the farm workers because of the bruised rib he got recently.
They, along with Granny Smith and Applebloom, were standing in Ponyville’s train station… which was currently little more than a platform on the side of the tracks.
“I’m injured, AJ, not brain dead,” Big Mac grunted. “I promise I won’t be doing any of the physical work, just management.” He pointed towards Canterlot in the distance. “You three go show those nobles how homemade cooking is done.” He smirked, before turning and slowly walking away.
Applejack sighed before sitting down next to her little sister. Granny Smith was on the other side of Applebloom. “I’m worried,” she muttered, glancing back at the exit of the platform. It was easy to see she was debating giving up on the contract and going to help her brother. Thwap! “Gah!” She looked over at Granny Smith while rubbing the back of her head. The old mare was holding a broom. Applebloom had ducked away as soon as she saw the broom make an appearance and was now giggling at her sister’s misfortune.
“Don’t go doubting your brother, missy!” Granny Smith said with narrowed eyes. “He managed the farm just fine during the Apple Family Reunion in Fillydelphia three years ago.”
“He wasn’t injured then,” Applejack grunted, only to get the broom handle upside her head again. Applebloom’s giggles became outright laughter. “Ow! A’right already! I give, I give!” Applejack hollered, holding her hooves above her head.
“Don’t back-talk to me young lady! I raised you to have a sensible head on your shoulders. You know as well as I do your brother never breaks his promises.” She glared at Applejack a little longer, likely contemplating a third hit. Just to be sure.
Applejack sighed. “Ah’m sorry, Granny. I guess I’m just nervous.”
Granny Smith smiled at her granddaughter and pulled her close. “Yer brother will be fine. He’s smart, unlike his old man,” she grumbled, getting a smirk out of Applejack and Applebloom.
Their father, may his soul rest in peace, had been a hard worker and great at any physical labor you put in front of him. Mental labor, on the other hand, was not his strong point. He wasn’t stupid by any means, but…Well, Applejack distinctly remembered walking into the house for dinner one night and found her mother holding her father down and trying to pry a box of matches from his hooves. He apparently was going to torch the ‘demon-spawn paperwork’ that he had been trying to work on all day. That was when her mother had taken over all the paperwork responsibilities. That was also the only time she ever saw her brother absolutely howling in laughter.
She wasn’t real great with numbers herself, but at least Applejack could do the basic paperwork for the farm. Big Mac though took after their mother, who had come from Canterlot and had an education behind her. She had taught him as much as she could before the… well… before they left.
Big Mac was now home schooling Applebloom. Applejack and him had already decided that, if they get the contract, the first thing they were doing with the money, after Granny’s hip replacement, was get Applebloom in the schoolhouse Cheerilee had recently opened in Ponyville. The replacement equipment could wait a little longer for that.
“Good. We’re not late.”
Applejack and her family looked towards the stairs for the platform and found Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie approaching, Twilight pulling a wagon loaded with their luggage. Applejack quirked an eyebrow when she noted Twilight was not actually walking, but rather just floating along about an inch from the ground.
“Hiya, AJ!” Pinkie greeted enthusiastically, rushing over and hugging her friend, incidentally hugging Applebloom and Granny Smith as well.
‘Probably considers it a bonus,’ Applejack chuckled to herself, returning the hug. “Howdy, Pinkie!” She returned. “I understand Rarity and Twi, but what’re you doing here?” she asked.
“The Princess sent me a letter this morning with Snow Cloud’s response,” Twilight answered in the party pony’s stead. She landed on her hooves and began undoing the knot keeping the wagon tied to her. “He wants to meet Pinkie himself before he lets her take over, so she’s going with us.”
Applejack nodded, and everyone’s ears jumped as the shrill sound of a train whistle reached their ears. Looking down the tracks, they spotted the pink train. “Up and at ‘em, Apples” She said, getting to her hooves. “Train’s here”
---
“So how will the chefs test you, Applejack?” Rarity asked after she finished helping Twilight store their luggage in the luggage car. The train had already left, evident by the rolling landscape outside the window of their car.
“The Princess sent us a message earlier today saying we’ll be tested on the three meals of the day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner and dessert. We’ll be tested on breakfast as soon as we get settled in at the castle today” Applejack explained.
“So soon?” Rarity questioned. “Don’t you need time to prepare and gather ingredients from the market?”
Applejack shook her head. “Nope. The chefs are deciding what we’ll cook, and providing the ingredients as well”
“Ooh! Maybe they’ll ask you to make a birthday cake!” Pinkie gushed as she bounced by, apparently just wandering the train.
“Pinkie! One does not eat dessert for breakfast?” Rarity said dramatically.
“You don’t?” Pinkie asked, stopping to look at Rarity in confusion. “I do!”
“That don’t surprise me one bit.” Applejack chuckled.
“Hey everypony,” Twilight said with a smile as she joined them. “Did I miss anything?”
Applejack shrugged. “Just Pinkie’s daily sugar intake,” she said, poking the pink pony and getting a ‘squeeee’ sound for her trouble. “One of these days you’ll make sense to me, Pinkie.” She shook her head.
“I hope not!” Pinkie said with a grin. “Then I wouldn’t be in character!”
Everypony blinked at that blankly, before Applejack sighed. “Less and less sense every time,” she grumbled.
“What about you, Twilight?” Rarity said, getting Twilight's attention. “Did the Princess say who it was you were going to see?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, and I’m not entirely sure why. Normally she’s pretty open about stuff that has to do with me… barring the whole Nightmare Moon thing.” She chuckled sheepishly. “But I trust her. Whoever it is will be trusted by her, so I’ll trust them as well unless they prove I shouldn’t.”
“How about you, Rare?” Applejack asked. “Any plans yet on how you’ll get yer Prince?”
Rarity nodded. “A few, but the Princess said she wished to discuss it with me personally before anything was put into effect, so we’ll see what may work or not.” She sighed after a moment of hesitation. “Truthfully though, I cannot get Twilight’s obvious dislike of the Prince out of my head.”
“You’re angry that I don’t like him?” Twilight asked curiously.
Rarity shook her head. “No. Just the opposite. Everypony has different tastes, their own likes and dislikes. A fashionista learns that lesson early on in their work. It’s well within the realm of possibility that not everyone likes the Prince. No, I just can’t help but find myself questioning what I know of the Prince. I did as you asked, Twilight, and it took me a while to figure out why you wanted me to look into who owns the Canterlot media. I was… not thrilled at the picture I was discovering.”
“Let me guess, it’s Prince Blueblood himself?” Applejack asked.
Rarity shook her head. “No. That would have been too easy. It’s a variety of ponies that own the individual media companies of Canterlot. Star Ledger owns the local news station, Black Tie owns the Canterlot newspaper distribution center, Upper Crust owns the ad company, and Jack Trade owns the country-wide newspaper distribution center. Tell me, Applejack, do you know what those four ponies share in common?”
Applejack frowned, realizing it was a rhetorical question. She knew there was a variety of ways these ponies could be similar. Wealth, stocks, social circles… and suddenly she felt like smashing her face into the wall at the hidden-in-plain-sight answer. “They’re all nobles?” she guessed.
Rarity nodded. “Correct. Or, to be more accurate, they’re all nobles that Blueblood has in his hooves the ability to coerce because of the large stocks he owns from their companies.” She shook her head. “Of course, I don’t know for a fact Blueblood actually does that… but the more I go over the media involving him, the more I realize he seems… perfect. There’s hardly a flaw in his image. As you know, it’s impossible to be perfect, so therefore the only conclusion I am left with is that either he is forcing them to pad his resume, so to speak, or they are doing it without his knowledge.”
Twilight noticeable would not meet Rarity’s eyes when she looked over at her. “Tell me the truth dear… What kind of pony is Prince Blueblood?” The fashionista asked pointedly.
Twilight stared out the window at the passing landscape, a frown on her face. Just as Rarity was about to ask again, she sighed. “… Are you sure you want to know my opinions, Rarity? They may influence how you deal with him when you meet.”
“It is commendable, as the Princess has told you already, that you wish for me to make my own conclusions. However, now that I know something is amiss I refuse to go into the situation unprepared. Besides, I am still making my own conclusions, yours will just be one of the many opinions I will get while I’m at the castle,” Rarity answered.
Twilight smiled at her friend, and then closed her eyes. “…I met Blueblood roughly ten years ago. I don’t remember the exact date, only that it was shortly after the Princess took me in as her student. He was… less than pleased to discover a commoner was walking next to the Princess within the castle. He called the guards on me, telling them to kick me out. He had believed Celestia didn’t know I was there.” She snorted. “She’s an Alicorn for Starswirl’s sake! Her senses are nothing compared to a grown dragon in their prime, but they’re still sharper than a normal pony’s. If she didn’t know a child that was yammering in her ear and tripping occasionally was there… well, I would have to question her ability to rule.” That got a chuckle from her friends.
“Anyways, Celestia stopped the guards and informed Blueblood that I was her new student, and that I had full access to nearly every section of the castle, including her own bedchambers. Blueblood looked so adorably confused that I almost tackled him. The media got one thing right, Rarity. Blueblood is handsome, very much so.” She giggled. “He knows it too. Oh, the times I’ve seen him ham it up in front of the nobility. If it wasn’t for the fact that it would get the Princess disappointed in me, I likely would have been laughing hysterically every single time.”
“So… he’s just narcissistic?” Applejack asked.
“I wish,” Twilight grumbled. “No, Blueblood is more than narcissistic. He’s arrogant, belligerent, a massive bigot, and self-centered!” She paused and brought her emotions under control. “Blueblood is the finest example I have ever seen of how not to be a noble. If I was in your shoes, Rarity, I would just give this up and go home.” She smiled almost sadly after a moment of staring at her friend. “But I also know you. I recognize that gleam in your eyes. You see a challenge.” She chuckled ruefully. “You’re a lot like Applejack and Rainbow in that regard. Once presented with a challenge, you will see it done.”
Rarity blushed demurely, but declined to respond. The rest of the train ride was spent in companionable silence, and then a few games of poker when the rest of the Apple Family joined in. Applejack, predictably, was cleaned out in three rounds.
Once in Canterlot Pinkie and Twilight broke off from their friends to leave with, of all ponies, Princess Luna. Twilight had been surprised it wasn’t Celestis picking them up. Some guards led Rarity and the Apple family to the castle.
---
“Do you have any questions?” Princess Celestia asked the Apple family, standing by a door within one of the corridors of the castle. The door led to where the family would be staying during the weekend.
“How long until the first test?” Granny Smith asked.
Celestia nodded to her. “You have an hour to make your way to the kitchens. If you’re late that will be marked against you. I advise leaving your luggage for unpacking later, or you can let some of my servants handle the unpacking”
“No disrespect intended, Your Majesty,” Applejack started. “But I’m uncomfortable leaving my stuff in the hooves of strangers.”
Celestia nodded again. “Very well. If you’d like, I will lead you to the kitchens once you drop off your luggage.” She sat down to wait.
“Thank you kindly, Princess.” Applejack smiled. “Ah’m not sure we’d be able to find the kitchens, even if you gave us the entire day.” She chuckled as she walked into their room.
“Take your time. I have no duties left for the day, so I am not needed elsewhere,” the Princess called.
Once everypony had dropped off their things, they left and Celestia began guiding them to the kitchens.
Once there, and after an interesting conversation regarding the maze-like structure of the castle, Celestia ushered them inside.
Applejack and her family found themselves standing before an old looking Unicorn mare with grey fur and a black mane, wearing the stereotypical chef’s uniform. “My name is Excess,” she stated to the three ponies. “I am the head chef of the Royal Kitchens, as well as the one who decided what meals you will be making.” She motioned towards a dry-erase board with a list on it. “Princess Celestia has stated you wish to cater for the Grand Galloping Gala. Normally, this would be impossible. The catering was decided months ago, but it seems her student has finally realized her position comes with political power, and has asked a favor. If you managed to impress a board of four nobles, with Princess Celestia herself as a tie-breaker, we will allow you to take over catering this year. In case it’s not clear, that means you are cooking for five.” She pointed at the first item on the list. “Starting as soon as we are done here, you will be cooking a breakfast meal. It will be pancakes and eggs. The eggs will be sunny side up and served on top of the pancakes.” She looked at each member of the Apple family. “Are there any questions?” she asked.
Granny grinned. “When will you stop yapping and let us get to cookin’?”
The mare gave a bark of laughter. “Ha! You’ve got fire, I’ll give you that!” She pointed towards a table laid out with ingredients. “All the ingredients you’ll need are already here. You may begin at any time. I will remain here if there are any further questions.”
The Apples nodded to each other and got to work. After cleaning themselves up, Applejack started sorting through what ingredients they would be using, Applebloom began the mixing process for the batter, and Granny Smith began going over the stovetops to make sure they would work properly, as well as to memorize the layout for their later tests.
---
“Okay, I’ll bite” A monocle wearing stallion with a white coat and light blue mane stated after nearly ten minutes of silence. He also had a blue mustache. “Why are we here, Princess?” he asked curiously.
Celestia looked at her long-time friend and smiled. “I have a surprise for the four of you, Fancy Pants. I have received a request from a special family to cater at the Gala. Once I discovered why they wished to, I was all too happy to allow them to do so, but I knew I couldn’t just replace my chefs like that, so I arranged a series of tests. Today, they are cooking a breakfast meal for the five of us. Tomorrow, they will cook a lunch for us, and on Sunday they will be cooking a dinner and dessert.” She nodded towards the doors. “My chefs will be bringing us the food shortly, and I’d like you all to say whether or not you like it. I will pitch in on the vote myself if there is a tie.”
“A test?” Upper Crust asked curiously. She was yellow coated Unicorn mare with a white striped lavender mane. Pink ball earings were in her ears, and she wore blue eye shadow. “I must say, this is… unusual. The Castle’s staff has always catered the Gala. Why change this now?”
Black Bag frowned in thought. He was a brown coated Unicorn stallion that wore a pair of simple glasses and had a slicked back yellow mane. “I imagine it has something to do with why these ponies requested they cater the Gala. Would you be willing to share, Your Highness?” he asked.
Celestia shook her head. “I’m afraid it is their business. If they wish to share, I see no problem with it, but I will not break their trust in me for idle curiosity, just as I know they would never betray my trust in them.”
Brow Beat smiled. He was a dark grey coated Unicorn stallion with a white mane. “Of course not, Princess. If you trust them, they must be important ponies indeed. No point in angering a family when there could be profit to be made instead.”
Upper Crust and Black Bag nodded at this, but Fancy Pants was staring at Celestia in slight suspicion. ‘…I find myself wondering if I’m about to be at Ground Zero for one of my friend’s pranks,’ he mused to himself.
“Ah, the food’s here” Celestia stated, startling Fancy from his thoughts. All of the nobles turned, realizing servants were rolling in trays of food. “I have been informed beforehand that this is a simple breakfast of pancakes and eggs.” Celesta nodded in thanks as her servants laid a tray in front of her. “Please, enjoy,” she said as the servants gave the rest their own trays.
Then the lids were lifted off, and everyone was instantly entranced by the heavenly smell of the pancakes.
“Well! They certainly smell delicious!” Black Bag commented. “Let us see how they taste, shall we?”
“Oh my!” Upper Crust declared after swallowing her bite. “That is… how did they get it so fluffy?”
“The texture is perfect, and there’s not a wasted bit of butter or syrup anywhere.” Fancy agreed, swallowing his own taste. “Whoever these ponies are, Princess, they certainly know how to make breakfast.”
“The eggs are cooked almost flawlessly as well. In fact, the only reason it’s not perfect is because of personal preference,” Brow Beat added.
Celestia smiled as she ate her own pancakes. Fancy noted that it was mischievous. ‘…She is definitely planning something… but what?’ he thought.
After everypony had eaten and the trays were taken away, Celestia stood and moved to the front of the table so all four nobles could see her. “Now then, how was the meal?” she asked.
“Excellent. I vote for a pass.” Fancy nodded.
“Agreed. Pass,” Upper Crust said, dabbing a napkin on her lips.
“I truly can’t say I’ve ever had pancakes that good before. Pass.” Black Bag nodded.
“Pass,” was all Brow Beat said.
Celestia nodded. “I’m pleased you all enjoyed the meal. Now, would you like to meet the ponies who cooked your meal?” At everyone’s nod, the Princess signaled one of her guards, making him leave to fetch their chefs for the next couple of days.
Fancy suddenly had a sinking suspicion he knew what Celestia was up to. ‘Well… I suppose it does not matter who cooked it,’ he mused to himself. He glanced at the other nobles. ‘Though I believe my friend may be overestimating my fellow nobles if she is, indeed, doing what I think she’s doing’ Fancy shook his head, deciding that if this went south then he would, as always, support his friend.
After a time, the doors to the dining room opened and admitted three… Earth Ponies. ‘Oh dear’ Fancy winced. He looked towards Black Bag, and could already see the beginnings of one of his infamous meltdowns as he frowned in confusion.
“Earth Ponies?” Upper Crust asked curiously. She looked to Granny Smith. “What family do you come from? I imagine you must come from a different city, since there are very few Earth Ponies in the nobility in Canterlot”
“We’re from the Apple family, in Ponyville,” Granny Smith said, narrowing her gaze at Upper Crust.
“Apple family?” Fancy asked, a little quicker than he had meant to. “As in the famous apple farmers the Princess helped get started? Oh, forgive my rudeness. My name is Fancy Pants. The one who just asked you about your family is Upper Crust, and those two are Black Bag and Brow Beat,” he introduced, stalling. He was desperate for a way to mitigate the upcoming blowup from Black Bag.
“That’s us alright.” Applejack nodded. “Ah’m Applejack. This here little filly next to me is mah sister Applebloom, and the wrinkled old bat on my other side is Granny Smith.” Thwap! “Ow!” Applejack rubbed her head. She looked at the broom her grandmother was holding. “Where the devil did you even get that from?” she asked in confusion as Applebloom giggled at her sister’s misfortune.
“Behave,” Granny Smith said, waving the broom.
“…Farmers?”
The voice was almost too quiet to hear, but it still brought a dead stop to everypony, drawing attention to Black Bag as he glared at Applejack. “Did I hear that correctly? You’re farmers?” he asked.
Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “You did, indeed, hear that correctly. I helped establish the Apple family as the top farmers in Equestria, providing not just top grade apples all over the country, but other apple products as well. Eventually, their farm drew settlers and the town of Ponyville was started next to Sweet Apple Acres, the home of the main family of Apples.”
Fancy could hear the subtle warnings in the Princess’ voice, but Black Bag seemed not to. “Farmers…” The stallion nodded his head. He looked at the Princess. “You not only let peasants into the castle, Princess, but you let a family of mud ponies cook our food with their disgusting hooves?!” he nearly yelled.
Fancy could only let his head hit the table with a groan. “You foal” He grunted. Upper Crust and Brow Beat had also scooted away from Black Bag, realizing they were standing probably far too close to him.
Applejack was on her hooves in an instant. “You come over here and say that to my face!” she roared, her sister right next to her. Strangely, Granny Smith simply smiled, relaxing. Fancy found this odd… before he noticed her gaze occasionally glancing at the growing storm that was Celestia’s eyes.
Black Bag responded to Applejack’s demand by getting up and spitting on the floor in front of her. “I will say what I please about peasants!” he yelled. “Guards! Remove them from the castle!” he ordered the white coated stallions around the room.
The guards didn't so much as move. The Nobles had some ability to give the Royal Guard orders, but that ability was completely and utterly pointless in the presence of their Princess. Applejack did not notice, or more likely didn’t care, as she also began moving towards Black Bag.
“Stop.”
Even Applejack froze at the absolute authority ringing from Princess Celestia’s quiet voice. She, along with every pony there, looked over to find the Princess staring straight at a suddenly very pale Black Bag.
“This is my fault,” the Princess whispered. “I had completely forgotten about your… attitude towards Earth Ponies.” She shook her head, closing her eyes. Black Bag began sweating when he realized smoke was beginning to waft from Celestia’s mane, which was also beginning to grow brighter. “I knew most of you would be surprised at this revelation. I had been meaning to play a harmless prank with it… Disbelief was expected. But at the same time I expect the nobility to conduct themselves with both grace and honor, even in the face of adversity… neither of which you have just displayed.” She opened her eyes, revealing red irises.
‘Black Bag, my boy, you truly do not know what kind of dragon you have just tried to stab,’ Fancy thought to himself. Celestia, like all ponies, had anger. Also like all ponies, she had buttons and triggers for her anger. For most of them she could hold in her reaction to them being tweaked, but there was one button she didn’t even bother trying to hide when it was pushed.
Celestia despised tribalists. No, it would be more accurate to say she hated them. From the very few clues his friend had given him over the years, Fancy managed to put together a picture of Celestia growing up as a pariah to all three pony tribes because of her horn and wings. It was the curse of being the first Alicorn. Oddly, she refused to even mention her sister in regards to this. He was still unsure how to take that.
“Leave the castle, Black Bag. Do not return,” Celestia said simply, her mane beginning to flicker and crackle like a flame.
“B-but… I… t-they…” He was trembling badly, and Fancy gave him points in bravery for not immediately doing as the Princess commanded. Though, he may just be too terrified to move.
“Now” It wasn’t a yell. It was as calm and quiet as all of the previous words Celestia had spoken… but it reverberated throughout the room like a thunderclap nonetheless. “Guards, escort him out.”
The guards, despite being visibly shaken at seeing their Princess’ rage so openly displayed, jumped to attention and began dragging Black Bag out of the room.
Silence reigned for all of a minute, and then Granny Smith began cackling loudly. “Haaaahehehooo!” She was nearly rolling on the floor. She likely would have been if not for her bad hip. “It’s been too long since I last saw you blow yer top!” she said between laughs.
Celestia took a few breaths and managed a smile at Granny. “Yes…” She stood. “Excuse me. I must go freshen up,” she said, her mane already beginning to return to normal. Everypony took note of how the floor where she had sat was singed.
Fancy wanted to go comfort his friend, but he knew she had left a responsibility in his hooves to handle first. He turned towards the Apple family, and had to smile at the sight of Applejack looking a little shell-shocked and Applebloom staring worriedly at their still laughing grandmother. He cleared his throat to get their attention.
Once all three of them were focused on him, he began. “I apologize on behalf of the nobility of Canterlot for Black Bag’s…” He grimaced. “Unpleasant display just now. You may be happy to know that before you were revealed to us, he, along with the rest of us, had voted to pass your cooking on this test.” He smiled when that did the trick, getting a smile out of the sisters and a confident smirk from the elder. He clapped his hooves together in applause. “Truly, I look forward to tomorrow’s lunch if today was anything to judge by.”
“Additionally, I would like to offer my assurance that we will find a much more neutral noble to replace Black Bag on this panel,” Upper Crust stated. She could be arrogant, she’ll freely admit it, but what Black Bag had done was suicidal to a noble’s career. She refused to feel sorry for him.
Besides, those were some damn good pancakes.
“Would you accept a tour of Canterlot by us as payment for whatever grievances Black Bag left you with?” Brow Beat asked. He believed Unicorns were superior to the other pony races, true, but he didn’t dismiss that they were important in their own way either. Earth Pony magic was an unmatched boon for crops, and without Pegasi the weather would be uncontrollable.
Applejack smiled at them, though it was obviously somewhat shaky. “Thank ya kindly for the offer… but ah hope you won’t take offense if we just want to call it a day.”
Fancy nodded as he stood. “Perfectly understandable. As it stands though, the nobility owes you a favor. Come find me whenever you wish to call it in and I will do my best to see it done,” he stated, then left the room.
The other two nobles left as well, nodding goodbye. The Apple family left shortly after, getting a guard to escort them to their room. During the walk back, Applejack found herself remembering a lesson her mother had taught her regarding nobility.
“Nobility, TRUE Nobility, is a title reserved only for the most chivalrous of ponies” She had said. “Chivalry is about caring for the kingdom you call home, caring for the ponies within that kingdom, and always conducting yourself with honor. There are very few true nobles left in the world… but don’t assume you’ll never meet one. After all… I did. He was a nice Unicorn by the name of Fancy Suit.”
‘Fancy eh? I wonder if that Fancy Pants feller and him are related,’ Applejack mused to herself.
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I'm not sure if this is a mistake or an accent I don't know?
But I am sure this one is pretty obvious.
Plus one question:
When can we expect the next hero to show up when you obviously try to go through all episodes?
6924736 Well, that would be spoilers!
6924736 Also, fixed! Thanks! And yeah, that first one was accent based, rather than a mistake on my part.
6924740
I am using a tablet and for some reason I can rarely remove these black bars, so I had to copy&paste that thing into a seperate text file to read it
So yeah:
Wow Celestia, ruining the neutrality of the test, I did not think she would do that. Though I suppose it was inevitable.
Also: Slicked back yellow mane, rich nobility, opinionated loudmouth with racist tendencies... is Black Bag a subtle jab at Donald Trump, or do I just have too much politics on my mind?
I certainly didn't expect seeing a crossover quite like this when I curiously started reading, but I'm now fairly interested in how this story will unfold. I'm a bit wary seeing that you plan on making this a multiversal crossover of sorts, but from what I've seen so far, I think you can pull it off.
As for some of my personal advice, I think it is best to play the canon fairly loosely, a lot like you have been doing so far. I really dislike stories that simply recite the entire episode almost word-for-word while awkwardly shoehorning-in extra dialogue here and there. You did a fairly good job with the Ticketmaster episode and made it feel more like your own, although it did still feel a bit hampered to me by trying to follow the plot so closely. I like your completely original material, such as this chapter, where I think your writing really shines through. I'm not saying to toss-out episodes completely, just try to be creative with the material provided, although I know that it is difficult.
Another minor nitpick personally is Pinkie's blatant 4th-wall breaks. Yes, I realize she does it in the show, but they are usually a bit more subtle or at least a physical cartoon gag than almost blatantly saying that "this is a story and I'm aware of the author". I dunno, maybe that's just me.
Lastly, I'm noticing that Twilight seems a lot more... "aware" of everything and rationalizes a bunch of things/solutions and seems to know the right answer to everything. I know that she isn't just Twilight anymore, but she feels a bit different than she does on the show. How does she know that the gala is boring? From what I could see in the show, it looked like her first gala from how she reacted, or is that just one diversion from canon you are making?
Please don't take my criticisms too harshly, I do enjoy what you have written so far and I am eager to see where this goes next. Best of luck!
6924769 tap on them to remove the spoiler hider.
This ( http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Candy_Mimicry ) power would be perfect for Bon Bon.^_^
6924861 *Whistles innocently, not making eye contact*
6924972 Critique like this is the exact kind of critique all authors want. You're not just saying you don't like something, you're also saying why and pointing out flaws that I could tweak to make the story better. I insist you continue to critique me like that.
I'm not a big fan of writing fourth wall breaking stuff myself, as I simply don't have the mind for it, so I completely understand if it doesn't appeal to you. I intend to have Pinkie tone that down when she eventually awakens her own soul.
I agree about the rehashing of canon, and I tried my best to keep the basic concepts of canon, but at the same time making it utterly unique. I don't like stealing another's work, so I try not to cling too close to canon. Unfortunately, I lack the imagination to make a completely original series, so for a good while I'm going to be following the general direction of canon. You have my word I will definitely be trying to not stick too close though.
As for Twilight... I dropped the ball with her a couple times regarding that, and now I'm forced to make this a true AU in order to not look like an absolute idiot. Yes, in this story Twilight is a bit more experienced even before she awakened her soul. I never really believed Twilight had never been to the Gala when she seemed to cling so closely to the Princess before going to Ponyville, so I played off that. Admittedly, that could be my own skewed point of view biting me in the ass... but meh. As for her deductive reasoning, I'll admit I'm leaning a little heavily on Clark's own experience bolstering her own. I'm trying to adapt and alter the world around her to provide more challenge and not make her look like Mary-Sue.
But... I'm a sucker for Badass!Twilight stories. I regret nothing!
Thank you for the critique! Please, don't be afraid to tear me a new one if you see me making absolute foal of myself.
6925017 Oh god... I can just see Pinkie with that power. EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOU SANITY!!!
It's difficult to write a story about an overpowered Twilight without coming across as a Mary Sue, but you managed it. :)
6925002
That's the problem:
Most of the times I can tap as much as I want and nothing happens
Usually it ends with me tapping wild on the Ipad screen until I accidently dislike a comment
So are you setting up Prince Blueblood to be Lex Luthor? From how he got described here I got the feeling that he could easily be either an analog of Lex or have the villain soul from old Lex. I hope Twilight finds a way to set up a free education system in Equestria like there was back on Earth to help out her friend.
On a side note how are you planning on handling Scootaloo's situation? Orphan or family alive? The show could go either way but it will be interesting to see how you handle her.
6925224
I just copy the comment and paste from into the notes app. Making the spoilers mobile and tablet friendly would be my only recommendation for site improvement.
Before he's thrown out, Applejack should mention he called Celestia a mud pony. She is 1/3 Earth Pony, after all.
Which version of Clark Kent are you going with here now?
The comics, cartoons, movies, tv, Dean Cain version(this one is my favorite, he is such a hottie!), radio, your own take on him?
How do you think about this one... Moondancer is smart/smart/smart/smart/smart. Have her build an Iron Mare suit?
6925265 Yeah, I meant put in there somewhere that the reason Celestia hated tribalism is because she's technically a member of all three Pony races.
6925294 Man of Steel version, with a little bit of The Animated Series thrown in.
6925259
Exactly what I do and exactly what I also want
Mumen Rider as...Spike.
He tries, man. He tries.
6925510 Sorry, but I don't know anything about Mumen Rider. Thanks for the suggestion though!
6925521
This is all you need to know about the greatest hero of all time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVNyTtEaI7k
6925058
Alright, if I see anything that particularly bothers me, I'll try to let you know!
As for Twilight in my personal opinion, canon Twilight before the series started was very socially awkward (and kinda still is); and cared about nothing else other than her studies. I could see her skipping-out on the party much like she ignored Moondancer's invitation at the beginning of the series so that she could focus on studying. I also don't think she is "clingy" of Princess Celestia either, she just hates to disappoint her and she idolizes her, but that's just me. I think that by the time Ticketmaster rolled around (in which canon is very vague with the time between episodes, and even implies some are out of order of what we see them in), she was missing spending time with Princess Celestia, that's all.
I'm perfectly fine with Twilight being a badass, I like stories when she grows into a very capable leader/hero. I just think maybe a splash more of Twilight's adorkableness could shine through here and again from time to time. She isn't just Clark Kent in a mare's body after all.
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As for your points concerning "Applebuck Season"; they're good (and, heck, your thoughts might even explain why Sweet Apple Acres seems to only barely stay in the black despite having no less than three best-selling products [most of the money goes toward paying fair wages to the hired help]).
However, it's not unusual for the show to make somebody look like a bumbling idiot, even if it is a character that is usually depicted as much more competent, just because the writers think it would make the episode work better. And no, I'm not going to name any names, because most of the fans can probably think of at least a couple of examples right of the tips of their heads.
Anyway, once again, you did an excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places.
*********
Anyway, I have another possible idea for Spike's "Hero Soul" if you decide to give him one, which would be less obvious than Spyro, but just as fitting:
Kato (the Green Hornet; Kato is usually depicted as being the best known Hypercompetent Sidekick in mass-media, kind of like how Spike is; with the exceptions of the episodes where the writers seem to think it would be funnier to make him an idiot; very much a Hypercompetent Sidekick)
**********
Anyway, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
6926202 Really? Huh......Er... AU retconning?
I... no, wait, I think I can fix this without retconning. Give me a few chapters, and I should have it fixed.
6926087 Yikes. You really like those big comments, don't you? Thanks! It feels good when someone goes out of their way to make a comment like this.
As for Spike... My only experience with the Green Hornet is the movie, which I found somewhat lacking. However I think I can work with that. I'll look it over and see if it might work. Thanks for the idea!
Re: Your feelings on "Applebuck Season:"
Keep in mind that for all those good traits Applejack possesses, she also has two fairly major flaws: pride and stubbornness. In her desire to be dependable, she often feels like only she can handle the issue when she believes that only she should bear the burden. In the case of the episode, it's her farm, Granny's too old to work so hard, Applebloom just doesn't have the upper body strength, and Big Mac is out of commission; in her eyes, she really is the only one who can do this job.
Not saying you're wrong in your opinions, but there's more to Applejack's character than just being down-to-earth.
So how exactly does being Superman's reincarnation give Twilight his super powers when they came from his Kryptonian biology?
6927821 .........My world, my rules?
I'm not actually sure how to rationalize that. My best attempt is that Clark's soul remembers what it's previous container was like, and, unlike most beings, when he was reborn his soul already had a form for the most part, locked away as it may have been. Hence, his soul influenced Twilight's biology during her growth. Twilight is basically the first Kryptonian Pony... with all the perks and drawbacks therein. She just didn't know she could safely push herself beyond the normal limits of a Unicorn until her soul awakened.
6927414 I tried to get that across. I know Applejack has her downsides, but like I said in my author's note, I doubt she would let her pride and stubbornness get in the way of the farm. I can easily see her getting proud and stubborn in the situations that happened in Applebuck Season... except the part where she tried to do the whole farm on her own and basically told Twilight to piss off for being concerned.
If Applejack was less family oriented, I could see her doing that, but she cares too much for her family to risk the farm like that.
My Applejack is like that, at least. I don't know, Applejack just seemed like the pony who would do anything for her family... even swallow her pride.
Thanks for the criticism! It helps me consider things I might have missed.
It is already announced that it would not be this way, but if all of the Mane Six were DC:
Rainbow Dash IS Wally West if he were a female pegasus.
Almost as easy is that Applejack is Wonder Woman. Expert with a lasso, special emphasis on truth.
Fluttershy would be Guy Gardner. Her biggest heroic moments ("Stare Master," "Return of Harmony Part II," "Hurricane Fluttershy") was when she showed iron-hard determination, despite being often fearful.
Pinkie Pie would be Plastic Man I think.
Rarity is harder to place, but since she imagines being a detective from time to time and is independently wealthy, I'd make her Batman.
6926424 You're quite welcome. Anyway, here is a possible idea for later on if you wish to do it:
"Amending Fences" actually happens MUCH sooner than in canon, possibly even before the Grand Galloping Gala. Or would that be too big a spoiler?
Sorry if you don't like the idea. It just seems to me that Twilight having access to Clark's super-memory might actually be able to remember Moon Dancer and the others much sooner and Twilight having Clark's drive to right wrongs (especially wrongs she half-unintentionally committed herself) might drive her to try to patch things up concerning her past behavior MUCH sooner.
Heck, it might even bring out a possible "Hero Soul" for Moon Dancer: Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Again, though, if you don't like the idea, I profusely apologize for wasting your time.
6929347 Well, I haven't actually seen Amending Fences yet, but I know the basic idea of the episode. I'll go watch it later, but barring the fact that Twilight was the Princess of Friendship at the time, I really don't see a problem with moving that episode forward like that. In fact, I have a perfect opportunity right now to do just that while the group's in Canterlot!
Heh, you keep this up and I may as well just throw the story at you. Let you write it.
6929435 Thanks. Unfortunately, I don't have the time and energy to do much writing (beyond ideas). Still, I appreciate you liking so many of my ideas. And, trust me, the fact Twilight is NOT the Princess of Friendship yet is, at best, an EXTREMELY minor difference.
6928625
I think you are right on all of those except Fluttershy. Guy is not a good fit for her as he is a hot head and was taken out with one punch. I think Vixen would be a better fit due to her animal theme. Otherwise great ideas!
6912226 Okay, I went over my books again, and every time I looked it over it seemed to say the opposite of what you're saying... and then I finally realized you weren't talking about inside the quotation marks. Now I feel stupid. And embarrassed.
I'll edit all of these, but first I want to wrestle the current chapter I'm working on into submission. It's... not cooperating.
And I'm sorry for taking as long as I did to reply, but I don't get alerted to edited comments, only new ones. I only found this because I was combing the comments for ideas.
6924736
Right. I appear to have selective sight, because I completely missed that S every time I looked at the chapter, AND when you pointed it out. 'scuse me while I go smash my head into a wall a few times. Thanks for pointing it out... even it took me forever and a half to realize what you were talking about.
What I thought whilst reading this chapter:
Oh, so the Unicorn nobility is like white people in America? Some are good, some are bad(KKK people), some are bad on the inside but not on the outside, and almost all have never truly lived like the people who are looked down on who are, in all honesty, about 200 miles ahead of the bad ones (like the KKK and Trump).
7157091 No, just the nobility in general who have enjoyed a very lucrative lifestyle. Other races can be nobles in this story, and there are some Earth Pony and Pegasi nobles in other cities. Canterlot just has a mostly Unicorn nobility on account of Canterlot being a primarily Unicorn city.
Sounds to me like you're speaking from experience. My guess is that you are a farm kid yourself, am I right?
Thats what i imagined it doin, lol
In regards to your idea that two ponies couldn't possibly do the harvest let alone one I'd like to point out that in real life to make a commercial apple farm you need 10 acres minimum and one person worth of labor year round to run it (that includes tending and mending care for the trees) so the two of them could easily care for 20 acres if they were human.
Climbing with a ladder to hand pick apples, Aj and Big Mac just kick the tree and the apples fall out. Then you take into account earth pony magic and their efficiency with two makes more sense.
Of course they're not supposed to be efficient, that was one of the points behind her wanting the ticket, the farm has been barely getting by since their parents left/died. Granny, Mac, and filly Aj were stuggling to keep it up and Aj, Mac, and Applebloom are the ones struggling to keep it going now.
Nice. Well said.
i.pinimg.com/originals/0c/db/de/0cdbded921c3b5701676ab3521475b00.jpg
I grew up around the fringes of Eastern apple farming country (Johnny Appleseed's old stomping ground)
Harvest, you need to hire migrant crop pickers. They stay until the work is done, then move on.
IMO, EQ probably has the same
8671110
I am not disagreeing with you that Mac, AJ, and Bloom could handle a 10 acre orchard....but from what we see in the show, Sweet Apple Acres is well beyond 10 acres just for the orchard, and we see wheat and hay fields as well. Even with the magical strength and stamina of Earth Ponies, they likely have farmhands on the payroll even if the show never mentions it.