Zipp is my new lesbian gf. Fight me. | Find my other works on AO3 | Avatar by Maren derpi:2715415
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Twilight Sparkle is immortal. She does not want to be, but it merely was included with her ascension. Now, years after the deaths of all her friends, Twilight feels desperately alone. In order to help herself overcome these feelings of depressions, she creates her own friend, a clone of herself.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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An interesting premise and relatively well executed. Granted, I think it was a little choppy here and there, but you had a nice atmosphere going. Furthermore, Twilight's loneliness was portrayed...okay. I was able to get the point and intended feelings from her, but it felt somewhat forced and rigid in its delivery.
Overall, it was pretty good, with a nice melancholic tone throughout it all...right up until the ending. Frankly, I found it somewhat confusing. Was Twilight suggesting she get romantic and marry her clone? Or was she just aying something about having a true friendship until the end of day with her clone, but if that was the case why the hell bring up marriage? It's so bizarre and comes right out of left field that I can't process it. Furthermore, the entire ending seems rushed, and I think you could have fleshed it out a bit more than in a vague epilogue.
Still, while I wouldn't say it's the best fic ever, it certainly has interesting ideas and explores them in a way I haven't really seen done before, so I'm not complaining.
6889145 That, my friend, is why the universe invented Sequels...
In all seriousness though, details like that are things I often miss. As the writer, I have an intimate knowledge of the story and its context, an understanding that doesn't always transfer correctly into the text. I always appreciate this type of feedback, as it helps to improve my skill as an author.
The two, as they alone see it, are deeply in love. The marriage thing was to show that they don't have the same love as we understand it. Essentially, they have their own type of love.
Edit: I've made a few slight changes to the wording, and the overall context of the ending, which should help you clarify it more.
It's a sad premise, and a all too true one for twilight now unless hasbro somewhere down the lines makes twilight give up her alicorn magic and her immortality because of a future event, or if they state a valid reason to why she isn't immortal like celestia and luna.
how could she be in love with herself? That's a little strange.....
anyway, since Twilight clone is a unicorn, how is she living forever?
also, nice story!
6890637 *rereads comment over*
Uh, thanks?
And... uh, cloning. Yeah. Not an exact science. Who the hay knows what happens in that mirror pool, eh?
6889988 you do know she isnt immortal in the show right?
Megan McCarthy confirmed that shes not
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMTQvMTlfMzBfNTBfNzgwXzI5ODE0NV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfdHdpbGlnaHRfc3BhcmtsZV90ZXh0X21ldGFfcHJpbmNlc3NfdHdpbGlnaHRfdHdpdHRlcl9tZWdoYW5fbWNjYXJ0aHkuanBnIl1d/298145__safe_twilight-sparkle_text_meta_princess-twilight_twitter_meghan-mccarthy_feels.JPG
6890735 Well, its still a valid point...
6890735 i don't keep up with the hasbro staff on social media. So no, i didn't. But I'm sure celestia and luna could easily make her immortal.
6890802 but think about it...why would she want to? She is the Princess of Friendship, and what would she do/be without her friends? It wouldn't make sense top make het immortal. It's also basically said that only natural born Alicorns are immortal, not ones who ascended. So that would mean that the only immortal alicorns are Celestia, Luna, and Flurry Heart. Cause both Cadance and Twilight ascended
6890663 oh i know it is. Personally I like the stories where she is immortal, its just that her being immortal isn't canon to show. But that don't stop me from reading stories where she is immortal
6890814 Oh yeah, Flurry Heart... completely makes my 4000 page textbook on Alicorn Physiology irrelevant...
6890836 lol, well better get a head start on re-writing it then lol
6890814 who is flurry heart?????
6890895 Cadance and Shining Armors Foal. http://www.equestriadaily.com/2016/01/my-little-pony-season-6-in-spring.html
6890836 now this is just me, but i think you should make the sequel, with clop in it
6890903 it's not even born yet who can say that it will be a alicorn or immortal? Shining isn't an alicorn.
Fucking damn it hasbro!!!
6890919 Flurry heart is an alicorn. Watch the clip in the link i posted
6890927 just did hence my hasbro comment.
6890909 Clop.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But what would the plot be then? LOL?!?!?!
6891032 Touché
Did you mean to put "amount" and using it in a way I don't understand, or did you mean to write "among" or "around"?
Also, there were some places where Equestrian and Equestria (I think) weren't capitalized. As someone else already said, the ending felt kinda rushed, some places were choppy and the whole love aspect was brought up a bit quickly.
Overall, I enjoyed this story, and I say there should definitely be a sequel. If there isn't I will find "something" that might make you think otherwise. You know I wouldn't really. I'd more likely bribe you with something.
6891695 Lol... first off, no.
Second... wtf you goin on about, son?
6894607
Best. Reaction. Ever
6891695
But...in order to bribe someone, you first need to find something that they want!
7106653 *laughs maniacally* I already know of something he wants.
7106666
Um...well then! I have no choice but to respond to that in the following manner!...So...by that, I'm going to guess and say that the answer to that question is you?
7107064 No, I don't believe that it's me...
*sad music starts playing, accompanied by my sad face before it stops and my face returns to a deadpan*
It's something else as far as I can know, but meh.
7107717
But...you said that you already knew of something he wanted! What was I supposed to think about that?!
7108136 Nah, I don't blame you. He makes jokes about the exact same thing all the time. At least, I think they're jokes...
7108356 Jokes? What jokes? I don't make any jokes about that...
7110407 Uhhh...
"Love Thyself" very literally
7978162 Lol
Selfcest is best cest