• Member Since 30th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2017


Don't let people stop you from using creativity. Some may be bad, some may be dreadful, but that's the thing with creativity. You create ways to make it even better. That's the creative truth.


Rainbow Dash has a nightmare that she fears might happen... And to her favorite person in all of Equestria... She then asks if he ever will.

People who've read before published: CoffeeMinion, BlueSun52, LightningSword

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )

Wow the feels man nice job! on it Gen very good loved it you just keep writing man you're a great writer!

A nice lil bit of love. Well done.

This Is Such A Great Feel Good Story!

Cute little story.

So adorable! This is an amazing story I loved it! :pinkiehappy: :heart:

Yep, still cute!

Honey? Please don't take this the wrong way, but this story has a ridiculous amount of room for improvement.

Like, well done on hitting the feature box, you're certainly improving compared to your previous efforts, but still!

Your tenses fade in and out like my chocolate cravings, the wording in so much of this is - too put it delicately - cringe-worthy to the extreme, and it is generally just bad. Sorry for not going into detail but I'm not your editor, and I am far too tired to bother. The mere fact that I am writing a comment is more out of a deep-seated belief in the fact that if I don't tell you that you're bad, who the fuck will?

Compared to your earlier work you're improving, but you've got one helluva long road before you get to publishing level. Really, publishing level should be a bare minimum here! I mean, have you read Allegiant? That pile of crap should have never seen the light of day, let alone a fucking bestseller list! I mean, 3.5/5 on Goodreads? FOR THAT BORING, LIFELESS UNIMAGINATIVE CRAP? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Long story short: Get a fucking editor, read the FIMFiction writing guide and for Celestia's sake change your short bio. Just because you like what you've written doesn't mean it's not terrible. I, for example, like to doodle I also like the pictures I create, despite being so bad I could make the DeviantArt website itself weep tears of blood should I subject it to my shit. You are not nearly this bad, of course, but you still need to fucking re-read and edit! Read it out loud, try to get a Rage Review on your story (oh lordy do you need one! They go into so much detail, and they'll really pinpoint the issues in your story better than any friend or pre-reader who doesn't want to piss you off), make a blood sacrifice to Aragon if it helps! Just do something to fix it!

Sorry if this seems harsh, but I am on my FUCKING PERIOD and have only just stopped sobbing my eyes out for reasons I can't adequately explain. Please excuse any excess venom present in this comment.

Dashie has hooves so how can her arms shake?

Comment posted by TheChaoticSpartan deleted Mar 6th, 2016

6931382 It's possible to offer constructive criticism without being unpleasant about it. And you might want to rethink your excuse for being unpleasant, because you're basically implying that half the population becomes unable to control their emotions once a month. I thought we were past that as a society.

As for the story itself, it was pretty basic, and yes, there's room for improvement. There's always room for improvement. An editor is never a bad thing. That said, I rather liked the twist that there had been a portal the entire time, and Jacob knew about it, and chose not to use it.


This kind of criticism is needed. Just with less story bashing and harsh words xD

Sorry if I sounded kinda harsh! Really, you have improved a lot, and reaching the feature box is one hell of an achievement. Well done!

Still, I stand by what I said earlier. Your stories could definitely use some work. Hell, I am more than willing to help, provided actual real life stuff doesn't barge in and scream "GET OFF YOUR ASS AND FINISH A METRIC SHITTON OF WORK BEFORE NEXT TUESDAY OR YOUR BUTT IS TOAST YOU LITTLE WHIPPERSNAPPER! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!"

Good luck!

Awesome job man! You're such an awesome writer dude. It's a real talent.

6931382 Troll comment is troll. 5/10.

6934469 Getting featured really isn't an achievement, considering the schlock that's been featured (Displaced "fics", jussonic, my little dashie).

Did nobody read the 'sorry for excess venom because I just finished crying my eyes out'
Damn people, grow up. Yeah, it's not perfect (I haven't even read it, but I can tell from the comments' but I'm sure MLG but some effort into it, we're not all natural born grammar nazis.
Yes, she was a bit grumpy with the review, but she had solid points, and she wasn't bashing on the story as much as the bullshit that gets good ratings in the real world (within which exists just as many badfics and mary sues as this here fanfiction hell)
yeah, MLG could use some work, you don't have to be an asshole about it.

This is a place for the worship of ponies in the literary form,
you'd think we'd have some humility and grace because of that.

And using stuff like 'Honey?' is what women do to catch us off guard
it's also a manifestation of one's desire to not hurt, but offer constructive criticism, granted if it's in a bit of a harsh way.

past what as a society?
Have you met society? we're not past anything. in fact, I think we've been stagnant for a long time. if I cannot cuss out someone for being an empty headed numpty without being called 'racist' because they've decided to abuse the fact that their ancestors (or not even their ancestors, just people who lived in the 16-1800s and were black)
were mistreated, a mistreatment that has been fixed.

and did you just call MLD schlock?

that's just wrong, wrong on so many levels. as someone who balled their eyes out after reading that, I am saying that, that is just wrong. condemnably so. (that's not a word? it is now)

maybe I should now go into how we have all been personally attacking everyone else, and fimfics rules are getting way too harsh, while the community continues to degrade into absolute cancer.


I'm amused by your view over people simply telling you to listen to critique. Yes it may be harsh, but doesn't mean you have to get into a fit about it.

7002118 My little dashie is whiny schlock. The protagonist is a bitchy posted boy for First World Problems. Everything handed to him on a platter, cozy, safe little life, and he's still a whiny Manchild. I know people say Past Sins is emblematic of what's wrong with fandom, but it's "stories" like these that prove stereotypes about the fanfiction.

7002359 Past sins is awesome.
I am so confused.
and eh. that's life, not everything can be perfect.
and first world manchildren are rather popular.

7002391 Evidently, you don't know what First World Problems mean. Go Google it, then come back.


past what as a society?

Past the idea that women can't control themselves because menstruation makes them emotional.

7002454 no, I know.
at some point in life I just stopped caring.

anyways, let's pretend to care, shall we?

it means worrying about problems first world people have. like paying the cellphone bill, or having slow as fuck internet,
instead of say, third world problems, like not being able to get food or water.

Of course they can - which is why I was so surprised to see that you think they can't.

7002712 I don't think that.
either that was a sarcastic comment that made you think that,
or you misread where I mentioned that she said that she had just cried her eyes out.
y'know, this is a rather pointless discussion.

7002629 That being said, your defense of a "story" starring a whiny bitch does come off as rather pointless.

7002841 the point is in the case.
the point is to defend it.
why? to defend it in the defense of defending the defended story that will have a defense.

Actually no I didn't. As a matter of fact, I didn't even post that comment. I didn't even type that. Must've been one of my friends or brothers. Sorry for the comment that was sent to you but I promise you, that was not me. Now if that was me, I'd probably say: "That was a bit much." Then again I've got nosy fucking friends and brothers. So for the comment that they possibly posted, my apologies. Hope I have your forgivness.

7005266 is cool, thanks for the follow.
I shall now judge the in a much more nuetral light.

Adorable^^ though i wish i could have seen a more detailed belly rub ????

the feels man! the FEELS!!!!!:flutterrage:
i like it!:moustache:

I always love a story with a good heartwarming snuggle in it. Good job.:raritystarry:

Adorable as all heck, nicely done!
Rainbow, I shall never leave!

Nice going.

6931392 Don't you mean she has...fourlegs?:rainbowdetermined2:

Twilight and Jacob.

If this was purely accidental, it was genius. If not, it's still genius :rainbowlaugh:

Ialmostcried! This was sooo sad...:raritycry:

A nice and enjoyable quick read.
I enjoyed the story twist when Jacob revealed that he new about the portal... but stayed for Rainbow. Now, there's love, caring, and friendship. ?

Awww this was so cute! :twilightsmile:

I liked this It's sweet :twilightsmile:

This is adorable. I love it. :twilightsmile:

Might as well keep this going :twilightsmile:

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