Chapter Twenty-Two: The Bachelor Parties (Part One)
Because of the commotion that was happening behind the store, the storefront of Lyra and Bon-Bon’s sweet shop was completely empty. Even though it was convenient that nopony came in while Bon-Bon confronted the two high ponies in her bedroom (especially while the floors were still drying from her mopping), it gave the vacant space an eerie feel as voices were heard from outside.
“Why should we get him a gift for getting a job?!” said a male voice with an annoyed tone. “I never got a gift for getting a job! Besides, we already got him those gifts for the wedding!”
A female voice retorted “This isn’t just any job, Jonas! Our son is going to be on Bridleway! That’s a history-making accomplishment, and we should get him something to celebrate it.”
A low and rumbling groan was all that was heard before the front door finally opened, and the bell ringed against the frame. Jonas was the first to step in, and politely kept the door open for his wife to follow. “Okay, fine,” he said in acceptance and defeat. “We can get him something from Sugar Cube Corner tomorrow to celebrate. Will that work?”
“I believe so,” said Angela sweetly, and rewarded her husband with a loving nuzzle after walking into the shop. “And thank you for keeping the door open for me.”
Bon-Bon’s voice yelled out from the living space, “Just a second! I just need to--NO! Canvas, get out of that drawer!”
Some rustling and galloping hoofsteps could be heard, along with what sounded like a stallion giggling. Jonas and Angela glanced at each other worriedly, neither of them sure what was going on behind the storefront. After a brief moment of silence, Bon-Bon came out to the counter to greet them with a genuine, albeit shaky smile on her muzzle. “Hello guys,” she said while pulling her mane back with a hoof. “I’m guessing you two are here to pick up Tenor?”
Angela was the first to nod. “Well, yes,” she said before overhearing more things crashing around behind Bon-Bon. She leaned to the side with narrowed eyes to see if she could sneak a glance through the half-open doorway. “Ummm… Is everything alright, Bon-Bon?”
“Oh, definitely!” exclaimed the mare in a tone that was enthusiastic enough to match her smile, but with a clear undertone of insincerity beneath it. “Tenor got a little excited in the shop when he saw Troy flying around, so Canvas is in the back calming him down.”
Just as she said that, they all heard Canvas’ voice from the back in an overly affectionate baby-talk voice. “Oooohhhh, you’re such a soft piiiillow-pet! Squishy squish-pup…”
Jonas and Angela’s expressions became more confused at hearing their future son-in-law talking like that. Both of them turned back to Bon-Bon, whose muzzle was tightly shut while looking at the two with slightly wider eyes. “You know what?” blurted the mare as she pointed back to the doorway and began to back away from them. “I think I better check to make sure the pup’s okay. Okay?”
Before either of them could respond, Bon-Bon darted back to the living space and stumbled into the kitchen. The mare’s eyes shot wide-open when she saw Canvas lying on his back on the kitchen floor, hugging Tenor and rolling around with him. Tenor seemed more than a little confused as he laid on top of the pony, although Bon-Bon wasn’t sure if it was because of the pony’s behavior, or because the smell of pot was so strong that it was nearly clinging to his fur. There was also an opened box of taco shells next to Canvas, with a couple of broken shells and lots of crumbs scattered on the tile floor.
“Ugh!” Bon-Bon made sure the oven wasn’t turned on, and cautiously left the stallion alone so she could find her wife. “Lyra!” she shouted angrily as she stormed down the hallway. She quickly found the unicorn in the bathroom, trying her hardest to use her hooves to apply some eye drops while in front of the mirror. Despite being upset with her, Bon-Bon was patient enough to wait for her wife to hydrate her eyes properly before saying in an annoyed whisper, “Lyra, do you have any idea how stupid that was?!”
“Bon, relax. Relax…” Lyra’s voice was much calmer while carefully placing the eye drops back on the counter. “I kno-- I know it’s a little odd,” she said with a tilt of her head before turning back to her wife with her eyes half-lidded, “but I… I only did it to make sure Canvas wouldn’t be freaking out during the party.”
“Yes, yes I know,” said Bon-Bon with a disgruntled voice while rubbing her closed eyes with a hoof. Even though her wife was usually hard to talk with while baked, Bon-Bon was able to at least get a grasp as to why Lyra did what she did. After finding the scroll and seeing the dates, Bon-Bon couldn’t really blame Canvas for feeling overstressed. Nevertheless, Bon-Bon still had a bone to pick with Lyra as she said, “I can understand you wanting to help, but was giving him marijuana REALLY the best option?!”
“Well, why not?” asked Lyra back at her with a quizative tone and both brows raised. “Seriously, why not? He wouldn’t drink, I couldn’t take him to the spa, and I didn’t want to go into the sexy fun drawer without asking you first! Besides, he was okay with it.”
Bon-Bon groaned with a grimace towards her wife. “That doesn’t matter! What do you think Twilight is going to say when she shows up and finds--”
“Canvas?!” shouted Angela from what sounded like the kitchen. “Why are you eating taco shells off the floor?!”
“... Uuuhhhhh…”
Bon-Bon face-hoofed with an embarrassed sigh. Her shameful expression wasn’t helped when Jonas appeared in the hallway with a strong glare pointed at the two. Lyra tried to back herself out of the gryphon’s sight by hiding in the bathroom. Bon-Bon noticed and tried to grab her, but froze when she overheard the gryphon say, “Ladies, can I get an explanation for why Canvas is high right now?!”
Bon-Bon could only reply with a shameful exhale as she lowered her head. Unfortunately, Lyra thought it was a good idea to reply from the bathroom, “What do you mean? You have no proof!”
Jonas’ eyes widened as his head tilted from that answer. “Oh, really? Because it seems pretty damn clear when he smells like Blade’s house, is giggling like an idiot on the kitchen floor, and has eyes redder than my dick!”
“PBBBTTT!!!” Lyra covered her muzzle with both hooves, but it didn’t stop the uproar of laughter that escaped. Canvas could be overheard cracking up too.
Bon-Bon decided it was best to step forward towards him, hoping to explain as the only sober pony in the establishment. While Lyra tried to calm herself and her head slowly creeped out from the bathroom (with her eyes glancing down at Jonas’ lower half after hearing his statement), Bon-Bon took a breath before stating, “Okay, I get that you’re upset, but I swear to you that I had nothing to do with it. Lyra saw tha--”
“Oh, come on!” shouted Lyra before darting back inside the bathroom. “Narc!”
Bon-Bon groaned before returning her attention to the unamused gryphon. “As I was saying, Lyra noticed that Canvas was going under some stress after getting a job offer which could collide with Troy’s Bridleway rehearsals. So, she used her prescription cannabis to help ease his nerves.”
Jonas narrowed his eyes on her with a confounded look. He blinked a few times as he tried to process what she said. “There… there’s prescription cannabis?”
“Mmmhmm,” replied Lyra with a nod. “I mean, it’s not the easiest to get, but it is completely legal in Equestria.”
After a raise of his brows, he turned around to look towards the kitchen and give off a surprised huff. “Huh.”
Angela came into view as she peered at Lyra and Bon-Bon with a leer. “Well, regardless of the legality of the product,” she began in a condescending tone, “I’m fairly sure that giving a pony someone else’s medication is still a risky and illegal move.”
Lyra winced and looked away from the prying gryphoness with a bit lip. “I know that,” replied Bon-Bon with a roll of her eyes. “Believe me, this isn’t the first time I confronted Lyra about sharing her stash. One time she made a batch of brownies, which Pinkie Pie ended up using for--”
“Okay, okay!” shouted Jonas while interrupting Bon-Bon. “So let me get this straight. Because our son got that role, and Canvas got a job offer at the same time, that makes it a good excuse to give him drugs?!”
Bon-Bon sighed bitterly and turned to the doorway of the bathroom. Lyra quickly shut the door before seeing her wife’s unpleasant reaction. “Like I said,” began the mare with a turn back to the two gryphons, “I wasn’t the one who did it. Lyra happened to have some medicinal herbs for insomnia, so she figured it could help since he was freaking out about what to do.”
Jonas and Angela glanced back at Canvas, who was currently picking at a curled piece of wallpaper in the hallway with his hoof. Both of them tilted their heads at the sight before Angela replied, “Well… It looks like it’s helping.”
Jonas was the first to turn back to Bon-Bon with an upset scowl still on his beak. Bon-Bon spoke up before he could and said, “I swear to Celestia, I would not have done something that drastic!” To add validity to both her claim and Lyra’s decision, the mare quickly went to snag the scroll, and handed it to them as she explained. “Lyra was only trying to help. I was at the front when Canvas was dealing with anxiety, but I trust my wife when she said he needed something to calm down.”
Jonas stayed silent, but it looked like his stoic gaze lessened a tiny bit as he looked through the details of the job offer. He then handed the scroll to his wife, whose brows raised when she saw the dates as well. Angela stared back at Bon-Bon and asked, “So… Was his reaction really that bad?”
Bon-Bon shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, it is a big offer to receive, especially so close to the wedding. It seems like something that could keep them separated for a while, and he was apparently upset to not tell Troy before his bachelor party.”
Canvas groaned out with an exaggerated tone while picking at the wallpaper. “It suuuuuuucks!”
Jonas made a disappointed groan after hearing what Lyra said. “Oh, the capture already happened?! I was gonna help with that!”
“Honey,” snapped Angela with a blunt nudge against his side. After regaining her composure, the gryphoness sighed and said towards Bon-Bon. “Well, I… I suppose I can understand. While I don’t approve, I do know how hard separation can be. Even if it’s only for a month or two.”
RIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!
Bon-Bon gasped when she saw that Canvas pulled away a rather large strip of wallpaper, and was staring at it blankly while in his hoof. “CANVAS!” shouted Bon-Bon, which made the stallion jolt and stare at her worriedly. “Why did you do that?!”
Canvas blinked slowly, and glanced between her and the paper while his brain struggled to function. “Uhhhhh…”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Jonas rolled his eyes and began to make his leave. “We’ll talk with both him and Troy in the morning about this. In the meantime, I’m not going to deal with another stoned nitwit!”
While the gryphon went to grab Tenor’s leash, and Canvas was giving his dog an affectionate hug with extra nuzzling, Angela looked back at Bon-Bon to say, “Never mind him. He had a bad encounter with the triplets being high once.”
Bon-Bon winced in understanding. “Ho boy. Should I ask?”
Angela sighed painfully in response to that question. “They tried to make a bonfire.”
“In the living room!” added Jonas before giving the leash a gentle tug. Tenor gave Canvas a couple more licks across his face before heading out with the gryphon, which left the stallion to slump on the floor with a saddened face. “C’mon, honey,” said Jonas as he looked back at his wife. “The Cakes aren’t gonna wait all night for us.”
“Oh, alright then.” Considering how badly things went the last time they were in Equestria, Angela wasn’t wanting to make a bad impression for the game night they had planned. She turned back to Bon-Bon before leaving to say worriedly, “Just… promise you’ll keep an eye on him tonight?”
“Absolutely,” assured the mare with a warm smile. “Honestly, Canvas might be easier than Lyra since he doesn’t have a horn like--”
CRASH!!!
Tenor could be heard barking from the front of the shop after that thunderous crash, which was followed by Canvas’ meek voice. “Ummm… What did I do?”
“Ugh!” Bon-Bon dragged her hoof down her face in exasperation. “Or maybe not.”
“Well…” After making a quick glance to see what Canvas may have done, Angela sighed with a shake of her head before hugging Bon-Bon goodbye. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, dearie. Good luck!”
With that, Angela walked back out of the hallway, being careful to avoid whatever was spilled on the kitchen floor. After the gryphoness disappeared, Bon-Bon was just about to check on Canvas when she overheard her wife through the door.
“You think they noticed I was high?” whispered Lyra in a paranoid voice.
By the time the sun was fully set, the bonfire was roaring brightly enough to illuminate the open field in a warm amber glow. A smaller, more contained fire was a small distance away, and was clearly meant for a purpose as a dead pig skewered on a large metal rotisserie spinner laid on top of it. A few other items were visible under the bonfire’s glow: a large porcelain tub which looked to be filled with some indiscernible fluid, two massive speakers between a battery-powered stereo system, and two barrels of Sweet Apple Acres’ high-quality hard cider.
Even though he was left alone with two giant kegs of alcohol, Lyle didn’t even try to sneak a drop of it. Instead, the gryphon kept his focus on the tub as he stirred the contents with a large wooden pole. He wafted up the smell of vinegar and various spices, shuddering with a grin before collecting some in a large turkey baster. Carrying a look of focus he usually had when drawing, Lyle brought the baster over to the pig, and slowly drizzled the marinade along the flesh while spinning the pig over the fire. “Ooohhhh man,” he muttered with a hungry grin as the sauce’s smell intensified from the added heat.
Of course, the gryphon’s focus changed when he overheard wings flapping from the distance. When he looked up, Lyle saw that Blaze and Blade were each carrying an end of the still bound and gagged Troy. Even though he stopped thrashing his body around, Troy could still be heard trying to yell through the tennis ball shoved in his beak. Blane was flying behind them with a massive cooler, and was the first to land with the supplies.
“Man!” Blane wiped some sweat from his brow as he looked up at his brothers. “Y’know, I could’ve used some help with this friggin thing!”
“Yeah, says you!” As Blaze and Blade lowered Troy to the ground, Blaze peered down at his brother to reply, “You know how much this guy tried to move around while we were carrying him?!”
Blade touched the ground first and added, “Seriously, most of the girls I’ve banged thrashed around less when they orgasmed!”
Lyle came up to get Troy untied after the two dropped him to the ground. “Well, what did you expect?” he asked as he got the blindfold off of Troy first. “Canvas was wanting to talk with him, and you guys did this way earlier than expected!”
Blane raised his claws. “Well, duh! That’s what a surprise is supposed to be!”
Lyle rolled his eyes and sighed. Before he could untie his brother (who was already trying to squirm out of the restraints himself), Lyle bent in within Troy’s eyesight to say, “Listen, I talked with Canvas, and I promised him you’ll be alright to talk with him in the morning. Cool?”
Troy paused momentarily, and let out a brief exhale before nodding his head.
“Alright then.” With a smile, Lyle ungagged Troy, and used a swipe of his talons to cut the rope free like it was nothing. Troy sighed as he finally able to breathe without restriction, and rubbed his wrists with his claws while groaning.
The triplets pulled back a respectable distance from him, and motioned to the roast pig as they gave an enthusiastic “Ta-daa!”
Despite the barbecue being prepared, Troy looked less than enthused as he gave a flat glare to the three. “You know,” he began as he took a breath that still tasted like tennis ball, “usually when someone you’re getting married to wants to talk with you, you take the time to listen before going out! You guys REALLY should’ve at least--Holy crap that smells good!”
Troy wanted to be mad at his brothers, but the smell of that pork was enough to make him stop midway and groan in hunger. Blaze cackled in response and pointed towards Blane. “You can thank him for the marinade he whipped up. That bucker knows his spices!”
“Awww, come on,” said Blane with a bashful wave of his claw. “It was nothing, really.”
Troy quickly shook his head clear to get back on topic. “A-As I was saying! You should’ve let me talk with Canvas first!”
“Why?” asked Blade with a playful smirk. “So the mood could be messed up before the party even began?”
Blaze swept in towards Troy and put a foreleg around his back. “Okay, listen. Yes, we got out a bit prematurely, and we apologize for that,” he began in a rushed by still honest-sounding tone, “But! We only did it because we love you, bro! This party is not only to celebrate your last remaining days as an unmarried gryphon, but also to celebrate you making friggin’ history! You’re gonna be on Bridleway, dude! That deserves a drink!”
“YEAH!!” shouted the other two with their fisted claws in the air.
While Troy let out a seething sigh with his claw over his face, Lyle came in to reaffirm what he said earlier. “Listen, I promised Canvas that you can talk with him first thing in the morning. And since we’re already here, there’s not much that can do. So right now, let’s just focus on our own party, and let Canvas have fun at his. Okay?”
Even though he could still feel that nagging twinge of nervousness creeping in the back of his mind over what Canvas wanted to tell him, Troy knew that his brother wasn’t wrong. So, after taking a moment to get himself calm, the gryphon sighed and nodded faintly. “A… Alright. I’ll… try to not think about it.”
“That’s the spirit!” shouted Blaze happily while giving his brother a good squeeze. “Now c’mon! We got a tap of booze with your name on it!”
By the time Ponyville’s street lamps turned on to illuminate the town’s vacant walkways, there was a clear ‘Closed’ sign hanging in front of the glass door of Lyra and Bon-Bon’s shop. However, that didn’t stop Twilight Sparkle or her three friends as she approached the door with a smile on her face. With a saddlebag full of supplies hanging on her back, the Princess happily knocked on the door and waited.
Only a few seconds passed before Bon-Bon opened the door. “Hey girls,” said the mare with a happy, albeit slightly nervous smile as she let the Alicorn in. “Come on in! Lyra and I just got the food ready!”
“Ooh!” before Twilight could even get a hoof in the shop, Pinkie Pie hopped over her excitedly while balancing several boxes of baked goods on her back. “Oh my gosh, this is so great! I organized a TON of parties before, but this is the first time I get to help for a bachelor party!”
Twilight rolled her eyes with a smirk as she walked past her towards the kitchen. Rarity followed the Princess, not paying much heed to Pinkie who was still hopping around like a ponified embodiment of a sugar rush. However, Applejack paused as she glanced over at the pink mare and said, “Now wait a minute, Pinkie! Don’cha do bachelor parties all the time?”
Pinkie froze in midair and gave her friend a confused stare. “Ummm, no? I only got to help with bachelorette parties before! This is the first time I get to do it for a bachelor!”
“Ohhhhh!” Recognizing her mistake Applejack shrugged and walked past her. “Never mind then. Ah was just thinkin’ of when ya did Matilda’s bachelorette party!”
Remembering that event very clearly, Bon-Bon struggled to keep her snickering concealed while following Applejack. “Oh, that party was wild! I still can’t believe they used that picture in the paper without a censor bar!”
Applejack giggled with a shake of her head. “Ah can’t believe Matilda threatened ta call the cops on Pinkie!”
Pinkie stopped hopping and followed the two. “Yeah, that was a real bummer,” added the mare with a slightly deflated tone. “I mean, who doesn’t want a mechanical bull in their front yard?”
Bon-Bon shot Pinkie a glance while smirking. “Pinkie, you know very well why she freaked out.”
Pinkie merely rolled her eyes and looked away from the two. “Oh, whatever! She didn’t react that way to the cake being shaped like a penis! So why was the bull any different?”
“Cause it was six feet long an’ sittin’ in her gat-dang yard!”
Despite Applejack’s point, Pinkie Pie just rolled her eyes and went into the kitchen with the others. Twilight and Rarity were already seated at the table, which contained several trays of various snacks that Lyra and Bon-Bon prepared. With one flawless flick of her tail, Pinkie tossed all the boxes from her back onto the vacant spaces on the table, letting the large phallic-shaped cake and accompanying cupcakes plop down with nearly impossible-looking ease. Twilight couldn’t help shaking her head as she said, “I swear, I don’t know how you can do that without magic.”
While the rest of the girls got things prepared in the kitchen, Lyra and Canvas were preoccupied in the bathroom. Because Canvas’ eyes were still noticeably red from the unicorn’s “medicine,” Lyra tried her best to get his eyes clear with her eye drops. After the second eye was hydrated. Lyra gave him a towel while opening the door. “Alright,” said the mare while Canvas dried his eyes, “I happen to know from experience that Twilight is kind of a wet blanket when it comes to, umm…’recreational herbs.’ So for the sake of the party, maybe you should try to keep yourself grounded for a bit.”
Canvas nodded, but his half-lidded eyes and droopy smile made it clear that Lyra’s advice was easier said than done. “Alright, alright,” said the stallion as he picked up a spray bottle to fumigate the smell off of him. After making a large cloud of the floral-scented fragrance, Canvas strolled through it like how some mares walk into perfume. However, Lyra tried not to giggle when she waited for him to finish to say, “Ummm, Canvas? That was hairspray.”
Canvas blinked and looked down at the can in his hoof, seeing that she was right. His face scrunched in with a wheeze before he started cracking up. Lyra giggled too, but she was able to take the hairspray from his hoof and get the air freshener that was on the counter. “Canvas, come on,” said the unicorn more seriously as she spritzed him with the overbearing scent of lavender. “We need to be serious here. You act good for the night, and I’ll get you in touch with Zecora so you can get your own stash. ‘Kay?”
That made the stallion nod firmer than before. Lyra smiled back before taking the lead to the hallway. “Good! Now, when we get to the kitchen, just act aloof, and positive, but still normal. Just treat it like you’re acting in a play. If you believe you’re not high, it’ll show.”
“‘Kay, ‘kay…” As he followed Lyra to the kitchen, Canvas took a couple deep breaths as he tried to keep himself from acting too giggly. By the time the two reached the kitchen, Canvas kept a big smile on his face when he saw all the mares.
Pinkie Pie hopped on top of her seat as she shouted with the others, “Happy Bachelor Night, Canvas!”
Canvas got on his hindlegs in response so he could make 'jazz-hooves’ and shout out, “HOORAYYY!!!”
Of course, his coordination was clearly off as he fell on his back after that reaction. While Lyra struggled not to snicker, Bon-Bon just covered her face with her hooves while groaning. The rest of the mares looked either confused or worried, except for the still excited-looking Pinkie Pie.
“OOH!” shouted Pinkie as she beamed towards Lyra. “Did you make brownies again?!”
By the time Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane found the bonfire for Troy’s bachelor party, it was clear the shindig was already in full-swing. Along with the pig being fully cooked and the kegs in operation, the stereo was blaring Blade’s metal music from two massive speakers. And underneath one of the barrels, Troy was lying on his back as a massive funnel was crammed in his beak to pour cider down his throat. The triplets were holding him in place as they repeatedly chanted in unison, “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”
Even though she wanted to get a closer look at Troy’s chugging, she couldn’t necessarily do so while holding a platform with a massive cake on top; plus, she couldn’t risk dropping the party favor after she and the others got so far with it. With her wings straining and her hooves starting to feel numb, Dash kept her focus on the corner she was holding as the cake was slowly lowered to the ground. Even though she was worried that Thunderlane would give out with his own corner, the cake was lowered with surprising grace to the ground. While Thunderlane and the other two who carried the cake groaned and stretched their limbs, Dash quickly made her way to the barrels just as Troy emptied his funnel.
“YEAAAHHH!!!” After the funnel was taken out of his beak, Troy rolled over and gasped while the triplets claw-bumped one another. Rainbow Dash helped him get back on his paws before brushing some stray pieces of grass off his back.
“Jeeze, dude!” said Dash as she made sure he was okay to stand freely. “You could’ve at least waited for me before tapping the cider!”
Troy had to take a couple breaths before he could chuckle at his friend’s response. Even with the limited light from the bonfire, Dash could clearly see that the gryphon was already growing a small blush on his cheeks as a side effect of the alcohol. “You know what?” said Troy in a playful and slightly slurred-sounding voice. “I kinda understand why you were so obsessed with that cider stuff. It’s delicious!”
Troy stumbled a little with a giggle, but not enough to make him fall over. Rainbow Dash sighed and tried to reply in defense. “I’m not obsessed with it! It’s just really hard to get sometimes.”
Thunderlane walked towards the two as he overheard the mare. “She’s not wrong, you know,” said the stallion with a shrug. “I was just barely able to get a mug during their last--GAAAHHH!!!”
Thunderlane reeled back in shock as soon as he saw the pig that was being roasted over the fire. Lyle was spinning it on the rotisserie as he shouted out, “You better call your piece, Troy! We’re just about to cut it!”
“RIBS!” yelled Troy back at him. Meanwhile, Thunderlane was just staring at the roasted meat in shock as his quivering jaw hung low.
“Hey. c’mon,” said Dash as she nudged his side, “you said you’d be cool!”
“I-I am!” blurted the stallion before looking back at her to whisper, “but you didn’t say they’d have a dead friggin’ pig over a fire! What’s Smithy gonna say--”
Rainbow quickly shushed him by popping a hoof into his muzzle. “Dude!” she hissed angrily. “Don’t spoil it!”
When she looked back to make sure Troy didn’t overhear anything, Dash was relieved to see that the gryphon was stumbling over towards the pig. She wiped her forehead with a relieved “Whew!” Before she could try to chastise Thunderlane for what he said, her focus changed when she glanced back at the cake. “What the… Where are Gilda and her girlfriend?”
Thunderlane turned around, seeing that the two gryphonesses weren’t by the cake anymore. Even though the two didn’t say much as they helped the ponies lug the cake to this spot, it seemed off for them to disappear like that. “Huh,” said the stallion in confusion. “Do you think they went home or--”
Both Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up when they heard girly giggling from the other side of the bonfire. The two turned to see that Gilda and Greta didn’t wait long to meet up with a specific gryphon. The girls were standing at both sides of Blade with enticing grins as they tried their hardest not to act overly fangirlish.
Dash could overhear Gilda saying excitedly, “You know, I’ve been listening to your stuff since the first album came out! I honestly had no idea Greta’s boss was your Mom!”
“Me neither,” added Greta as she began to slowly rub one of Blade’s forelegs with a claw. She giggled as she stared up at the gryphon with a heavy blush forming across her cheeks.
Blade chuckled in response as he looked between the two with a growing smirk. “Well, I must say. It’s always great to meet fans of my work…” His eyes darted between them before asking curiously, “So… you two are the couple Mum was talkin’ about?”
“Yeah, but we’re open-minded,” blurted Gilda like she had that answer prepared for a while. Her claw began rubbing Blade’s other foreleg as she added with a blush of her own, “Very open minded~”
Dash and Thunderlane both saw Greta nod her head in agreement, which just made Blade’s grin grow wider. Dash face-hoofed and tried not to laugh. “Oh, jeez! It’s like the stormball team all over again.”
Blaze was walking past her with a massive piece of pork belly in his claw as he overheard that. “Wait, really?” Before Dash could turn around to confirm her words, she saw the gryphon grow a cocky smirk and rub his head feathers back with a claw. Unfortunately, that only smeared barbecue sauce over his head as he sauntered up to them. “Hello, ladies…”
Thunderlane shook his head and said, “You know what? I’m gonna go check on the cake. Let me know when you guys’ll be ready.”
“Sure thing,” said Dash with a smile back at him. As the stallion went back to the cake (most likely to avoid smelling that pig over anything else), Dash turned around just in time to see Troy return with a rack of ribs in one claw, and a big mug of cider in the other.
“Here ya go, Boss,” said the gryphon as he passed her the mug. Dash gave a “thanks” and a thankful nod as she accepted it, and downed nearly half of it in one go greedily. After the mare exhaled with a satisfied sigh from that sweet and bitter brew, she wiped the foam from her upper lip and glanced up at Troy.
“So,” began Dash with a prideful smile, “I heard you got that Bridleway role. Congratulations, dude!”
She gave the gryphon a playful tap on the shoulder after saying that. Troy’s face blushed a little as he looked away bashfully. “Awww, thanks Dash. I gotta admit, it’s gonna be a huge change for me.”
“Hey, it’s not just a huge change for you,” said Dash insistently. “Canvas is probably happy as hay you got that role too. Plus…” During a brief pause, Dash bit her lip as she sighed and looked away for a moment. “Well… it’s gonna be a lot different not having you on the weather crew anymore.”
Troy’ eyes widened in surprise, clearly not having thought of that detail until just now. Realizing that he really would have to quit his job in weather patrol, the gryphon’s shoulders slumped as his mood dampened. “Ugh… I wasn’t even thinking about that.”
“Hey, come on,” replied Dash as she gave a more supportive smile up at him. “Don’t act so down about that! We all knew you wanted to do this, and we couldn’t be happier for you! Just because you’ll be gone doesn’t mean we can’t move clouds anymore. We’ll be fine, and so will you.”
Troy blinked a couple times, and saw that Rainbow Dash’s expression was nothing but sincere. A touched smile grew across his beak as he tried to speak. “Wow, I… thanks, Dash.” After turning away to take a bite from one of his ribs away from Dash’s sight, he turned back to add in an honest tone of his own. “Well, just so you know, Rainbow Dash… I can honestly say that you’re the best boss I ever had.”
Now it was Rainbow’s turn to raise her brows in surprise. However, it was followed by her asking cheekily, “How many bosses have you had before me?”
Troy sighed and closed his eyes briefly. “Well, two. But that doesn’t mean you’re not a good boss.”
“I know, dude,” replied Dash with another nudge, “but I really do appreciate that. Just let me know when your show premieres, okay?”
“Sure thing,” said Troy as he pointed a rib bone at the mare, “and I’ll be sure to get you guys some good seats.”
“You better,” replied the mare with a threatening but playful smirk. Neither of them said anything for a brief moment, and the two looked around before realizing how this conversation had to end. Dash was the first to take initiative, and got on her hind legs to give Troy a strong hug. Troy immediately hugged the mare back, keeping his eyes clenched shut so he wouldn’t start tearing up.
Unfortunately, the mood was broken when they overheard Blane shout out, “Put on a condom!”
Troy groaned and was the first to pull away and shout back, “Really?!”
“Hey, protection’s important,” replied Blane while gnawing on what looked to be a pig leg. “Sausages are in those sleeves for a reason, bruh.”
Before either Troy or Dash could say anything in defense in regards to their hug, Thunderlane yelled out loudly enough for the triplets to hear, “Hey, guys?! You wanna get Troy’s special thing done now? It’s getting kinda late.”
“Late?!” shouted Blaze as he stared over at him with a confused look. “The sun just set!”
Thunderlane reluctantly nodded and replied, “I know, but…” He then motioned over to the cake, his eyes widening in hopes that the gryphons would get the hint.
Blaze’s brows raised in quick understanding. “Oh, right! I almost forgot.” He looked over towards Blade, who was currently preoccupied with Gilda and Greta being much closer to him that before. “Yo, Blade!” he shouted. “Get the music changed! Were doing the thing!”
“Wait, what?” asked Troy as he glanced at Blaze, not noticing Dash backing away with a knowing grin. He also didn’t see Blane sneaking behind him with a chair and a bundle of rope. “What are you talki--UMF!”
Before Troy could protest, he was once again tied up with rope while Blane held him down into a wooden chair. The metal music stopped playing, and the cassette was quickly changed to something else. Troy could hear maniacal laughter from his brothers and friends as he struggled in his restraints, but there was nothing he could do before being turned around to face the cake.
“Fillies and Gentlecolts!” shouted out Thunderlane with an excited smile as everyone gathered around Troy. While standing beside the cake, the stallion carried a professional tone of voice as he introduced his gift for Troy’s bachelor party. “May I present to you, a very special performance which I had arranged for my good friend Troy to celebrate his last day as a free gryphon.”
While he appreciated the gesture, Troy was getting peeved as he tried to jump himself out of his chair. Unfortunately, it only got him and the chair legs to hop up a couple inches each time. Meanwhile, Thunderlane continued to speak while motioning back to the large cake. “Straight from Equestria’s very first burlesque troupe, here’s one of the sexiest performers to give her special thanks after a fifty year-long retirement…”
Troy’s eyes widened in horror quickly realizing what his former coworker had arranged for him. While the muffled laughter began to grow, the sound of burlesque music began to blast from the speakers as Thunderlane finished. “Let’s give a big round to the one… the only…
“Granny Smith!”
The top of the cake bursted open, and the wrinkled green mare revealed herself with her hooves raised. Unfortunately for Troy, this action also revealed the very skimpy, dark pink lingerie she was wearing. She also had what looked to be two bright pink tassels hanging from the top of her chest. “Ta Daa~”
Troy let out a disgusted scream at the sight, which was barely heard over everyone else howling in laughter. After Thunderlane carefully floated her off the top of the cake (while sporting a very heavy blush and a randy grin), Granny Smith slowly sauntered up towards Troy in a seductive manner in sync with the music. Troy tried to look away from the sight, but there was nothing he could to keep the elderly mare from turning around and backing up towards him.
“Oh man!!” shouted Lyle as he pulled out his camera. “I gotta get proof of this!”
“YOU BETTER NOT!” screamed Troy furiously. Unfortunately, the flash went off just as Granny Smith was gyrating her flanks in front of his lap. Troy clenched his eyes shut and pointed his beak away while groaning loudly at what was happening. However, he heard the laughter becoming wilder before Granny pulled herself up onto his lap.
Lyle kept taking pictures, but it was hard to keep it in focus while laughing so hard. Meanwhile, Granny Smith continued her “enticing” lap dance for the bachelor, making sure to get her backside especially close to Troy’s face a couple times. “Ugh! Oh, come on!” yelled Troy, but it seemed that his words couldn’t stop the mare’s actions; in fact, it may have only made her want to do more.
For Granny’s ‘grand finale,’ she pulled back for a brief moment while still on top of Troy’s lap. With Lyle’s camera ready, the mare somehow pulled herself forward to stand upright on her front legs. Most of the laughter stopped briefly as the group let out several impressed “Oohs”. Her hind legs then spread apart surprisingly wide, doing an almost perfect ‘Spread Eagle’ right in front of Troy’s shocked face. And then, on one fell swoop, Granny Smith flung herself back, planting herself right into Troy’s face as the chair fell back.
Just as the song ended, Troy was dropped onto his back while still bound up, with Granny Smith sitting on top of him as she shouted out, “Ta Daaa!”
A massive roar of applause came from everyone as they clapped and whistled at the sight. Rainbow Dash wiped some tears from her eyes as she said, “Now THAT’S what I call a show!”
“You got that right!” added Gilda as she struggled to stop laughing. She glanced over at Greta and said with a small smirk, “Although I think it gave me a few ideas…”
Greta noticed the smirk and nodded back. Both of them then looked towards Blade, who was still cheering while Granny Smith tried to get herself off Troy’s face. Thunderlane helped pull the mare off of him, which was followed by Troy gasping for air with his face fully red and frozen in shock. Granny couldn’t help cackling out loud as she walked away from him. “Ah hope you have a nice night, Troy-Boy!”
She then glanced up at Thunderlane and added in a more sultry tone, “But right now, Ah think Ah need somepony ta take me home an… run me a hot bath.”
Thunderlane giggled as a massive grin spread across his muzzle. He hoisted up Granny Smith in one flawless swoop as he hovered a few feet above the ground. “Oh, I think I can do that quite easily~” he said while practically undressing her with his eyes. “Can I ‘tuck’ you into bed too?”
“If ya promise ta put this outfit on, ya got yerself a deal~”
The rest of the partygoers seemed more than a little uncomfortable with how the two were looking at each other, and Dash was the first to say while looking away, “Alright, alright! Just take her home already, jeez!”
“Will do!” said Thunderlane with a salute. After he and Granny Smith waved goodbye, everyone else waved back with various “Thank yous” as the two soared off into the night’s sky. By the time the two disappeared from sight, Blane walked back to Troy who was still tied and lying on his back in the chair. Blane peered down from above with a cheeky grin on his face.
“So, what's it like being with a mare for the first time?”
“I HATE ALL OF YOU!”
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
852 users online
1,116,648 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
... yeah that'd probably be party over for me. After destroying the camera of course.
I can never become erect ever again.
7535348 in the words of sir pennyworth" I can never have sex again!"
Hilarious but......
Great chapter. I agree with Troy though. I would hate the. All.
Oh sweet jesus! I was gonna take a sip of water when I heard the video's music and read that whole dancing thing, and I nearly spit it all over my laptop! DAMN YOU VCLAW! YOUR COMEDY NEARLY KILLED ME!
Thundergranny is canon?!?! Oh......my.......
7538691
Well, this isn't the first time I wrote GrannyLane on this site.
7538704
Oh I know, I loved that story; too funny! But, I didn't know it was canon in the Brushed Away universe, thus makes me all sorts of happy!
7538711
Well, I also wrote them in chapter 4 of this story too.
7538720
I forgot about that....*rereads*.....*giggles uncontrollablely*
:blushes before slamming head on the table:...I need a moment.
*closes eyes and bangs head repeatedly on wall chanting...* deap puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies...
-sighs- I remember saying that exact line my first time, a magical night indeed !
Ah, Granny's little number takes me back to my first burlesque performance. I lost over $80 in lingerie that night, but the audience seemed to enjoy themselves as much as I did.
Eyes redder than Jonas's huh well that's interesting
8038162
Yeah the first time is always super fun
7536169
Man fuck you is the computer because that's the important part
7535399
7535399
I love Hellsing abridged and yeah from the first second I read about her and thunderlane I immediately thought of alucard and the queen