Chapter 7 - Champagne, Bow Ties, and the Bride's Last Hurrah
After one week of living with the Apples, the Great and Powerful Trixie settled into a routine…
“The foal wants fried pickles with these waffles! And get us some sweet tea to wash it down! Hurry, Trixie and her foal have a powerful appetite!”
…A routine that included borderline torture for Applejack and Big Mac.
The knife held in Trixie’s aura flew across the room and stuck blade-first into the wall a mere hair above Applejack’s hat.
With a yelp, Applejack scampered out of the room, holding her hat to her head. “More like ya got some powerful crazy in yer belly,” she mumbled darkly.
“He-he-he! Trixie still has the showmare’s touch,” she giggled to herself. She smiled at the awestruck Apple Bloom and sat next to her at the kitchen table.
“Hurry up, big brother! We gotta feed the foal!” Apple Bloom said. “A’fore it kills us all,” she added under her breath. Big Mac worked at the stove, making waffles, covered in sweat. “We want food! We want food!” Apple Bloom chanted, pounding a knife and fork on the table with each word.
Big Mac glowered at his sister over his shoulder, but remained silent. With a calming hoof on Apple Bloom’s shoulder, Trixie cleared her throat. “We do not pound on the table with flatware.” She lowered her voice and whispered into the filly’s ear, “You’ll get what you want easier if you don’t.”
Trixie saw the light bulb appear over Apple Bloom’s head as she stopped her irritating chant. “Okay,” the filly chirped with a toothy grin.
Trixie allowed her eyes to wander toward Big Mac’s sweaty flank. She licked her lip and mumbled, “Momma likes what she sees.”
“What’cha lookin’ at?” Granny Smith croaked as she hobbled into the kitchen.
Trixie jerked as if stung. “N-Nothing!” she said, sitting up straight and looking forward.
“Breakfast ready yet, Apple… Big Mac?” Granny Smith said, as she sat at the head of the table. “Mighty fine of ya ta cook breakfast like this. Where’s Applejack?”
“She’s off gettin’ some pickles ta fry up!” Apple Bloom replied. “On account of th’ foal wantin’ fried pickles.”
Granny Smith raised an eyebrow at Trixie. “Does she now?”
Trixie smiled like a cat that had eaten a canary. “Trixie is eating for two!”
“Ah know, ya keep remindin’ us,” Granny Smith mumbled. She cleared her throat and said, “Now, Ah don’t mean ta be pushy…” Trixie scoffed, and even Big Mac stopped making waffles for a second to glance at Granny Smith. “...but Ah don’t want no Apples ta be speakin’ funny. Y’all need ta say ‘eye,’ ‘nstead o’ gabbin’ ‘bout yerself like yer another pony.”
“Trixie doesn’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one speaking with a foreign accent.”
Granny Smith pounded a hoof on the table, making the plates hop. “Ah do not yap with no funny, foreign accent! Land sakes, girl, this here family’s been in this town fer over a-hun-erd years. If’n ponies don’t talk like us, why, they’re the foreigners!”
“Trixie speaks just fine.”
“There! Right there! Ya done it again! Say ‘eye’! Ah speak jus’ fine! Ah say ‘eye,’ not ‘Granny Smith’ when Ah’m talkin’!”
Apple Bloom’s eyes bounced between the two ponies as if she followed a tennis ball during a rally. Big Mac interrupted them by slapping a half-dozen waffles on a large plate down in the middle of the table. “Soup’s on,” he announced.
“‘Tain’t soup yet,” Apple Bloom said with a giggle. She swiped the small, porcelain pitcher of syrup and made herself something that only resembled soup.
The front door opened and Twilight entered, followed by a disgruntled Applejack. “Trixie hopes you have pickles!”
Applejack sighed, unslung her saddlebag on the kitchen counter, and answered, “We got pickles an’ paper. Here ya go, Big Mac, see if ya kin fry em’ up a’fore she changes her mind this time.”
Twilight bounced on her hooves around the table, making Trixie forget about fried pickles for a moment to concentrate on the excitable princess. “Trixie wishes to know what’s gotten into you.”
“I’ve never had a chance to run a Bachelorette Party before, but I’ve read all about it and I’m dying to try my hoof at it,” Twilight replied.
Trixie raised an eyebrow at Twilight. “What makes you think you’ll be Trixie’s mare of honor?”
Twilight froze like a deer caught in headlights. “W-Well… I thought… I’m sorry, you’re right.” Twilight looked forlorn at the thick bridal magazine peeking out of her saddle bag. “B-But… couldn’t I be your mare of honor? I know you have other friends—”
“Many… many friends,” Trixie said sharply.
“—Yes, many friends,” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. “But are they nearby? Will they be able to make it here in time for the wedding? Can they plan you a party in one week?!” Her voice rose with each question.
Trixie rubbed her left foreleg with her right hoof. “Trixie supposes not. Why must we have the party in one week?”
“Well, I thought about planning it just before the wedding, but I don’t know when that is. Not to mention we’re in a bit of a time crunch; planning a wedding takes some time. Have you picked a date yet?”
Big Mac stopped with a half-fried pickle sizzling in the pot and looked over his shoulder. Trixie blushed and said, “No, Trixie hasn’t really thought about it.” Granny Smith scoffed.
Twilight’s pupils grew large as she leaned closer to Trixie. “Does that mean I can plan your party for next week?” She asked breathlessly. Trixie nodded. Twilight squealed like a school filly and bounced around the table chanting, “Yes-yes-yes!”
Squeak!
Rarity opened her mailbox and withdrew her mail. “Bill… bill… advert… advert…” she said, tossing each bit of paper into the nearby garbage bin. “What’s this? An invitation?”
On the other side of town in a fluffy house.
“Sweet, an invite from…” Rainbow Dash frowned. “This isn’t from Pinkie Pie. Since when does Egghead plan parties? Pinkie Pie is going to at least want some theme decorations, like—”
On the second floor of Sugarcube Corner, in a room no sane pony dared to tread.
“GIANT-WOBBLY-STALLION-P—”
“Pinkie!” Mrs. Cake said, knocking the door open as she stepped into Pinkie’s bedroom. Glancing nervously at the party cannon, rubber chicken, and ‘that-thing-in-the-corner-of-the-room-with-unspeakable-uses,’ she asked, “Can you go to the market today and pick up some extra flour? We just received an order to bake a wedding cake. Apparently—”
“TRIXIE HAS A BUN IN THE OVEN!”
Mrs. Cake blinked at Pinkie, who splayed on her bed with a letter in front of her face. “Trixie can bake all she wants, but I don’t see why baking bread is so special.”
“A BUN IN THE OVEN! AN APPLE BUN!” Pinkie shouted. She stood on her hind legs with her forelimbs stretched wide, waving the letter at Mrs. Cake like a flag of surrender.
Mrs. Cake sighed. “I’m sure you’ll come up with something even more creative. Not every new culinary delight has to be invented by you, dear.” Mrs. Cake smiled and said, “I wouldn’t mind getting a little apple bun myself. Do you think you can get a sample for me?”
Pinkie Pie stared in horror at Mrs. Cake, then her eyes rolled up into her head as she toppled over and fainted onto her bed.
“Pinkie!” Mrs. Cake cried. She darted to the side of the bed and shook Pinkie. “Are you alright?”
Pinkie snapped upright, and slowly looked to the corner of the room. “No. I’m not okay, because it’s time…” she said gravely.
“No… NO! Anything but that! Not ‘that-thing-of-unspeakable-uses’!”
Pinkie sadly shook her head. “Twilight planned a party without me. This can’t go unanswered. There’s no other option.” Mrs. Cake backed out the room, quivering. She saw Pinkie switch the device on. She closed the door and never spoke of what she saw.
The Unimpressible and Unflappable Trixie sat in the middle of Twilight’s foyer, definitely not gawking at the crystal decor or the vast real estate her former rival now commanded. “C’mon, Trixie! This is going to be fun! I’ve got cookies!”
“Cookies…?” Trixie asked, her voice echoing off the crystalline walls.
“Yeah, cookies! I hope they’re not too… um… risqué.” Twilight blushed as she presented Trixie with a tray of cookies. They were in the shape of flanks, hearts, and socks.
“Trixie is eating for two.” With a casual use of her magic, Trixie took a flank-shaped cookie and bit into it with a shrug. “Not bad.”
The grand double doors opened. Fluttershy and Rarity trotted inside, with Rainbow Dash hovering over them. “Alright, it’s party time! We’re not late, are we?” Dash asked. Each pony carried a gift on their back.
“No, you’re right on time,” Twilight replied. “Let’s get into the ballroom, I have everything set up there!” She led the group through the castle, the tray of cookies levitating beside her.
Trixie tilted her head at Twilight. “How many ponies did you invite?”
Twilight shrugged. “Only my five closest friends.”
“Isn’t a ballroom too large for seven ponies?”
Twilight shook her head. “Not really. We’re only using the spare ballroom.”
“S-Spare ballroom?” Trixie asked, incredulous. Just how big was this castle?
“Ta-da!” Twilight opened the double doors at the end of a short hallway. A ballroom, large enough for a small wedding (maybe Trixie could have the wedding here?) and festooned with colorful decorations, was on the other side.
Applejack stood on the far end of a long table, pouring punch into a large crystal bowl. The rest of the hors d'oeuvres were already spread along the table’s length. She wiped her brow with a forehoof and sighed. “All finished, Twi. Jus’ in time, Ah reckon.”
“It looks wonderful, darling.” Rarity turned to Trixie and asked, “Isn’t this delightful?”
Trixie blinked away a tear and sniffed before replying, “Y-Yes, it’s… delightful. It’s been some time since Trixie had such a party with her… friends.” She tried to look away, but instead found herself looking at Fluttershy, hiding near her flank. “Um… Can Trixie help you?”
Fluttershy blushed. “Oh, well, um, could I… touch your belly?”
Trixie sighed, and said, “Go ahead. At least you asked before putting your hooves on Trixie like some hooligan.”
Fluttershy bit her lip to contain her excitement, and followed Trixie to the head of the table. Trixie sat in the high-backed, velvet-lined chair, and allowed Fluttershy to put a hoof and ear to her swollen stomach. “Oh, I think I feel something. I wish I’d brought my stethoscope with me so I could listen to the foal’s heartbeat.” Fluttershy stood and smiled at Trixie. “What’s the foal’s name?”
Trixie blushed, and replied, “Trixie hasn’t decided. Trixie doesn’t know if it’s a filly or a colt.”
“Blah-blah-blah, I wanna get my party on!” Dash said. She snatched a bottle from a bucket of ice and popped the cork with a “Woo-hoo!” Bubbly champagne sprayed halfway down the table, and the cork smacked into Twilight’s head hard enough to stun her. Dash blushed, then busied herself with filling glass flutes and whistling as if nothing happened.
Twilight rubbed her head and looked around the table. “Say, where’s Pinkie Pie? I thought she’d love to be at a party like this.”
“I was wondering the same thing. Did you consult her when you planned this?” Rarity asked her.
Twilight shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”
Rarity bit her lip and sucked in a breath. “That might not go over so well with her.”
Twilight shrugged. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. She doesn’t have to plan every party, does she?” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “Well, I’m sure she’ll show up soon. Let’s have a toast— to Trixie and Big Mac!” Everypony looked to her and nodded. They all raised their glasses and clinked them together. Most took a big sip of champagne. Rarity drained her glass. Everypony smiled as the color went to their cheeks....
...Except for Trixie, who closed her eyes in anticipation of one of her favorite drinks, and only sucked in air. She opened her eyes and found all of the alcohol in her glass flowed out in Twilight’s magic, and back towards the bottle, where Rarity intercepted it. She glared at her empty glass, then at Twilight, and said, “Trixie supposes she’s not going to get any of that Feta or Ricotta, either.”
Applejack looked up from across the table, her mouth stuffed with crackers and ricotta, gulped, and smirked. Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Trixie. You’ll have lots of fun anyway with—”
KA-BOOM!
“—Your last party as a single mare!” Pinkie’s voice boomed over her party cannon. Everypony looked around, in every direction, away from the table. Confetti rained down around them. They couldn’t see Pinkie anywhere. “Are you ready to par-tay?!” Pinkie asked, her voice directly behind them.
Everypony looked back to the table to see Pinkie standing on a disco ball, hanging low from the ceiling. The lighting softened, and the mirrored ball reflected flashes of light, illuminating Pinkie’s shining, white, toothy smile. Rarity swallowed her drink and asked, “How did you get—”
Trixie clapped her hooves together. “Oh, this looks promising.”
“Wow, what a way to make an entrance, Pinkie,” Twilight said mildly. She circled around the table to Trixie, offering her more cookies.
Pinkie scoffed, and in one swift motion, bucked the tray across the hall. It clanged against the floor, spraying cookie crumbs everywhere. “Those aren’t bachelorette cookies! These are bachelorette cookies!” Pinkie exclaimed, as she produced a new tray in front of Trixie and set it down.
Rarity giggled, Twilight gasped, Fluttershy blushed. “P-Pinkie! These are—”
“Delicious!” Trixie exclaimed with a cookie shaped like ‘a-particular-bit-of-stallion-specific-anatomy’ in her mouth. “It tastes a bit nutty.”
Fluttershy blushed harder at Trixie’s comment. Rarity giggled again, and took a cookie as she finished off her drink. Dash smiled devilishly, took a cookie, and said, “Okay, this is gonna get interesting.”
“It’s your party, time for some music!” Pinkie cried as she hopped onto the table and pulled on the disco ball’s wire like she was ringing a bell. A drum set and guitar landed right in front of her in a shower of balloons and confetti. Everypony sat, mouths agape.
Pinkie clapped her drumsticks together three times, pounded out a beat with her hind hooves, and played both the drums, guitar, and vocals all at the same time. How she did this with just four limbs should have been impossible, yet, she did so flawlessly.
Pinkie started with a bombastic beat and followed it up with some hard guitar chords before she sang the first verse.
Step Inside, walk this way
You and me babe, hey, hey!
Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on
Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition mare, can I be your stallion?
Razzle ‘n’ a dazzle ‘n’ a flash a little light!
The disco ball flashed beams of light across the faces of all the mares. Everypony except Twilight broke out in a cheer.
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah!
Hey!
C’mon, take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up!
Pinkie’s tempo seemed to get faster as the music rose to a crescendo in the first chorus. Twilight pouted at her crumbled cookies, while the rest of the mares cheered with laughter. Rarity, Dash, and Applejack raised their glasses in salute and drained them.
Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C’mon, fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can’t get enough!
Trixie blushed, but continued to cheer. Pinkie played her bass loud enough to vibrate the entire castle.
I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet, yeah!
Pinkie grinned wide with her little crowd, when the double doors at the end of the hall burst open. “FREEZE!”
The music stopped, and everypony lost their smile. A pair of earth pony police stallions trotted inside, badges flashing. Twilight put her forelegs in the air and cried, “We’re sorry! We’ll keep it down! I haven’t even finished closing escrow on this place, please don’t file a noise complaint!”
One of the police stallions trotted up to her and snorted. “I don’t care who owns the place. Whose party is this?”
Twilight’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t care…?”
“It’s her party!” Pinkie cried, pointing at Trixie.
The two stallions circled around the table and stood on either side of Trixie, who seemed to shrink in her seat. “So you’re to blame…” said the first stallion, a tan specimen, with rippling muscles that strained his uniform.
The second, a yellow stallion with a shining coat, stood behind Trixie’s seat and pulled her forelimbs behind the chair. “You’re under arrest!”
“Wh-what?” Twilight gasped.
“IN THE NAME OF LOVE!” said the first stallion. He tore off his uniform, which had strategically placed velcro for just such an action. Underneath, he wore long socks up past his hocks, a black bow tie, and a tight, tiger-striped thong.
Trixie and the rest of the ponies burst into laughter as the ‘policestallion’ turned and shoved his muscular rump into Trixie’s face. Flexing and gyrating his hips, he displayed his ample muscles, and swished his tail. Trixie tried to slap him on his rear, but she couldn’t move her forelimbs. The second stallion leaned close to her ear and whispered, “Nope, you’ve gotta use your lips.”
Laughing hysterically, Trixie leaned forward and buried her muzzle under the stallion’s tail. He made and ‘oh’ expression, and widened his legs just a bit, as he continued to show off. Pinkie leaned down to Twilight, who had her mouth hanging open. “Game, set, and match. That’s how you throw a bachelorette party,” she whispered with a smug smirk.
“BWA-HAH-HA! How crude, and how fun!” Rarity cried, swaying a bit in her seat.
“Uh-oh,” said the first stallion. He looked over his shoulder at the other. “Officer Hardwood, I think this mare is guilty too. I’m too busy with this naughty bachelorette. You’re a public servant, go service her!”
Rarity blushed furiously, even deeper than Fluttershy, as ‘Officer Hardwood’ released Trixie and sashayed up to Rarity. “I’ll show you crude!” he said, as he too tore off his uniform. He wore only hind socks, a black thong, and a bow tie. Trixie, giggling the entire time, put both of her forehooves on the officer ‘arresting’ her, and ran them down his flanks, stripping his hind socks off. Pinkie started up the music again.
Hardwood put both forehooves on Rarity’s chair back and leaned into her, putting his ample ‘equipment’ in her face. Rarity looked petrified as he pumped his pelvis at her. “HA-HA-HA!” Trixie roared with laughter. “This is way too much fun. Bravo, Miss Pie.”
Pinkie grinned and continued playing.
Listen! Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little mare in a one-stallion show
Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up!
“C’mon, Fluttershy. You know you want to!” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. Fluttershy blushed, and averted her eyes. Dash took Fluttershy’s hoof, jerked her forward, and slapped Hardwood’s flank with it. Hardwood shifted back, putting his jiggling flank into the air. “See? No problem!”
Fluttershy hopped back with a squeak. “Oh… oh my…” she mumbled behind the deep blush in her face. Her sheepish grin could still be seen in the soft disco ball light.
You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little
Tease a little more
Easy operator come a knockin' on my door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss innocent sugar me, yeah, yeah
Give a little more!
Trixie now had her entertainer facing her, with his sock in her hooves, wrapped around his barrel, while she giggled like a school filly. Applejack stood nearby, cheering, when he put a forelimb around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Uhhh, mmmmhhh—!” Applejack’s words were buried as the stallion planted a passionate looking kiss on her surprised lips.
Trixie pouted. “Hey, this is my bachelorette party; I thought I was under arrest?”
The stallion released Applejack and raise an eyebrow at Trixie. “Dang, you’re right. I might have to call for back-up! Hang in there, Hardwood. I’m gonna have to get down and dirty with this one!”
Applejack stumbled back, blushing, and barked a laugh. “Ha! I’m fine, don’t mean nothin’.” She took her hat off and fanned herself with it, breathing hard.
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can't get enough!
Twilight shook her head. “No pony is going to enjoy this. A bride should never cheat on her spouse-to-be! Pinkie, what have you done?”
Dash roared with laughter. “I don’t think Trixie is the one you should worry about, Egghead!” Dash pointed at Rarity.
Twilight turned to see Rarity, breathless, hairs in her mane out of place, with a deep blush in her cheeks. She had Hardwood’s flank wiggling in her face, his tail wrapped around her neck, and her forehooves fumbling over his rump. And she had his bow tie dangling in her smiling mouth. Twilight couldn’t help but notice the six empty glasses near Rarity.
Pinkie threw her drumsticks over their heads. “THANK YOU! GOODNIGHT!”
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
1,043 users online
194,941 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Bwahaha!!
Your killing me here! We need more back up!
You know, I just realized something. If this foal was conceived while Trixie was under the influence of the Alicorn Amulet, would it be affected somehow? Would it have absurdly powerful magic or even possibly be insane?
Not gonna lie, Sparkle. This is how you run a bachelorette party. You're the Princess of Friendship, not Fine Tunes and Good Times.
This is like a train wreck that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
and I don't want it to stop
In my (limited mind you) experience I've never heard of the word "eye" sounding any different than "I" in any accent, so I can't for the life of me see why you have Granny saying "eye" rather than "I"...
I need to know the name of the song and Pinkie's number so she can plan my future barchelorette party
6889192
Ahh, my mistake. I thought you were talking about the comics again. That was where the first Luna Mac shipping started, if I understand right.
Suddenly Trixie forgot all about Mac's flank.
A classic though you'd think with them being named all the time it wouldnt work
6888943
I'm pretty sure all new parents suffer the breastfeeding talk from SOMEONE. Seriously, where do these yahoos all get their information from?
6889939
That would be "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard (Pinkie's version got a little ponified.)
6889278 You're right. How come that didn't occur to me?
Maybe because of no Tragedy tag.
Besides, Twilight would have had a heart attack if Spike saw those 'police stallion perform'.
6890146 Do they ever?
The knife held in Trixie’s aura flew across the room and stuck blade-first into the wall a mere hair above Applejack’s hat.
With a yelp, Applejack scampered out of the room, holding her hat to her head. “More like ya got some powerful crazy in yer belly,” she mumbled darkly.
Oh my God you could have killed somebody with that
Lol of course Twilight would be very excited when it comes to organize