Life is full of ups and downs. It is like this for everypony and Scootaloo is no exception.
After one very bad "down", something particularly horrible, Scootaloo is in dire need of comfort and aid.
And just as she wishes for it, this comfort comes through Rainbow Dash, her big sister and idol. The pony she can always count on and who will always help her, even in her darkest hour.
To cheer her little sister up and give her new confidence, Rainbow Dash teaches Scootaloo one important lesson, the most important lesson a pony can learn:
No matter how dark it is around you, the sun always shines.
Initial idea (Rainbow Dash comforting Scootaloo) and the title came from Vanilla Mocha, whom I've taken this fic over from. Cover picture belongs to LinksLove.
Author, you knocked this out of the park. Well done. There were quite a number of things I liked about this story, and only one thing that distracted from my enjoyment.
I really liked your portrayal of the grieving process. When something similar to this story happened to me, I didn't question why it happened or how life could be so unfair. My biggest question was "Why are other people going about their lives like nothing's happened?" My world had suddenly stopped, and I didn't understand why everyone else was so determined to carry on like nothing happened. Scootaloo's internal thoughts and musings were also well done. In a state like hers, everything hurts. Being surrounded by those who care hurts, but being alone hurts. Being awake to face the world hurts, but being asleep also hurts.
Your scene-setting at the beginning and end of the story were also fantastic. You spent enough time describing the scenery with show-rather-than-tell adjectives and description that I was able to immerse and just enjoy the literary view. I tip a hat to you.
That said, there were some bits at the start that almost broke immersion. Some of your sentences were awkwardly constructed, or appeared to be fragments. This one stuck out:
These sentences would work as one long sentence without becoming a run-on.
Once again, awesome job. Have an upvote.
Wow, that was beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss. :( This story really captured those emotions of vulnerability and conflict. Thank you for sharing. :)
Very Good! Great Job!
That twist with Rainbow Dash is something I didn't see coming. Bravo.
This is so sad... Good story!
8753295
I think no words, no matter how creative, could describe how happy it makes me to read this. After having a mostly horrible year for writing with 2017, I feel like my writing skill has decreased drastically again from where it was when I wrote "Princess Flurry Heart, Destroyer of Worlds!" and "Aunt Millie", so seeing that I apparently did something right here is a boost for the confidence.
This gives me hope that my skill hasn't decreased as much as I think it did, so, thank you for this!
Sentence construction was, and still is, one of my weak points and something I am struggling with a lot, especially as someone who isn't a native english speaker. More often than not, a sentence sounds completely right to me, just for readers and other authors who are more experienced than me to point out that a sentence is structured in a weird way or that a word is at the wrong place in the sentence.
This is the toughest thing to overcome, but I will continue to work on that.
However, in this case, the fragmentation is intentional. This sentence, as well as probably the others that almost broke your immersion, were originally the long sentences you adviced me to have. But when I read over them, they sounded unfitting for what I was going with in this story.
Having them fragmented and reducing the tempo of the fic that way is something that conveys this typical feeling after the death of a loved one, how everything feels slow like time itself has become slowed down, so I found this to be a more fitting style choice.
I can see your point and understand how long sentences increase immersion, but I think a slower narrative style can work just as well, granted that it's used for the right kind of stories and in order to create a specific mood.
8753488
Thank you! The inspiration for all of this came from a single, blurry memory that resurfaced, specifically, my feelings after the death of a beloved pet that happened way in the past, so I was able to transport these feelings into this story.
8753714
Thanks!
8755289
Thank you for the generous praise. In hindsight, this is something I could have concealed even more to make the twist more effective if I would have worked on this fic longer, but then I wouldn't have been able to release it on this fateful day. So I'm glad to hear that you still felt about it this way and didn't see the twist coming.
8755826
Thank you! In case you should have any desire to translate this one into russian, too, just go ahead! This goes for all of my stories, regardless of release date.
8761376
You’re welcome!
8761350
As someone who is a native English speaker, and has dabbled in learning a smattering of other languages, I will be the first to admit that our language makes no sense to me. For every rule we make, it seems, there are dozens of exceptions that we're expected to memorize. Consider the following:
i67.tinypic.com/2qxuidg.jpg
Then there's the differences in writing style that are required for academics, novels, children's stories, scripts, etc. I certainly don't blame you for struggling with English, and applaud your ability in wielding it as effectively as you do.
I do understand using short sentence stutters to further convey the character's state of mind, but in that case I'd prefer to read shorter sentences rather than fragments. An example might be "Here, Scootaloo knew, she could cry as much as she wanted. Nopony lived near here, so nopony would hear her cries and come to investigate." Slightly clinical, perhaps, but it conveys close to the same thing as what you wrote.
One final note: I was looking for another site that illustrates how wacky the English language's rules can be, and accidentally discovered another useful site: Why Ghoti = Fish.
8761445
I had to think for a while about the example you've given me here. While I see that the sentence is correct, I'm not completely comfortable with writing it like that in this story. It sounds stiff and rather cold for the type of story I was going for here, so I fear it wouldn't fit the style of it.
However, as I explained when I was saying that I have decided for a slower narrative here to fit the mood, different styles of a sentence fit to different types of stories. I can see such a clinical-sounding sentence work very well for a horror fic or perhaps a thriller, where you aim for a very dark, depressive style of writing, so I might have some use for that in the future.
Thanks for that example and for the link, this adds another source for me to learn better english grammar!
8898559
This is hilarious to me. I'm rather weak against horror and suspense, so the idea that my example brought that genre to mind makes me laugh.
How about something like the following, for the same excerpt: "Here, Scootaloo knew, she could cry as much as she wanted. It was perfect. Nopony lived near here. Nopony would hear her cries and come to investigate. Nopony would care."
8898999
This sounds about the same to me. Maybe a bit weaker in atmosphere, because those are so many short sentences, but still pretty much the same tone.
Maybe you should consider writing horror instead of reading it?^^
It's on my mind almost constantly.^^ I love the horror genre and would like to write a lot of fics like that in the future. Unfortunately, I don't get many horror ideas, I only have a few among my more than hundred fic ideas. And the closest I've written to a thriller is Black Mail, almost three years ago, I don't get many ideas there either.
Strange, isn't it? I love the horror genre so much, but my mind barely generates any ideas of that kind.
9540212
Thank you.^^ It stings a bit to receive such a praise today of all days, after just announcing my departure from ponyfics..... I'll likely not write something so emotional again with that.
Thanks for showing interest!
But I'm happy you like it and that I could move you. You might be my last new follower here, but that makes this follow all the more important and I will always remember your name.
9540586
I am very sad, too, and I wasn't aware myself, until a few days ago. But it's only me who leaves. My stories won't go anywhere. I have written 32 stories (34 after my last two releases later today) and you're invited to read all of them. I will never hide them, it's a legacy I'll leave behind here.
9540606
Thank you. I hope that they will still find many readers who love them.