Vinyl and Octavia Rob a Casino

by DoctorSpectrum

Chapter Two: Scoping a Joint and Jointing a Scope

“Vinyl, what is that you are doing?” sighed Octavia. It was a warm Manehattan evening, and she had been about to enter the front door of Or Die Trying before noticing her marefriend learning against the door, fiddling with something in her hooves.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing,” said Vinyl idly, briefly looking up at Octavia before resuming her work. Unlike Octavia, who was wearing a sleek red dress to blend in at the casino, Vinyl was wearing naught but a loosened tie. Although the unicorn would have argued that it made her look sophisticated, if anything it made her look as though her day job stressed her out.

“If this is some sort of silly idea that jeopardises the mission –”

“Hay, this is important!” protested Vinyl. “It’s my job! And besides, I’m nearly done.”

“Please just tell me what you’re doing so that we can put this nonsense behind us and start the mission,” Octavia pleaded.

Rolling her eyes, Vinyl decided to comply. “Check it!” she said enthusiastically, raising the item she had been fiddling with. “Looks pretty good, eh?”

Octavia squinted at the item, wondering where she’d seen it for a few moments, before realising what it was. Not that it helped her to discover what Vinyl had been doing, or what its relevance was. “Vinyl, you know I love you very dearly and that I would rather summon Azathoth, the most insane and powerful of the Elder Gods, into my own stomach than doubt and question you, but nevertheless… why do you have a scope from one of our crossbows? What are you doing with it?”

“It’s simple!” Vinyl had had her trademark purple glasses resting above her horn as she had been fiddling with the scope, but as she spoke she flipped them down so that they covered her eyes. “Serpent Superior said that I’ll probably be the hacker for this one, right?”

Octavia grimaced, not seeing where this was going but immediately knowing that it couldn’t be anywhere good. “Yeeesss…?”

“So I was jointing it!” Vinyl said, as though that explained everything.

“Is that even a word?”

“Because if I, like, make it so that I can sharpen the scope, I can use it as an emergency weapon if my other hacking tools are taken down!” Vinyl continued. “Hence – jointing it, so that I can sharpen it next!”

“…I think that you’ve mistaken the meaning of the word ‘hacker’, but I’m beyond arguing at this point,” said Octavia. “Let’s get inside the casino and get this scene over with.”

“Cool!” said Vinyl, tucking away the scope somewhere and entering the casino with Octavia. “What are we doing in this scene?”

“You mean you didn’t read the script?” Octavia asked, frowning slightly.

“…No?” Vinyl said hesitantly.

“Oh good, neither did I,” said Octavia. “Serpent Superior said that he’d lost the scripts – again – but told me that for this scene, we need to find a way down to the basement, where the guards and staff are. Apparently, in this scene we’re scoping out the casino’s systems and finding out what’s down there.”

“Alrighty, let’s get cracking then!” said Vinyl. She and Octavia casually made their way around the casino, looking for stairs or some other means of heading down a level. Serpent Superior had explained to the duo that he had managed to acquire floor plans of the casino from when it was built, years ago, but that they needed to check to see where guards were and whether there had been any modifications to the structure since then.

As could be expected of the current most popular casino in Manehattan, it was very upper-class. The floors were all covered by a soft blue carpet, and every twenty metres or so there were guards, silently observing the world through their sunglasses. Tonight didn’t seem particularly busy for gamblers, but as Vinyl and Octavia walked past games of baccarat, poker, blackjack, roulette, and many more, they nevertheless saw plenty of ponies engaged in the games.

“You see anything yet?” Octavia asked Vinyl quietly as the two pretended to watch an older mare play a few rounds on a slot machine.

Vinyl shook her head. “No. It looks like the floor plans are still accurate – whilst there are several staircases leading up to the bar and restaurant floor, the only way into the basement is via that elevator in the corner.” Vinyl nodded towards a guard, standing as vigilant as his job demanded.

“Agreed,” muttered Octavia, moving in closer to Vinyl to mask her words further from any eavesdroppers – not that she would have objected to moving closer in to Vinyl either way. “Any ideas on how to get past the guard?”

“Plenty,” said Vinyl, grinning, “most of them devious. But first of all, how about we play at least one game? It might look suspicious if we don’t try at least one, y’know?”

“Certainly,” agreed Octavia, “although that being said, who do we have to fear getting suspicious? I assume that all of the guards here are other actors, and the other gamblers extras.”

Vinyl shrugged. “I know, but Serpent Superior always says to act as though we’re not actors in a film. I figure we go along with it and it means we get bigger paychecks.”

Octavia thought over Vinyl’s justification for a moment, then nodded. “Agreed,” she said. “Now, what casino game would you like to play?”

Vinyl looked over the room for a moment before something caught her eye. “Follow me,” she said. The two mares crossed the floor and walked over to a table.

“What game is this?” asked Octavia. There were two other ponies sitting at the table, but there were no cards or other items on the table, aside from each ponies’ individual piles of chips. There was a dealer, but he didn’t appear to be doing anything.

“What, you’ve never heard of roulette before?” Vinyl asked Octavia. She had purchased some chips upon entering the casino, and placed a few forwards onto the table.

“Stallions and mares, with the minimum number of ponies acquired, we are ready to begin,” said the dealer.

“Yes, but doesn’t roulette generally require…roulette?” Octavia asked, slightly confused. “And a ball? And, and numbers?” As she spoke, the dealer reached under the table for something.

“Normal roulette does, yes,” said Vinyl, “but we’re playing with the special expansion pack–” At this, the dealer found what he was looking for below the table: a crossbow “­- Russian Edition!”

“Y-you’re playing Russian Roulette?” Octavia asked nervously. She looked at the crossbow as the dealer placed it upon the table. Whilst it looked similar to the ones she and Vinyl used as COBRA Agents, in that pressing the trigger would presumably fire a laser, there was some sort of modification on the barrel – a small cylinder.

“Should be fun, yes?” asked Vinyl. “I hear that playing it’s to die for, and that there’s only a one-in-six chance of the laser firing.” As she spoke, the first pony at the table picked up the crossbow and spun the cylinder upon the barrel, which clicked as it rotated. Once it had stopped, he levitated it with his telekinesis, and aimed it at his forehead “Or wait, was that a one-in-six chance of the laser not firing?” Vinyl wondered aloud.

There was a small clicking noise. The stallion had squeezed the trigger telekinetically, but nothing had happened. He dropped the crossbow to the table, and politely slid it to the next pony on the table.

“So, any particular reason why I shouldn’t heroically tackle you to the ground and prevent you from playing this ridiculous game?” asked Octavia as the next player spun the cylinder upon the crossbow.

“Are you kidding?” Vinyl exclaimed. “The odds for this game are fifty thousand-to-one!” The current player was a pegasus, and as she was unable to fire the crossbow at herself, the dealer levitated it for her and aimed it at her head. “All I need to do is keep going until I’m the only player still in the game, and then we get more bits than we would ever need! We can, I dunno, donate them to charity or something.”

“And if you lose?” asked Octavia as the crossbow once again merely made a small clicking noise before being passed along – this time, to Vinyl.

“I dunno,” said Vinyl, spinning the cylinder, “I never really thought of the consequences of it.” She levitated the crossbow up to her face and, after hesitating for a few seconds, pulled the trigger.

PZZT!!

“Vinyl? Vinyl?!” Octavia shouted. Around the casino, a few ponies were looking over at the source of the noise, wondering what had just happened. The crossbow had, of course, fired a laser, which had hit Vinyl directly in the temple, infusing her skull with a plethora of high frequency photons.

“…Huh. Guess Or Die Trying buy their crossbows from the same place that COBRA do,” said Vinyl. There was a slight waft of smoke drifting from her face, but otherwise she looked completely unharmed.

“I should be less surprised by this, shouldn’t I?” said Octavia. Whilst her heart was still beating swiftly from her panic, she was already calming down as the logic of the situation kicked in: why would a casino switch from murdering its guests’ wallets to murdering the guests themselves? Most ponies who had initially looked over to the table were already over the experience, returning to play their games of chance.

“Madame loses first game, although she if she wishes to play again, she may wait for the next game,” said the dealer, raking Vinyl’s betted chips over to his side. The crossbow had already been passed back to the first player for their second round.

“Oh, come on!” exclaimed Vinyl. “You mean to say after all that, I lost-” she squinted at the chips that had just been removed “- two bits?! What a rip-off!”

Octavia sighed and began dragging Vinyl from the table. “Shall we get back to our actual mission now that you’ve had your fun?” she asked.

“Definitely,” said Vinyl, suddenly serious, “we’ll go see what we can do about getting into that elevator now.”

Octavia nodded in approval. “Sounds like a plan. And don’t call me Definitely.”

The two ponies approached the elevator. It was off to the side of the casino, and definitely wasn’t intended to draw any more than a few seconds of attention from the gamblers. As such, the guard standing in front of it immediately noticed Vinyl and Octavia, following their movements until they stood right before him. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“I’ll handle this, Octavia,” said Vinyl to her partner. To the guard, she said, “Hi there! What can you tell me about elevators?”

“They’re…used to traverse floors of a building quickly and with little muscle-work required by the ponies who use them,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “May I ask whom you two are?”

“Tell me more about muscle-work,” said Vinyl, ignoring the guard. To her side, Octavia cringed.

“It’s energy expended by the body in order for a pony to use their muscles,” said the guard. “Now, as I was asking-”

“I’m done asking about elevators,” said Vinyl. “What can you tell me about buildings?”

“I’m going to ask you this one more time, then we’re done,” said the guard. “Who are you two, and what do you want?”

Vinyl looked to Octavia, who shrugged and gave a look which clearly said You said you’d handle this. “We’re…elevator inspectors? And we need to inspect this elevator.”

The guard snorted. “Somehow I doubt that. Please step away from the elevator and return to your evening,” he said. “This elevator is off-limits to guests, and I’m here to make sure that it stays that way.”

To Octavia’s surprise, Vinyl nodded politely, and then stepped away from the elevator. Octavia found herself following the unicorn, unsure what they would do now. “Well, that didn’t work,” muttered Octavia bitterly. “What do you think we should-”

“Hi there! What can you tell me about elevators?”

Octavia spun around. Incredulously, Vinyl had returned to the elevator guard, who was already sighing in frustration.

“I told you already, and I- look, can you please just return to your evening?” the guard said. “There are some games here which I’m sure you and your companion will enjoy playing, and I can guarantee that you’ll have more fun doing that than attempting to explore the casino.”

“B-but – I-” Vinyl stammered.

“Please. Leave of your own will, or I will force you to leave.” The guard put a hoof on the crossbow at his side, his meaning transparent.

Dejected, Vinyl walked away from the guard and back to Octavia without even a word of protest. The two mares walked away from the elevator, Octavia making sure to keep an eye on Vinyl to ensure that she didn’t head back for a third attempt.

“What exactly was all that about?” asked Octavia once they were out of earshot of the guard.

“I-I don’t get it, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “I left conversation with him, but when I went back and talked to him again, he’d remembered what I’d said before! What’s up with that?”

Octavia sighed. “Remind me why I’m dating you, again?”

“Stockholm syndrome?”

“Sounds about right.”

===============================

Half an hour had passed since Vinyl’s attempt to bluff the elevator guard, but the ever-resourceful mare had already worked out a new infiltration plan. Realising that there was an additional floor for guests above the gaming floor – the restaurant and bar floor, which Octavia had mentioned earlier – Vinyl had headed up there to the area above the elevator, and now she – well…

“What do we do if the elevator moves?” Octavia asked Vinyl in a hushed voice. “Or worse, somepony discovers us here? We can’t bluff our way out of this one using your hilarious yet insane logic.”

“Please, Octavia, you’re overthinking things,” said Vinyl. “When was the last time you were travelling in an elevator and opened the ceiling panel to check for thieves brilliantly infiltrating from above?” She had been going down the cable she was holding hoof-by-hoof, but as she talked, she relaxed her grip somewhat, and shimmied down to the top of the elevator she had been descending to. “See?” Vinyl said. “Nopony noticed a thing!”

Octavia had still been descending slowly, but gaining a bit more of confidence from Vinyl’s actions, she released her grip and allowed her body to simply drop to the elevator. There was a loud THUD noise as she landed, which had Octavia tensing for a few moments before realising that she was safe.

“There we go! Just as I said, Operation: Enter the Elevator From A Floor Above By Breaking Down A Wall And Hoping Nopony Notices was a success!” Vinyl declared, telekinetically lifting a removable panel from the elevator. “We now have a way into the elevator, which is currently placed at the basement level of the casino, and from there, access to the basement of the casino.”

“I must say, Vinyl, in spite of your somewhat…unique….worldview at times, you are quite the intelligent mare at times,” said Octavia, leaping down into the elevator. “It’s almost enough to balance out your more outlandish moments.”

“Aargh!” shouted Vinyl. “Talking giant horse!”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Vinyl, I know you’re –”

“-hot for you?” finished Vinyl, dropping down from the ceiling. She hung onto the edge with her back legs, so that she was dangling upside-down before Octavia, and kissed the grey mare. A moment later, she allowed the rest of her body to drop down into the elevator. “Damn straight.”

Octavia blushed slightly, before reciprocating Vinyl’s needs by kissing the unicorn on the cheek. “What do we do now?” she asked, gesturing towards the elevator doors.

“Well, there’s only two ways to find out what’s behind these doors,” said Vinyl, grinning and raising her eyebrows.

“…How about we settle for the option that doesn’t end in us breaking the timestream with your time travel spell?” asked Octavia.

“Bah!” said Vinyl, hitting the button labelled B1 with a hoof. “You never let me have any fun.” The doors silently opened.

Cautiously looking out the elevator, Octavia saw a nondescript concrete corridor, lit by luminescent crystals every few metres. There were no guards that she could see, although there could be any amount of them behind the myriad number of doors along the corridor. Both ends of the corridor ended in a corner, continuing the underground path.

“Well?” asked Vinyl.

“Nothing out there,” said Octavia. She slowly moved out of the elevator and pressed herself against a wall. “Still, this is a sneaking mission, so remember that we have to use stealth at all times.”

Vinyl smirked. “Tactical espionage actions, eh?”

“I was thinking more operations myself, but otherwise, yes,” confirmed Octavia. She shuffled along the wall. “Now, let’s see what’s in this first room.”

Vinyl nonchalantly opened the door with her telekinesis, not even attempting to be stealthy. “It – it looks like a break room or something,” she said. “There’s a few tables and chairs, a fridge, some tea; stuff like that.”

Octavia nodded. “Sure. Next door.” The grey Earth pony shuffled along the wall, with Vinyl walking causally next to her. “This looks like… a changing room?” Vinyl suggested. “What with all of the lockers and stuff. Hay, would it be immoral to steal from the employees of the –”

“Quiet!” said Octavia.

Vinyl frowned. “Was that another reference, or-?”

In response, Octavia grabbed the mare and pulled her into the room, closing the door immediately behind them. She put her ear to the door, listening intently for whatever it was that was out in the corridor.

“Um…are you okay, Octav-?”

“Quiet!” repeated Octavia, holding a hoof up. Vinyl complied, confused as she was as to what was happening, before a voice drifted through the door.

“…thank you once more for the security codes,” came a voice. If Vinyl had to describe it, she would say that it sounded as though Octavius, Octavia’s male alternate universe counterpart, was putting on a different voice – like Vinyl’s marefriend’s dimensionally-displaced equivalent, this voice was refined and implied that the speaker came from an upper class background. And yet, at the same time, in spite of the similarities, there was something different about the voice – much more grounded, as though the speaker were used to speaking on equal terms with ponies of a lower status than himself.

Wow, that was a lot of analysis to make from a few words, thought Vinyl, right as the speaker continued.

“Although that being said, there is no reason to break from the usual security plan,” said the voice. “Plans are in place for a reason, and if you were to give me to plans whilst I was on the gaming floor in the future, as per usual, I would appreciate it. Breaking away from pre-set plans only results in security flaws for criminals and other ne’er-do-wells to exploit.”

“Of course, Royale,” said a new voice. Octavia breathed in sharply. “I- it won’t happen again.”

The refined voice chuckled. “No need to apologise, Sparkling Shield. Just a friendly piece of advice. After all, I donate all of the profits from this casino to charity, and I’d hate for those poor orphans to miss out on a month of food because somepony slipped through the gaps.” Neither Vinyl nor Octavia could see Royale through the door, but they both instinctively knew that his eyes were twinkling as he spoke that sentence. “Anyway, I’ll be heading upstairs for dinner now – I hope the rest of your shift is a good one.”

“Yes sir!” replied the second voice. “Thank you, and same to you! I-I mean, I hope the rest of your evening i-is-”

Sparkling Shield’s words were drowned out by another one of Royale’s chuckles, which in turn were soon replaced by the sound of hooves trotting away. It was less than a minute before Vinyl and Octavia heard the ding! of the elevator opening, taking Royale away from the basement.

”Well, that Royale certainly seems like a character,” said Octavia, after checking to make sure that the coast was clear.

“I know, right?” said Vinyl. “Telling that guard to have a good shift, and donating to charity, and, and…” Her voice trailed off. “Man, it sure is a good thing that we’re only in a film, or I’d feel really bad about robbing somepony like Royale. Who’s playing him in this one, anyway?”

“According to Serpent Superior, the stallion is playing himself,” Octavia replied. She opened the door a crack, looked out it, and then tactically espionage actioned herself out of the room and against a wall again, opposite the door she had just exited. “He sounds quite generous, being willing to not only donate to charity, but to also find the time to star in our films.”

Vinyl nodded. “What a nice pony,” she agreed. The two mares continued down the passage and to the corner, where looking down the next corridor, they could see a group of heavily armoured stallions standing before a large metal door. Thankfully, the distance between them was great enough that the guards wouldn’t be able to identify the two COBRA operatives as intruders.

“What do you think they’re guarding?” asked Octavia, pressing herself into the corner. “Do you think that’s the casino vault?”

“Hmm, lemme get a closer look,” muttered Vinyl, acquiring a pair of binoculars from Celestia-knows-where. Putting them to her eyes, she said, “Looks like there’s three – no, four – guards there in front of that door. They’re all armed with crossbows, and unlike our crappy things, theirs are loaded with bolts.”

Octavia grimaced, and then gestured for Vinyl to continue.

“Behind that door, which - aside from being big and heavy - doesn’t seem to be anything fancy, there’s a second door, locked and seemingly impenetra- no, wait, there’s some sort of control panel for it. I guess that’s what Royale received the code to earlier,” Vinyl described.

“Wait a minute – where did you get those binoculars?” Octavia asked, frowning.

“COBRA Trooper standard equipment,” said Vinyl absentmindedly, twiddling a dial on it slightly as she spoke. “Am I the only pony who uses it? Anyway, beyond the second door is another room, this one with a laser grid covering everything – presumably to raise an alarm or scorch the unlucky pony who walks into it.” Vinyl paused for a moment. “Huh. And it looks like the laser grid randomly rearranges its positioning every…five seconds or so.”

“What’s past the laser grid?” Octavia asked, fully enthralled in Vinyl’s description by now.

“Looks like we’re in luck – on the other side of the laser grid is what I’m guessing is the door to the casino’s vault,” said Vinyl.

“Give me those; I want a look,” said Octavia, snatching Vinyl’s binoculars without asking. “Let’s see what this vault door looks – hey!” she protested. “Why are there two pictures of me stuck to the inside of the binoculars’ lenses? Where did you even get these?”

“So I can have a good look at you whenever I want, baby,” said Vinyl, not missing a beat. “And you let me take those photos, remember? For, uh, ‘recreational use’?”

“…Fair enough,” said Octavia. She shook the binoculars slightly, and tried fiddling with the dial as Vinyl had. “I don’t suppose you weren’t making all of those things up just now? Do these have an actual setting to see through walls and whatnot?”

“Hmm? Oh, that,” said Vinyl. “Nah, I was just going with the sorta cool measures that a heist movie should have, y’know? I figure Serpent Superior can write them into the script, and we’ve already got this scene filmed – somehow – so hey presto! Less filming to be done!”

“You are adorable, you know that, right?” asked Octavia, going up close to Vinyl and nuzzling her. In response, the unicorn blushed and giggled, somewhat uncharacteristically for her. Octavia passed Vinyl back her binoculars as she said, “Well, if Serpent Superior is willing to consider that a passable enough survey of the casino and is willing to write your defences into the script, it looks as though we’re done here.”

“Bitching!” exclaimed Vinyl enthusiastically. The two ponies began walking back to the elevator, ready to leave the basement, and shortly afterwards, the casino itself.

“So let’s see,” began Octavia, “in order to break into the vault, COBRA will need somepony physically strong and skilled at martial arts to defeat the guards, somepony suave enough to manipulate Royale into giving them the codes to the second door, and somepony with great enough magical proficiency to shut down the laser system.”

“I think I know the ponies already,” said Vinyl, grinning mischievously. “Serpent Superior, Tomax, and Xamot!” Seeing the look Octavia gave her, she frowned in confusion. “No?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of…ourselves,” said Octavia. “We may only be COBRA Troopers, but we’re both responsible and mature enough for a mission of this calibre-”

“BWAHAHAHAHA!”

“- and we have the skills necessary for at least two of those three tasks,” continued Octavia, rolling her eyes at Vinyl. “Although I suppose that Serpent Superior can do at least one of them, seeing as how he’s our boss.”

“Why would Serpent Superior place us on the mission?” Vinyl asked. “We’re both just two ordinary Troopers; faceless and indistinguishable from the rest of the crowd.”

“I don’t hear you complaining about that,” said Octavia.

“Nope!” agreed Vinyl. “The less time we’re being noticed by the boss, the more time I can spend with my binoculars!”

“You’re one of a kind, Vinyl,” said Octavia, smirking. “Anyway, to answer your question as to why we would be chosen for the mission – we’re both that rare mix of expendable and invincible that makes for a perfect employee.”

“Are you talking about us playing ourselves in-universe in the COBRA films, or ourselves as actors?” asked Vinyl. “It’s doing my head in keeping track of what is film-related and what isn’t at COBRA.”

Octavia nodded in agreement. “I swear, sometimes if it weren’t for the fact that we were literally recruited off the street, I would assume that COBRA really was the terrorist organisation they portray. Nopony ever seems to break character, and they – oh, look! We’ve arrived at the elevator.”

Vinyl frowned. “It seemed to take us a lot longer to get to the elevator from that corner than it took us to get to the corner from the elevator,” she observed, looking behind her as if to check whether the corridor had grown in length.

“It’s deceptively long,” said Octavia, shrugging. “Be a dear and push the call button, will you?” she asked.

“Pushing things is my third favourite verb to do to things!” said Vinyl, enthusiastically pressing the button. “Right after licking and –”

“Do I want to hear the rest of that sentence?” asked Octavia.

“Nope!” said Vinyl, stepping into the elevator as it arrived. “Not that you couldn’t guess it, mind.”

“Heh. I love you, Vinyl,” said Octavia. She knelt down and allowed Vinyl to climb onto her back to reach the previously-removed elevator panel, which had apparently gone unnoticed by Royale when he went upwards in the elevator.

“So, what do we do now that we’ve scoped out the place?” Vinyl asked as she reached down to help pull Octavia up into the elevator shaft.

“Now, Vinyl?” asked Octavia. “Now...now we rob this joint.”

“Awesome!” said Vinyl. She stared at Octavia for a few moments. “I didn’t bring my crossbow,” she added bluntly.

“I love your literal-mindedness at times, Vinyl,” said Octavia, reaching out her front two hooves to the elevator cable and beginning to climb up the elevator shaft, “but you really do need to tone it down at times. How about…we go tell Serpent Superior what we’ve discovered, and then we’ll try and get this robbery shoot done within the next week?” Octavia suggested.

“Sounds good to me!” said Vinyl, who by now had begun following Octavia up the elevator shaft, albeit slightly slower than the other mare. “But what if there’s a schedule slip?”

Octavia shrugged, an impressive feat given where she was and what she was doing. “Then it’s just business as usual, I suppose.”

Comments

[Spirit Shift]

I swear, it annoys me too no end how little attention and comments this story, nay, this entire series gets despite being so good and funny.

[GoodVibes]

This just cracks me up every time!!!!