Happiness Is What You Make Of It

by Nameless Narrator

14

Drizzle mumbles something again, moves her head, pushes Stitches off of his riding place between my shoulder blades, and quietly giggles to herself. I shake to reposition the pegasus on my back so that she doesn't slide down easily, and pick Stitches up in my mouth.

Three alerted wardens quickly rush from their table towards me, Watchful among them. Good, spares me having to walk to them and ask where the pegasus' room is. Drizzle is light, pegasi always are due to their partially hollow bones allowing them to walk on clouds, but I am still shaky from this morning and in questionable physical state overall.

"What did you do to her-" a warden starts, but has Watchful's hoof shoved in his mouth soon enough, "-mhmm!" his tone is angry. I must admit the situation looks as if I did something bad to my cargo.

Wait... I did, but Stitches said she's just going to sleep for a while, and she did look tired.

"Yoo ar not supposd too speek wit yor mouth full," I give him a helpful hint as he squints at his plugged muzzle. The warden scowls to the chuckling of the other two.

"What happened here?" Watchful starts over, much less aggressively than the other one.

"Mees Dreezel wos reely hungree end traid to eet mai feis again wen shee wos dun wit her lunch. Shee got reely taird after shee took d peels end fell asleep wit full tummee. Ai tink shee exorcises too mush end eets too leetel. Shee ees sooper lite. Ai wonted too teik her too her room."

"We'll do that, don't worry-" the up to now silent warden starts, but Watchful pats his back, leans towards him, and whispers something to his ear, "Hmm? Old brickface isn't gonna like this, Watchful."

"Does she have to know?" Watchful winks at him, "Young Pyre is much more careful thanks to this guy. Maybe a simple kind word or two can help where psychology failed?"

The unsure warden rubs his chest. As his hoof displaces the unbuttoned warden shirt, I get a quick peek of scarred, pink, hairless skin. Did the pyromancer colt cause more accidents like with me?

"Besides," Watchful hammers the nail of persuasion further after examining our food trays and empty cups of pills, "Drizzle's just had her hormones so she won't be too crazy for the next hour or so and she'll sleep until her treatments. Plus, this guy has actually no idea what Drizzle is trying to do anyway," Watchful turns back to me, "Hey, Greyscale, is Drizzle a griffon?"

In light of today's revelations about her, I rethink my position on the maybe pegasus.

"Shee traid too eet mai cheeken befor even wen Ai deed not have uan. Shee sed mee, her, and joonior wud bee best frends. Ai tink shee meeses her baybee. Shee wonted too becum a stallien too, I dunno wai. Oh, end shee offered mee a job wit too weeks of vaycayshun. Den shee wonted to raid mee. HAH! Shee new dis wud happen end wonted mee to teik her houm."

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume some of it wasn't too precise," Watchful's eyes cross at my description and I almost feel his brain melt.

"You mean some of it WAS?" the second warden gives him a horrified stare.

"Doesn't matter," Watchful shakes his head, "Look, this guy is harmless. Drizzle has her collar so we'll know where she is whenever or if she's hurt, and if we let him do this we won't miss our 'meetings' while brickface is here. You know how she loves her long lunches."

A creepy smile spreads over the muzzles of the two other wardens.

"You sure the nurses are still up to it?" the rude warden asks, pulling the other two into a huddle all conspirators somehow know.

"Buddy, brickface keeps them on an even tighter leash than us. The ones having to stay here over the week ride the washing machines downstairs like every evening. She checks their bags for anything that would 'disturb them while they work' and keeps the things locked up in Lost and Found. Halfway through the week, the poor mares need this more than we do."

"Fine, but if anything happens, this was all your responsibility, Watchful, and we've never heard a thing. Okay?"

"Sure," Watchful turns around and gives me a wide smile, "Greyscale, I know you are a responsible pony, most of the time, so I'll let you do this to prove me right. Drizzle's room is 203, that means second floor, third room. Take this," he drops a piece of laminated paper on the table, "If somepony stops you, show it to them. Drizzle's room will open if you, screw this you'll work it out seeyoulaterbyebye-"

The warden trio hastily retreat through the cafeteria door. As I carry Drizzle at much slower pace, I recieve more curious stares. Even the more distrusting and alert wardens saw me talking ot three of them, so they don't interfere, assuming everything is alright.

A couple of breaks filled with gasping for breath later, I stand at the correct door. There is no keyhole, strangely enough, but when I turn around in front of it, the door beeps and Drizzle's collar blinks. Clicks like a key turning in a complex lock accompany the door opening. Drizzle's room is exactly the same as mine, only filled with modules I can barely recognize. There are stands with various weights, a yoga mat, a trapeze, even a short rope for climbing.

"Hehe, yoo laik painteenk too," I smile, passing by a familiar canvas stand, although one holding a detailed picture of a stallion. He has three hind legs, though, and a really big flank. I'm starting to think anatomy isn't Drizzle strongest side. Still better than my stick ponies, though.

I lower my back to the bed, and Drizzle rolls over onto it in a brief moment of partial clarity.

"Ah!" her forelegs grab me and pull me down as well. Drizzle starts licking my ear. It tickles.

"I'm going to love you, Greyscale, and do everything that comes along with it."

I freeze. That is not good. I don't know why, but everything inside me is against the idea. I am a cleaner. I don't want deserve anything like this. She can do better, and she WILL once she is cured and gets out. She will see her colt, she won't go to prison, and everything will be just fine.

"Yeah, right..." Stitches mutters.

"What did you just say, hmm?" the frog of Drizzle's hoof rubs my nose.

"Ai weel kees yoo again eef yoo stop trying too bee roumantick end seksee wit mee. Plees? Ai dun now wot to doo wit yoo but Ai now Ai shud not doo eet."

Her grip weakens, and I untangle myself from her legs, sitting up on her bed.

"That makes no sense," she sits next to me, wrapping her wing around my back, carefully this time, "Am I bothering you, do you dislike what I'm doing?"

"Nou, nou, yoo ar soft end worm, but," I wonder how to say it in the right way. There is no future in this with me, there is nothing good at the end of that road for her, "dooing dat ees for ponees, not for mee."

"And what are you, dummy?" she licks my ear again.

Hmm...

A tool? No, tools need somepony to use them. I just, I just am. I do what I'm meant to do.

"Aim... maybee laik a furnishure?"

"Hehe hehehe," Drizzle wobbles, and her wing slips from my back, "you're too nice... and funny to be a... wardrobe..." the springs of the bed creak as she falls down on the mattress, completely limp and drooling again.

"You should bail," Stitches says sharply, "If the yellow mind melters really do what the paranoid guy said, which I now think they do, she'll be extremely suggestive to anything anypony tells her after the double dose. You don't want to hurt her by infecting her with your simplicity, do you?"

"Okay," is there a lightbulb above my head? "Ken Ai tell her not too bee grabbee end bee normal laik dey wont her too bee?"

"If matters of curing the mind were this simple, I wouldn't be here. If sorting the world out was this simple, you wouldn't be here."

"Wot doo yoo meen?"

"It wouldn't help, otherwise she wouldn't be here anymore. They have a hypnotist, mind-bending drugs, psychiatrist experts, a ton of money at their disposal, and she still isn't cured. They either don't want to heal her, or it is too difficult. I'm suspecting a bit of both."

This is something far beyond my capabilities.

"Sou wot doo wee doo?"

"Leave her. She'll sleep the double dose off eventually. However, we need to find a way to make you immune to the chemical concoction they want you to take. Now that is going to be quite something. We've got until the evening. I suppose it wouldn't really hurt taking one, the regular dosage is what they need you to take. I'm not risking it, though."

I shrug. Yellow pills - bad, the rest - okay. Hey, now that Watchful is attending his meeting, where am I supposed to go?

"Shud Ai faind Washfool?" I scratch my head.

"Wait a second," Stitches stops me from walking out of Drizzle's room, "the enchantment encryption on the collar is pretty simplistic, just a serial combination of several algorithms. The data stored on the crystal in the center should be accessible now that I have a sample size of data about your lunch. If we can find basic input and the resulting output, I might be able to decrypt your schedule for today."

"Hey," I poke my collar, "were doo Ai gou nau, mejic lokkit?"

"Next appointment: fifteen o'clock, doctor Clear Insight's office, top floor, inkblots, " a clear female voice answers, coming from the crystal on my collar.

"The lokkit tolks!"

"My solution was better..." Stitches grumbles.

Well, that means I have two hours of nothing much to do. It's not as if I can help with Stitches' drug immunity project, so... time to go for a walk?

Snack first.

The common room on the ground floor is one of several spread all over the floor. It's full of ponies relaxing and chatting after lunch, and Soothed Thirst is cleaning glasses inbetween taking customer requests.

"Helou!" I jump up on a barstool.

"Hey, Greyscale, right?"

"Yes, ser. Ken Ai hev a snek?"

He looks at my collar and nods.

"You're official now, so three per day at most. We've got sweet things - pieces of cake, candybars, chewing gum, a whole menu of the things here on the wall," he points to a long list of stuff hanging behind him. It's a little difficult to read, but not that bad, "Plus a bunch of fruit and healthy stuff, but nopony ever wants that, since lunch is full of it."

"Ail teik d pek of gummee ponees, det way Ai ken share. And orenj joos plees."

"Right on it," Soothed Thirst's trained hooves blur as he reaches for things and shakes some bottles that have nothing to do with my drink apparently right until their contents are poured together to make a glass of fantastic, cold, fresh orange juice.

The gummy ponies taste good too.

I roam the gardens of Border Glades until I'm too cold even in the grey robe I took from my room's closet. The freezing air and falling snow make my blood flow when I return back inside, and I find myself taking my soggy clothes off and putting them into a cleaning bin outside my room. With time to spare, I try my hoof at some painting. Stitches on the table is my subject, and ends up as a stick pony on a stick something that might be a table or an upturned box. I miss my box.

It passes time, though, and the door to my room clicks open, followed by chipper and smiling Watchful entering. His shirt is a bit off, and there is some pink smudge on his neck.

"It's time for the blob therapy."

"Aim not det fet!" I pout. That said, I am out of shape.

"Good one," Watchful chuckles, "Let's go, doctor Insight hates waiting. Blob therapy is boring as heck, I've never liked it."

"Wots a blob terapee? Not anoder exorcism den?"

"Nah, you just sit down, doctor Insight shows you some weird pictures and asks you what you think they are."

"Wot eef Ai gess wrong? Doo Ai get a fiftee-fiftee or sumtink?"

"You worry too much, Greyscale. Relax. Doctor Insight is here to help you, not test you and try to catch you off guard."

"That would be the first..." Stitches grumbles.

"Hmm?" Watchful raises an eyebrow.

"Wee shud gou."

"Yeah."

Watchful leads me upstairs through Border Glades. We take a quick stride because even I know where the doctor's office is now.

"This is where we part ways," Watchful pats my back, "You're done for the day. Feel free to walk around or ask anypony what is there to do. I forgot to tell you, but you can just ask your collar when and where your next treatment is."

"D tolking lokkit, Ai nou."

"You found out on your own? Good job-"

"Greyscale, if you please," Clear Insight's head peeks out of his office. I bow to Watchful and follow the doctor.

"Sit down," he points to the super amazing patient couch. I oblige and yawn almost instantly. It's been a long and eventful day, "Today, I will show you various pictures, and you will describe what you think they depict. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ser. Ees dere sumtink wrong wit mai ayes?"

"Not as far as I know, no. Why do you ask?"

"Ai see wot ees in d peekture. Ai see wot ees dere. Ai kant meik up teenks or see sumtink det ees not dere."

He blinks, then smiles and makes a note into his notepad.

"An interesting observation. You will understand soon. So?"

He levitates the first picture. It's a wiggly line separating white part of the picture and black part of the picture in about half.

"Blek end wayt halves wit a lain een d middel."

Insight tilts his head while next to him his levitating pen scribbles away.

"Any... patterns?"

"D wayt sayd looks laik a hed end d blek uan ees a vaas. Eet ees confyoozing a leetel."

Scribble scribble. The picture switches with a different one.

"Very accurately described. The first picture wasn't a part of the experiment, I just needed to affirm something about you, a guess. This is where we begin. What do you think this one is?"

I stare. Seconds drag on. I have no answer. It looks just like what it is. A bunch of blots as if somepony spilled black ink on white paper. I fail to see any pattern or anything worth describing. Cold sweat runs down my forehead.

I don't know.

I have absolutely no idea.

"Greyscale?" Insight's tone turns worried as I start shaking and breathing heavily while the clock ticks seconds away.

"Soree," I mutter, curling down into a ball on the couch, "Ai dont nou. Soree."

"But it is something, Greyscale. How would you describe the 'something' you see? What is it you see?"

"A blob, blek blobs on wayt bekgraund. Dey ar frakktels, sort of. Blek end wayt, dets oll, ser. Soree. Ai em not a smart ponee, ai dont nou wot eet ees supposd to bee," I sniffle, muzzle buried into the corner of the black couch.

"No shape? No falling leaves? No rabbits? Just black blobs?"

"Yes, ser," I mumble, "Soree."

"I see. Take a quick peek at this one, please, Greyscale."

Wiping my eyes, I look up at another picture, extremely similar to the first one.

"Blobs, just of deeferent saizes and sheips. Blek spletters."

He goes through a bunch more 'paintings' in quick succession, but I just shake my head at each one. I failed this test hard.

"Do you know what an 'ego' is?" Clear Insight asks after putting the stack of pictures away.

"D self?"

"Exactly. Do machines have a 'self'?"

"Ai dont tink so. Unless dey ar maid to hav uan, meybe?"

"Do you believe ponies can lose their 'self', all their desires, goals, feelings, to truly believe themselves to be just breathing machines ruled by cold logic?"

"Ai dont nou. Ai hev not tolked too too manee ponees."

"Not enough to get an educated guess based on statistics, not feeling. The correct answer."

"Yes, ser."

He shakes his head.

"No, Greyscale, ponies can't lose it, but they can bury it very deep and leave behind a shell, a mask. A mask which, for example, cannot pronounce anything properly... aside from their own name. These regressed 'shells' focus only on their 'designation', refusing any close contact, anything that would force them to feel real."

"Wai? Ponees ar soft end worm."

"You should know better than I do. Your answers are logical and precise, almost too much. Your problem solving, from what I was told by miss Grey Shrine, was very good within possible constraints. I believe even more than before that you used to be an extremely intelligent pony. Not a case of gifted autism, you are too aware for that, but a truly smart and completely normal pony."

"Ai dont nou."

"No, you don't. It is up to us to find out. Do you want a candy?"

"Wot?" I blink, shocked at the change of direction.

"I know all I needed to know from this experiment. Further use of the inkblots would be pointless, and I don't have anything else prepared. Your problem is very simple, in a way. Solving it is the nigh-impossible part. I need time to think."

"Yoo sed sumtink similar last taim."

"And it's been as true as it is now. Catch!" he throws a piece of hard candy at me.

"Eeeee!" I try to catch it, miss, punch it away with my other leg, jump at it to catch it again, hit the carpet with my face.

So much for the smart pony theory. I am just Greyscale. I clean, help, and try not to bother real ponies. There is nothing more to me.

Standing back up, red with embarrassment, I get another piece of candy, this one simply hovering in the air.

"Tank yoo."

"You're welcome. Have a great evening, Greyscale."

"Yoo too, doktor Kleer Eensaid."

Comments

[StarzGecko]

A talking doll, a crazy mare, weird doctors and other workers... Man, this place is crazy