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Soarin doesn't date much due to his time consuming job with the Wonderbolts. When his friend Rainbow Dash showed interest in him in spite of some regulations prohibiting such relations he imagined the possibilities. He got more than he bargained for.
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Wow. This was very well done. Personally, I really liked it, being the huge SoarinDash fan I am.
Gotta give you points for the changeling angle, but...
It's, hm, abrupt. Too much happens all at once and messes up the overall plot, I think.
Outside that, it's a very promising idea you had.
~Skeeter The Lurker
It would seem Soarin is a very surprised pony. Even by himself.
But not as heavily as they weighed on the lavender unicorn's mind.
Soarin isn't really white, just a very pale blue, but whatevs.
Awww... what a softy.
Heh, he's going so overboard in preparation, it almost seems like this pony reads too much shipfiction.
Or, having finished reading it, maybe somepony else read too much shipfiction, heh. I loved the untwist, where the zany nonsense of the story was revealed to be... something far more mundane. It worked well in that regard, and I did find it funny.
That having been said, the grammar, punctuation, and formatting of the story is a complete mess. The pacing is a bit scattershot, too. You've got the potential to be a great author, with ideas like these, but you need a proofreader. There are proofreader groups on FIMFic, though, so get huntin'!
Good effort. Keep writing!
The silliness was a bit too much, but the ending went a good way to grounding it back.
It did feel a bit rushed, especially in the middle, but I can see this was the point.
Still, It was pretty nice, despite some minor grammar problems.
Also, what happened with the changelings? Did they just go away on their own?
Dang, man! This is pretty good!
As someone else said, it's a little rushed at points, and it's got a couple grammar oddities; but it's got some genuine feels and character interaction going on, which overcomes those things.
Nice work! And hey, if you ever need a pre-reader or something, you know where to find me.
I wasn't sure if I was overtired and going crazy, or if the story was really doing what it was for a while there...
But twas good.
6831180 Well, I'm really happy that you enjoyed it!
6831244 Well, I'll be honest I didn't really think this one through. It was one of those 3 AM throw something together sort of stories that I didn't do my due diligence on and proofread and all that jazz. I'm going to have to do that and improve upon it.
6831285 I'm glad you thought it was funny. I really didn't proof read this story, which I should have done. It was way late/early in the morning and I didn't give it the attention it deserved. It's honestly bugged me and I'm sort of surprised to some degree that it generally got as positive of a reception as it has.
6831339 With regard to the changelings they continued to argue among themselves and flew off. That was another area that I neglected to address and will do so later on. I didn't really do what I should have done with this and edited, proofread and what not this thing so that I can look at it and not feel like I at least handled it appropriately.
6832558 This was an example of something I sort of threw together real fast. Not to make too many excuses for it but, it was like 3 in the morning and I didn't really proofread this thing at all. I'm going to have to do so sometime today because I'm honestly surprised folks liked it as much as they did and while I'm sure there are things that are pretty good within it. I know that I didn't do what I should have done as a writer to make this flow correctly.
On a different note thank you for the offer! I'll probably take you up on it if I've got something that maybe you'd enjoy working on.
6832901 Well I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless! I know it's kind of rough and it needs some work.
Ok the part when he walked in on dash and thunderlane had me dropping "what the actual fucks" all over the place -inserts laughing emoji-
6865919 Well then I can safely say success on my part!
I really like the new and improved version here!
6934098 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! To be honest with the original version, it just really stuck in my craw and I knew I could put forth a better effort.