Certainly Not (Omake)
Without
Unicorn and alicorn stood upon a broad bed of cloud, staring each other down as yet another loop begins. Their horns glimmer, neither certain if they want to begin another exchange.
"Are you going to give up yet? You still can't stop me." Starlight put on something of a smirk, though after so many loops her heart wasn't quite in it.
Twilight didn't answer, the set of her face growing grim. The glow of her horn grew, her power charged as she went through the mental checklist for this loop's battle.
Double-check the safety of Spike and the scroll. Check.
Have shield spell ready to cast. Check.
Ready attack spells for trial, iterations one-hundred fifty through one-hundred fifty-five. Check.
Accept cupcake from Pinkie Pie. Check.
Wait, what?
It took Twilight a moment to realize that yes, she was holding a cupcake. A cupcake given to her by Pinkie Pie. A Pinkie Pie standing next to her, wearing a blue jacket against the cold. A cold that came from being rather high in the air. Twilight carefully considered her next words.
"Pinkie Pie!? Howsawha?"
Nailed it.
Pinkie Pie smiled, patting her shoulder with a hoof. "It's okay Twilight; I'll take this one. You just enjoy that cupcake." Having said her piece, she strode forward along the cloud towards a similarly-confused Starlight.
"You. You're one of Twilight Sparkle's little friends. But you're an adult! You should be a foal! And not here! What's going on?"
"It's a beautiful day up here." Pinkie Pie sat down, slipping her forehoofs into the pockets of her jacket.
"...What?"
"Birds are singing, flowers are blooming..."
"What are you talking about?"
"On days like these, mares like you..."
"Seriously, what the bu-"
"Should be rotting in Tartarus."
Pinkie Pie withdrew a hoof from her pocket, making a firm beckoning motion as blue light blazed from her eyes. Starlight, much to her surprise, found herself propelled forward, flying towards the pink mare. She lit her horn, working to levitate herself and halt her motion, but a pair of pink hooves beat her to it, catching her square in the face and sending her soaring backwards across the clouds. As she skidded to a stop, she realized she'd found herself in the midst of a battery of cannons, all pointed at her, which left her dodging repeatedly as they fired...confetti?
After she dropped her guard just a little too early, and was caught by the last cannon-blast, Starlight came to the realization that being shot with a party cannon at close range is an extremely unpleasant experience, and not one she wanted to repeat. The ringing in her ears was compounded by a pink hoof whose acquaintance she made once already landing upside her head.
Drawing herself into the air with her magic, Starlight focused on the pink mare. She grit her teeth, channeled far more magic than was needed into her horn, and let loose with a tremendous beam.
Pinkie scooched to the side, letting it pass by harmlessly to cut some clouds.
"What, you think I'm just gonna stand there and take it?"
The pink mare shook her head, bouncing upward and diving through the cloud beneath her. Just as Starlight was moving downward to try and see where's she'd gone, Pinkie popped out from behind a cloud above her and clocked her again, landing nimbly on a third cloud nearby. She sat, relaxed once more. Starlight growled, righting herself and focusing on the irritating mare, a hoof rising to rub her swelling cheek.
"How did you do that? How did you do any of that?"
"You know, I've grown up with a lot of memories. Memories of things I've never done. Memories of future events."
"Huh?"
Pinkie stomped firmly upon the cloud beneath her, the glow returning to her eye. Starlight found herself pinned down against the cloud she'd been floating above, struggling to her hooves before Pinkie popped out from beneath her, knocking Starlight upward. Two pink hooves emerged from the next cloud above to buck her right back down, but as soon as Starlight could get her bearings Pinkie was seated across from her again.
"And most of them? Most of them are awful."
Rage building, Starlight fired off several quick blasts; Pinkie dodged slightly left or slightly right, effortlessly avoiding the attack.
"Heh. That's your fault, isn't it?"'
"Quiet!"
Another blast dodged as Pinkie dropped through the cloud, leaping out from the corner of Starlight's vision to aim a cannon at her, then disappearing in the puff of confetti to repeat the assault again and again. Starlight was forced to dodge, throwing herself to the side or downward to get out of the way of the concussive blasts.
"You can't understand how it feels, having to drag your personality out of dozens of sets of memories, including memories of doing exactly that before."
A wave of her hoof, and she tried to slam Starlight into the side of a cloud. Starlight slowed herself, turning to land safely and leaping off before she could be struck, only to find herself pulled in the opposite direction, where Pinkie was waiting. Hoof met belly, and Starlight wheezed as she recovered.
"Look, it was fine at first; I could just ignore them and keep being me. And it's not like alternate timelines can't be fun now and then; I got to be a gritty army-mare in one of them! But more importantly, as soon as I could pull myself together, I knew Twilight would handle it; she's good with time-travelly, mind-bendy magics."
Starlight gathered her magic, forming a shield around her that burst outward, driving back the clouds and the pink mare both. Pinkie was unharmed, but none the less drifting away atop the cloud, simply sitting once more.
"To be blunt, I was okay just leaving it to her. Maybe I was just being lazy; oh well. Either way, this has gone on long enough. The timelines keep getting worse, and I can't afford to let you off easy."
She beckoned, and Starlight was pulled inexorably towards her, where a full battery of cannons waited inexplicably atop her cloud. She was all but pinned in place, wheeling her legs to scoot back along the cloud and away from them and the mare, getting ready to brace herself or dodge.
"Kind of a shame really. Before all this, I was secretly hoping we could become friends."
Starlight held out her forelegs in a warding gesture. "W-wait! Stop! We can be friends!"
"Really? You think so?" The cannons sank through the cloud and out of sight.
"Yes! You d-don't have to keep doing this; we can start over!"
"Aw. I know how hard that has to be; to make that choice, to go back on everything you were trying to do. Don't you worry; you'll get your chance at friendship. C'mere."
Pinkie opened her hooves. Starlight's ears folded back, but she was going to see this through; she moved forward and hugged the mare.
"But you know...you hurt my friends. And my sisters. So there's something you're gonna have to do for me first."
"What's that?"
Pinkie's smile spread, and spread, and spread, until it was a rictal, skeletal grin. Her forelegs tightening around Starlight. "Get dunked on."
And with that, Pinkie Pie released her, drew out one last massive cannon from within her mane, and swung it in arc, shoving the mouth downward over Starlight's head.
Twilight winged her way over, wincing and looking down at the tumbling form of Starlight post-blast. "She's....alive, right?"
"Oh yes; she's too determined to die. She just needed to learn an important lesson about not messing with time."
"Huh. Well...thanks for helping, but...how did you get here."
"It's easy; I knew a shortcut."
"That...Pinkie, that doesn't explain anything. Also, how did you do...all of what you did?"
"Let's just say I had a...bone to pick with Starlight?"
"...I don't get it."
(As threatened, and provoked. As to the three of you, I hope you're happy.)
A Wizard Did It
(Omake for the chapter But at What Cost?)
"Hey Spike?"
"Yes, Applejack?"
"You're an awfully big fella..."
"Yes, you've said as much."
"I've been wonderin', if you were gettin' that big all the while you kept going back in time...why didn't just havin' you there break up the race? Weren't the foals scared of you?"
"Oh, that. Yeah, when I got big enough it was a problem. It made Starlight's job easy for a couple of loops, until Twilight brought out a Notice-Me-Not spell. I had one going for most of the loops after that; so long as we didn't do any big fighting, they just flew around me like I was part of the scenery."
"Oh. Huh. Well, that answers that, I guess."
Loose Ends
Shortly after their arrival in the restored timeline, the portal’s intensity increased and Starswirl’s Scroll was swept away despite Twilight’s defenses. The Map, it seemed, wasn’t about to let that happen again, no ma'am. Starlight and her captors paid it little heed; they had other things to worry about.
The Game
(Omake for the chapter Maybe So.)
1. e4 c5
2. Nf3 Nc6
3. Nc3 e5
4. Bc4 h6
5. O-O Nf6
6. Rb1 Be7
7. d3 d6
8. a3 a6
9. b4 O-O
10. Ba2 Qc7
11. bxc5 Bg4
12. cxd6 Bxf3
13. dxc7 Bxd1
14. Rxd1 Rac8
15. Rxb7 Nd4
16. Bd2 Bxa3
17. Nd5 Nxd5
18. exd5 Nb5
19. Ba5 Bd6
20. Rb1 Nxc7
21. Di7+ ???
22. DxU++ 1-0
"Twilight, is it really that important that you include this?"
"Of course! When the story gets told, ponies are going to want to know more than that we were playing chess, they'll want to know how the game actually went."
"You do know no one's going to get that joke, right?"
"Hush! Celestia will think it's funny!"
"You're not going to make a joke about playing the Sicilian when death is on the line?"
"...No, but that's pretty good too."
Hard Rewind
Twilight shouted, “Stop!”
The word alone would not have been enough to halt the soon-to-be-eternal battle brewing between Starlight Glimmer and Twilight Sparkle (and Spike). Especially not spoken in Twilight’s voice, Royal Canterlot or otherwise. However, the fact that it came from above the fighters warranted pause. Turning their attention upward, they watched as a purple alicorn descended towards them, at once familiar and yet...not. Even looking anxious, there was a certain air about her, something that spoke of tremendous power just waiting to be unleashed. The fact that she had to be as tall as Celestia may have had something to do with it. The glowing eyes and nebula-like mane added to the image. Standing upon an enormous purple-and-green wyrm couldn't have hurt.
Starlight leveled her horn at the newly-arrived pair, her mane fraying as her frantic mind tried to think of a way out. She shouldn’t have to deal with ancient alicorns and dragons for decades yet! She’d have to do something and fast, before they could react. A certain part of her knew that she was doomed, but she was going to go down casting. Or at least she was, until she noticed the ancient alicorn’s companion; the pair was actually a trio.
The pink alicorn shook her head, tossing a purple mane that glittered with trails of stars. “They’re not your enemy, Starlight. You can stop now.” A little smile appeared on the face of the much older, much more feathery Starlight Glimmer as she looked down at her frantic past self.
Young Twilight Sparkle was confused enough by the arrival of her apparent older self (and Spike), but to see an older, alicorn-winged Starlight Glimmer was too much. The sound she next produced would be forever claimed to have been “WHAT?”, but it was difficult for any of the ponies present to tell against the sheer volume of its delivery.
Spike stood (or rather, sat) in awe of his future self; a mightier drake he’d never laid eyes on. The large eyes that lay on him in turn seemed warmer than those of the great wyrms he’d seen before, even affectionate, but they carried with them a weight that the young dragon could barely fathom. His pony-sized mouth opened, and he continued the exposition. “There is a greater foe here, one we’ve been fighting for centuries, together. And that’s why we’ve come back; to enlist your help.”
“What do you mean? What kind of enemy could possibly be more important than...than her!?” A pointing purple hoof accused the only unicorn present, much to her indignation. “Why aren’t you back with our friends? Why didn’t you end the loops? Why is she an alicorn?!”
The Elder Twilight floated down on still wings, wrapping her younger self in an affectionate hug. “Shhh, it’s alright; I remember being you, I remember how scary it was. Don’t worry; we’ll see our friends soon, but first we have to free them.”
“Free them? They’re trapped?”
“And so are we. We were caught in machinations of a being far beyond us, beyond the Princesses, beyond Discord. We were the cogs in its machine, turned to its purpose. Your fight with Starlight was part of this; the whole thing was orchestrated, set up from the start.”
That caught Starlight’s attention. If something else was responsible for all that she suffered… A comforting wing rested itself over her back, and she found herself looking up at her Older self, who gave her a knowing nod.
“We’re...we’re being manipulated? How? Why? By what?”
“By means so subtle and seductive, you wouldn’t be able to see it without thousands of years to pick out the patterns. But the patterns are there. And once you’ve seen it, you can fight it.”
“But...but what is it?”
“The Tree, Twilight. The Tree of Harmony.”
(With apologies to Eakin, and potentially BlackWater, should they come across this.)
Can Love Bloom, Even on Groundhog's Day?
"We don't have to go back, you know."
"What?"
"We don't have to go back. We can stay together."
"Starlight, the games have been fun, but..."
"You know this isn't about the games."
"Well, what else..."
"All the time we've spent together? The things we've shared? The things we've done? This isn't just a one-loop stand, Twilight, this means something. The more time we've spent together, the more I've come to respect you, and to...to love you. We could do so much more; we have the scroll, we have the map, we could remake Equestria in our own image. Together. Or...or even just find somewhere nice all our own. We can both win."
"Starlight, I...I can't."
"What? Why not?"
"We...we don't have any sort of future together like this."
"But we have all of the past."
"We're hurting the timeline by being here."
"Can't you let me win? Just this once?"
"Starlight, it's...it's really important that we put things back to normal."
"Twilight...don't you love me?"
"I...well I..."
"Then why? Why is it so important to you? You can have me!"
"I'm sorry Starlight, I really am, but...if you want to be my lover, you've got to get with my friends."
"And that's how Starlight Glimmer was defeated and redeemed through the power of friendship. And infatuation. And later, cuddling. It's not creepy."
"But Cadance, that's not how it-"
"Don't take this from me."
Unrequited
(Omake for the chapter But at What Cost?)
The large dragon gingerly tapped a white mare on the shoulder with his claw. "Rarity? Can we talk?"
"Hm? Oh, Spike! Certainly; what would you like to talk about."
"Well, I have a confession."
"Oh? Well, go on."
"Rarity, I love you."
"Oh, Spike..."
"I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. It began as childlike infatuation, sure, but it grew into earnest love. I admire you; your talent, your attention to detail, your business savvy, and the kindness you extend to others. I have looped through time for three hundred years, and my feelings for you have never dimmed. The thought of you made me strong; it kept me going even in the darkest times. I love you, Rarity, and I would do anything for you. Whether or not you return my love, you have my devotion. And after all the time I spent away from you, I can go no longer without saying it; I love you."
"Oh...Spike, I just...I just don't know. I'm very fond of you too, and you have grown into quite the dragon, but...I mean, I don't think it would work. What would ponies say?"
"That I'm a lucky drake."
"Flatterer. I'm trying to be serious; what about age? I'm...I'm mortal, Spike."
"I went three hundred years on just the memory of our friendship; if I can have your love for even a few decades, I will be content the rest of my life. And there's no reason we can't try for more."
"Oh my. Ah...well, what about...I mean...I'm still flattered Spike, but are you sure we're...well...compatible? We're good friends, but to be more..."
"Twilight knows spells for changing size?"
"Does she now?"
"And elasticity."
"...Tomorrow night, pick me up at seven?"
"It's a date."
That's Cheating!
(Omake for the chapter Shall We?)
“You’re strong, but you can make mistakes. Even if you don’t, you’re going to tire. Even if you find ways to rest, you’re still going to age. You’ll weaken. But me? I’m an alicorn princess; as time passes, I’m only going to get stronger as my alicorn magic matures. For all intents and purposes, I’m immortal. It’s the same for dragons, so that goes double for Spike."
A burst of blue magic interrupted the pair, and unfortunately Twilight was too busy monologuing to raise her shield spell.
SPLAT! went the blasted alicorn.
Starlight stared at the suddenly-extremely-icky cloud where Twilight had been standing, stared until at long last it sunk in. She did it! She killed destroyed Princess Twilight Sparkle! She won! Normally, she would be above such things, but this absolutely called for a victory pronking.
Pronk, pronk, pronk, bounced the victorious unicorn.
!TALPS went the reassembling alicorn.
"Huh. Okay, I guess I'm immortal in that sense of the word too. Now then, where was I?"
"Oh come on!"
What Are Friends For?
Twilight arrived back in the past accompanied by a burst of wind, landing hard enough upon a platform of clouds that ripples rolled out over its surface. She practically crackled with energy, her horn glowing fiercely as she spread her wings and turned to face her foe. Starlight was unimpressed.
"Ah, welcome back again, princess. What will it be this time, hmmm? Gonna fail at convincing foals to race? Maybe blast them when you were aiming for me? Or are we just going to have an epic battle of distracting proportions?" she attempted to ask.
"Attempted" here is the proper phrasing, for she only made it about to the word "epic" before she was interrupted by Twilight lowering her horn and unleashing a beam of magic the size of a train. And moving about the speed of a train. Which, in Starlight's opinion, hit like a train too.
She was caught against the front of the blast, carried back through the sky before being knocked aside by the pressure of the air ahead, as if by the wind of a passing train. The beam continued to drive straight forward even as Starlight was cast aside, following its track like a train. Unnoticed by Starlight, who skidded and rolled to a stop atop a bevy of clouds, the blast continued on to strike a distant mountain, where it exploded like an overused metaphor.
Starlight was left panting, shakily trying to recover until Twilight appeared above her with a flash, horn burning with might. Starlight raised her hooves and lit her horn, bringing forth a shield in vain just before Twilight loosed her magic straight down upon her. A series of loud cracks marked Starlight's descent. In order, these were from Twilight's casting itself, the shattering of Starlight's shield, the rapid pressure-freezing and subsequent shattering of the cloud beneath her, the sound barrier, the ground, several vertebrae, and Starlight's pride. (She'd be okay.)
Twilight the Victorious watched with grim satisfaction from her position in the sky, letting out a snort of distaste before turning with a smile towards her rider. "Okay, you were right; asking the other princesses for their magic was a great idea."
"Told you."
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No one was expecting another update so soon.
Hey folks; thanks for reading. I'll be making a more extensive blog post soon (with this story tagged), but you'll notice I've flipped the little box to "complete". To state briefly: this is all I intend to do with it for the moment. There's potential for more chapters down the line, and a few of you have suggested sequel stories to at least one of the endings (which is tempting; I do love fics about immortality-seeking), but there's another story I'd been meaning to actually write for a while now that's probably going to get priority.
The Hard Rewind one would be an interesting story itself.
part 1:
I approve
I swear I didn't mean for that last comment to come out as a pun!
...I stand thoroughly corrected
this is the most adorably awkward thing I've ever seen...
HACKS! I call hacks!
part 2:
glad to see we don't have any loose ends left lying around...
part 3:
part 4:
wow: Twilight REALLY takes her games seriously...
part 5:
this might be the most random thing I've ever seen
part 6:
part 7:
part 8:
part 9:
...and THAT is why it pays not to make Twilight Sparkle angry
We're not friends anymore
Honesty though, that chess joke
Edit: also, [shipping intensifies]
Pie withdrew
This is why Pinkie studying magic may be terrifying.
UnrequitedAww.
What Are Friends For? What a wonderful idea!
8131384
Darn it, I thought I caught that one. Thanks again!
No comment.
Awesome.
8131359
That video was one of the inspirations.
Aha! The subverted expectations have been doubled!
Glad you liked 'em!
8131407
That first was two corrections; you forgot to capitalize Pie.
8131081 actually...I meant the mane 6 only...I mean..twilight is one,so you figure her friends wouldn't want to leave her to be alone for the next hundreds of years...
8131500 Much obliged.
Oh god...imagine if she had gotten the power of doomed timeline princesses repeatedly....Frieza levels!!!
8131540 There you go.
7768604 technically some stories of that exist..."So you Becames Alicorns" is one...
and another..my favorite....
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/320732/alicornication
The sicillian defence
I became quite good at facing it after a week at a chess training camp, one of my friends kept using it against me till I knew it inside and out.
Now it's been a while since I quit competitive chess, so I'm most likely rusty, but that's probably one of the few thing that I still have left: that viceral hate for the siciallian defence.
ps: I did not look up the actual game, but was there really a joke to get there?
I would favourite the story for this line alone if I hadn't already.
8131713 I know exactly how you feel. I learned the Sicillian from an elderly gentleman playing bughouse chess at a con; prior to that I could play chess, but I didn't know much about opening theory. Over the course of several absurd games (bughouse, after all) I got a primer, and the Sicillian was his favorite.
The joke in the chess omake is two-fold. Aside from the notation depicting an actual game that suits what was said in the chapter, first, the Sicillian defense was indeed played (by Starlight), hence Spike's suggestion. Second, if you look at the last two listed turns, you'll find three or four divergences from the usual chess notation representing Spike's actions in the second ending, after which Twilight claims victory. It's a pretty nerdy joke.
8131369
That joke was the main reason I wrote that segment. In this case, you may consider my humor a tariff.
You know, a tax on shipping.
Also, someone got my nerdy chess joke!
Evil tree of Harmony?
Now I'm interested.
8131359
As someone who has done the sans fight... enough times... that video hurts me on a fundamental level. Yeesh. The animator put no effort into matching the actuality of the animations, especially the jumping.
I played out the chess game to see how the game was going, just to make sure everything was legal. After misreading what you had a few times, it all appears above board until D gets involved.
That said, I probably would said Di9 or Dh10 instead, because i7 was probably too risky a position to attack from as it was slightly in front of U instead of from behind.
8132047
Maybe not evil by normal meaning of this word, but soullessly manipulating whole world to achieve some kind of grand vision, using suffering and strife as one of many tools to do it. Which is terrifying and inhuman (inpony).
siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
Closed the chapter after reading half though Pinkie's lines in the beginning.
You just couldn't resist, could you?
8132534 It was a...let's call it a "request"; there's a citation at the end of that segment if you're interested in why it got written.
Don't worry; I think you'll find much of the rest of the chapter palatable, just scroll down to the next bit of bold text. This is the cutting room floor, after all; surely there's something you'll find amusing.
8132134 My hunch is that it's portrayed sped up to get through it faster; the movements of both the heart and the attacks seem quicker than they should be, perhaps most notable with the columns of attacks oppositely ascending and descending on either side.
8132261 I'd considered as much; setting aside haste as an excuse, I went with i7 because I felt it depicted "creeping around" rather than just ending up behind, I didn't want to make being off the board too obvious, and because a hypothetical knight on that hypothetical square would threaten a castled black king.
8132020 duuude, taxing shipping is simply evil
8132566
No, I mean that the heart moves too smoothly. There's no acceleration or deceleration on jumps, for example.
8132665 Ah, fair enough!
8132134 (shrugs) I won't say you're wrong: I just thought it was a clever idea to reference the video within the chapter, you know?
8132284 8132047 Try reading "Where spike came from"
8132554
Well, I'm not really complaining. After all, it's your story and your choice what to write.
It's just that after half the interwebs fangasming for months about that game I'm sick of hearing about it. ^^
Capital letter
Not sure then if they just forgot to include Discord as an ally, or if he's trapped with all the rest of them.
Nope. Just nope. This joke was bad and you should feel bad.
Closing quote marks
That kinky broad has been holding out on you all this time?
8131990 Well, there is the two last moves that bugged me, but I figured maybe english people used a sligthly different notation then french people. For exemple the capital "B" for "bishop" would be a capital "F" for "fou du roi".
8132718
Ill be honest, I probably wouldn't have noticed if i hadn't fought and killed sans enough times that one of my friends started, and then stopped, and then started again making flowey jokes because of it.
I stopped when i could kill him within two tries.
Ah ha ha, holy shit, wow! XD
8133150 Thank you for the grammar-check! And for getting one of the chess jokes.
I apologize for nothing!
Let me answer your question with a question: when do you think he got "the talk"?
8133223 Nope, nothing so sensible in this case; it's just part of the joke. D for dragon, U for unicorn, and the former moving off the board.
8133827 I apologize for not getting the other, but I played MtG and not chess.
Tempted to quote Leo from The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, but I'd imagine somewhere during those 300 years when he hit puberty ... possibly along with asking Twi if hooking up with Nightmare Moon would be a bad idea.
8133987
And that is an omake for another day.
8134133 So ... you'll do another omake chapter?
8134269 As the blog post says, perhaps later.
Though more likely I'll just expand the current omake chapter if I come back to write another ending.
I understood the notation. Though I wonder if Starlight ever tried the Hedgehog?
"I'm sorry Starlight, I really am, but...if you want to be my lover, you've got to get with my friends."
No...
Stop it... Undertale is dead.
NO! Not another!
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. 'Garfilth' is not available right now. Please leave a message after the beep.
Take your place on the top shelf you magnificent bastard.
"She is only made of L-O-V-E"
I expected a Mega Chessatron...
I imagine Sunburst reading this and going, "HEY! What about me?!"
8300289
Huh. Didn't actually occur to me to have him in an omake, but I can see the potential there.