Twilight hears a song that a new band wrote about Celestia, and decides to play it for the Princess. Celestia's reaction isn't exactly what she expects.
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- Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen May 5th, 2023
fallen starr
How can I be home and still feel out of place.
fallen starr
Joined 11th Jul, 2012 ·
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Very sad.
I definitely enjoyed this story, and it did pull on my heartstrings. And while I understand that you wanted to make a story that was exactly 1,000 words, I do have some comments about this.
It was often hard for me to tell if it was Twilight or Celestia speaking after Twilight stopped playing the song. Just adding a few more words into each paragraph or changing around some wording can easily fix this. I also feel like this story can be expanded, show more of Twilight excitedly running up to Celestia over the song, her eagerly wanting to play it for her Princess. And I can also envision another scene or perhaps a sequel of the talk between Celestia and Luna.
So, overall, this was a short, sad and sweet story. It left me wanting more, but in a good way. If you just make it clearer who is talking throughout, you'll have quite the solid piece on your hooves. Nicely done!
i guessing the song in this story was 'lullaby for a princess' but i'm not sure if you have the song that meant for this story, please put in a link to the song for this story if you have.
7176658 the song is linked in the author note, actually. It's Celestia Alone.
6996867 I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I really don't have a reason. I think I read this and forgot, honestly. I had originally planned to doba sequal, but while writing the story changed a bit so I'm not sure if that'll happen now. Thank you for the advice, though!
6827222 yeah
7176931
You are most welcome! And my sincerest apologies as well for such a late reply. I took a bit of a hiatus from the site, and the notifications do not stay up that long.
Should you still decide to write a sequel, I shall read it in earnest!