- Member Since 6th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen January 5th
Remedyfortheheart
My name is Remedy. Call me Remi. I've recently come into the fandom and have always had a secret passion and natural knack for writing and reading. So now with that said I'm setting it to the test.
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Jesus. What a story. I wish i could write as well as you do :(
Liked, favorited, etc
9659718
It just takes some time. Everyone can do it. So I don't doubt, for any second whatsoever, that you can do the same. Hell, you could even be better than me one day and I'm still learning too.
that was pretty good it progressed well although i found the beginning a little tedious with the foreshadowing the plot was quite thicc and the scenes were carefully planned out. good work :)
9659809
Thank you. I noticed my introduction was weak. I admit it was written while I was upset. I really should have scrapped it earlier. So now I have a new lesson. Foreshadowing. Take it easy on the foreshadowing. Appreciate your feedback.
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That was insanely hot. Were you inspired by Hooves-art's animations?
Overall the story is well written, but there are a few errors (missing commas, wrong tense) and sometimes the paragraphs are a bit rushed or there's a piece written in a way that's a bit confusing. For example
Anyway, I really like the way you wrote this chapter. Stellar Flare would definitely be a good choice for the next one.
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Thank you for the input. You are indeed correct, I was rushing at a few points during writing and was struggling to get this finished before the deadline ended.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I've been working on new writing techniques and have been trying to improve my overall grammar. Another big issue I've ran into is that I still don't have an editor to help assist me.
These long stories can take a toll on a writer and I was definitely feeling it while working on this.
As for Stellar Flare'a chapter. Consider it done. Or soon to be... she doesn't have a lot of content on her so I'll need to look into it.
Edit: Your prediction on my inspiration is correct as well. I see we search for the same things online? Wink wink.
9660025
For science, of course
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9660132
For research purposes. I science every moment I get a chance.
Alright, let's see where this goes.
9661913
Please enjoy! If you have any critiques please feel free to comment on them. This one was quite a lesson for me so anything to help me improve is greatly appreciated.
9661920
Duly noted. Wasn't expecting to get as much plot with my porn as I did, but I'm not complaining.
VERY nice story here. For the next chapter, my vote goes to Twilight Velvet.
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Thank you very much! Your vote is duly noted.
You desperately need an editor. If you have one, you need a better, more detail-oriented one. Prereaders too. As far as I can tell, this was one of the last entries submitted for thr contest, and yet it feels so... I dunno, rushed? Aloof? There’s no real sense of structure to keep me going and your current style of writing is really clinical. As it stands, this fic is really pretty bland and it desperately needs something to help it stand out.
Don’t let my negativity discourage you - I just think you need to put in more effort into your work, and have a bit more pride for it than slapping it together just to get it up onto the site. You don’t have the most novel concept here, but it’s workable and evocative. A little bit more brain grease and you’ll be in a much better place and will probably feel way prouder of what you write.
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I think I'll go with Stellar Flare. Enjoiing it so far
9670908
Noted! This leave Stellar Flare tied with Twilight Velvet! Who will be the victor? If this tie goes on for too long I may have to add both these mares in the same chapter.
I'll vote Stellar Flare :D
so will there be a second chapter soon?
Yes to all those next moms. I would like to see Velvet first, then Stellar.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I returned to the first chapter multiple times, trying to get through it. I failed every time. I think it has somethink to do with technical aspects of your writing. Some sentences are just... don't work as they should.
Try reading through your paragraphs during the editing stage, maybe out loud. Sometimes you just have to choose a different word or two, sometimes you need to re-write something completely. I know, working with your text can be taxing and time-consuming, but it has to be done if you want to improve.
At some point, I started to wonder if it's just me, or there are plenty of errors within the text. Then I saw this one.
Okay This one is somewhat funny, unintentionally.
P.S. It's really, really opinion-based, but I don't think shoes mix well with ponies (anthro or not). When normal, everyday foot(hoof?)wear is mentioned without any real reason it makes the story look more lazy than it actually is (compare how some authors would always use the word 'woman' isntead of a 'mare' or a 'pony', even though their characters aren't humans).
Ok I have to ask where's that image from?
2
10005103
2 as in Chapter two? I did mean to save it for another contest entry.
I'm meditating on what stories to continue.
10005114
2) Twilight Velvet
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Now the question is; With whom?
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Button Mash
Will this be updated?