Krizak's Compendium of Concise Chronicles

by Krizak

Don't Illegally Download This Story - Comedy

“…one… more… connection… There!” Pinkie Pie extracted herself from the tangle of wires and circuitry and wiped her brow with a hoof. Setting everything up had been sweaty work! But it was all worth it; this one would be better, faster, more totally awesome than the one that came before. With this type of power at her hooves, why, the things she could accomplish, the info she could acquire… the possibilities were limitless.

Pinkie’s hoof approached the switch. “And now, to turn this bad boy on and-“

“Pinkie!” Shoot! She had forgotten about Twilight’s remedial baking lesson! Now the most inquisitive mind in all of Ponyville was snooping around Sugarcube Corner looking for her!

Pinkie forced herself to calm down from that initial spike of magic. This was salvageable. All she had to do was quickly head upstairs and meet up with Twilight, and the unicorn would never suspect-

“Huh? I don’t think I’ve ever seen this door open before…”

Well, ponyfeathers.

Pinkie got to the basement stairs just as Twilight was descending them, the scholar’s eyes taking in everything but her pink friend. “Pinkie, what is all this?” she asked after a moment, turning her inquiring gaze to Pinkie.

“Oh, nothing much, just a hobby,” Pinkie replied quickly, trying and utterly failing to keep her nervousness out of her voice. “Hey, bet you’re ready to give those cupcakes a fourth try, how about we head up to the kitchen and-“

“Just a hobby?!” Twilight interrupted, her expression changing from mere curiosity to suspicion. ”Pinkie, you’ve got more computer equipment down here than the IT lab at Canterlot University! What could you ever need this type of tech for?”

And there it was, the question Pinkie had hoped Twilight wouldn’t ask, because now she just had to answer. “Because information wants to be free!” Ignoring Twilight’s raised eyebrow at the sudden outburst, Pinkie continued, “Keeping data all to yourself is like having a delicious cake and not offering any to your friends! It’s not like Applejack’s apples or Rarity’s dresses, it’s little ones and zeros that can be copied a million-billion times over without hurting them, so why shouldn’t everyone have it? Why shouldn’t I download all the songs, movies and games I could ever enjoy? Why shouldn’t I sneak in to make sure the high heads in Canterlot aren’t secretly plotting behind our backs? I’m a pirate of the digital seas, Twilight, and no navy can stop me!”

The room was quiet for a few moments, save for Pinkie’s heavy breathing as she recovered from her impromptu speech. It was Twilight who broke the silence. “You’re a hacker, Pinkie?” she asked, disbelief evident in her voice.

Pinkie smiled sheepishly. “I really prefer the term ‘pirate.’ It’s more romantic, you know?”

Twilight shook her head furiously. “This is serious, Pinkie! Seriously illegal! What if the authorities find out about this? What if Princess Celestia does? Oh my gosh, what if she decides I’m an accomplice!? And not to mention all those poor artists who don’t get compensated for their hard-“

“Oh, don’t you condescend to me, Twilight Sparkle!” Pinkie shot back, pointing a hoof at her friend. “How many songs on your neighPod did you pay for?”

Suddenly, Twilight was on the defensive, and she timidly replied, “A-A lot of those songs aren’t available on online stores…”

“Uh-huh,” Pinkie said in response, her tone growing sarcastic. “And how many fandubs do you watch?”

“Fandubs, uh, help the anime industry by building interest in foreign markets, and many ponies purchase the series when it gets released officially…”

Twilight was losing, and Pinkie knew it. “And how many have you watched and not purchased?”

“…a few,” Twilight admitted in defeat, lowering her head.

Pinkie lifted her friend’s head, showing her an understanding smile. “And what show currently has your eye?” she asked as she finally hit the power switch, letting her latest monstrosity hum to life.

“You’d… after all I said…” Twilight was stunned, letting Pinkie easily guide her into a spare office chair by her side.

“We’re in this together now, Twilight. After all…” Pinkie flashed a grin over at Twilight. “A pirate needs her first mate.”

Author's Note:

This story was for Prompt #22: "Captain… Captain Pinkamena Pie." The prompt was, "Pinkie Pie becomes a pirate. Who is her first mate, and whom do they plunder?" While everyone else went with swashbuckling, I chose a more modern definition of the word for my story. This is still one of my favourites.

Comments

[nemryn]

Too late, I'm gonna illegally download it and you can't stop me