Formerly known as "Awokens of the Hyperborean Mountains of Gryphonia."
Update April 25, 2016: Dark genre tag was added. Crystal ponies and Sunset Shimmer character tags were removed until further development.
One starry night when Little Squick was stargazing, she saw a star fell from the sky. She followed where it landed and found that it was an alien contraption, burning away in the Abysmal Abyss. To her curiosity, Little Squick tried to convince her sister to go and search it with her, but instead got a really bad lecture.
Rey was just a simple teenage girl who loved gaming. She decided to cosplay as Mara Sov on her first ever convention, she was having a great time browsing through stores and art panels. That until, she saw a hooded man in a resident evil costume selling a pauldron that she was missing.
She heard some things about people disappearing in conventions. Although, the reason how and why are voided, she had to be careful. She bargained the price of the pauldron in quite a one-sided deal, buying it in just £5. But she would give it back if she could return home from Equestria.
A Displaced Story.
Destiny Disclaimer.
Sex tag for mild sex language and action (no actual clop).
Gore tag for fatality.
This story is not professionally edited, do add this into your bookshelf (preferably if you disliked the early chapters.) so you may see how the story develops.
Now THIS I like. You seriously did this one quite well. Looking forward to more of Mara Sov!
5 pinkies out of five
Great Chapter! Looking forward to seeing more!
One thing that really bugs me is the fact the there was not a lot of detail
so somehow an awoken ship fell from the sky and it was completely silent? No big boom or crash to anounce that something just crashed into the planet? Really big hole in that logic.
6874318 You're right, how come there are no explosions or tremors? Maybe magic or dimensional displacement? The ship may have been going on a rather slow speed, it was displaced from another universe where it was just floating in space. The ketch was burning as it fell from the sky, some may confuse it as a star. In it's speed and velocity, we may assume that it crashed into the chasm of the Abysmal Abyss and broke a few boulders at best. The ketch was unstable and may fall even if Little Squick hadn't press those buttons, but for it to fall needs at least a dozen Griffons perhaps?
I'm trying my best with details, I'm not really the best at it. I'll try to improve with each chapter, I publish in each story. Hopefully, things get better as we go on.
It's fine don't mind me. I just really like details. All I'm saying is at the moment it feels like just telling and not showing. The best advice I can give you to improve would be details. Try thinking of your scenes and characters and picture it in your mind describe how YOU would see them even the small things are interesting. Help us readers picture what you see. In your mind you see a ketch falling. But that's it? Try to add little things like effects.
It was damaged you said, so it was not only on fire from atmospheric reentry but it could also be spewing fire that left a smoke trail that could have made it easier for our "Protagonist".
Also don't just describe looks but also remember to go into detail about characters and their personality, history, and thoughts. Go the extra mile for depth.
In NO way am I saying I don't like this. The more you keep at it the better, good job though.
Another fine chapter!
This has potential just pm me if you need help.
6869767 Frost that new profile pic is EPIC!
Also petty good so far.
Now I'm excited
7058870 Thanks
Aw yeah. I love this story. I sorta wish that instead of a displaced, this actually happened to the Queen after the battle, but I like the premise a lot anyway.
keep it up!
7059641 Due to the fact about the lack of information about the Queen, I could hardly imagine how she acts both in formal and casual way. Using the option of a displaced with both the Queen and Rey's memories, it'll be easy for me to get a hold of them, even though it is conflicting in their minds.
7060797 Well the Awoken are meant to be mysterious, especially the Queen and it is hard to get info on her since she is now Dead. Although if you look through the Grimoire Cards you may be able to find bits and pieces of info on her.
Oh shit. Not sure if that's bad or good. Great chapter!
7109839 thanks! What do you think about the pace of the story? Am I going too fast?
7110926 A little fast, but it's fine. No worries.
7110942 glad to hear that, I'll try and add more 'slice of life' scenes, or others perspective's scenes to slow it a tad.
7110973 Sounds good. Wonder if Petra or Variks will show up... (Devious smile....)
This Story's starting to get good now. Only time will tell though if this gets a Like.
Will Mara Sov get involved in the fight next Chapter?
7140051 yes, she will. I'm still pondering the Idea on how she will use her 'powers' from what I have seen in taken King.
7140069 If she does, then the Griffon Soldiers are dead.
And now I'm excited for what's next
You are filled with Determination!
Hehe, I gotta stop doing Undertale jokes and references.
Shock Dagger to the Brain= Your F****** screwed
6874447Aye, tis good, my friend, all y' need do is work towards y' goal.
Y' done good. Y' done good.
That'll do pig. That'll do.
7179232 where'd the pig come from?
Can we expect an update soon?
Kinda missing this story.