• Member Since 16th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Pen Dragon

Just a simple guy, wanting to write stories of ponies in epic adventures and cute romances


Two thousand years ago, Equestria was once a united nation where everypony lived together in harmony. But when Equestria's four rulers vanished off the face of the planet, a new government called the Order was formed, leading to Equestria splitting in two due to disagreements among each other, but when a pony claims to be one of the princesses a unicorn named Watcher does everything he can to find the truth about this mysterious mare he met by fate.

Inspired by Monochromatic's Story, The Enchanted Library
This is the start of the Gems Trilogy for our young heroes and I can promise you all that this is something all of you guys will enjoy.

Co-Author: Spirals95 give a big thanks to him for helping me write this story.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 42 )

Nice introduction so far

Nice chapter but need more chapter

Well that was quite the slight cliffhanger there.

You're most welcome. Plus, if Princess Celestia can manage to convince Watcher to believe her, I think it would help establish a potential relationship between the two.

Well it's going to take a while to get Watcher to fully believe that the unicorn is Princess Celestia...I feel sympathetic to her plight right now.

"The was there" should be "They were there".

"one of the world's most powerful nation" should be "nations" plural.

"the most who would become a guardian" should be "the most who would become guardians" or better yet "Usually, no more than twenty out of an entire academy would become guardians".

"a smirk peered" should be "a smirk crept", because smirks don't have eyes.

"more talent at this then us" should be "than us".

"been through alot" should be "a lot".

Each occurrence of "He said", "She asked" etc. should be part of the preceding sentence, not a new sentence fragment - the pronoun should be lowercase.

"each wearing a black robes" should be either "each wearing a black robe" (each individual pony is only wearing one robe) or simply "wearing black robes" (collectively).

"grins plastered" implies that they're faking it and aren't really happy. Is that what you intended?

"blue eyes stepped forward" should be two sentences: "blue eyes. He stepped forward".

"are have studied" should just be "have studied"

"most likely pass our exams with ease no doubt" is redundant. Pick either "most likely" or "no doubt".

"the same a doing" is a typo for "the same as doing".

"began whispering to each other as their eyes widen" should be "widened".

"we should all have the rights to graduate together" should be "right" (singular).

Again, "A stallion shouted" should be part of the preceding sentence.

"members of the counsel" should be "council".

"who shall be left behind" should be "who would be left behind".

"with this new changes" should be "with this new change" (or maybe "with these new changes").

"you and me are have been" should be "you and I have been". You wouldn't write "me have been".

"boarding system" should probably be "tournament system" or similar; "boarding" means to stay in accommodation.

"the headed" is a typo for "they headed".

Looks like you could use a good proofreader! :)

I would really appreciate it man :)

Sorry, I don't have time to to look at the other chapters right now. Maybe later! But do check if you can spot some of the same issues.

If Celestia didn’t show up, I’d say this wasn’t a MLP fic at all.

It was at that moment Watcher turned off the screen to see Celestia crying as she glared at the computer. “How could they… why would they kill my… my little ponies?”

Ha! She said it!

You know, if Celestia was still in power, she would have never allowed such an atrocity to happen.

Way to ruin Pen and Stencil's happy and joyous moment Cobalt you jerk!

Also I'm very glad that Watcher is calling Celestia by her real name. :heart:

Glad you are enjoying the story so far my friend :) Do look forward to more and spread the word for me.

Wow, three chapters in one day, quite an achievement!

I'm also loving how Watcher is starting to become genuinely connect with Celestia with their shared loss of family.

Well, looks like Watcher and Celestia are going to have a difficult journey ahead of them from here on out.

In retrospect, Watcher should never leave lists for a pursuing enemy to follow him.

Well these chapters aren't new, but now that all of the old ones have been posted, you'll see all of the new stuff that is to come :)

Good heavens! The Order's more brutal than I imagined! Apollo's just Hugo Strange from Batman: Arkham City (assuming you've played that game before).

Is the name Smallville a reference to Superman's home town?

You know it's a shame that Midnight and Stardust ended up dying in the end. I was sincerely hoping they would have lived a bit longer so they'd possibly defect from the Order, but I suppose we'll never get to see that.

As for Watcher, while losing Stardust for him was terrible, there's still other fish in the sea, including Celestia (I hope he understands that she accidentally killed Stardust).

Overall I'm really excited for the next installment in he series.

This is a very interesting story. I have a question though, do changelings exist in this version of Equestria? If so, I have a changeling hive that you could use called the Shadow Hive Kingdom.

Watcher's eyes turning red? I've got a terrible feeling about this.

That would be telling my friend ;) But I'll keep that in mind

Cool. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next story.

Youve managed to turn this story around quite a bit. Good Job

Thanks, it's taken a lot of work but book 1 is finally done. XD


You don’t even need to go into fiction, he acts like Stalin.

Yeah the Council shows their ineptness. They couldn't prevent Blackstar from doing that but a student showed he could and they didn't like that.

Yeah. Something like that could wait till the morning

Remember me? Well, I decided to give this story a try again. Been a long time since I read the first iteration of this story.

Been a long time my friend, and a lot has changed since I first took it down. Now it is finished, and has a sequel now

So far it's quite similar from what I can remember. Maybe you omitted a character from the old version?

Most of these chapters are old and in need of revisions, but after chapter ten is when you'll get into the new stuff :)

Yeah, this is more or less how I remember it. I wonder if Umbra will play a role in the future.

She will play a big role my friend. XP Most of the chapters are pretty much the same, where the real changes occur.

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

Well, Watcher would have a very deep voice kinda like Patrick Seitz. Techorse is hard to say since he belongs to my partner, but if I had to choose I'd say he'd sound like Bryce Papenbrook. And Midnight would most likely sound like Clifford Chapin.

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