Sew Far, Sew Good
“This chair’s too hard,” Sombra grumbled to no one in particular, sluggishly adjusting his plot from side to side atop his new stone seat. “I’m going to go get a pillow from my quarters to sit on.”
“Don’t bother,” Discord told him. “That many stairs; you’ll miss the whole meeting before you even get back.” Discord, from his own matching stone seat around the mammoth circular table, snapped his claws together and underneath Sombra appeared a pink-and-white polka dot pillow. Discord gave him a one-sided grin. “Happy now, soft butt?”
Sombra pursed his lips. “For now, it will do.”
In the center of Discord’s flying fortress had their meeting room been set up. High, curved ceilings. Brick walls and iron chandeliers with burning candles. In the center of the room was a light blue stone table cut into a perfect circle. Four chairs surrounded it at the moment… but it was evident that more could be added with only a moment’s notice.
Discord angled his head towards Chrysalis. “What's taking my grapefruit juice so long? This is just getting ridiculous now.”
At that, Chrysalis exhaled softly and turned her chair around—no easy feat given how solid and heavy each one of them were. “Children? How goes Discord’s drink?”
On a table pressed against the wall was a large silver contraption with a strainer and a lever attachment; bags of oranges, grapefruits, and other whole fruits sat on the floor next to it. Toe (one of Chrysalis’ many children) worked the large lever on the end while Tic held a glass underneath the pourer on the other side. Tac, the last of the trio, busied himself loading the “crushing” compartment with more grapefruits to be squeezed.
Bad Dude eyed the glass Tic held and found it barely even half full—pulpy, too.
“Keep working, children,” Chrysalis told them, “You’re doing—”
She was halted when Toe smashed the lever to the machine far too hard, squashing the grapefruit at its center instantly and shooting out bits of mangled fruit in all directions. Tac ended up getting the worst of it—several bits of acidic grapefruit juice in the eyes. Momentarily blinded, he hovered around the room, banging into walls as Tic and Toe scurried after him to try and help.
Chrysalis was the quickest to respond—grabbing hold of the frenzied Tac with her aura and bringing him down to set on her lap. Using her own napkin and a glass of water, she dampened it and gently ran it over his eyes.
“I always warned you children about the dangers of grapefruit juice,” she cooed to Tac, as he sniffled underneath her.
Discord scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Just great. By this rate I’ll never get a nice, fresh squeezed glass of juice to myself.”
“Couldn’t you just snap yourself one?” Bad Dude suggested helpfully.
Discord slouched. “Well, technically yes, but you know how much sweeter things taste when someone else gets them for you?”
Bad Dude decided to put current fruit juice emergencies on hold as he loudly cleared his throat. All parties at the table turned to him.
He smiled, hopeful no one had noticed just how many books he’d had to stack underneath himself to be level with the rest of them. “I thought it would be best if we started with roll call,” he began clearly, sliding a bit of parchment onto the table. “Bad Dude?” he asked, before responding, “Here!”
He added a checkmark beside his name with a quill.
Discord groaned. “We know who’s here, Bad Dude; there’re only four of us, for Celestia’s sake.”
“King Sombra?” Bad Dude continued unperturbed.
“Obviously.”
“Queen Chrysalis?”
“Here!” someone answered in a mocking tone.
Bad Dude looked up from his parchment to find Discord snickering. Chrysalis was shooting daggers at him. “I do not sound like that!” she trumpeted.
“You sort of do,” he explained.
“I would have to agree,” Sombra added dryly.
Softly, Chrysalis set Tac back on the floor before shutting her eyes and rubbing at her temples with her hooves. “I can’t believe the only other mature pony in the room is the one still in grade school.”
Bad Dude added another check mark. “Discord?”
“Not here,” Discord replied snidely, before crossing his eyes together while sticking out his tongue. “I’m actually his far less attractive twin brother, Derp Lord.”
Bad Dude added the last check mark anyways, before looking up again. “Looks like everyone is here. So, first order of business! Getting Tirek out of Tartarus!”
The other three shared a collective groan.
Bad Dude’s ears flattened. “What? What’s wrong?”
“My back… it must be these chairs,” Sombra grunted out.
“No! I mean what’s wrong with getting Tirek out of Tartarus? When I went to go visit him, that’s the first thing I told him we would do.”
“Well, Bad Dude…” Chrysalis started awkwardly, “I only thought we could start with different activities, instead. I mean, it’s not like Tirek’s going anywhere.”
“I second that motion,” Discord announced with a lion’s paw held high. “Why waste our time busting some geezer out of prison when we could be… oh, I don’t know… causing a little ol’ chaos?”
Sombra leaned across the table towards Discord. “As long as that so-called ‘chaos’ happens to involve the takeover of the Crystal Empire.”
“Actually, I was thinking something a little larger in scope, Mister Grumbles,” Discord answered sharply.
“What about Canterlot?” Chrysalis cut in. “Has everyone forgotten what a precarious state it’s been left in since Bad Dude’s attack?”
“I didn’t attack them!” Bad Dude shouted with a squeak. “I just talked to them.”
Chrysalis shook her head. “Okay… since Bad Dude’s ‘incredibly painful talk.’ But don’t you all realize how easy it would be to take back and control?”
Discord leaned back in his chair while stroking his beard. “Not necessarily, Queenie. Since Celestia and Luna have been bedridden, Twilight and her friendship gang have been more-or-less on guard should something arise in their absence. This still is the time to strike, no doubt—considering the last time I spoke with Fluttershy, she happened to mention the Princesses would be up and at it again in a few weeks at most—but the big question becomes who and where we should strike.”
“Tirek in Tartarus!” Bad Dude exclaimed again, but to little avail.
“We could always turn the moon into a giant ball of cotton candy?” Discord suggested.
“I’m tired of blowing my own nose,” Sombra complained. “I want my slaves back. My vote still goes to the Crystal Empire.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “They’ll be expecting that, Sombra. Attacking Canterlot again? Right after it’s been attacked? They wouldn’t see it coming.”
Sombra turned to give her a sharp look. “And that wouldn’t have anything to do with your defeat the last time you were there? Are you truly thinking about what’s best for this organization or only what’s best for you?”
“Are you?” she shot back.
“You’re honestly telling me you wouldn’t want a slave to give you back rubs whenever you wanted them?”
Bringing a hoof to her lips, Chrysalis whistled loudly and a moment later Toe flew to the side of her chair to begin massaging her shoulders. After she gave Toe a quick peck on the cheek, she whirled to Sombra while narrowing her eyes.
“I still miss my slaves…” Sombra muttered aloud, as if that somehow ended the argument.
“Doesn’t anyone like random chaos anymore?” Discord asked lightly. “Anyone?”
Chrysalis raised her hoof. “Canterlot.”
Sombra did the same. “My empire.”
Discord raised both hands. “Derp Lord!”
“Stop it!”
Leaping off his chair, Bad Dude climbed atop the table and marched to its center. He took a moment to look at all three of them in turn, giving each of them his sternest expression. One by one, they shied away from him, only barely meeting his eyes. The room became very quiet suddenly—even Tic, Tac, and Toe retreated to a corner of the room to huddle together.
“You guys are terrible,” Bad Dude started stubbornly. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re all villains. What you’re doing now… you’re all just being selfish! You’re only thinking about yourselves! We’re supposed to be a team! And my dad always told me there’s no ‘I’ in team.”
“There is an ‘I’ in hive, though,” Chrysalis added with a giggle.
The glare Bad Dude gave her made her shrink in her seat and grab at her chest.
Bad Dude continued on gamely, “There’s a reason you all lost before—because you didn’t have anyone looking out for you; trying to help you succeed.” He pointed a small hoof at Sombra. “If Chrysalis had been around when you were defeated, she could’ve flown up and grabbed the Crystal Heart for you, right? It helps having someone with wings as your friend.” He indicated Chrysalis next. “If you had Discord helping you out at the Royal Wedding, he could’ve distracted Twilight and her friends enough with some chaos so that things would’ve gone off without a hitch for you.” Finally, he marched up to Discord. “And you—”
Discord sighed, before interrupting, “Yes, yes, I see where you’re going, Bad Dude. If both these knuckleheads would’ve been around, they could’ve halted the blast that turned me back into stone. I could’ve thrown Sombra in front of me or something. Super-duper best friends… blah, blah, blah… but what does this have to do with springing Tirek?”
Bad Dude took a moment to think on that. Once he knew what he wanted to say, he looked back up with gusto. “We need to show Equestria that villains can play as a team—just like the heroes. If they see that we actually care about each other, then… maybe other villains will be more likely to come join us. And what sounds scarier to you? One villain working alone? Or a whole load of them working together side-by-side and looking out for one another? It’s worked for the heroes, hasn’t it?”
Sombra loudly knocked on the table. “For the record, I don’t care about either of you two.”
Bad Dude spun to him. “But you care about me, right?”
Sombra winced from the question. “Of course I do. You’re my apprentice, after all.”
“So doesn’t that mean you’ll all try and get along for me, then?”
More grumbling met the question, yet none of them argued further. Instead, they all cast suspicious glances at one another until they more-or-less agreed with Bad Dude’s request.
“And,” Bad Dude tried to add cheerfully, “it’s not like we aren’t gonna do what you guys want. We just need to show Equestria that we’re a team first! A super evil, unstoppable team!”
“We get it,” Discord spoke irritably, “you want us to work together. Fine! Let’s just see how well that works out. Just stop squeaking like a chew toy and get off the table. You’re leaving hoof marks everywhere.”
As Bad Dude jumped back onto his chair, Sombra nodded a single time. “If that is the way of it, then I will need a proper cape before we begin.”
One snap of Discord’s claws later, and Sombra suddenly had a brand new cape around his shoulders—a rather bright pink one that only traveled a third of the way down his back and even included a large “S” insignia in its middle.
Sombra shut his eyes, exhaling slowly. “I’m not even going to look behind me because I’m pretty sure I won’t like it. But, no, silly dragon, I don’t want a cape created by you. I want one created by my old tailor, and because Bad Dude needs a proper cape as well, I shall bring him along with me.”
“You mean a tailor from the Crystal Empire?” Chrysalis asked him dryly. “Didn’t Bad Dude just go over not being so self-centered?”
“He did. That’s why I’m getting him a cape, too.”
Chrysalis leaned towards him. “Don’t think showing up in your old stomping grounds might raise a few eyebrows, Sombra?”
Sombra smirked at her. “Never heard of a cloak before?”
***
The four of them stood at the edge of the fortress’ expansive rooftop while arctic winds rippled at Sombra’s new black cloak and Chrysalis’ thin mane. Far, far down below sat the Crystal Empire—surrounded by thousands of miles of snow and with a single train track leading up to its entrance.
Most eyes were on Sombra, who stared at his old home with what looked like a mixture of nervousness and hate. He turned away from the city to look back at Discord and Chrysalis.
“This will sound odd,” he admitted, “but I’ll need to borrow some of your powers. My defeat alongside my years spent inside a cave has done irreparable damage to my magic supply—I know I will gain it back over time, but…” He let his sentence hang in the air.
Discord ended up being the first to step forward—sighing and cracking his knuckles together. “You use this magic against me and I’ll be really pissed,” he warned, before he shoved one of his eagle claws up Sombra’s nose before he could react. While cocking his thumb, Discord made a bang! sound and a thick surge of purple-and-black energy shot from his claw and into Sombra’s head.
From the blast of magic, Sombra reeled back and closed his eyes in pain. “Oh, gods! That’s strong!”
Discord cocked a one-sided grin. “You better believe it, baby. That’s one-hundred percent chaos magic, there. They don’t make it like they used to anymore.”
By the corner of the roof, Sombra tapped his forehead with a hoof as he tried to get himself under control. When his breathing steadied, he pried open his eyes to reveal red-and-green pupils that glowed as bright as stoplights.
“Feeling better?” Discord asked with a giggle.
Sombra turned away from them to aim his curved horn at the edge of the roof. As he lifted his horn, a triangular batch of jagged, sharp crystals arose from the roof and continued to climb until they were over six feet tall. Sombra laughed contently, before turning to the rest of them with a devilish grin that Bad Dude had yet to glimpse on the stallion.
Bad Dude was instantly reminded of the King Sombra pictures in his old history books.
Sombra looked down at Bad Dude, who had removed his cape while still inside. “Ready, my young prince?”
Bad Dude glanced over the edge of the roof uneasily. “Uh… sure… but how are we getting down there again?”
“Darkness,” Sombra replied.
“Dark—” was all Bad Dude got out, before Sombra burst outwards in a mound of thick black smoke that sailed across the air and effortlessly took Bad Dude along with it. Oozing over the roof’s edge, the trail of smoke increased in speed until it was hurtling towards the snow-covered ground. Bad Dude remained on the top of the smoke trail—his mane and tail billowing around in the wind. He tried to find something to grab hold of, but found the surrounding smoke held him perfectly in place. The smoke was warming, too; helpful against the surrounding winter conditions.
Ten feet from the ground, Sombra leveled out the smoke and him and Bad Dude landed in the snow with a faint thud. Safe and sound and back on land, Bad Dude bounced up and down in joy.
Sombra smiled at him. “Have fun?”
“Yeah!” Bad Dude told him earnestly. “Any chance of doing that again?”
“Maybe on our way back,” Sombra said, fixing his cloak over his head so as to completely hide his horn. “Remember, Bad Dude, we must remain as inconspicuous as possible. These poor ponies have yet to realize that I am still very much alive and still very much interested in being their ruler again. So we will retrieve our capes and then depart. Sound good?”
Bad Dude nodded. “Yep,” he replied, before something suddenly came to mind. “Actually, there’s this filly in my class that went to the Empire once and got a snow globe from one of the gift shops. You think we could pick one up if we have the time?”
Sombra pursed his lips. “Sure, why not. I must say I am more than a little interested to see the changes in my absence.” He chuckled. “Think they’d have a King Sombra figure to purchase, as well?”
“Probably. Would you buy one if they had it?”
“Obviously,” Sombra told him bluntly. “Don’t you know how much fun it is playing with yourself?”
Bad Dude laughed as Sombra took his hoof in his own and marched them towards the gates of the Crystal Empire.
***
“This place is already making me sick,” Sombra declared, less than ten minutes later.
Bad Dude had never been to the Crystal Empire before, but he was quickly reminded of the grand fairs they held yearly in Canterlot that his dad would make donuts for. Everywhere Bad Dude looked in the Empire, he saw more and more light blue crystal—walls and buildings and, of course, the giant tower and connecting spire at the heart of the city. All around him, ponies trotted in various directions, happily conversing with one another or slipping into shops or small eateries lining the streets. Over half the population was made up of sparkly Crystal ponies, while the rest appeared normal; some had on “I Visited The Crystal Empire And All I Got Was This Crystal T-Shirt” shirts, while others had matching hats, helium balloons, or likewise “Crystal Empire” souvenirs. Bad Dude noted almost everyone was carrying a glass of lemonade for some reason.
While Sombra wisely waited outside, Bad Dude visited the gift shop near the gates and bought a Crystal Empire snow globe along with two small King Sombra figures (one for himself, obviously). It was rather odd, he found, while searching through the bins of other figures—almost all of the Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armors had been sold, while dozens of extra King Sombras remained. Bad Dude had to shake his head at that. What was wrong with everyone?
“That’ll be thirty-six bits, young stallion,” the Crystal Empire cashier informed him cheerfully.
Bad Dude fished through the pouch of bits his group’s treasury had afforded him and laid them on the counter.
While the cashier bagged his goods, he couldn’t help but furrow his brows at his purchases. “Must say it’s odd—someone as young as you buying not one, but two Sombra toys.”
“Action figures,” Bad Dude corrected.
“Sure. That,” the cashier said. “Still, I would’ve thought a Shining Armor figure would’ve been more your style.”
Bad Dude shook his head adamantly. “No, sir! King Sombra’s the best! And the fact you can rearrange his figure’s battle armor and cape is so cool!”
The cashier gave him his bag and stared at him deadpan. “You do realize he enslaved an entire race and held them under his tyrannical rule for centuries, right?”
“Yep!” Bad Dude answered. “But I’m sure he won’t be that bad next time.”
The cashier raised a brow. “Next time? Sombra’s dead, kid.”
Bad Dude whispered back, “He sure is!” before he tipped him a wink and trotted out the store.
Back in the hustle and bustle of the crowded streets of the Crystal Empire, Sombra seemed to be having a less than ideal time during his visit. Continuously cocking his head from side to side, Bad Dude had to keep leaping up and readjusting his hood to help keep him concealed. Although Bad Dude could only view the tip of his snout because of his hood, he could tell by the sharpness of his tone that Sombra was becoming more and more enraged with every passing minute.
“What in Equestria have they done to my beautiful kingdom?” he spat, glaring at the second lemonade stand they passed. “Dance studios? Condo complexes? Candy shops?” He growled deep in his throat. “Back in my day, everything was grey and miserable and it was wonderful! Now look at everything! Everyone’s all happy and content and smiling… it’s like they don’t even remember me anymore…”
Sombra held his head down for a moment, before Bad Dude tugged on one of his legs with a hoof. “I remember you, Sombra—sure I do! And we can always change the place back once we take it over again.”
Sombra absently ruffled Bad Dude’s mane. “You always know just what to say to make me feel better, Bad Dude, but still—” His sentence was cut short when a group of visiting mares hurried past them, all with glasses of lemonade in hoof. Up the street, a stallion working at yet another lemonade stand joyfully waved them goodbye.
Angrily, Sombra stomped on the ground. “And what is with all these blasted lemonade stands!? Honestly! You couldn’t even finish a single glass by the time you got to the next damned stand!” He brought a hoof to the side of his head. “What architect designed this mockery of an empire?”
Bad Dude’s eyes followed yet another stallion holding a glass of fresh squeezed lemonade, slurping it with a straw. He glanced up at Sombra anxiously. “Speaking of lemonade… think we could get a glass?”
Still fuming, Sombra sighed and slumped his shoulders.
“Sure.”
***
Two glasses of fresh squeezed lemonade later, and Sombra appeared to have settled down a bit. Using his horn to keep his glass near his muzzle, Sombra and Bad Dude made their way further into the city as he pointed out and explained various locations of his old home.
“And that’s where I discovered a group of ponies plotting to assassinate me,” Sombra told him, indicating a short house made of crystal. “Let’s just say that it was someone else that ended up being assassinated that day.”
At that, he laughed, so Bad Dude did too, although he didn’t quite get it.
A short time later, Sombra seemed close to his old self—his lemonade nearly finished. Closer to the Crystal Empire tower, he gave Bad Dude a quick look at the outside of his old home, before they came upon a sight that made Sombra spray out what lemonade was still in his mouth.
“You have got to be kidding me!” he screamed, as his glass of lemonade splashed to the ground. “Him? Him!?”
Bad Dude looked upward to see what had caused Sombra’s latest outburst. At the base of the Crystal Empire tower was a mammoth statue depicting a young dragon holding the famous Crystal Heart above his head. It was a figure Bad Dude could also remember from his history books: “Spike” the dragon—or the one creature that had saved the Crystal Empire and brought a stop to King Sombra’s return.
Standing underneath the statue, Sombra angrily tapped it with a hoof. “Catch one blasted Crystal Heart and you instantly get a statue for it? What’s Equestria coming too?” He spun around to face Bad Dude. “I never got a statue. And you have any idea how productive the Crystal Empire was under my rule? No breaks. No sleep. No food. Just work, work, work. The amount of pure material we exported in just a month was mind boggling! And don’t even get me started on how well-managed my daycare system was.”
Bad Dude glanced away from him. “Okay, I won’t get you started.”
“Too late!” Sombra spoke. “The key was not allowing any foals inside the daycare; kept things nice and clean, it did.” He turned his cloaked head towards Bad Dude—his hauntingly glowing eyes visible within the darkness of his hood. “Keep an eye out, Bad Dude. Let me know when no one’s looking our way.”
Awkwardly, Bad Dude scanned the area surrounding them, where literally hundreds of ponies busily walked and talked in all directions.
“Is it clear?” Sombra snapped.
“Not really…” Bad Dude admitted.
“Too bad.” Bringing his hoof to his mouth, Sombra pretended to sneeze the moment he shot a wave of red energy from his horn, slicing the dragon statue in half and causing the top part to come crashing down on what remained. Sombra’s weak attempt at a sneeze was horrifically dwarfed by the immense shattering sounds of thousands of bits of crystal smashing against each other and breaking apart. Just when it seemed that things would get quiet again, another mound of crystal would suddenly drop, causing another chorus of sharp snaps that echoed all the way across the empire effortlessly.
When the statue finally came to a rest, the only sound Bad Dude could hear was Sombra’s labored breaths. Everyone around him and in the streets had stopped what they were doing, and were looking at both of them in muted shock and horror.
Eventually, everyone’s momentary paralysis broke and Bad Dude could hear the whispers begin. One Crystal Empire stallion in a dress shirt and tie broke away from the crowd. “What happened? Who did this?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Sombra spoke thickly, keeping his back to everyone. “It was that colt, right there.”
A few in the crowd gasped. The stallion did the same. “It… it was? Really?” He looked down at Bad Dude. “You mean to tell me it wasn’t that scary, hooded figure over there, but actually the adorable colt that destroyed the statue?”
“Umm…” Bad Dude felt his cheeks redden. It felt as if half of the Crystal Empire was staring at him. Even feeling as nervous as he was, he knew he couldn’t let Sombra get discovered—at least not yet; not when he was still weak. “Yes,” he answered quietly.
The stallion raised a single brow, his bulging eyes going from Bad Dude to the ground littered with what remained of the statue. He seemed to search for the right thing to say. “How?”
Bad Dude gently rubbed his hoof into the ground while looking downcast. “I tripped. And then it sort of… exploded. A lot.”
The stallion remained perplexed. “You… tripped? And somehow that destroyed the entire thing? You know how much that statue cost to make?”
Bad Dude could almost feel the change in the air; the feelings of curiosity spinning towards ones of hate. A hoof fell to his shoulder.
“Now why don’t you tell all these nice ponies here that you’re sorry, hmm?” Sombra spoke close to him. “I’m sure it would help.”
Oh. Now Bad Dude understood things a bit more.
On nervous legs, Bad Dude took a few steps towards the gathered mass and pretended to hitch in a few breaths. He ran a leg under his eyes and made them shimmer with fresh tears. “I’m awfully sorry,” he explained in a soft tone. “I didn’t mean to break the statue. Honest. It was just an accident and I’m really, really sorry.” He pouted as a single tear dripped down his cheek. “Please don’t be mad at me. Please?”
The crowd responded with a unanimous Awwwwwww! Even the stallion in the dress shirt melted slightly by the sight, before he winced and rubbed at his chest. When Bad Dude began to sniffle, the same stallion fell to his rump and held a hoof out to him. “It’s all right! No one’s mad at you… no one’s…” He grunted, then roughly got to his hooves again. “I think I need to go see a doctor now… if you’ll excuse me…”
The stallion exiting the scene started the chain reaction Bad Dude had been hoping for. While some left due to simple boredom, others retreated in a mild amount of pain. Others, still, came up to Bad Dude to console him and give him a quick hug, letting him know they really weren’t mad at him. As one mare dried the tears from his face, Bad Dude became almost certain that he could conquer the entire Empire and be forgiven for it in the same day.
After everyone moved on to leave them alone, Sombra came to stand next to him. He held a hoof to his mouth to yell at the dispersing ponies, “Go! Run away! Enjoy your fresh squeezed lemonade while you can!”
One stallion in the thick of the crowd actually turned and happily yelled back, “Why, thank you! I sure will!”
Sombra slapped a hoof against his hooded face. “I can’t even believe I used to call these ponies good workers…”
Down below, Bad Dude fretfully tugged on his cloak. “Can we please get our capes and go? That was a really close call.”
Sombra sighed. “You are right, my prince. And that was very selfish of me. I acted without thought and almost ruined our plans before they even began. Will you forgive me, Bad Dude?”
Bad Dude smiled. “Of course, Sombra; everyone makes mistakes.”
Sombra smiled back, wrapping a foreleg around the colt to pull him in for an embrace.
“Now let’s see if I can find my old tailor or not…”
***
Sombra’s former tailor was a Crystal Empire stallion known as Shiny Button, who operated a clothing shop by the edges of the city called, “Let It Sew”. After leaving the destroyed statue behind, Sombra and Bad Dude began asking around if anyone knew of Shiny Button’s location. A few surprised reactions later, they were told where his shop was. To Sombra more-than-mild annoyance, they learned it was located by the Empire’s second lemonade district, and that if they ventured into the third lemonade district, then they’d gone too far.
“The moment I am king again, I will outlaw all lemonade!” Sombra said while they traveled together. “Punishable by death! What kind of death, you ask?”
Sombra didn’t leave enough time to ask.
“Dehydration!” Sombra laughed wickedly at that. “Irony at its finest!”
Twenty minutes after the statue scene, Sombra and Bad Dude entered the tailor’s shop and found it completely void of other ponies. With a low chuckle, Sombra lowered his hood and straightened out his mane, flashing his pointed fangs. At the other end of the small shop was a brown unicorn with half-moon spectacles. Using his horn, he carefully measured out a length of cloth with a tape measure before slicing it with scissors.
A tiny bell above the door announced their arrival.
Shiny Button kept on working, keeping his back to them. “Be with you in a moment!” he called to them gingerly.
Bad Dude and Sombra crossed the shop in a few steps, stopping at the wooden counter. Sombra laid his hooves next to the cash register. “It seems my old tailor has done rather well for himself, hasn’t he?” Sombra spoke softly.
Shiny Button’s next snip of his scissors was wildly off the mark as he jolted. Becoming pale, he slowly turned his head to them. “King Sombra…?”
Bad Dude smiled and waved. “Hi! I’m here, too!”
Like a bolt of lightning, Shiny Button ran to the back of his shop, dropping his cloth and scissors as he went. In reaction, Sombra sighed bitterly and broke apart into a mound of smoke that trailed after the scurrying tailor. One yelp! noise later, and Shiny Button was dragged back into the main area of the shop and set back right where he started.
Shiny Button started blubbering immediately. “No, no, no, no…” he mumbled on continuous loop.
Once whole again on the other side of the counter, Sombra eyed up a spray bottle close at hoof and lifted it up with his horn. Then he gave Shiny Button a few light sprays in the face with it.
“Bad Shiny Button!” he scolded. “Bad former slave! No escape attempts for you! No calling for help, either!”
Shiny Button winced from the sprays of water, continuing to say, “No, no, no, no…”
Sombra angrily set the spray bottle down, glaring at him. “What? What are you doing? What’s saying ‘no’ like that going to accomplish? Am I going to suddenly change my mind if you say ‘no’ a certain amount of times? ‘Oh, look! That smart Shiny Button just said ‘No’ for the seventy-fifth time! Guess we better leave!’”
Shiny Button looked at him with mild hope. “Really?”
Sombra gave him another spray. “No, you dolt! I came for a new cape, along for a new cape for him.” He nodded in Bad Dude’s direction.
Shiny Button got himself under enough control to glance down at Bad Dude. He bit his trembling lip. “Now you’re… kidnapping foals!?” he sputtered out. “You were a monster before… but, now this?”
Sombra rolled his eyes. “Hold your naïve tongue, Button. This colt right here is my partner—my very special partner.”
Shiny Button’s white face turned a shade green.
Sombra shut his eyes in annoyance. “I meant partner in crime, you dolt! Don’t go making this weird.”
“But I saw you die!” Shiny Button tried to explain. “Torn apart and everything! I even got drunk at the after party…”
Again, Sombra rested his hooves on the counter, closing the distance between them. “Well, too bad, Button. Things are about to change around here. And, just for the record, I hope some of my exploding buttocks smacked you in the face when I was defeated. How dare you celebrate my destruction!”
Shiny Button looked at him sourly. “But you have to admit, you’re not all that nice of a stallion.”
“I am firm, but fair,” Sombra clarified. “Just don’t get on my bad side and you might not be killed.”
“But who’s ever been on your good side?”
“No one!” Sombra roared, before hastily looking at Bad Dude. “Okay. He’s all right. But that’s it!”
Visibly jittering where he stood, Shiny Button eventually asked him, “So what do you want? Tell me! I just don’t want to die!”
“Why, a new cape, of course,” Sombra told him gently. “Does your king not look a tad… naked without one?”
“But everyone’s naked,” Shiny Button replied. “Like, literally everyone in Equestria. I just make accessories, really.”
Sombra looked at the counter for a moment and said more to himself, “He says he doesn’t want to die, but he keeps on saying things that make me want to kill him. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.”
Shiny Button nodded energetically. “Never mind! I’ll shut up now! Capes, right? You want capes? Like your old one?”
Sombra grinned at him. “Precisely. And my associate here will tell you exactly what he wants, too.” A reddish aura wrapped around Bad Dude’s middle and lifted him onto the counter. Sombra smiled at him warmly. “Well, my prince?”
Oh. Bad Dude had to think on that. When he finally had a design in mind, he hurriedly told Shiny Button all that he wanted.
***
Two hours later and Shiny Button unveiled both capes. Like his old one, Sombra’s was blood red with a white-and-black spotted boarder. As they watched and waited for their apparel, Sombra wondered if a good blacksmith still existed somewhere in the Empire that could fashion him new armor. Then he asked Bad Dude if he’d like something close to the same, although Bad Dude had to decline. What were the odds of someone actually striking down an innocent colt in a cape?
No. Bad Dude wasn’t worried about defense. He was made entirely out of pure, fluffy offense.
Shiny Button (now literally quite shiny due to the excessive sweat on his coat) laid out Sombra’s new cape before receiving a silent nod of approval from the ex-king. Next up was Bad Dude’s, which he laid out on the counter next to it.
“So… so is it good?” Shiny Button wheezed. “Please, tell me it’s good so I can run away already!”
Bad Dude gasped as he touched his new cape. Like his old one, it was royal blue. Unlike his old one, it had a white boarder similar to Sombra’s, but with dark blue diamonds embedded into the fabric. The royal blue section of his cape was different, too. Hoof-sized images of stars and crescent moons dotted the whole design, holographic in nature. Depending on what angle someone was viewing the cape, they could see from one, up to dozens of different silvery images and designs. Bad Dude found it gave his cape almost a liquid-like appearance, like some cloth made out of rippling water.
“I think it’s the coolest cape I’ve ever seen!” Bad Dude told him openly. “Thanks a bunch, mister Button!”
Shiny Button chuckled uneasily. “That’s quite all right. Just go away and never come back, okay?”
After stuffing both capes inside a takeaway bag, Sombra and Bad Dude made to leave the store before Sombra spun back around. He looked down at Bad Dude. “Why don’t you rough Button up a bit, hmm? Make sure he doesn’t open his trap about what he saw here today.”
Bad Dude frowned. “But I don’t want to hurt him. He made us really nice capes today.”
Sombra furrowed his brows. “You’re not sounding a whole lot like a villain right now, you know.”
Bad Dude stomped a tiny hoof. “I am so a villain! I have the word ‘Bad’ in my name and everything!”
Sombra reacted with a mischievous grin. “Of course. My mistake, my young prince. Don’t rough up, Shiny Button. Instead, why don’t you go give him a hug? A nice, long hug to thank him for his work? And don’t forget to be just as cute as you can be.”
Bad Dude nodded at once. “I can do that!”
Then he trotted back to Shiny Button to do just that.
Sadly, due to chest pains, Shiny Button wouldn’t end up leaving the Crystal Empire hospital for over three weeks. And in all that time, he only muttered a single sentence.
The sentence in question?
“The king returns…”
"Hey, Derp. Why don't you write a short chapter about getting capes? Maybe 2000 words-ish?"
"Sounds great! I like short chapters!"
(6000 words later)
"Not like I wanted to do anything else besides write today... stupid fingers..."
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Capes are a wonderful subject. Impractically in all ways but cool looking nonetheless.
Now I totaly see Bad Dudes being a coach for villain.
Just add in Starlight Glimmer from before her reformation and you get the ultimate team of interdimensional delinquents.
hearing that come out of Sombra's mouth had me on the floor laughing
HA!
Love that Bad Dude is starting to learn how to use his attacks deliberately. Sombra's getting back in his groove too!
This entire thing better end with Sombra ruling the Crystal Empire, Chryssy running Canterlot, the moon made out of cheese and four of them staring at each other going 'I can't believe that worked.'
Bad Dude, naturally, never had a doubt.
That was so hilarious!
*sees author notes at end
Well, that escalated quickly.
Cadence, Shining and Twilght/co will be on high alert in the Empire due to two actions done, first being defilement(destruction) of 'Spike the Brave and Glorious' statue and numerous heart conditions to be had where one victim clues them in on a ominous sentence.
goes
_______________
have
________________
Bad Dude's weaponized cuteness makes for the most awesome power ever. Then he becomes a teen, and the cuteness factor makes him for from lethal, to breaking hearts and exploding minds. Still it's best that he's young so his villain friends can shape his adorably evil ways.
6876593 Thou means Sunset Shimmer, the one thou speaks of runs a 'cult' in a place called 'Our Town'.
6876539 I guess that explains that; I'm born AND raised in Arizona, America;
"What is taking", or "what's taking"
Assuming the EoH don't pull a fast one and cross the streams...
Adolf H. nods from hell, recalling the productivity rates in the camps.
Sombra = Pony Hitler
And Bad Dude = Hitler Youth!
Clearly, they must die! If anything, this story is all the propaganda I need to support my position that all villains need to be killed at least twice to be sure!
6876550 i1190.photobucket.com/albums/z457/selene0789/NoCapes_zps82c1bcc0.jpg
6876786 no, i'm pretty sure he meant Starlight Glimmer.
6876550
Such a CUTE chapter! heh now I want to see some fanart of the two of them in their capes. :P
You need to let it go!
I just... It went from a foal giving Celestia and Luna heart-attacks due to cuteness overload, to literally putting together a team of the most dangerous people in Equestria, and forcing all of them in line with the cuteness version of The Stare, AND IT'S ACTUALLY WORKING
Why did I just remembered... L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N? ( The League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness)
Ominously adorable
Oh ho ho ho! Sombra used Bad Dude's adorableness to make sure that he got away from destroying a statue and get a fresh new cape for himself and for the little colt. Now that's villain team-up right there.
I was expecting their first official meeting to happen after they freed Tirek. So I'm not counting this meeting official since not all members are present. When that meeting does happen, I'm expecting egos, magic, and hooves flying all over the place. Now if you excuse me, I now have to try and make a new cape.(Thanks
)
Oh stupid Sombra... Cakes are for wimps!
6877609
Perhaps Omdorablly evil even
...the sirens! You should totally get the sirens
Brilliant! Sheer genius! I am so looking forward to Bad Dude's epic 'battle' with the heroes of Equestria. Also what is his Cutie Mark?
I see Equestria's cunning hand in this.
You can't grow lemons in the Frozen North, so of course they have to be imported.
Cadence, you EVIL PRINCESS.
6877418
Well, since it's at the edge of town, if you went much further it'd be frozen.
You can put it that way.
I wonder why...
Finally!!
Good chapter!
Found an single error:
Edit: fixed.
If he gets a cutie mark for evil, it will be funny as he gets older he will be able to be undeniably handsome no matter the other's preferred leaning for gender or species.
Oh crumbs... when he stopped doing the alliterative chapter titles, I didn't realise we'd be venturing into the world of puns...
I'm making a list of Bad Dude's moves:
Super Adorableness
The New and Improved Stare
Crying for Forgiveness
Death Hug
Also, Discord the Derp Lord. Makes total sense to me!
What about paper cuts and lemon juice. Both ironic and painful!
This was a fun chapter. I loved Sombra's reactions to all the changes. Bad Dude is steadily growing stronger in cuteness manipulation. However that could a doubledged sword. Also I can't wait til we get some fanart of C.U.T.E. all together especially with Bad Dude in his new cape.
6879463 Don't forget his "theme song", the accompanying actions, and 90% chance of inducing near instant heart attack from the Tireck chapter.
*Like*
*Like*
*Like*
.............. *LikeLikeLikeLikeLikeLikeLikeLike*
Stupid button won't mash
6876550 As long as you dont have them if you can fly. Thank you Pixar for showing evryone why a cape is not aleays good.
:edit: Manny beat me to it.
Okay, cool chapter...
but.
First
Sombra squishing his ass? Nngh!
Second
What BD wanted to Reply: "he sure is but if he would be alive I'd Pound that ass!"
And...
great chapter!
yes bad dude Sombra is cooler than Shining.
I would be okay with that, but not less than that please, or rather 3000
I really hope They actually win in the end, but somehow end up being sort of good rulers actually.
6881713 Wait? So 3000 words is the minimum you're looking for per chapter?
And, yes, I'm still curious how this could possibly all end...
6881573 Thanks!
I think...
I'll just keep on dropping more and more flirtatious Sombra antics making everyone wonder what's wrong with me. Then I'll tell them that it's all for this one particular reader...
6880752 I took it you liked the chapter, then?
6880020 Already got a new image with the new cape, actually.
6881800 Well I´m just used to read at least 2000-2500, or 3000 words.
Less than 2000 mostly feels incomplete.
6879463 You're making him sound more and more like a Mortal Kombat character. What would his Fatality move be, I wonder?
Or maybe Bad Dude's more like a Pokemon.
Bad Dude used Theme Song. Enemy's defense fell.
Bad Dude used Snuggle-Cuddle. It's super effective!
6879350 Be quiet and take your "pun"-ishment like a man.
I'm so sorry.
6878983 Thank you and corrected.
Again...
6878471 Haven't decided if he has one or not yet. I could always use it for plot reasons, so I haven't addressed it. Although, I always imagined it being a trio of sprinkle-topped donuts. Makes sense, giving how much baking he does.
6878258 Haven't seen their movie yet. What do they do exactly?
And aren't they like sea creatures or something? Always open for more villain suggestions, though. Only curious how we'd get them in the story without making it too silly. (Yes, this is a silly story. You know what I mean.)
6881800
hopefully
6877659 They work well together, don't they?
6877504 This can't end well, can it?
6877367 Got a new main image with Bad Dude's new cape.
Pretty good stuff.
6876802 Thank you and corrected!
6876784 So much talk about Bad Dude as a heartthrob teenager. Does that mean I'll need to write a sequel set ten years later with a strong "T" rating?
No. No, it does not. 
6881822 Discord could take bad dude there in which he would charm Sonata (whos is like a pinkie fluttershy combo) the leader who's name for live of me I can't seem to remeber would see an oportunity, And Arie would also be charm but would try to hide it.
Anyway sirens are like windigos as they feed of negativity, they simply wished to be adored!
6876709 Thank you!
6876705 Hey. You should be used to these jokes by now. We already did this one, remember?
6876704 Is that from something? Sounds like it might.
I thought of posting a blog asking that question before. "Can this story actually end with the villains winning and our heroes defeated?" Would that still be a satisfactory ending?
This is such a messed up story and not many people seem to realize it yet. If Bad Dude gets his way, Equestria is doomed. If Twilight and co. put a stop to him, then a little colt becomes sad.
What a conundrum we find ourselves in...
6876631 Thanks for saying so!
Sombra's definitely doing a lot more than he did in the show, at least. 
6876609 Glad to have made you roll around on the floor.
6876593 Could she work in the story?
Hard to say.
6881837
Huh how did I not notice that before? SO CUTE!!