Empire Emergency (Part Two)
Carefully using her horn, Princess Cadence set down what remained of the ship Pinkie Pie had destroyed before a group of unicorns could snuff the blaze out with a few solid blasts of containment foam. Before she was lowered to the ground, Pinkie Pie somehow punched her way through Cadence’s magical aura and landed on the roof of a house before bouncing away again. Pinkie seemed no worse for wear—even if she’d just taken down an entire frigate by herself.
A knock on the door of her study pulled at Cadence’s attention.
Cadence opened it and found a panting guard out in the hall.
“Princess!” the stallion yelped. “You have to come quick! I think they’re going after the Crystal Heart!”
In reply, Cadence only nodded and gave the guard a moment to hurry down the hall. When they instead waited for her to leave first, she shuffled past the stallion and quietly charged up her horn.
Guards always went first towards danger. Then Princesses or Princes followed after. Although Cadence had never liked the rule in question, it seemed to be coming in handy at the moment.
“Things aren’t looking great, Princess,” the guard continued on behind her. “Guards are being stuck to walls; there’re giant ships in the sky; changelings attacking ponies on the streets…”
“And changelings inside, as well,” Cadence muttered below her breath, before she spun around and shot a thick beam into the guard’s chest.
The guard grunted from the hit and slid across the marble floor all-the-way back into Cadence’s study. As she traveled, Chrysalis’ guard disguise fell away from her and by the time she bumped against the opposite wall, she was wholly herself again.
Cadence took the briefest of moments to peer down the connecting hallway. It was littered with the unconscious bodies of a half-dozen guards—the guard Chrysalis had impersonated amongst them.
“He-he-he-he-he…”
Chrysalis’ trademark laugh made Cadence turn and storm back into her study. She slammed the doors behind her.
Chrysalis got back to her hooves again, giving her neck a loud crack once she was standing upright again. She narrowed her eyes at Cadence as her laughter dried. “You look disheveled, Princess,” Chrysalis cooed. “Didn’t interrupt one of your weekly dress fittings, I hope.”
Cadence struck a stance and angled her horn at her. “For your information, my dress fittings are only bi-monthly. But that’s none of your business. You need to end this before more ponies get hurt. You know you can’t win this fight, Chrysalis. The other Princesses will be here any minute now and once they do, your chances of actually winning here drop significantly. Even someone as insane as you must understand that.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes and began strolling around the room. “Petty name-calling? Already? That was rather uncalled for, you stupid pink jerk-face.” She stopped at Cadence’s desk. “I don’t like this here. Be a dear and help your Queen shove it against the wall? I know it’s a tad early to start, but I just love redecorating. I’m thinking green and black. I know Sombra will demand something red somewhere… maybe the master bedroom. After we burn the sheets, of course.”
“No sheets of mine will be burned today,” Cadence replied thickly.
Chrysalis cocked a brow. “Boiled, then?” She shoved a batch of papers off of Cadence’s desk, taking a seat on one of its corners. “Look, Princess, I’ll level with you. You will not be winning this one. You might think you will, but in all reality you will not. The odds are just not in your favor this time around. For example: where’s that Crystal Heart of yours? Shouldn’t it be protecting the city right this very moment?”
Instead of responding, Cadence eyed up the desk Chrysalis was perched on. If she could hit it with a beam in just the right location, she could flip it over and possibly trap Chrysalis underneath it. It was real mahogany, after all.
“Oh, that’s right,” Chrysalis continued on with a chuckle. “You put it in storage right after that statue of Spike was destroyed. Didn’t want anything bad happening to it, I’d imagine. That’s okay, though. My children will find it and see to its wellbeing.”
Children, Cadence mused. It made her ponder when her and Shining might finally conceive some of their own.
She asked Chrysalis, “I may not care for my own safety, but if you have any heart to speak of, you’ll leave the citizens of the Empire unharmed. You’ll also release this ‘Bad Dude’ from whatever hold you have on him.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “He’s only a child, Chrysalis—a very confused, innocent child.”
That last statement of hers made Chrysalis snort. She told her loudly, “Bad Dude? We’re the ones being a bad influence on him? Ha! None of us would’ve even shared the same room together if it wasn’t for that little ball of fluff! The child’s perfect for villains like us. He gets us, unlike the rest of you. He wants us to succeed because we never have before. He gives us kind words and inspirational speeches to make us feel good. And he is tireless in his goals. What do all you ‘heroes’ want of us? For us to ‘change’ or to ‘adapt’ before you can accept us? Why can’t you change for us? All I want is to see you and your stallion stud in manacles and chains. Is that really too much to ask?”
Cadence could only exhale in exasperation. “You can’t honestly believe in everything you’ve just said.”
Chrysalis smiled—a little too wide. “Of course not. I only needed time to move that heavy couch of yours.”
Cadence only had a second to glance upwards to spot the floating couch. The next moment, it slammed atop of her hard enough to crack the floor. Muffled underneath the many layers of fabric and wood, Cadence could hear Chrysalis still talking.
“You really shouldn’t let villains start monologue, Princess. That’s usually a sign of bad things to come.”
***
Bad Dude couldn’t believe it. He could still hear the horrible sounds playing in his head. The whistle of air as Rainbow Dash fell to the ground; the hurried flap of her lifeless wings at her sides; the muted sounds of everything else around him. Worst of all, of course, was the grotesque sound that was made when Rainbow Dash hit the pavement several hundred feet below.
On a continuous loop, the sound played in his head.
No less than four of the Empire’s pegasi guards tried to grab Rainbow Dash as she fell. All were struck down by cannon fire before they could get a solid grip on her.
Far, far below where Bad Dude stood on his ship, a tiny crowd had already gathered around the slain mare. Heads quickly turned in his direction—jaws dropped and fierce accusation set in their eyes. He knew he could always tell them the truth—that it had been an accident and nothing more. But would that really change anything? He would still be looked at as a mur—
Bad Dude opened his eyes and all the terrifying images in his head disappeared. Since Rainbow Dash fell overboard, he’d only blinked a single time and even in just that single blink, he saw everything he so desperately didn’t want to occur. So with that in mind, he ran towards the railing of the ship and dove off of it head first.
Already, Bad Dude could hear the cloud of smoke known as Sombra start to ream him.
“What do you think you’re doing!?” Sombra roared. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times! You are not a pegasus, Bad Dude! No matter how much you’d like to be!”
Bad Dude paid Sombra no mind and focused on the task at hoof. His cape and mane rippled around him in the harsh wind; he tucked his forelegs to his chest to get the least amount of wind resistance. To stop them from watering, he had to slit his eyes.
Every inch of clear blue sky was a cacophony of energetic chaos. Armored pegasi clashed with hundreds of spitting and slashing changeling drones. Some guards carried spears while others carried mesh nets attached to weights. Once thrown over a cluster of changelings, they’d pull a cord attached to the net and it would seal around them and plummet towards the ground. The miscellaneous cannon projectiles continued to blast unabated, picking Empire guards both out of the air and on the ground in order to remove them from the fight.
Bad Dude had to mentally block out everything and concentrate only on the descending mare. Like an arrow launched from a bow, Bad Dude thinned his body out as much as he could, slowly gaining on Rainbow Dash; the only thing slowing her fall being her dangling wings and legs.
Bad Dude was less than a few feet from her before a sticky projectile collided with a guard right next to him causing Bad Dude to change directions for a moment. Once back on track, he heard Sombra yell for him again.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to!” Sombra screamed—what sounded like only meters above Bad Dude. “I wasn’t born yesterday!”
Ignoring this, Bad Dude pressed onwards and managed to brush the tip of one of Rainbow Dash’s wings with a hoof. A few seconds later, he was able to grip it with both hooves and form a tangible connection between them. Now traveling at the same rate, Bad Dude pulled on her lone wing until he was able to wrap himself around her torso.
The first part of his plan had succeeded. Now he only had to wait for the second part to happen. Any moment now, he thought nervously, as the ground rushed up to greet both him and the Rainbow Dash he held in his hooves.
As the streets of the Empire became a little too close for comfort, Bad Dude began to wonder if he’d just made the second biggest mistake of that day—only seconds before sweet relief swam over him in the form of thick black smoke that encased them both. Effortlessly, it slowed their decent until they reached the ground and landed.
King Sombra became whole again—featuring a scowl much angrier than usual. He lowered his head to Bad Dude’s until their snouts touched. “We will talk about this later. After we are done here.”
With that said, Sombra whirled around and made a couple of nearby crystal ponies yelp. He gave them a polite wave. “Happy to see you too! Hope you held onto your slave garments!”
The crystal ponies bolted up the street. If they were running to go get their ‘slave garments’ or just running away from Sombra, Bad Dude wasn’t completely sure. He was just happy he hadn’t accidentally killed anyone that day. Speaking of which—
“Are you okay, Miss Dash?” he asked, before he lightly gave her shoulder a poke. “I really didn’t mean for you to fall overboard and almost splat against the sidewalk. Things just happen sometimes, you know?”
“Bad Dude! What did you do to Rainbow Dash!?”
Bad Dude glanced up to find a face far scarier than the one Sombra had just given him. At the end of the street was Pinkie Pie, nostrils flared and her mane somehow much puffier than usual. She ground one hoof against the pavement, creating sparks.
“You are in for the snuggling of your life, mister!”
Bad Dude took a step away from the unconscious Rainbow Dash and held a hoof out to Pinkie Pie. “She’s okay! Honest! It was only an accident!”
“Likely story,” Pinkie Pie growled. “Next you’ll tell me you only gave her a hug on one of your ships and told her all about the cute things you could do together before she passed out and fell over the railing located directly behind her causing you to leap after her in the hopes that Sombra would care enough about you to swoop down and rescue you both!”
Bad Dude went a little cross-eyed upon hearing all that. “How’d…?” was as far as he got, before a trio of changelings rushed towards him and hooked their legs around him. They then collectively started beating their wings until they got a few feet off the ground.
One look at the three of them told Bad Dude enough: Tic, Tac, and Toe to the rescue.
“Come back here!” Pinkie shouted as she bounded up the street. When she got directly below the three of them, she leapt upwards and managed to snag the tip of Tac’s hoof. In retaliation, Tac hissed and spat a wad of gooey phlegm onto her hoof until she slipped away.
When Bad Dude looked down again and saw the twisted expression on Pinkie Pie’s face, he mentally moved her up to the top of his list of “PONIES THAT SCARE ME”, dethroning Angry Princess Luna for the first time since the list’s creation.
***
Discord watched disinterested as King Sombra collected himself on the deck of the ship he was on. Earlier in the battle, Discord had traded his patio furniture for a couple of colorful beanbag chairs—special beanbag chairs. If you didn’t sit on them just right, they ended up swallowing the user whole. As one poor changeling had discovered only minutes ago before Discord snapped them out of it.
Sombra flashed his fangs at Discord. “This isn’t working! This isn’t working at all!” Like a child, he stomped around the ship and kicked at a loose floorboard. “All we’re doing is wasting time. Getting a few guards and random ponies here and there? What would happen if the Princesses arrived right this moment? We’d be locked in an ongoing struggle we might not even win! We need to secure this place before they get here. How much time before we revert to Plan B?”
Discord yawned from his beanbag chair. “Fifteen minutes. Give or take a millisecond or two.”
“Then there’s still time,” Sombra growled, sticking his head over the railing of the ship. “We need to start the bigger waves of attack—cripple the peasants’ spirits so that they’ll be forced to surrender all at once.” His glowing red-and-green eyes stared at Discord. “Do you still stand by your promise, dragon? Or are you a constant liar as well as a constant disappointment?”
Discord gasped, holding his hook hand up to his chest. “Why I never! Good sir, you dare besmirch the noble household known as ‘Dis’ before they were married to the ‘Cord’ family in order to unite two feuding nations and gather plentiful land properties in the southern isles?”
Sombra became a bit lightheaded all of a sudden. “What!?”
“Never mind,” Discord answered. “I’ll hold up my end of the bargain as long as you do the same. Complete control of the Empire—nothing less. Only after that will I move the Empire to a location where even the Princesses wouldn't be able to find. But that means you need both Cadence and Shining Armor as well as all the remaining ponies under lock and key before I fulfill my end of the bargain. And don’t you go forgetting about that Crystal Heart of theirs.”
“Like I’d forget,” Sombra groaned. “Bad Dude has begun his part of the plan?”
Discord nodded. “I sent him off a moment ago—with that trio of changelings he seems so fond of. That takes care of the Heart. What of the rest of the requirements?”
Setting his hooves on the railing, Sombra glanced at the Empire’s large tower just in time to witness Princess Cadence step onto its balcony. Even from that far a distance, Sombra could see the tiny smirk on her lips. It made him smile, as well.
“My gentle Crystal Empire ponies!” Cadence boomed across the city, holding a single foreleg up. “We cannot win this fight! We will only injure ourselves or worse by trying to stop these invaders. If we lay down our weapons now and grant them complete control of the Empire, they have promised all of us fair judgment alongside new positions in their city. I implore you all to surrender now as I have. It is for the best, my loyal subjects. Believe in your pretty pink Princess as you normally would.”
Standing beside Sombra, Discord turned to him. “Chrysalis is doing a lot better than last time. She might actually pull this off.”
All eyes on the streets and in the sky were currently focused on Cadence. She continued her speech with a shrug, “And was slavery really that bad? I mean… really? What’s wrong with a bit of exercise now and again? All the fresh air you could want?”
Discord smacked himself in the face with a hand. “I take it back. You two are perfect for each other. She’s an idiot. You’re an idiot. I’m sure if you two manage to have a kid together, it’ll be a baked potato. No, wait. I take that back. Baked potatoes are delicious. Your child’s destined to be a rock. A jagged one. Not the kind that’s fun to skip over lakes, either. Am I making myself clear or should I continue in more detail?”
Sombra nodded without hearing a word from Discord. “Got it. Kill you later.”
Cadence smiled as she looked at all the ponies staring up at her—a smile that displayed an odd amount of teeth. “And if our enemies do take over, then that means that Bad Dude gets to become one of your new rulers. Won’t that be fun? He’s pretty cute and—”
That was when a second Cadence galloped onto the balcony and grabbed the first Cadence in a chokehold. The Cadence strangling the other touched her horn to her foe’s, forcing Chrysalis to revert back to her original form.
Most of the Empire gasped. A few even screamed.
“Do not listen to her lies!” the real Cadence yelled out to them. “Fight for your home and do not let up! Help is on the—”
Instead of trying to break free of her, Chrysalis opened her jaws and clamped down hard on Cadence’s leg, causing the Princess to shriek and mutter a string of very un-Princess-like words. This, at least, got Cadence to release her, so Chrysalis could sweep a leg under her while blasting her with her horn. This bit of violence ended up spurring on the rest of the ponies and changelings in the city, as the harsh battle continued on unabated.
Discord snorted. “And here I had absolutely no idea Chrysalis was a biter.”
Sombra smirked. “I did.”
***
As Shining Armor prowled the frenzied streets of his Empire, he felt more and more at a loss about what exactly to do. His guards held up their end of the fight as well as could be expected, but he couldn’t deny the fact that they were still losing. One by one, the Empire’s numbers were dwindling; either beaten into submission by the constant waves of changeling drones or by being stuck to some surface by one of Discord’s sticky cannonballs.
Shining’s Empire seemed in shambles, but all hope was not lost. As long as they could continue to stall the enemy, reinforcements would arrive and the fight would become more than even sided. Heck. Shining would almost feel bad for Bad Dude if that ended up happening. That little colt had no idea just how scary Twilight Sparkle could become once enraged. Shining could still recall the one time he’d accidentally stepped on her first edition copy of “The Complete List of First Edition Copy Books”. The doctors had later said Shining’s heart stopped for a full two minutes before they’d resuscitated him.
Shining had to shake his head to clear his thoughts. There was too much at stake to start daydreaming. If only he could catch a break of some kind—
“Bad Dude?” Shining whispered, instinctually diving behind a random crate on the street.
On the opposite sidewalk stood Bad Dude, accompanied by three smaller sized changelings. All four of them moved up the street with purpose; Shining was already hearing warning bells in his ears.
Should I nab him now or wait until I know what they’re up to? Shining wondered.
The latter part of his question was answered for him when Bad Dude and his entourage marched directly to the Empire’s tower and strolled inside. Any guards blocking the entrance were either locked in a heated battle with changelings or just plain stuck to the structure itself.
“Oh, crumbs,” Shining muttered. “He’s going after the Crystal Heart.”
Racing towards the tower, Shining rushed inside and stopped at the foot of the winding stairs. Shining had to ponder which direction they’d gone. Would they know the Crystal Heart had been placed in storage? With Discord on their side, anything was more than possible.
Slowly, Shining entered the catacombs of the Empire’s labyrinthine underground. Lit torches embedded in the walls guided his way; rock and brick walls surrounded him on all sides next to rusted metal doors. It was no wonder so few ventured down there in search of things. Even when Cadence had asked Shining to go dig up the Empire’s old popcorn machine for movie night did he have to lie and tell her he got rid of the machine weeks prior.
Shining’s hoofsteps echoed up the endless crisscrossing hallways. He had to steady his breathing to keep his heart from racing. Then came the first laugh… or more like a lighthearted giggle that sounded just like a child at play. Too bad the laugh then echoed and echoed again off the rocky walls until it was booming inside Shining’s skull.
Something grey and blue zipped from one side of the hall to the other in front of him.
“Bad Dude?” Shining asked meekly. “Give yourself up now and I promise to protect you from Twilight when she gets here. Just don’t touch any of the books down here, okay?”
A second blur of grey and blue zipped across the hallway—this time behind Shining.
“He-he-he-ha-ha-ha!” Again, that cheerful laugh.
“Bad Dude?” Shining croaked. “You’re starting to scare me, bud. No more hide and seek, all right?”
Three blurs of grey and blue zoomed to all sides of him; Shining couldn’t get a single good look at any of them. Not until one of them leapt onto his back before reverting back to its changeling shape.
It hissed.
Shining screamed.
***
Like an animal finally let out of its cage, King Sombra prowled the streets of his Empire hungrily. Everywhere he turned ponies shied away from him and ran in the opposite direction. Some he let get away (usually the bigger ones—he was curious to see just how fast they could move under duress), while the rest he incased in darkened crystal to be dealt with later on.
The Empire’s guards got off less easily than the rest. Using his horn and his infinite knowledge of dark magic, he manifested swords made of churning fire that clashed against random guards until their armor was blackened and they were beaten into submission. When he didn’t feel like using so much of his magic, he instead gave his horn a small flick, sending more guards hurtling into walls, breaking armor and pony alike. He knew they’d live. Even Sombra wasn’t stupid enough to waste good slaves so frivolously.
Yet still it wasn’t enough. Sombra wanted more—needed more—to get Discord to move his Empire out of harm’s way. So where were the rest of his peasants hiding? Huddled together in the dark? Safe and sound under lock and key?
Two guards stood by a wide wooden door that fed to one of the Empire’s holds. Sombra decided to try a different tactic this time around. Sombra smiled as he strolled up to them. “I’ll make you both a deal. Give up now and I promise that I shall make neither of you my personal toilet bowl cleaner.”
“Go to Tartarus, scum!” one of them exclaimed.
“Yeah!” said the other. “And don’t even bother sending a card from there! Because I won’t even read it!”
Sombra could only close his eyes and shake his head to keep his growing rage at bay.
“So be it,” he informed them. “I gave you a chance and you just had to waste it. For your information, my last toilet bowl cleaner jumped off a building to get out of his duties. I hope you two will handle the responsibility better.”
Sombra then brought both of his forelegs together and watched as the two guards slammed into each other hard enough to dent their helmets. Immediately, they collapsed and began snoring.
Sombra turned and kicked out with his back legs, obliterating the door to the hold. He stuck his head inside. “Daddy’s home.”
A small filly at the front of the hundreds of cowering ponies frowned heavily at him. “You’re not my daddy!”
Sombra sighed. “Well, obviously. It was only supposed to be intimidating, but… never mind, it didn’t really work.” Sombra noticed something in the filly’s hooves. “Just what is that?”
The filly hugged the item closer to her chest. “This is my Spike the Brave doll. And he’s going to protect me from evil stinky-faces like you!”
Sombra took a step closer to her. “I’m an evil stinky-face, am I? I’d better uphold that reputation then, shouldn’t I?”
Using his horn, Sombra snatched the doll away from her and quickly snapped its head off. He then popped it into his mouth to chew on, swirling it around with his tongue. “Tastes like victory. And plastic. But mostly victory.”
The filly hitched in a quivering breath. “You really are an evil stinky face!”
Sombra displayed a single fang. “Obviously.”
***
“Things would play out much better for you if you surrendered, Princess,” Chrysalis spoke as she flew around Cadence’s study, blasting away bits of floor and wall as her enemy narrowly avoided each one of her blasts. “You and Shining both. You don’t want to see what happens if our group is forced to take the drastic route.”
With the aid of her wings, Cadence ran along her study’s walls. As she dodged Chrysalis’ attacks, she lifted up numerous objects and furniture around the room to shoot at her. At the moment, Chrysalis was caked in both the soil from a flower pot and the innards of a couch cushion that exploded once it had been impaled on her jagged horn.
“The same goes for you,” Cadence told her breathlessly. “There can be no victory for you here. My guards are keeping your forces at bay and soon you’ll have to deal with the rest of Equestria’s heroes. Think you’ll fare much better against all of us combined? Leave this city and lick your wounds. You can’t win here today.”
Chrysalis chuckled deep within her throat. “Sadly, there’s a lot of ways to win, my dear. Technically, taking control of the Crystal Empire isn’t the only way to win here today. Haven’t you wondered why Tirek hasn’t shown his face in the Empire yet?”
A block of ice settled in Cadence’s stomach. “What are you planning?”
“Only what you force us to do,” Chrysalis replied. “Give the Empire over to us or face the consequences, Princess.”
***
Shining Armor was having the worst luck. Every time he thought he had located the real Bad Dude, it only ended up being another one of his changeling friends. Down hallways and corridors Shining had chased them tirelessly—that haunting laugh still echoing off the walls as he went.
They were trying to distract him, clearly. Throughout it all, Shining still tried his best to get close to where the Crystal Heart had been stored, but always found himself sidetracked by more possible Bad Dude doubles. Upset and angry, he eventually lashed out at the next pony that crossed his path. Which ended up being Bad Dude.
“Oh, crap!” Shining wheezed, kneeling to the floor beside him. Shining had just kicked Bad Dude with everything he’d had—sending him flying against a wall. “I totally just hit a kid. I can’t tell Cadence about this. Never. And if anyone asks, he came at me first. Sure. That’s the story we’ll go with.”
On the ground, Bad Dude began to stir, before he burst into green flames and became a changeling again. It instantly hissed at him.
Shining breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay. Just a changeling. We’re still good.”
The creak of a rusty door made Shining look up. He turned to find another Bad Dude prying open a door at the end of the hall. This Bad Dude had a cape on his back. Shining really should’ve realized the difference between the three changelings and the real Bad Dude earlier.
Too late. Bad Dude was already hurrying through the door—into the room that held the Empire’s Crystal Heart.
***
Discord was having a terrible time. Every time he’d get comfy on one of his hammocks, Pinkie Pie just had to come and annoy him all over again. Already, the Empire’s catapults had managed to destroy two C.U.T.E. battleships, while Pinkie Pie had managed to sink two of them and was even currently in the midst of finishing off her third. It seemed that whatever that mare got her hooves on ended up bursting into flames—sometimes confetti, too.
Well, if he had to be honest, Discord had always enjoyed a good explosion, but not when he put so much time and energy into crafting six perfectly good flying vessels for his team. Did Pinkie Pie even realize how hard it was to rub one's fingers together to create a snapping sound? Probably not. She’d need fingers for that, after all.
“Leave me alone, Pinkie!” Discord trumpeted after he snapped his last remaining ship to another section of the sky far away from the mare. “Don’t make me put you in a box covered in locks and filled with my socks and hunted by a fox made out of tiny blocks!”
“Don’t try and rhyme your way out of this one, Discord!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed to him. At the moment, she was leaping from random pegasus guard to pegasus guard in order to reach him again. “That Bad Dude of yours hurt my friend! Now you need to apologize for it!”
As Discord watched her struggle to get to him, he lifted his arm to check the sundial watch on his wrist. He exhaled dourly. They were officially out of time. He turned to Pinkie Pie again. “I’m sorry, Pinkie. I truly am.”
Pinkie Pie stopped her climb to stare at him quizzically. “Really? Just like that?”
Discord nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry things are about to get so much worse now.”
***
Discord snapped himself away from the battle and to the roof of the Empire tower. Sombra was already there—his hooves resting on the lip of the roof and with his head held low.
Discord went to sit down beside him. “It’s time.”
“I know,” Sombra said glumly. “I really thought we’d have enough time to secure this place. Not so.” He looked up at Discord. “Do it. Send the signal and let’s be done with it. Before I change my mind.”
Using his lion’s paw, Discord snapped his fingers and a red firework exploded in the middle of the sky. It would still be a few moments until everything started.
Sombra eyed his old kingdom again. “We can always rebuild. Truthfully, since my absence, they warped my Empire into something that barely resembled its original greatness. Maybe it’s best to start again.”
“Bad Dude will be mad,” Discord added. “We never did fill him in on this part of the plan.”
Sombra grimaced. “He will get over it. He must toughen up if he wishes to become a true, respectable villain. His lack of viciousness could be his downfall.”
“And what of all the ponies still in the Empire?” Discord asked.
“Get them out. Get them all out. They need to know this isn’t their home anymore.”
***
Several hundred meters away from the Crystal Empire, Tirek looked upwards as a tiny splash of crimson etched its way across the clear blue sky. It was the signal. Time was up and now Tirek had to finish things up for them. “Plan B” as it had been deemed. Tirek cared little which direction the battle would go. During the twenty-five minutes the rest of his team had spent attacking the Empire, Tirek had already befriended a squirrel and had learned half a dozen words in its language.
The squirrel gave him an acorn. Tirek gave him a head scratch in return.
Sitting in the snow by Tirek’s side was a brown glass jug with three Xs scribbled on its side. Tirek reached over to it and uncorked it, smelling its contents. What was inside made his nose burn something fierce, but it also reminded him of a memory he held dear to him—the time he almost conquered all of Equestria by himself before being stricken down by a series of blindingly bright rainbow blasts.
It wasn’t a tale he ever planned on telling his children.
Inside the “XXX” jug he held was a mixture of chaos magic, dark magic, and whatever magic Chrysalis called her own. Tirek knew it was strong. How strong? Only time would tell.
Giving his squirrel friend one last pat on the head, Tirek brought the jug up to his lips and “Plan B” got underway.
***
General Cannon Fodder was working with a team of unicorns to try and pry some ponies off of surrounding buildings when his vision went white. He blinked, and found he was no longer in the Empire at all, and neither were the rest of the unicorns he was with. All around him he saw ponies with nearly the same expression—ones of confusion and unease.
Thousands of crystal ponies and guards alike now stood out in the snow—fifty meters away from the Empire. Had Cadence unleashed a spell that had teleported them all there? If so, why? They weren’t losing. They’d been holding their own the entire time.
The ground underneath them shook and all eyes settled on the looming figure in the closing distance. It was not the rescue as they had hoped, but instead the impossibly tall figure of Lord Tirek, stalking his way step by step towards the city’s gates. He had to be at least four stories tall—ripped with muscle and a core of brightly burning energy spinning in the center of his sharp horns.
General Cannon Fodder was about to say something to another one of the guards when Tirek unleashed a wave of horrifying energy onto the Empire, decimating a row of crystal houses and shops. What was left in his wake could barely even be considered rubble.
***
“No. No!” Cadence screamed, as Tirek leveled another block of houses—crushing a couple of empty lemonade stands with his giant hooves as he walked.
Cadence leaned against the balcony and searched the area for any ponies in need of aid. Strangely, not a single pony littered the streets or even the sky. It was as if they’d all been plucked from the city at the exact same moment.
She turned to Chrysalis in her study. “Stop this! Stop this right now!”
Chrysalis pursed her lips. “Can’t. Won’t. You brought this on yourself. If you would’ve handed over the Empire like we’d asked, we would’ve left it intact and whole. We villains aren’t the most idiotic of creatures; even we know not to take on all of our opposition at once. It’s much simpler to take you out one at a time.”
Chrysalis flicked a bit of mane out of her eyes. “If we couldn’t lay claim to the Empire today, then no one would. Now we’ll level this place to the ground and make sure not a single building still stands. The Crystal Empire is only one kingdom of many in Equestria. My group can always pick a new one to rule.”
“But all those crystal ponies,” Cadence said, “this is their home. Thousands and thousands of them left with nowhere to go!”
“Terrible, isn’t it?” Chrysalis sneered. “Hope it doesn’t put a strain on the rest of Equestria. Now, you can continue to converse with me if you want—I really have nothing better to do at the moment—or you could make yourself useful and either battle a fully charged Tirek, or make yourself even more useful and see if any ponies haven’t made their way out of the city yet. Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to them while we level the place, now would you?”
Cadence shook her head and ground her teeth. “You’re all monsters.”
Chrysalis smiled thinly. “Depends on your viewpoint.”
***
“Put down the Heart, Bad Dude,” Shining implored, holding a hoof out to him. “You don’t know how valuable that thing is. Or how delicate.”
Bad Dude nodded. “I’ll be careful, I promise.” He held the Crystal Heart underneath a foreleg; big enough to touch the ground under his leg. “Your name’s Shining, right? I should make you some shortbread cookies sometime. They’re really good. Even Sombra says so.”
Shining took another step towards him. In front of Bad Dude were Tic, Tac, and Toe, all knelt low to the ground to protect him. “That sounds great, Bad Dude. How ‘bout you hoof over the Crystal Heart and then we’ll have some of those cookies of yours? With some ice cold milk, too.”
A bit of dust fell from the ceiling as the entire storage room rumbled.
Shining glanced upwards. “What was that?”
“I dunno,” Bad Dude answered. “Maybe you should go check it out and leave me with the Crystal Heart?”
“Not until I—” was all Shining got out, before a section of the roof gave away and collided with the tip of his horn. Like a sack of potatoes, he collapsed to the ground, eyes closed.
“Oh, no!” Bad Dude ran over to him and tried to nudge him awake. Shining didn’t budge. Already a thin line of drool was seeping from his mouth. “Mr. Armor? Are you okay? Why is everyone around me getting hurt today?”
Another rumble from outside shook the small room. The ceiling on the other side of the storage room spilled inwards and crushed a few crates full of miscellaneous artifacts. Bad Dude could now peer through the hole in the ceiling and into the floor above them.
It was clear the place wasn’t safe anymore. For pony or changeling alike.
Bad Dude grabbed the Crystal Heart and made his escape.
***
“It’s gone… it’s all gone,” Cadence spoke quietly outside the gates of the Crystal Empire. She gazed over the overwhelming destruction—not a single home or shop inside the city had been left standing. Smoke rose in random sections here and there; Tirek’s giant hoofprints cracking the ground where he’d stepped. Only the Empire’s shimmering crystal tower still stood tall—blackened and chipped around its base.
Twilight Sparkle wrapped a leg around Cadence’s shoulders. Behind her, Pinkie Pie sat beside Rainbow Dash, who was still out cold. “I’m so sorry, Cadence. We got here as fast as we could, but—”
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” Cadence cut in. “They timed it perfectly. Tirek finished ruining the city beyond repair less than a minute before Discord snapped them all away and you arrived. At least…” She took a shuddery breath. “At least everyone made it out before Tirek was let loose.”
Twilight nodded. “By sparing your citizens, it only puts more of a burden on the rest of Equestria; finding a new home for all of them, just for starters. But we’ll find a way. We always do. C.U.T.E. will pay for what they’ve done here today. They’ve crossed a line that never should have been crossed.”
“They’ve also sent out a calling card to any would be villains,” Celestia added, coming to stand beside them. “They’ve shown what they can do—what they’re willing to do if they don’t get their way. I’ll have to depend on each one of you to do what is right to try and put an end to all of this. Especially you, Luna.”
Luna stood near the back of the group and glanced away when Celestia addressed her. She hadn’t spoken to anyone that day.
“Wait! How could I be so idiotic?” Cadence cried. “Where’s Shining Armor? I didn’t see him with the other crystal ponies. Has anyone seen—”
Shining Armor exited the gates of the Crystal Empire with his mane and fur no worse for wear. He even held a big goofy grin on his muzzle.
“Shining!” both Cadence and Twilight blurted, bolting towards him to wrap him in a hug.
Shining returned the gesture and ruffled each of their manes playfully. Then he started chuckling under his breath before he burst out into a full-blown laugh.
“Wh-what are you doing?” Cadence asked him, bewildered. “Shining, how can you laugh at a time like this?”
Shining only continued to laugh—louder and louder until tears began rolling down his cheeks. Still giggling, he pulled a letter out of his bit of armor and hoofed it over to Twilight.
Twilight opened it and immediately paled.
She read aloud: “Dear Good Guys, we’ve taken Shining Armor off your hooves. You’re welcome. Until next time, The Coalition of United Terrible Evils. P.S. You may keep our changeling decoy if you wish, but note that all he’ll do is continue to laugh in your dumb purple face. Up to you.”
The changeling parading around as Shining Armor dropped his guise, but continued to laugh in an echo-like tone.
Using her horn, Twilight torched the letter in her hooves.
“We have to get Shiny back.”
Long chapter was long. 
Anyways, in case you're worried about this section's dark tone, this story will be entering a section of slice-of-life starting now. This battle mainly exists to set up events for the second arc. Including a few new villains! 
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Man. The CUTE is kickin' ass. And it's awesome. Go team evil!
How the hell do you demolish diamond hard crystal within minutes?
A scorched earth policy! I wouldn't have predicted that under any circumstances! Absolutely Brilliant!
Ewwww......
Twilight is angry.
Dat kinky joke tho
New villains huh? Well we already know Trixie is a prospective member. Maybe Sunset, the Sirens, or Starlight will show up.
noice :)
ooh, this went down very dark. So the crystal empire is destroyed. Rainbow dash it seemed lived (what a completely shocking twist. I never would have guessed she'd be ok). Pinkie seems to think bad Dude took her out. I wonder if rainbow will have the guts to admit he cuted her into unconsciousness.
I cannot wait to see where things go from here
Bad Dude needs a pet. Maybe Discord can snap him up a fish? Also, it's kind of scary how Pinkie can just break things like that.
7072485 many crystals are as fragile as glass
...damn. That...that went dark real fast.
That is AWESOME!
I really do adore this story. Ah apologize for not commentin' on every chapter though.
Ah blame that fancy iphone doohickey. Ah can't comment while readin' from it. Won't let me.
Still, thank you for bein' so amazin!
*noms shortbread cookies*
no one was near to take a picture of the cat fight!?
discord im disappoint
7072577
Hmm? I thought that's why they grabbed Shining Armor.
7072696 Nah, he's just there to babysit. Or maybe Chrysalis just needed someone for when Sombras not around.
Hmmmm, what would happen if a Dread Pirate (could be any species) joined cute? They would likely have to censor him or her, though depending on gender if they make a 'cabin colt' comment might cause Chrysalis to be more protective or Sombra. XD
I called it! I knew Bad Dude would save Dashie!
I can see the ending</Keima Katsuragi>
Clearly C.U.T.E. will fall apart when Chrysalis two-times Sombra to get some action on with her stud-muffin Shining Armor
And of course it'll be a bit before Equestria realises C.U.T.E. has the Crystal Heart, too
I'm really hoping Luna joins C.U.T.E.
This was a cute chapter. Everything about had cute written all over it!
People should die. It would be the perfect villainous anticlimax to the childlike persona, and an epic plot twist in the story itself. You ask why, but it's not my fault you set it up like this so delicately, so perfectly.
7072485 Dude I think the combined magic of Sombra, Discord, and Chrysalis is more than enough to break just about anything.
7072485 Magic! if it doesn't make sense blame Magic
Oh. OH NO. You angered the Purple Pony Princess. This is bad. Look at the season 5 finale. Now you know why I am scared. Princesses, I sugest you hide. Twilight's wrath WILL be unleashed.
Fritter and Fries with Flim and Flam? Maybe? They are only technology-based antagonist we know of. One can hope.
Rainbow survived? Noooooooooooooooo!
7072480 Yeah, because a stupid foal is so cute ponies have heart failure around him.
To take such an absurdly silly plot to THIS LEVEL OF STUPID is unforgivable.
I am now officially annoyed... prepare yourselves. This time, I am planning for the long game... and I always win the long game.
U just got owned, pony-people!
Rare is it that I root for the bad guys, but that was impressive, and efficient, save for Chryssi botching another infiltration. Nice going, queen Cheese-legs.
Dang, and here I was hoping for Rainbow Dash to bite it. Not because I don't like her, but because it'd be the perfect punch to the gut for the readers and Bad Dude.
7072864 I fully expect "nightmare moon" to join up as a double agent eventually
Wait new villians
please bring in starlight glimmer trixie and uh maybe the flim flam brothers uh what else oh nightmare absolutely nightmare moon PLEASE NIGHTMARE MOON !!!!!!
Three things:
1. Shit just got real (to use the common phrase). Hostages, major irreversible destruction, and near death? That's worse than I ever imagined.
2. We are going to have Nightmare Moon, aren't we?! Yaaay!
3. Good to see Rainbow Dash and Cannon Fodder are both safe. No casualties, as far as we know.
As I say:
אין מילים בפי
Calling it now, "Nougat with Nightmare"
am I there only one who thought of this?ideatube.science/wp/5osdFqY.jpg
So based on the first mission, we learned that:
-The plan to reclaim the Crystal Empire failed, but they managed to destroy it before anyone could claim it. So the result is a draw, though C.U.T.E. does get credit for making the heroes waste their energy for arriving at the Crystal Empire after the villains escaped.
But Shining has not made it out of the cavern. 
-Bad Dude's weakness is his lack of willingness to harm others, as he tried to save Rainbow Dash from falling to the ground. Sombra even confirms it in this chapter. And speaking of which, Bad Dude is gonna be in a huge trouble, even though he did steal the Crystal Heart from the Empire. I wonder what they'll do with the Heart since the Empire's destroyed now?
-Rainbow Dash is saved! Yay!
-Sombra is an evil stinky face.
-Pinkie can destroy a frigate by herself.
So C.U.T.E.'s first mission didn't quite go as planned, but they can learn the mistakes they made in the first mission to ensure that they do better in their next mission. I don't know which place they will strike next, what their new plans will be like, or which new villain they might try to recruit next, but I'm looking forward to seeing how Bad Dude and the rest of the gang will do in their next mission.
You would think after this no one would see Bad Dude as cute any more. His team just destroyed the empire. There comes a time when you cross that line. I think it's been crossed.
I´m not sure why this pairing is so strange to me, but I get better with it.
I like Slice of life parts so I´m looking foward to it, and I think I probably going to get used to Sombra X Chrysalis, I think I mostly need to get used to Sombra, since I probably can´t image his personality to be in a relationshipt if you know how I mean it.
7073129 Go say that to TotallyNotABrony.
Sombra is my favourite, you write Sombra well.
7073789
She probably went to theatre school, it's a classic mistake for those who want to learn how to act.
I liked it better when CUTE was being slowly reformed by Bad Dude's friendliness.
Now they've done something irredeemable. Even if reformed they couldn't be trusted. Not after wiping a kingdom off the map, and probably causing some deaths. No way all that melee didn't kill more than just General Cannon Fodder.
They have to die, for the safety of the innocent. This cannot be risked.
You know, because of this you stopped the season 6 premiere from ever happening. No Crystal Empire for Flurry Heart to almost destroy and no Flurry Heart to be conceived. I'm actually surprised to you had Tirek befriend a squirrel, I'm even more surprised that there's a squirrel in the frozen wasteland. I'm guessing that magic drink is only temporary since I doubt Tirek will stay that huge though if he wanted to Discord could have made himself big too and stomp around.
7073846 Discord teleported everyone out of the empire but a few important ponies before the destruction and the changelings were subduing, not killing. I don't anyone died.
Go team Evil! I wanna see Chryssie finally win completely.
*Eyebrow wiggle*
7073129
This comment proves it: the more sarcastic your commentary, the more you like the story!
I knew you were only pretending to be black hearted!
I beg to differ. Normally a villain monologue is used by heroes to subdue villains!
I thought he was neglected like he usually was. The poor centaur!
Glad if he really got a role in all of this! 
Aww! That's so cute of him!
But it wasn't even Bad Dude's fault!
Poor guy got tricked by his good friends! My heart reaches out to you Bad Dude! 
It is even more sad that Tirek was used like this! As a mere wrecking ball! And here I thought he finally gets his time to shine!
7074027 you could say tirek came in like a wreaking ball
7073692 It might help if you read the IDW comics, where a younger Celestia meets an alternate Sombra in another world, in which he is actually a good leader.
Of course she tabs him, that 'horny' alicorn.
7073846 what are you babbling about? The Changelings used none leathal weapons/methodes to strike down the guards, in addition with their globbery globbiness of changeling honey.
The citizens were suppossed to be going to equally Sombra and Chrysalis as slaves and 'lifestock' (preserved in globby pods).
There was no mention of death anyware, only knockouts and general subversion.
Even sombra just subdued Guards and Citizens, enceasing them in crystal, or knocking them out, without actually killing them, he said so as much, some he even let run (to test their endurance since they got a bit too 'owerweight').
RD was saved by Bad Dude, and the most destruction during the battle was actually caused by Pinkie Pie, sinking those air ships.
Then discord enacted plan B and used his powers to teleport all the remaining ponies/citizens in the kingdom to safety, and I opt to think that Sombra also meant the immobalized and captured ponies, outside the kingdom, before Tirek was sent in to flatten the city.
They only forgot Shining Armor... meh. He is a 'hostage' now (probably gets better treatment than any other hostage under Bad Dude).
Edit: Point is they caused a lot of destruction, but they didn't kill anyone so far. Even made sure Tirek wouldn't kill anyone by teleporting everypony out of the empire.
For a hostile takeover, this was still pretty swell.
Their actions are not irredeemable, buildings can be rebuild after all.