• Published 7th Jan 2016
  • 12,634 Views, 2,329 Comments

Bad Dude And The Coalition Of United Terrible Evils - naturalbornderpy



Super villain Bad Dude attempts to create Equestria's first ever super villain group. But were villains ever truly meant to play nice with one another?

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The Beach Episode

Bad Dude filled his empty ice cream pail up with sand and a splash of water before patting it down with his hooves. Once that was done, he carefully set it on the ground and flipped it upside-down as quickly as he could, tapping the sides of the pail before lifting it back up again. He clapped his hooves together happily when his block of wet sand retained its shape. Now he had four towers to his sand castle and was going to start on the moat that would surround it.

Bad Dude lifted his head up from his work to squint in the bright sun. “You guys wanna help dig the moat around the walls?”

Tic, Tac, and Toe—at the moment appearing like Bad Dude to help protect them from the worst of the sun’s rays—nodded at once and trotted from their beach blanket towards him.

Bad Dude gave out the two plastic shovels he’d brought along and directed the changeling that didn’t receive a shovel to help remove whatever excess sand was around the castle.

Bad Dude had to admit he was getting a lot better at giving orders. Relatively easy when Tic, Tac, and Toe were game for most anything that didn’t resemble some sort of chore.

While the three of them got to work, Bad Dude hitched up his royal blue swim trunks and went to sit down next to Chrysalis, who was lounging underneath a circular beach umbrella with a glass of pink lemonade. Bad Dude had to hug the pitcher of lemonade as much as he could to try and get a hint of “love” flavor onto it.

“Having a nice time?” Bad Dude asked, gazing over the shimmering blue ocean and the small speck of grey-and-black fur that was the peacefully swimming Sombra. When the eight of them first arrived at the popular beach location, there’d been close to thirty ponies already there. Needless to say, not many felt the urge to hang around and see what the villains were up to—all except for one white pegasus snoozing by the end of the beach who must’ve had no idea of their arrival.

“I am,” Chrysalis admitted, resting her head on a hoof. “I’m just not certain why this ‘vacation’ was all that necessary to begin with. We have our plans to strike; we’re nearly in position. So why are we here, Bad Dude?”

“To relax and have fun, of course!” Bad Dude exclaimed. “I don’t want our group to do nothing but work! So, I thought days out like this would help boost team morale. I mean… Tic, Tac, and Toe seem to be enjoying themselves.”

Both Bad Dude and Chrysalis took a glance in the direction of his sand castle, where Tic, Tac, and Toe had formed a chain-link of sorts to first fill up Bad Dude’s pail with water from the ocean before handing it off to the next one and then the next to finally dump into the moat.

Chrysalis chuckled. “They’d be happy doing anything as long as it wasn’t work. Plus, I think they’ve taken quite a liking to you, Bad Dude. Can’t blame them with all those snuggles you keep giving them.”

Bad Dude turned his attention to the sand by his hooves for a moment. “Speaking of ‘liking’ things… how are you getting along with everyone so far? In the group, I mean?”

Chrysalis cocked a curious brow. “Well, I like you, of course. You’re smart and determined and full of energy, and I can’t help but think of my many children whenever I see you. Discord is… Discord and as much as some of his jokes fall flat or are just plain grating, I do understand his obvious worth on the team. None of us quite have powers like his.”

The patch of sand in front of Chrysalis’ beach blanket let out a moan and shifted. A second later, Discord’s head popped out of the hill of sand, followed by his neck and arms. He left the rest of his body below the ground as he laid his head on an arm and kept his eyes closed.

“Someone talking about me?” Discord cooed playfully, not entirely focused on the two of them. “Usually ponies buy me dinner first before they start kissing my butt. What can I say? It’s not easy being so awesome every moment of every day.”

Chrysalis sat up on her blanket. “Is that where you’ve been hiding for the last hour? Underneath the sand?”

Discord moaned contently. “I like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and warm and it somehow gets everywhere. I hope when I die, I turn into a great pile of sand so I can annoy everyone one last time by showing up in their clothes and making them itchy.”

“You’re demented,” Chrysalis snapped.

Discord only giggled. “Why thank you.”

Bad Dude had to tug on Chrysalis’ shoulder to get her attention again. “Okay, but what about, say, King Sombra? What do you think about him?”

For the briefest of moments, Chrysalis’ lips curled upwards into a grin. “I must say, he’s grown on me over the last few weeks. He may be bold and brash, but I think that’s just the way kings were meant to behave. He also reminds me of someone—a royal someone. I’ve always liked royalty. I guess that comes with being a Queen.”

Out in the ocean, Sombra stopped backstroking to pony paddle back towards the beach. Once back on land, he gave his entire torso and mane a shake, before running a hoof along his curved horn in search of debris. When they first arrived at the beach, Bad Dude had set up a game of volleyball for them all to play, only for it to end rather abruptly when the ball spiked itself on Sombra’s horn and deflated.

As Sombra left the water, Chrysalis never took her eyes off of him—neither did Bad Dude take his eyes off of her.

Without her knowledge, Bad Dude gently rubbed his hooves together and giggled. As he’d come to learn, that was what “proper” villains were supposed to do when plans were coming to fruition—or when you saw your food coming towards your table at a restaurant.

Discord, meanwhile, snapped himself a pair of sunglasses to stare at Chrysalis dryly with. “We still doing this? Honestly?” He stuck out his tongue in disgust. “Romance? You all are somehow crazier than me.”

Bad Dude scooted his rump along the sand towards him. “Any idea why Fluttershy didn’t want to come out today?”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Might’ve had to do with betraying her trust by joining a super villain group poised on destroying her and her friends. But that’s just business! Why can’t she understand that? Her and I remain friends while we’re not playing heroes and villains and everything remains the same! Why does she have to take everything so personally? I mean, isn’t it a good idea keeping business and pleasure separate?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Chrysalis replied softly, her vision still stuck on Sombra along the beach—now busying himself by shooting waves of magic from his horn into the water to create large chunks of jagged ice and crystal.

From her response, Discord sighed and stood, shaking off any excess sand off of himself. “I’m getting hungry. Chrysalis, call your boy toy back over here and let’s eat and talk strategy. Tomorrow we show Equestria just what it’s up against, and I’d rather we don’t muck it up by tripping over our own shoelaces or something.”

“No one here wears shoes, Discord,” Chrysalis told him bluntly.

Discord nodded. “Glad we agreed on that rule. You’re all welcome I brought it up. Sadly, I’m still hungry.” Discord then pretended to gasp in surprise and lowered his head to the ground. “My word! Look at this amazing rock I found! Or wait? Could this be some kind of crystal instead?”

Not a second later did Sombra stop what he was doing and spin around to them, breaking apart into a vortex of thick black smoke before charging up the beach. Once close enough, he collected himself against and turned his head from side to side frantically.

“Rocks? Where, damn it!?” Sombra yelled, searching along the ground for them.

Discord chuckled and patted Sombra on the shoulder. “Rocks? Oh, no. I actually said ‘socks’—simple mistake, I know. But since you’re here, let’s go get some food, all right?”

For a little while longer, Sombra continued to scan the area for hidden gems, before growing sullen. “Fine. If I cannot find any rocks today, then I’ll come back for those socks you mentioned. My hoofs have a terrible tendency of getting cold at night.”

With the rock dilemma seemingly under control, the four of them made their way a few meters across the beach, where a circular grill filled with burning coals had been set up. Looking after the grill—as well as the table of various snacks and drinks—was Tirek, clad in a white apron and holding onto a long two-prong fork.

Tirek looked up from the grill as he saw them approach. “Good timing. Bad Dude—grilled hay burger or carrot dog?”

“Carrot dog, please,” Bad Dude answered, taking a seat at the picnic table Discord had snapped there earlier.

“Coming up.” Tirek lifted up the grill’s lid as a cloud of smoke escaped it. He used his fork to stab a cooked carrot and stick it on a bun before serving it to him. He turned to the rest of them. “Well? What’ll it be?”

“I’ll have a double hay burger,” Discord told him snidely. “Thankfully, I brought my own condiments—ever tried my patented ‘Discord Sauce’? Bound to put some hair on your chest. Peppers, raspberry jam, black tar, post-it notes, brown sugar, pure-liquid madness.”

Tirek laid out Discord’s burger and handed him the plate. “I think I’ll pass, thanks.”

Chrysalis ignored the grill as Sombra made his way towards it, giving the contents a sniff before frowning heavily. “No meat? Steak? Pork? I’d even settle for chicken.”

“Afraid not,” Tirek spoke, grabbing his own carrot dog and covering it in relish. “You won’t find many meat eaters anymore, Sombra. How about some peanuts, instead? I know Bad Dude brought some along and they’re a good source of protein.”

Sombra rolled his eyes. “I’ll settle with hay fries, then. Never been a fan of nuts.”

“Neither have I,” Tirek spoke, hurriedly glancing in Discord’s direction when he wasn’t looking.

After everyone grabbed a plate, they all took a seat around the table. For a while, they only sat and chewed quietly, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Bad Dude tried to focus on his carrot dog—which Tirek had grilled to perfection, he found. Sadly, he just had too much on his mind at the time.

Bad Dude had never had a better time than over the last few weeks. He’d made new friends that seemed to actually care about him; his schoolmates had surprised him by coming to his birthday party; the worst pony at his school had said he was sorry about how he’d treated him in the past. Truly, he never felt so wanted in his life.

But tomorrow was C.U.T.E.’s first real mission together and he couldn’t help but worry about how it might all end. There was a good chance they would succeed, but also a small possibility of failure. What would happen if they lost? How would his parents react if they were defeated and his real identity became public? He might end up grounded. Or worse—forced to clean out the donut fryer in the shop. They wouldn’t take away his comic books, would they?

And what would happen if C.U.T.E. did succeed? Would that mean one of them would try and leave now that they’d all gotten what they wanted? Or if the heroes were officially out of the picture, would one of the turn on the rest of them because there now stood less opposition in the way?

Bad Dude took another tentative bite of his carrot dog and swallowed. These were a lot of serious thoughts for someone so young to ponder about. He almost wished he could talk Discord, Sombra, Chrysalis, and Tirek all out of it—consider the potential risks versus rewards and simply remain as friends and leave it at that.

But wasn’t that the reason they were all there to begin with? Because they were villains and villains never thought about failure until it happened? They only laughed and giggled and somehow stayed positive even in the face of overwhelming odds?

And wasn’t there a little part of Bad Dude that still wondered just how far this could go?

I mean, he thought to himself oddly, even if we took over Ponyville at some point, it’s not like I couldn’t still be friends with everyone at my school. I’d just be that ‘cool’ kid that owns the town or something.

“So, first thing’s first,” Chrysalis announced, breaking the peaceful silence around them. “What do we know about the Princesses? Celestia and Luna?”

Before answering, Discord shoved an entire chocolate éclair into his mouth and swallowed it without chewing. “They’ve both been released from hospital days ago and thus far only Celestia has made any public appearances. She seems… fine, I guess. I can’t say she looks pale or anything because that’s how she always looks. Luna on the other hoof…”

That last sentence pulled Bad Dude out of his thoughts. “What about Princess Luna?”

“She’s been MIA, so to speak,” Discord continued. “Back to her old duties, but little else. Ponies say she’s still weak, but I hardly doubt that’s truly what’s going on here.”

“Think she’s planning a counter strike?” Sombra asked from across the table.

Discord pursed his lips. “Possibly, but doubtful. She’d have to know where we were first or where we’d strike and nobody knows that. The other possibility is that Bad Dude got to her.”

Bad Dude could only gasp at him. “You mean she’s thinking about becoming Nightmare Moon again?”

Discord shook his head. “No, quite the opposite. Luna might feel sad and withdrawn by what you said; being asked to join our little group. She doesn’t seem like the type to hold onto what she did in the past in high regard.”

Bad Dude’s ears flattened. “I didn’t mean to make her feel bad! I just thought… I just thought she’d make a good fit, is all.”

“I wouldn’t feel too bad about it, Bad Dude,” Discord told him earnestly. “Honestly, I never expected Luna to jump at the chance of joining us—you only seemed so eager to bake more snacks that corresponded with pony’s names again that I let you go visit her.”

Bad Dude’s shoulders slumped and he absently picked at some of the hay fries on his plate.

But what if Discord was wrong about why Luna was remaining in the dark all of a sudden? he thought to himself.

Sombra leaned across the table towards Bad Dude. “Have you managed to learn anything from those fillies you waste your time with yet, Bad Dude?”

Bad Dude gave a nod. “Yeah, actually. Like… Apple Bloom’s favorite type of apple is honey crisp. And Sweetie Belle can actually sing loud enough to shatter glass. And Scootaloo—”

“I meant something important,” Sombra interrupted. “About the Elements, perhaps? Or the Princesses?”

“Oh. Right.” Bad Dude had to think for a moment. “Well, as far as I’ve heard, Celestia is still in Canterlot and going over everything she missed out on since being stuck in the hospital. And the Elements have divided themselves up to help cover all the ground they can because they really don’t know where we’ll appear next.”

Tirek finished off his carrot dog and began fixing himself another. “Where do they think we will go next?”

“Either Ponyville, Canterlot, or the Crystal Empire,” Bad Dude said. “There was talk of attack on other dimensions because Discord’s with us, but there wasn’t really much they could do about that.”

Discord scratched his chin with a claw. “Any idea which Element of Harmony is where?”

Bad Dude had to shake his head. “They didn’t say, but I couldn’t imagine Apple Bloom’s or Sweetie Belle’s sisters leaving them behind. They might’ve stayed behind in Ponyville.”

“Then that means we need to hit fast and hit hard,” Sombra spoke, his eyes focused on the picnic table as if deep in thought. “Has your hive been practicing its drills, Chrysalis?”

Chrysalis nodded. “Day and night. They’re ready and anxious. Our defeat years ago only made them more excited to try again—especially with Bad Dude on our side.”

Sombra settled his eyes on Discord. “And you? How goes our transportation?”

Discord snickered at him. “Seriously? I haven’t even started.”

Leaning across the table, Sombra bared his teeth at him. “Do you mean to test me, dragon, or do you speak the truth? I’ll have you know we plan on attacking tomorrow! So—”

Discord yawned, then snapped his claws together. “There. Finished. Now stop yapping like an excited dog and save your strength.”

Sombra barked out a single laugh. “I have gathered much of my former strength since exiting that cave I called a home. I will be more than ready for tomorrow.”

“Super,” Discord said dryly, before he took his double hay burger and pitched it far into the ocean. “Tirek, maybe try not sucking for once? I mean, I know grilling things can be hard, but—”

Tirek made Bad Dude and them jolt as he slammed his hands onto the table, causing the wood to crack. He swiftly got to his hooves to point a sharp finger at Discord.

“I have had enough, Discord!” he roared. “Your childish antics are useless here! Do you not realize what a golden opportunity this is? Never before have so many strong individuals worked together for a single common goal—and what is it that you try and do? Annoy them enough to want to leave?”

Tirek took a few steps towards Discord beside the picnic bench, growing a full foot taller as he made his way to him.

“Yes, I betrayed you,” Tirek spoke clearly. “I know what I did, and I’ve come to regret that. I lost that day because I betrayed you and I’ve come to understand that. So why are you so adamant on destroying this group before it’s even had a chance to begin? Or is it that you’re actually afraid of winning?”

Discord, still seated, stared up at him quizzically. “You seem taller than before? You bought yourself some lifts or something?”

Tirek smirked. “That must be it. Deep down, you don’t want to win, do you? Because if you did end up winning once and for all, you’d have no one left to sprinkle that useless chaos of yours onto. Isn’t that right?”

Discord brought a claw up to his lips to think. “You know that expression ‘forgive and forget’? Neither do I. And did anyone tell you about that piece of lettuce stuck in your—”

That was when Tirek punched Discord squarely in the face, causing bone and teeth to shatter and for Discord’s muzzle to basically cave in on itself. Afterwards, Discord deflated to the ground like a popped balloon and moved not a muscle.

Tirek stared at his spit-covered fist. “I will never wash this hand again.”

Chrysalis rose from the table in alarm. “So you are bigger… and obviously stronger too. Where did you get that magic from, Tirek?”

Tirek tried to hide his grin before turning to her. “I took a bit from each of your little helpers. Not enough to hurt them, I swear.”

“From my children? Tic, Tac, and Toe?” she asked with rising anger.

Tirek nodded. “I became curious what sorts of magic changelings held within them while you were all at Bad Dude’s party. Turns out there are types of usable magic inside almost all creatures.”

Chrysalis snarled at him. “If you ever touch my children again, I will finish you once and for all! You hear me, Tirek? You crossed a line by doing what you did.”

Tirek gave her the slightest of nods, flexing his hand. “Understood, my Queen. Won’t happen again, I promise. I only felt the need to… shall we say, put Discord in his place for once?”

“Well,” Chrysalis grumbled, “can’t blame someone for wanting to punch Discord in the face, but… you still went about this the wrong way. Steal magic from Discord or other ponies—not my children. Understood?”

While all this was going on, Bad Dude climbed down from the table and trotted over to the sprawled out Discord. It almost looked as if all the contents inside his face had been pulverized into mashed potatoes.

“Discord?” Bad Dude asked meekly. “You okay?”

“Why, never better!” Discord replied, all too clearly.

That caused Bad Dude and the rest of them to turn around and watch as Discord re-entered the scene with a melting ice cream in his paw. He glanced at them all with the grimiest smile Bad Dude had ever seen him with.

“We still all focusing on Tirek’s little tantrum?” Discord asked, waving a claw. “Sorry, Tirek. Better luck next time. But in the time it took for your fist to connect with my face, I was able to slow down time, create a life-like duplicate, stick it in place, realize my duplicate was far too sexy to get pulverized, made out with it a bit, created a lesser version to put in its place and get an ice cream cone!”

Tirek sighed, glancing at the Discord duplicate on the ground. “Still, it was cathartic enough. I shall relive that ‘smack’ sound every night for the rest of my days.”

In one large gulp, Discord devoured the rest of his cone. “Suit yourself, goat boy. I’m going swimming. Maybe I’ll put some sand in that sleeping pegasus’ swimsuit before I do. After I find my water wings first, of course!”

After Discord hurried off towards the water, Bad Dude caught sight of Sombra and Chrysalis walking in the opposite direction of their table. Bad Dude held a hoof out to them. “Chrysalis! Wait! You didn’t have any lunch! Did you want a hug, instead?”

Chrysalis turned to smile at him. “No, thank you, Bad Dude. I’m actually quite full. But I’m sure my children could still use a snack.”

Chrysalis barely finished her sentence before Bad Dude felt a light tap on his back. Turning, he found Tic, Tac, and Toe staring up at him with an almost pleading expression.

Honestly, there was really no way Bad Dude could say no to that. So he pounced on the closest one to start wrestling with them in the sand.

***

“You nervous?” Chrysalis asked, her face less than an inch away from Sombra’s.

“About tomorrow?” he replied, flashing a devilish grin. “I’m more excited than anything. We’ve spent too long playing childish games. It’s about time we revealed ourselves to Equestria.” He sighed out contently. “Oh, how I miss the sounds of hundreds of ponies screaming all at once.”

Chrysalis raised a brow. “You’re much weirder than I thought you’d be. But that’s all right—normalcy’s overrated anyways.” She gave his cheek a kiss and slid a hoof along his chest.

Once they’d left the picnic area on the beach, the two of them settled down in a thick of trees to lay down next to each other. They’d already had numerous one on one discussions since being introduced several weeks ago.

“You believe this team will last?” Chrysalis spoke openly, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. “I mean, for the long term?”

Sombra thought on that. “Not really. What happens once we’ve conquered everything there is to conquer? We all become friends and live happily ever after?”

“That’s what Bad Dude would want us to do.”

Sombra exhaled slowly. “There will always be someone that wants more than the other one does. That’s why I think this would’ve worked better as a three-piece. I could’ve gotten my slaves back and your hive could’ve looked after my empire while feeding off of its citizens. Then you and I could’ve ruled over this whole world as King and Queen.”

Chrysalis looked up at him. “And Bad Dude?”

“We would adopt Prince Bad Dude, naturally. I’ve always wanted an heir to call my own.”

“And what of Discord and Tirek?” Chrysalis asked after a pause.

Sombra hugged Chrysalis tighter to his torso and laughed. “One of them is bound to destroy the other eventually. And when the dust settles? That’ll only leave one more left to deal with.”

Author's Note:

Whoa. Some heavy stuff indeed. :twilightoops:

I mean, did Bad Dude ever finish that sand castle of his? Did that pegasus on the beach ever notice the sand it their swimsuit? Did Tirek ever go on to wash that hand of his?

This story's getting complicated. :applejackconfused: