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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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6831029
What if your core could create its own energy source?
Do I count as being first?
Nice little chapter. Keep writing.
6831198 eh, sure why not
Indeed.
Anyone else found the three original alicorns and the creation of Equus to be similar to the legend of the Triforce from the 'Legend of Zelda'?
Nice chapter, good work.
Informative
I'm not really a fan of the background info dump so early on, it always strikes me as... meh.
That said, this story is incredibly interesting, and the grammar flows well a hiccup was all this chapter was to me, looking forward to the next.
I now have a theory (well, just an idea, actually) about where this story is heading. I'm not going to say anything for now, but if I wasn't hooked on this story before, I definately am now.
Nice headcannon for the creation of the world. I have my own, and hopefully someday, I'll be able to write it.
If you're a Luna fanboy then why isn't she one of your tags HMMMMMMMMM.
Ah yes, nothing like a good old fashion creationist story. Don't mind the fact that it leads to an infinite regression paradox, as it's probably more realistic for the protagonist to not question such things, if the protagonist does indeed represent an average human.
This guys is a faggot.
That seems like the opposite of a thing that Chaos would do. Like, the exact opposite...
Wait...
If it's the opposite of what Chaos would do, then it's exactly what chaos would do.
Never mind, carry on then!
It'll be amusing to read about Applejack and Rainbow Dash try to beat up this guy. I'll give them about 2 minutes against him.
well that short bit about Grogar makes me feel like my story about him will pale in comparison
I'll admit it: this creation story nearly brought me to tears. Well written and fitting for Equestria. But I now fear Aeron will have to fight Grogar when he finally breaks free.
Yay more stories!!! nice little story of equestrias creation.
6831383
Oh my gosh, finally a fic where Rainbow Dash doesn't knock the human protagonist out in the first 5 seconds of meeting. Maybe she'll even get knocked unconscious in her brash stupidity.
The possibility for this reversal of an over-done trope excites me.
6831198 The comment beneath yours says nope
6831362 Your spelling is a faggot
Yes, he would. But only because you're a tree, and you think 'talking' to your [possible/pseudo] mother need words. Or maybe he'd just fixate on how you think the Tree of Harmony is your mom. He did like that stuff.
Another good chapter. If you keep publishing daily, I won't mind them being short! It's also always nice to see Grogar (or any of the ancient gen MLP stuff) brought into a story's world setting. I'm weak to details like that as a D&D player/game-master. That said, your world backstory was pretty solid for being so short. I have a few questions left from it, but I'll wait for now to see if the story heads in a direction where all the little history details will be important.
I am also a bit curious as to how vulnerable our main character is while 'sleeping'. It's mentioned he heard the timberwolves in the distance. Is it a good idea to sleep out in the open then? Can they sense him (given they seem to be of a similar breed, albeit corrupted)?
6831365
Yup, ironically, it's Grogar and buddies who are elementally bound to tear the world apart and disperse it (hence 'agents of entropy'). Chaos seems to be more of a neutral force here, as I always thought in my own head-cannon.
6831560 It does have a alternate universe tag.
6831362 Y'all should know a faggot is a bundle of sticks.
6831347
Yes because the rules of our world apply to a work of fiction where magic exists.
This was a great origin story and I can't wait for next update.
It would certainly make a lot of sense. People really aren't aware just how big of a part of our emotional state our body makes up. Feelings don't all just happen in your brain. When you have a sinking feeling your stomach? You are literally experiencing a feeling that occurs in your stomach - muscle contractions, nervous impulses, that kind of thing. Without a body to feel those things with, our emotions just don't work the same.
In all honesty, I didn't really like the whole origin myth part of it. I dislike it when the alicorns are treated like literal gods. They're not, not even in the context of the show. The princesses aren't that powerful. A crowd of unicorns can do everything they can do and they get themselves beaten up by everything from overgrown bugs to mutant snake-horses to literal weeds.
Also, it makes the ponies just a little too super-extra-especially-special. It literally makes them the chosen ones and everyone else only gets the scraps. That's not good world-building, if you ask me. The ponies are the most important because they're the focus of the show we watch. They are not supposed to be the literal navel of the world.
In all honesty, I think the story would be better off for it if you got rid of that part.
6831365 Chaos logic in a nutshell.
6831609
Ok, with the clarification that you were going for a pun on the archaic meaning of the word... I almost feel obligated to give you a thumbs up now.
6831620
It has nothing to do with the laws of physics, it's about the logically paradoxical nature of the claim. There are two different kinds of impossible. There's physically impossible, which pony magic would be to us, but the concept is still logically sound on its own. There's also logically impossible, which is an even stronger kind of impossibility, because it means the idea itself is paradoxical, or self defeating, or self contradictory. An example of something that is physically impossible would be me lifting up an aircraft carrier. Something that is logically impossible would be something like a square circle, which is a pseudo-concept.
Calling it now... Grogar was Tirek and Scorpan's father.
Overall good chapter, one issue in my opinion. The info dump on the origin of the elements of harmony doesn't really serve a purpose in the scope of the narrative. That's not to say you can't do it, but there are better ways of going about it.
6831659 Uh...IF you pay attention to the show...For the most part, Equestria almost seem like the only utopia and the rest of the world is a shithole compare to them.
6831383
I see RD trying to bodyslam him only to stop abruptly as if crashing into a... tree. Ha!
As for Applejack, well, she's an Earth Pony and could knock him over with a powerful kick, if not shatter a limb outright. On the other hoof, she's an Earth Pony and if he could get any of the girl to listen to him, it'd be her (and Pinky) since they both operate on the same "wavelength" of magic. Fluttershy deals with animals and beasts which an Ent is not.
I'm kinda interested in how the Flower Trio would deal with him, after the initial panic and fainting. Would they fangirl over him since he's a walking garden and I bet he could grow some fairly exotic flowers at will-- er, besides flesh eating flytraps. Ack.
...pretty sure Twilight will nerd-out irreguardless. (What ever you do Guardian, do not let her talk you into the basement)
Actually, I'm kinda hoping he stays on the periphery of Ponyville for awhile yet. No need to rush into town and call down all the "big name" ponies, from the Mane 6 to the Princesses, in rapid succession. Interacting with the secondaries (Applebloom for example) and the background ponies could lead to some delightful scenes. Sadly, there's not much else next to the Everfree Forest besides Ghastly Gorge and Rambling Rock Range, and assuming he's forced to stay in/near the Everfree, limits him to Ponyville.
Now, if he's not limited to the Everfree, well, travel on my leafy son! A cactus motif for the arid desert of Appleloosa and Dodge City. Maybe get all seaweed-y when checking out the underwater places. Then get extra mossy and tough while traversing the jungles that even give Daring Do pause.
Oh yeah, I wonder what's his take on zap apples? I guess he can't eat them (cannibalism!), but maybe he can grow them out of season or coax the zap apple trees to generate larger harvests? That would certainly endear him to the Apple family as those trees are difficult, even for Earth Ponies.
6829589 Being paranoid of someone simply because they're different is what racism is. Racism also isn't an All In thing as well. Just like in reality, where some are racist towards blacks specifically, some are racist towards Mexicans specifically, some towards Asians, some towards caucasians and then of course, some towards absolutely anyone different. Even when Zecora came in from the beginning without her cloak on as she did in this story, she speaks of them having done it before. Not once did they really properly attempt to discern anything other than 'different=bad' when it came to Zecora simply because of such a thing as cultural differences. And obviously they've been shunning her long enough for Zecora to possibly have gotten regretfully used to it to a degree? Just... Yeah. I will admit I may be wrong in ways that I might not know so take what I saw with a few grains of salt. It's happened before. As far as the Donkey/Mules go, you don't really see them in-show as having much of a cultural difference to ponies from at least what the show shows. Though, all in all yeah. Pinkies own... Creativity in spreading paranoia doesn't help matters.
I estimate an 80% chance that 85% of what I said had multiple logic faults and incorrect information.
Lore Dump the Chapter
Since you had so many editor offers (including mine) it'd be about time to take someone up on their offer. The more chapters they will have to fix, the more daunting and less appealing the job will be, I'm afraid. This chapter was by far the least grammatically correct and felt like you just wanted to tell how the Alicorns do, instead of designing a flowing narrative.
6829465 Pure unadultured terror. And probably a tree-equivalent of a heart attack. As for the Plunder Seeds, they may be lying completely dormant of all magical signature, or perhaps being undetectable due to its chaotic nature.. Possibly they might be noticeable after Discord escapes.
6831676
Save you thumbs up, I did it purely for my own amusement,
There are those who are born into greatness,
Those who rise to greatness,
And those who have greatness thrust apon them.
*Notices the 1000 like mark* *Dislikes to gain the ability to become the 1000th like*
6832237
See, there's your average everyday ponies reaction... then there's an overprotective big sister who's ALSO one of the 6 primary heroes of the world(even if she doesn't think of herself like that) reacting to hearing about a monster attacking her family a hop-skip and a jump away from her home I might add.
Nice background story as to how Equestria was created, you really put alot of thought into it.
It would seem that the tree of harmony really don't mind him placing his mutilated rottening corpse in the same Cave as itself, now that's some nice neighbor spirit right there..
6831659 I wouldn´t have known how to describe it, but I think that´s exactly what I agree with.
6831383 I would like that too, but I somehow get the feeling that he is the one that get´s beaten up, that would be somehow typical.
I don´t want to judge this story yet, since it haven´t done much wrong till now, but in most of the storys I know, most Human even with some sort of big Power, manage to either look bad in front of the main six, to lose against the main six, or just don´t want to hurt them and as an end result still look a bit pathetic, but that seems to be the same than my first point.
I don´t say it only happens, but that was in a huge part of the fanfictions that I had to read, as I started to read on fimfiction. I don´t need the Human to be OP, but sometimes it looks like the main six would help to raise a grown up man, .....yes I think I can say it like that. They don´t even need to be very brave, they are just a bit to sad sometimes.
Okay I´m not exactly talking about this fanfiction right now, so since I digressed from the main topic a bit, I stop for now.
Do we need to know all of this?
6832663
no but it makes great back story
So the protagonist is a brony?
6832089
and it was amusing so take the thumbs up
6831555
Got it in one there. the way i see it Chaos is neither good nor evil. Its just a driving force behind change and thus can do things one would classify as both good and evil depending on your own moral compass.
6831801
You are overthinking this. Logical impossible means that it is impossible by laws of nature. In this case the laws of our universe does not apply, it is logically impossible for Celestia to raise the sun or that freindship can increase magical output.
I'm more amused that you are upset about a creation story of all things. Perphaps Equesteia is in an artificialy created universe with a diffrent set of laws.
6833078
Now he can eat himself and gain his own powers, doubly so.
6832850
Yes. I don't believe it presents him as a super hard-core one or anything, but there is fore-knowledge.