• Member Since 6th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen May 1st, 2022

Charon White


I am a almighty tree filled with the knowladge of the universe. But when I'm bored I go here.

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During a mining operation a crystal is discovered. The find a pony trapped within. After being shipped off to Celestia, she discovers an old friend. Re-Write in prosess. (I want some feedback on the current chapters. Please no grammar feedback, I'm working on that, please tell me what you think of the storyline, too much or too little imagry. That's the feedback I want.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 7 )

Good story in general, try to lengthen up the chapters (1,000) and see what becomes of it. I will be adding onto this soon.

Misty Moonshine

7042332 THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! I've been waiting for a comment like this! Don't worry about the errors I'll fix those up ASAP.

Well, the best way I can put it is that your story is rushed. If it wasn't for the summary, I wouldn't have been able to make out any context. Maybe give us a little bit more background information on your OC. Write a little bit more about what is actually happening. From my perspective it looks like this: character does this, character talks, character does this, talks, then this happens. Sorry if it comes over a little harsh. Try to write around it a little more. Describe the scenery, the characters, maybe add a bit background characters who are doing something or other.

7147679 Thank you! I know it's rushed. I mostly wanted to post it. Also thank you for helping me with the imagry. I'll put it to use. When school dies down.

7147793 no problem. Just posted a story and got three downvotes within the first hour without a comment. Is actually the reason I joined a group, where I found your story.

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