Well Don't You?
Broken
Do you want to hear a scary story?
You do? Oh…well…okay. You’re the first pony I asked who didn’t turn me away. Most just looked at me funny, or just told me to get lost. A lot of ponies don’t like scary stories. I know I don’t.
What? Oh, I guess I should introduce myself. My name’s Scootaloo. I’ve lived in Ponyville all my life. Sorry, but I don’t think I recognize you. Are you new around here? Visiting, maybe? That’s nice. We don’t usually get a lot of out-of-towners here. We’re a small town. It’s pretty quiet most of the time. Usually…
That’s not to say things don’t happen around here. We have a Princess and the Elements of Harmony. Plus, my friend lives on a farm that makes the best apple cider in Equestria, and that’s no boast. I have another friend whose sister is a big-time fashion designer who just opened her first boutique in Canterlot.
Me? I’m a little sister to the best flier in all the world! Her name’s Rainbow Dash and she’s the coolest pony you could know. Well, she’s not really my sister. We’re not blood or anything, but that doesn’t matter because family is family and she’s taken me under her wing.
You see these? These are my wings. They don’t work very well. I can’t fly but I can flutter around well enough. I used to think that there was something wrong with me. What kind of pegasus can’t fly? I must be retarded or something. My best friends and Rainbow Dash showed me that I was fine just the way I was. They told me I was something special. It took me a long time to see in myself what they saw all along. If that’s not family, I don’t know what is.
Huh? Oh! I’m sorry. I asked if you wanted to hear a story and here I am telling you my life story. I’m sorry. I get kind of nervous around new ponies. Not that there’s anything wrong with you. Like I said, not a lot of outsiders come to Ponyville so when I saw you I thought…never mind.
So…story time.
This is something that happened to me earlier.
I was at school and we’d just gotten out for recess. I was playing with my best friends, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, on the swing sets. Apple Bloom was pushing me on the swing when I noticed some pony in the distance. I thought I knew every kid in our class, but then I saw a colt sitting alone by the schoolhouse. I’d never seen him before and the way he was looking at me made me think he wanted me to notice him.
“Hey, Sweetie Belle,” I said. She was standing a bit further away and had a better view of the schoolhouse than I did. If I hadn’t felt the colt looking at me, I’d have never noticed him. “Who’s that colt over there?”
She looked. “Where?” She asked.
“There by the schoolhouse,” I told her after Apple Bloom gave me another push. I was pretty high up then so I had a perfect view of the playground. It was full of fillies and colts, all who I’ve known since I was little. All but one.
Sweetie Belle squinted her eyes in the sun. I could tell she was having trouble seeing the colt. “I don’t see any pony.”
“For real?” I had just come down from a swing. “Apple Bloom, you see him, don’t you?”
Apple Bloom gave me another push. “Ah don’t see anythin’,” she said.
Sorry? Oh. Apple Bloom has a country accent so that’s the reason I changed my voice all of a sudden. You don’t mind, right?
“Apple Bloom’s right. There’s nobody over there.” Sweetie Belle raised her head as she followed my swing. “You sure you’re not seeing things?”
“I’m telling you there’s a colt over there.” I was getting annoyed. I mean it was a bright day and he was sitting out in the open. How could they not see him? “He keeps looking at me.”
“Oooh,” I heard Apple Bloom coo behind me. “Scootaloo’s got an admirer.”
Sweetie Belle chuckled at this and that only made me madder. “You guys!” Halfway up my next swing, I kicked my wings into overdrive and floated off the seat. I landed next to Sweetie Belle. “Are you blind?” Brushing off their teasing looks, I turned and pointed. “He’s right there!” And there he was, plain as day! He could even see me pointing at him. “He’s that white colt sitting by the wall of the school. He’s looking right at me.”
I felt my friends come up to either side of me, their faces squishing mine in the middle. Their eyes narrowed as they followed the direction of my pointing hoof. After an awkward silence, they finally spoke.
“Nope. Don’t see him,” Sweetie Belle said.
“Ah think the sun’s gotten t’ ya, Scootaloo. Ya’ll better find some shade b’fore yer brain becomes hot enough t’ serve with a side of toast.”
“Eww! Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle stuck out her tongue. “That’s gross.”
“What? So ma metaphors ain’t as clever as ma sister’s. Sue me.”
I was stuck in the middle of a dummy sandwich. “Ugh! Forget it.” I weaseled my way out between them. “You two need glasses. Stay here. I’ll deal with this.” I mumbled to myself as I walked away from my friends. I could hear them snickering behind me, probably thought I was losing it or something. I didn’t care. I know what I saw. I turned and…
The colt was gone.
Standing in the middle of the playground, I must have looked something foolish just gawking at an empty wall. “Where did he go?”
Then I saw a tail flick around the corner of the school. It had to be him. I didn’t recognize the white flank anywhere. I followed it, coming around the front of the schoolhouse and stopped just in front of the open door. Miss Cheerilee, she’s our schoolteacher, always left it open so that she could hear everything that’s going on. She was probably finishing her lunch. Recess would be over soon. If the colt went in, then she probably spotted him.
I went inside. It was a small room; three rows of desks lined up neatly one behind the other with the teacher’s desk at the front and a blackboard right behind it. The window curtains were pulled back to allow the sunlight in. A small breeze fluttered in through the cracks, ruffling the pages of open books. There were bookshelves on either side of the room with pictures hanging on the walls. Miss Cheerilee wasn’t there. I looked at her desk and wondered just where’d she’d gone. The bathroom, maybe? Her book filled with her lesson plans was on the desk, a half-eaten apple sitting next to it.
I took a step inside. “Hello?” My voice echoed. It wasn’t strange. The walls were built that way so that the teacher’s voice could be heard all the way in the back. What stopped me in my tracks was how long my voice lingered in the air, like it was caught on something. I waited until it quieted down before speaking again. “Are you in here?”
My voice echoed some more, longer this time. Outside, the breeze continued to come in through the windows. I could hear the other ponies in the playground, having all sorts of fun. A part of me wanted to go back out there and forget I ever saw the colt. He obviously wasn’t in here. One quick look around told me that.
“Maybe Apple Bloom was right. Maybe I have been out in the sun too long.” I shook my head. “Boy, they’re going to have a field day with me when I get…”
SLAM!
The door slammed shut behind me. I was so scared I think I almost flew right then and there. I jumped around so fast that I yelped. Looking back, I found the door closed, barring my exit. My heart ticked inside my chest like a bomb that was ready to blow. Had the wind shut the door?
I could feel the breeze coming in through the windows. They tickled my mane and back like strange feelers, or claws. I shivered. The room felt colder than it should be, as if slamming the door shut had locked out all the warmth in the world. I swallowed loudly…and that’s when I felt it again.
It was that same strange sensation I got when I noticed the colt looking at me on the playground. Slowly, I turned around. It was him. The colt was sitting at the back of the room, his hooves folded neatly on the desk as if he was paying attention to a lecture. He wasn’t looking at me this time, though. His head was slumped, his eyes fixed on his hooves, which twitched nervously. He didn’t seem to notice me at all this time.
“H-Hey,” I stammered. “Are you okay?” The colt didn’t answer me.
I began to walk towards him, keeping an eye on the nearest window like I wanted to bolt right through it for some reason. There was no reason to be afraid, I thought. I could tell the colt was no bigger than I was, maybe a bit smaller. If there was trouble I could easily outfight him, or at least make a break for it. My wings may not fly, but that doesn’t mean I can’t move when I want to.
When I reached him, I noticed a stump on his forehead. I froze. He obviously was a unicorn, but there was something wrong with him. His horn was broken halfway, leaving a stump jutting out of a mane of unkempt green hair. His coat was a pale blue and his tail was cropped short.
“Excuse me, but who are you?” I asked him. The colt didn’t budge. He didn’t raise his head or even show that he knew I was there. It was a lot different than the attention he was giving me before. “Hey, kid.” I put more force into my voice. “You hear me?”
Finally, he looked up. Under loose bangs, I saw a pair of bright yellow eyes the color of lemons. He fixed me with their stare and I could feel every muscle in my body tense up. I suddenly felt that same creepy sensation I’d felt before, like claws running over me.
“W-Who are you?” Trying to keep my voice steady was like trying to balance on one hoof. I was scared. I didn’t know why, but I was. “I don’t remember…seeing you here before.”
“Do you want to hear a story?” He spoke in a soft voice. It made him sound girly.
I froze. “Huh?”
“Do you want to hear a story?” He repeated. I suddenly realized I was holding my breath for no reason. Who is this guy and why did he have me shaking like some little foal? I was tough for my age. I was the fighter in my group of friends. I was apprentice to Rainbow Dash, the toughest mare in all of Ponyville.
So why was I so afraid?
Letting out the breath, slowly, I said, “Look, kid, I’m not in the mood for stories right now.” I tried to sound tough, maybe intimidating. I was no bully, but I refused to feel pushed around. “Tell me who you are and what you’re doing here. Otherwise I’ll have to let Miss Cheerilee know you’re in here without permission.” Technically I was too, but at least I was a student.
If the kid was worried I’d tell on him, he didn’t show it. He just looked at me with those same, freaky yellow eyes of his. Two tiny pinpricks stared out at me from within pools of bright yellow. He didn’t blink, not once. Though he was sitting closer to the window than I was, the breeze did not seem to touch him. His hair did not wave. His fur did not ruffle. He didn’t even cast a shadow on the desk.
“Do you want to hear a story?”
Again with the question. I decided to humor him if only so he’d say something else. “Fine. Tell me.”
Remember when I told you I don’t like scary stories? Well, there’s a reason behind that. I always have nightmares after hearing them. Something happened to me once, not that long ago, where I had to face my fear of nightmares. I won that fight. But this wasn’t the same as back then. You see, waking up from a nightmare is one thing. But being awake during the nightmare…
“My name is Fade,” he told me in a voice that was like a whisper. “I used to go to this school.”
That was strange. This colt, Fade, had to be my age. Every kid in town went to this school, yet I’d never seen him before today. “Where…where do you come from, Fade?”
“From Ponyville,” he stated. “I was born here.”
“Who are your parents?” I asked. I hoped the more I knew, the less scared I would be.
“They’re dead.” Slowly, he looked away from me, his gaze going about the room. “They’re all dead.”
I looked around nervously. “What happened to them?”
“All dead,” he said flatly. I started to realize, as his eyes fell on each and every desk, that he wasn’t just talking about his parents.
“Your friends?” I asked carefully.
“Friends?” Fade said the word so low that I almost didn’t hear it. “I didn’t have any friends. You see,” he looked at me, “I’m a blank flank.”
I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. Fade didn’t have a cutie mark. I realized I was staring at it for a long time and looked up to see Fade’s eyes hadn’t moved away from mine. He stared unblinking into my eyes. Was he expecting something from me? Did he want me to say something?
“Oh…that’s tough.” I knew from real experience how hard it was being a blank flank. Kids used to tease me and my friends all the time. We became close because we were the only blank flanks in school. Sure we now had our cutie marks, but the bad memories were still fresh. “But I’m sure your cutie mark will come eventually.”
“No it won’t,” he spoke with finality. “I’ll never get my cutie mark.”
“Why not?” I asked him, feeling the same shiver run over my fur and skin…those strange feelers.
“I can’t,” he said. “Not anymore.” He looked at the room again. “All dead.”
“Why do you keep saying that? What happened to every pony? Why are you here? Why haven’t I seen you before?” I asked back to back. I really wanted to get out of there. It was starting to get cold and I could feel my teeth begin to chatter. I could bolt for the window, but that would be giving the kid too much credit and I wasn’t a coward. But at the same time I didn’t want to turn my back on him. “Tell me a story.” I would listen if it meant I could leave faster. “Hurry up!”
Fade looked back at me. “You’re just like me.”
I blinked in confusion. “What?”
“Your wings don’t work,” He glanced at each of my wings, “do they?”
“N-No,” I said a little embarrassed. “So what?”
Raising a pale hoof, Fade said, “My horn doesn’t work either.” He gently tapped the stump on his head. “It never did after the accident.”
“I never had an accident,” I said defensively. “I was born this way.”
“But you know, don’t you?” Fade smiled at me. My heart almost stopped. “You know what it is to be broken. Your friends don’t understand. Nobody does. Only I do. That is why only you can see me. We are the same.” I watched his eye linger on my thigh. He stopped smiling. “Mostly.”
Feeling myself shake, I took a step back. “Look, if you’re not going to tell me a story, then I’m…”
“They didn’t love me.”
I stopped.
“My parents. My brother and sisters. My nana. No pony loved me.” He looked at his hooves as he began to tell his story. “They said, ‘what good is a unicorn without magic?’ I fell down the stairs when I was little, you see. Broke my horn right off. From that point on, I was nothing. No pony wanted to be with me, least of all my family. At school, the other kids poked and made fun of me. They called me stupid.” He shut his eyes. “They all hated me.”
The breeze stopped coming in through the windows. The curtains stopped fluttering. The light dimmed outside, like a cloud was passing over the sun. But I knew different. I knew it had nothing to do with clouds. It had to do with him.
His eyes shot open. The yellow of his irises was almost gone. Now all I could see were the two tiny black pinpricks. “As if having no magic wasn’t bad enough,” his voice became raspy, like he’d been shouting for so long that he was losing it, “I was a blank flank. You know how bad that is, Scootaloo. To be broken and have no cutie mark…unforgivable in the eyes of our tormentors.”
I heard a scratching sound and looked. Fade dragged his hooves across the desk, leaving deep marks on the surface. Outside, the light kept…fading.
“I didn’t want to be made fun of anymore. I didn’t want to feel…unloved. So one day, I decided to end it.” Slowly, he got up. “Right here in this very room.” Fade stood atop the desk. “I didn’t want it to be a secret. I wanted every pony to know what happened. I wanted to give them nightmares forever by showing them something that would haunt them.” He stood up on his hind legs. “I tied a rope over the rafters and brought the noose around my neck. Then I kicked the desk out from under me. You can still see the marks from where that happened.”
I glanced quickly at the floor. Below the legs were skid marks from where the desk had been kicked away. I looked up and froze as I saw a noose tied around his neck, the rope dangling from the ceiling. I had no idea how that got there.
He smiled at me. “I waited until recess was over. When they came back in, I was standing just like this. My siblings were among them. My mother was there too.”
My eyes widened.
“That’s right, Scootaloo. She was the teacher. I smiled at her just like this,” he showed me. I felt my heart stop. “And then…” he kicked the desk out from under him. The rope stretched. I screamed and looked away just as a snap filled the room. I could have sworn I heard others scream with me, a mare’s voice louder than all the others.
I was huddled on the floor, shaking under my hooves. I peeked out from beneath them to see Fade’s shadow wagging back and forth on the floor. There was just enough light left in the room for me to see one of his legs twitching before falling still. The rope groaned under the weight.
I began to cry. My tears fell to the floor, splatting. I wanted to get away. It was the worst thing I ever saw. I wanted to get away. I had to tell some pony. I NEEDED to get away.
I felt a hoof on my shoulder—frigid to the touch. Slowly, I looked up to find Fade sitting next to me. When I looked back to where his body had been hanging, it was gone. The desk was back where it had been. The screams had disappeared too. It was just me…and Fade.
Scrambling to get away from him, I put as much floor space between us as I could. “Y-Y-You’re a ghost!” I looked at the nearest window, ready to jump out of there. He might have read my mind because before I could move, each window slammed shut. The curtains closed and the room was completely dark. The only light left was coming from Fade. He reminded me of a glowworm I saw once, his body all bioluminescent. His glow was just as pale as he was, a weak blue-white. For the first time since I saw him, his hair moved, like something was running through them.
His eyes were gone, replaced by black holes that ate the light around them. His small body was now gaunt, the skin stretched over his bones. I swear this happened next: his neck…began to…grow. Bones crunched and muscles stretched as it grew right in front of me
“Not exactly,” Fade said with a voice that sounded older, but stretched, like he was being strangled. His legs grew too. I will never forget the sound they made, like crunching a bunch of sticks together. I was backed up against the wall as I watched him grow, becoming something, un-pony.
“My spirit was forever trapped in this place. You’ve no idea how disappointed I was.” His snout grew longer, bone crunching with every second. “My mother and family left Ponyville, never to return. I watched as my classmates moved on without me. They grew up and lived their lives as if I never existed. All I could do was watch as life passed me by while I lingered in the shadows. It wasn’t long before my death was forgotten. They even put that desk, the one where I killed myself, back where it was.”
He was taller now, taller than Princess Celestia and much, much skinnier, his legs spider-thin. The joints bent in the middle, like his body was too heavy for them to hold up. His ribs showed. His spine curved into a huge hunchback. His mane was thin and ugly, moving all on their own. Looking at me with those empty eye sockets, Fade grinned at me. “Then I saw you, Scootaloo.”
My heart skipped a beat when he said my name.
“You were broken just like me.” Then the smile faded. “But then you found friends. You, a blank flank. You, a pegasus who cannot fly. I watched you find the life I never could have. And I hated you for it.”
He began to walk towards me, his sharp hooves clicking on the ground.
I screamed and ran. The windows were closed so I ran to the other side of the room, putting the desks between me and him. Fade hissed like some enormous spider and lunged at me, tossing the desks aside like they were nothing.
With desks, chairs, and books flying all over the place, I ran to the front of the room and hid behind Miss Cheerilee’s desk. I knew it was stupid, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to hide. I heard Fade approach the desk. I felt each tap of his hooves, like giant spikes being drilled into the floor.
“Scootaloo,” his voice was real deep now, less pony and more…other. “Where are you going?”
I couldn’t help myself. I began to pee on the floor, a hot puddle pooling beneath me. I tried to hide my cries by covering my mouth, but it was no use. He knew exactly where I was. There was no place to hide. Nowhere to run.
I was a dead filly.
“I was waiting for you to join me here. You and I. Two pieces of the same whole.”
His breathing was very close. “Won’t you be my friend, Scootaloo?”
I’d finally stopped soiling myself long enough to feel a draft over my head. Still holding my mouth shut, I looked up. Fade’s long face and black-hole eyes stared down at me.
“Well…don’t…you?” He smiled.
Screaming, I dashed away as he sent the desk crashing against the wall. It broke into a million pieces. I tried to run, I didn’t care where, I’d run forever if it meant he’d never catch me. But he did. I felt a strong hoof clamp down on my tail, pulling me backward. I fell on my back, scrambling like a bug about to be squashed. I was picked up and slammed against the blackboard, cracking it. Dazed, I gasped as Fade’s freezing hoof pinned me against the all. I was trapped.
Shaking so hard my teeth chattered, I watched Fade lean in close. His mouth opened to show black gums without any teeth. But it was the tongue that sent my stomach churning. It looked like some giant black slug that squirmed out his mouth, making sounds that will stay with me forever.
Oh, Celestia! This is where I’m going to die.
“Wait!” I cried out. The tongue was inches from my face. It was hard to focus on anything else. Between the cold and thinking how he would kill me, I closed my eyes and yelled, “I want to be your friend!”
He didn’t say anything. I was so cold now that I was whimpering, hot breaths leaving my body like they were abandoning ship. Slowly, I opened my eyes, watching the tongue slowly go back into his mouth. Fade’s grip eased, but only a little.
“You…are telling me the truth?”
“Y-Y-Yes,” I stuttered. Sweet Celestia, but it was cold! “I want t-to be your f-f-friend. B-But…” I couldn’t. I was just cold. So cold.
“But what?” Fade pressed. He actually let me go. I fell to the ground, gasping. I never felt so weak in all my life. I knew I had to think fast. There was no way I was getting out of the schoolhouse alive unless I came up with a plan. Fighting him was suicide and running was pointless. I had one option left: bargaining.
“But what?” Fade asked more forcefully this time.
Clearing my throat, I thought about all the ponies I would never see again if I failed. Mom and dad. Rainbow Dash. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. I had to live. I wanted to live.
I forced myself to speak. “If you k-kill me now, no pony will r-remember you.” I thought fast, my life depended on it. “Those stupid ponies who made fun of you, your family who left you, they forgot about you. They—cough—they moved on.” I mustered up all the courage I had left to ask, “Do you want them to win?”
“Win?” Fade rasped.
I may be a filly, but I knew lonely pony when I saw one. Those that treated others like garbage, the loners, the ones that all other ponies hated for no good reason; they all wanted one thing: to be accepted. But Fade wanted more than that. He didn’t want to be forgotten. I was betting that’s why he told me his story in the first place.
“You and I can stay here forever, but then who would remember us? My friends would grow up and leave. Every pony I knew will die, same as yours.” He must have been here a very long time for every pony he knew to be gone. I’m guessing his family must have been one of the first settlers to come here. “They’ll forget all about me. And if I’m gone, who will remember you? It will be like we never existed unless…” here goes, “…unless there’s a pony around who knew your story!”
It was a long shot. Fade was desperate if he was willing to kill an innocent filly just to have company. I don’t know how much of a good friend I’d be if I had to spend eternity with a colt who took my own life. I’d probably hate him for all time. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted more than just a friend. He wanted to be remembered. Ignored by all other ponies, he wanted the world to know he had existed.
“You would tell every pony about me?” He asked.
I found the strength to stand up. “Yes! I will. I’ll tell all my classmates about you. My friends. Shoot, I’ll tell Rainbow Dash and her friends. I’ll tell all of Ponyville.”
“Then…then I won’t be alone?” He sounded mournful. My heart ached for him…then I remembered what he wanted to do with me.
“Never again. You won’t be forgotten. I promise.”
“And with each pony you tell, I will gain a new friend.”
“Yes…y…” I stopped. What did he mean?
“You will tell my story…and they will become my friends.”
Something was wrong. “Uh…sure. If you let me go, I’ll help you make lots of new friends.”
“And they will join me,” Fade said, “Forever.”
“F-Forever?” I didn’t know what I was getting into. “What do you mean?”
One of those large spidery legs impaled itself right next to me. I jumped. Fade loomed over me, his frosty breath chilling me to the bone. “For every pony you tell, for any who is willing to listen, I will know them. I will find them. And I will keep them. Forever…”
For……………Ever
Those words stuck with me as sure as his eyes—those cold, soulless black eyes. I could feel the chill steal every bit of warmth in my body, freezing my heart until it felt like a stone in my chest. I don’t remember when I hit the ground. I don’t even remember passing out. All I do remember is waking up to find Miss Cheerilee and my friends standing over me, their mouths moving with words I couldn’t hear.
I sat up.
“Scootaloo!” Miss Cheerilee’s voice cried as my hearing returned. “What on Equus is going on? I come in here to find you passed out and barely breathing! I thought something terrible had happened.”
Something had. I blinked as I took in the scene around me. The classroom was back to the way it was, all desks lined up in rows, the window curtains open, the sunlight coming through; even the blackboard was there, unbroken and whole. Unlike me…
“Are ya awright, Scootaloo?” I heard Apple Bloom ask. “When ya didn’t come back, Sweetie and ah came lookin’ for ya. What happened?”
Sweetie Belle was shaking. She couldn’t even speak, just look into my haunted eyes. I think she knew something was wrong, that I had just suffered a terrible experience. All three waited for me to give them an answer, to tell them why I looked like I’d just seen a ghost.
The worst part is, I knew I couldn’t tell them. If I did, then Fade would come for them. He would make them his friends…forever.
So I lied. I told them I passed out from the heat and just needed a drink of water. I don’t think they believed me, Sweetie Belle sure didn’t, but I was protecting them from the wraith of Ponyville Elementary. They could never know the truth because I wouldn’t let them.
Ever since that moment, I could feel him. He was a whisper in my ear, a scratch in the back of my neck, the wind in my hair. He would never let me forget my promise. I had to tell some pony because, if not, he would make me his friend.
Sigh.
Look, it’s nothing personal. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I kept putting it off as long as I could. I don’t want Fade to take any pony but I can’t tell my friends or family. I saw you standing there and, well, I thought maybe this one will listen.
It’s not like I didn’t try to avoid it. Most ponies don’t like scary stories which is why I always opened up a conversation the way I did. “Do you want to hear a scary story?” They all said no. All but you. You listened. Now…he will come for you.
Sniff.
I am so, so sorry. M-Maybe…Maybe you can get away. If you leave right now, you might be able to get out of town before he comes for you. He might not…no…he will find you. He always does. He’s that chill you feel you when you think you’re alone. He’s that shiver you get when it fells like some pony’s walking on your grave. He is the grave. He is the last friend you’ll make.
I guess...if you tell this story to some other pony he’ll go after them instead. Or he might take you both. He wants to have friends…lots and lots of friends.
Well, so long.
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Really? Before bed? Come on!!!!!
6829180 Sleep tight.
Fuck...
Now I can't listen to the stories at my scout troop campfires...
...speaking of, what would happen if someone told this story to a group of people?
7697912 Then I guess Fade will have lots of new friends.
7699457
Wait...where did YOU hear this story...?
7699575 In my dreams, my friend. Fade is always whispering to me. Either I tell his story or we become best friends...forever.
7699606
Yay, ghost friend!
You've mentioned two other stories in the author's note, but they don't seem to exist. I quite enjoyed this one, any chance of finding the others?
7892183 They're both on
my stories list. Click the mature stories link on your page. That might be why you don't see them.
7893162
, I like to check both versions of the featured list.
Forgot I turned that off
Does not help that at the end, a cold draft came from beneath my window.
7937645
Sleep tight
I got an honest -to-God chill down my back once I realized why Scootaloo was telling that story. This reminded me of The Ring, with that feeling of being trapped in a death spiral. I'm glad I read this during the daylight hours. Hopefully, it will stay out of my dreams.
Bravo, author!
8376062
Glad you liked it.
Label Horror! :D Chills!
Loved it!
8800511
Thanks!
Well, so long?... Really?
If I was a cruel pony, I would go ahead and tell both HER friends AND Rainbow Dash, seeing as she mentioned them ALL in the same story.
But I am not, so I will shoulder this burden with her. However, I would try to find a way to deal with spirits, WITHOUT telling the story itself.
A great story overall, good build-up and vibes. ^^
This seems kind of like it fallows, and I hate it for that, but I love it Because it’s so good, and how you have the scary bit be the chill, people like you are Why I cannot sleep well.
9763043
Killing sleep is what I do best.
Thanks for the review
9273833
Thanks!
**** move, Scootaloo.
Featured tale in October for Twilight's Library
10461319
Thank you!
9765249
scootaloo sings" do you want to hear a scary story?"
me: no thanks
scootaloo sings "ok bye"
see what i did there?
10461738
Yes. Yes I did
Man, that's spooky! If I had written something like this, I would've tried to find a way to end it with Scootaloo saying, "...Here he comes."
10498689
Thanks!
Cheers!
This was a wonderful story, very subtle undernotes of horror boiling to the surface under the base.
Quick question: what ultimate purpose does Fade serve? Was his cutie mark going to be something based on friendship/communication, thus casting him into a destiny of making friends however he can forevermore? Or is he more of a tulpa...e.g, he's only around in the first place because his story was told enough times, because his parents and friends remembered, even if they didn't want to, and because anyone who hears this story will never forget?
Second question: would you mind linking the other two stories? I wasn't able to find them, but I can't resist a good Crusader story from such an aficionado of horror!
10499275
Sure thing
:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/292896/apples-forever
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/294748/chitt-chitt
Hope you enjoy.
And thanks for all the kind words.
BC
Reviewed in Round 179
Think I found a new favorite author. You seem very good at writing horror. I'm definitely checking out your other stories.
Why did I read the title to the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
Well, judging from how your other stories have made me feel. I'm sure this silliness will wear off really quickly once I start reading.
That was very sad.
The thing that kept me from doing to myself what Fade did is... that I knew life would go on soon after and it wasn't like I'd win. Guilt would not plague anyone for it. Kids are vicious and evil and ending it due to bullying and teasing wouldn't fix their behavior.
Idk what it is about ghosts, if they're real, that makes me more sad than afraid. I do believe in ghosts, but I don't exactly fear them.
All that aside, this was a pretty good story with minimal errors and I was kept interested throughout the whole thing. I'm glad to have read all your CMC spookies. You're a wonderful writer.