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*S*M*L3,300 stories ·13 members

The Game

Big Macintosh has always loved baseball—from the feel of the bat against his hooves to the adrenaline rush following a good hit, everything about the sport appeals to him. But what's the point in playing if the one fan he cares about never shows up?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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dNihil

dNihil #1 · Jan 9th, 2016 · · ·

This is a neat little story, but it didn't really do anything for me. It's not very deep. There doesn't seem to be any specific theme being conveyed, or rather, there's no big idea that I pulled from this. All I got was the idea that Mac's father was a baseball player and he wanted to follow in his footsteps. Big deal.

As for conventions, there were one or two errors I noticed, but it wasn't bad enough to bring me out of the story. While the pacing was consistent, there was little variation in sentence structure and vocabulary, so it looked bland.

On a scale going from 'horrible and unreadable sentimental tripe' to 'got my cold heart to feel something', this was a solid 'okay enough to read to the end'.

Palomino Pone

Palomino Pone #2 · Jan 9th, 2016 · · ·

6815148
Yeah, that's understandable. I think the reason you got that feeling from this story is that it was motivated by a dream I had, so the events don't have as much of an underlying structure as they might have otherwise had. I'll try to look out for that type of thing more in the future though, so thanks for your thoughts!