Divine Move

by Ice Star

九 (Totally Casual Banter)

"Hi!" he calls, "I'm Firefly, what's your name?"

"Don't you have a mundane and pointless existence to participate in until the supposed mercy of death comes to release my ears from your ruckus?"

"Woah, that sounds cool!"

How is this one still alive? How are any of them still alive?! Is it because these ponies are all hivemind entities of some kind?

"You must be really smart but you're also really grumpy. So does that make you... umm, they're called Stoics, right? Ponies who don't waste words or smile a lot?"

"Congratulations, small, annoying mortal, you have vaguely managed to define a word in a slightly less asinine way than everypony else. Celestia applauds your effort, may you bring your fellow morons out of ignorance and slay the purple scourge that dares to pass itself off as intelligent. But to do all this, you have to leave me alone, a foreign and difficult task for many of your kind that has eluded their minds for centuries."

All this does is make Mayfly laugh and smile more. He takes a few steps closer to me until I get the urge to poke him with a stick until this creature leaves me alone.

"So what's your name?"

"Currently unsaid."

"How are you?"

"Dissatisfied with your existence."

"You like magic right?"

"More than I like you."

"Cool! So you were asking about an amulet right? A few streets back you went into a diner where I was eating, you called it a tavern and started asking for information real discreetly but you didn't get any."

"What's your point?" I really don't see why a child would be following me around. They have nothing to gain from doing so.

Mayfly doesn't answer, instead he sees the metal boots I wear.

"Those are so cool!" he exclaims and tries to yank the one on my left foreleg off but to no avail. All he manages to make me do is consider kicking him very hard since that is the boot I keep on the leg I broke at the Magicspire. Sure, I tricked somepony into healing it but I also have some runes etched in the metal's interior to create a sort of brace if needed since I can't heal myself. It really does bother me, as does this foal.

I push him away because I've already let him talk to me for long enough. Mayfly frowns. "What was that for?"

"Existing, now either get to the point of what you are following me for or I'll introduce you to the point of this sword," I say calmly gesturing to Phobos with a forehoof.

"Well, you wanted to know what happened in Ponyville, didn't you?"

"Is Ponyville the village where the incident happened?"

He bobs his head in a nod before twitching again. "Yeah. So are you ever going to tell me your name? Or why you want some magic necklace of all things?"

Again with these pointless questions. Does this child really expect me to answer him? "My name is none of your business and I want that necklace, or more properly, that amulet so that I might confirm my suspicions of it."

"But then what should I call you?"

"You wouldn't like my name if you knew it."

Mayfly laughs again. "It can't be that bad of a name."

I sigh because this parasite didn't deserve that much of an explanation. "It's not that my name is bad, it's what others associate with it."

To my surprise, Mayfly simply nodded. "Alright. So do you want a map or something? For when you go to find this thing, that is."

I have been needing a map of all the cities here now that I abandoned my desert residence. Even when I was there, I only had a few regional maps but none detailing this area or surrounding cities. "Do you happen to have one?"

Mayfly started rummaging through his saddlebags and pulled out a crumpled map, before he tossed it to me. I caught it in my magic and watched as he began scooping up other objects that had fallen out: more maps, gold coins, various small foodstuffs, and colorful booklets of somepony in a cape and bold letters that puzzled me. He snatched those back up rather quickly as if he thought I'd steal something so cheaply made and boring.

"So, what are you, a runaway?" I suspected as much when I saw everything in his saddlebags. There's at least a week's worth of food in there if he were to stretch it and the look in his eyes when I say this tells me that once again I am right about something.

"Y-You aren't going to tell anypony?"

"Why are you under the impression that I care? You are but a mayfly to me," I reply coolly.

"But there's probably going to be a reward and-"

"I don't care. Money is disgusting and useless to me. I can take mundane objects and manipulate others enough into thinking they have an actual value, but that doesn't mean whatever trinket I've decided to use really has any."

"Huh?"

I bring my hoof to my face. "I just said that I completely disregard the denominational value of the small chunks of gold you exchange for more practical objects."

"I still don't get it."

"Apparently whatever education system you have here doesn't either. You know if I cared, I could probably make this entire country mine in a fortnight."

Mayfly just blinks and shakes his head as if that might clear the dazed look in his eyes. "You're weird."

"A very sound observation, let me know when you write the thesis. Now, I would like to know exactly where you are going since if it's something illegal that spites Celestia, I want in."

Mayfly's eyes go wide with what appears to be shock. He unfolds his wings and in one short burst of speed he flies and lands almost directly in front of me because that's a surefire way to make me sympathetic to your meaningless existence. Everypony in this city must have a deathwish.

It doesn't help that this pathetic foal starts to talk very fast with lovely sentences only slightly longer than his attention span and how long I project he will live.

"You're a mercenary! That's so cool! But you're a mercenary that doesn't take coin?! You're really cool! Please be my friend!"

"I already have a friend."

"Make more friends!"

"I'll have to dispose of the one I already have."

"You're messing with me aren't you?" Mayfly says, squinting at me with suspicion.

"Really? How could I mess with somepony, I am the epitome of sincerity and scoff at such a cruel accusation from an unruly foal! You hurt me so, I weep on the inside for my soul has been wounded by your malice," I proclaim, a forehoof raised dramatically for effect with as much of a falsetto as I care to muster at the moment.

It also appears I have rendered this child speechless. His expression says that he has now begun to question everything in the universe, perhaps even the universe itself? It seems that my magnificence has given birth to a skeptic! From here on after his soul will beg to be saved from the cruel existence which he has entered now that he is marginally less ignorant since he has been gifted with my presence.

Mayfly twitches once more, as if he were shocked by something and to my dismay, the existential horror I've induced in this foal has vanished.

"You're hired," he says, smiling brightly.

I have agreed to no such condition. If this one turns out anything like the last fool of a youth that 'hired' me, I can guarantee that the results will involve this Mayfly getting crushed.

"D'ya have anything else to say?"

"Could you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Burst into flames and die."

Comments

[Moonlight1000]

I love how you write Sombra

[Kaleido]

goodness the entire conversation was great

[MayhemMoth]

Unstoppable force meets immovable object, pony edition

[Ice Star]

10555604
Child vs. Retired Teenager

[PaulAsaran]

"So what's your name?"

"Currently unsaid."

"How are you?"

"Dissatisfied with your existence."

"You like magic right?"

"More than I like you."

"Cool!"

Just in case I forget to mention it in the review: this is the funniest thing I've heard in the past month, and I spent the last 48 hours around kids ranging from ages 2 to 6.

[Witch_King_of_Angmar]

Sombra’s character in this is amazing! Why doesn’t this series have more love? It’s Awsome!

[Ice Star]

11025350
My writing ability in this series was still going through improvement, so some of the more unpolished aspects might've driven pickier readers away. I plan to correct those when I get around to revising the longer stories like this one. University keeps me pretty busy right now, so I haven't had the time. That, and there is a lot to get through. Sombra is also an unpopular character, so there are people who won't touch stories on things like that alone.

Hearing readers appreciate this series so much always are my favorite comments to get. I've put a lot of effort into these stories, and still do, even if my writing has slowed at times.