The Breakup
“It’s just… so exhausting to love you.”
Vinyl Scratch raised her head from her pillow, looking at the mare who stood in front of her. Vinyl’s eyes immediately drifted to suitcases that rested next to the mare’s feet. Oh. So this is what they were doing? In a way, Vinyl was hopeful. She waited for the looming feeling of dread to wash over her, she waited for her stomach to flip flop out of fear. Guilt, even. But she felt nothing. Vinyl Scratch hadn’t felt anything in a long time. The blue maned unicorn heaved a sigh, slowly sitting herself up. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she sat up was. Roseluck kept track of all that- Roseluck kept her grounded.
And now Rose was leaving. She focused her attention back to the other mare’s face. Roseluck’s lips were moving, quite possibly talking. Vinyl hadn’t been paying attention- not because she didn’t want to. Just…
“It’s so depressing, being with you.” Vinyl tuned back in. Her marefriend— well, ex-marefriend she supposed— had tears forming in those beautiful emerald eyes of hers. Her voice had begun to shake- break even. Vinyl felt as if time was slow. For some reason, the whole talk just hadn’t felt real. Vinyl wanted to feel sympathy, she wanted to feel the urge to run to her marefriend and embrace her, apologizing to her and pressing kisses to her face until the tears were gone. She desperately clawed at her mind, begging to feel something. Anything.
But there was nothing. Vinyl felt absolutely empty. It was as if she was just a doll- without a personality, without a heart, without a soul.
“I don’t think you care…” Roseluck paused, and Vinyl heard the smallest sound of hope in her voice. “Do you care?”
Yes. Vinyl wanted to say. I love you with my entire being, my soul. You make me feel like everything’s still real. You make me want to be alive. Vinyl wondered what would happened if she said that. Would Roseluck scoff? Would she burst into the tears that threatened to fall? It wasn’t like Vinyl would ever find out. No words came out. Maybe the entire conversation was just a misfortunate dream. After all, what other explanation could there be? Her mouth was glued shut and the love of her life was about to walk out the front door.
“I thought so,” Roseluck sighed unhappily. Vinyl wanted to laugh. She hadn’t laughed in ages. It’d be bitter, miserable. Maybe even a bit rusty. Vinyl heavily disliked her laugh- she remembered it was jarring and loud. So she had stopped laughing. And then, there had been nothing to laugh at. Rose had once said, in the beginning of their relationship, that she loved Vinyl’s laugh. What a liar. The silence between them was too long. Too awkward. No longer natural and comforting. Maybe it had been like that for a while and Vinyl had just been deaf.
“Vinyl…. You’re….” The earth pony seemed to be searching for the right words. Vinyl could give her fifty off the top of her head. Pathetic. Idiotic. An asshole. A waste of space. Annoying. “So unhappy.” That wasn’t a new one. Vinyl had heard it from many other lovers before. Vinyl actually felt a bit sorry that Roseluck had just figured it out.
The sick part of her was pleased to feel anything towards the situation at all. It was with that small part of feeling bad that felt like something burst through her mind. What she felt now was an irritating batch of emotions, the kind she usually felt: guilt, anger, sorrow. None of them were towards Roseluck- the emotions were viciously attacking Vinyl. Still, she said nothing. She heard Rose sniffle. Pay attention, you idiot! A voice in her mind snapped at her.
“And… And I use to think….” Roseluck’s voice broke. “Am I the cause of it? Do I make you unhappy?” No. Vinyl wanted to reassure. You’re perfect. You give me a reason to wake up in the morning. I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than me. She remained silent.
“But then…” Rose gave a small, tired laugh. “Then I realized… You’re just miserable.” Vinyl noticed how exhausted Rose looked. There were small bags under her eyes. Rose’s usually perfect mane hadn’t even been groomed. A small realization grew in Vinyl. That was her fault. Vinyl did this to her. “W-when I met you… You were so….. happy. And free! And… and… I loved that about you.” Rose tried to give her a smile, but it fell immediately.
“But Sweet Celestia… that was just a very placed mask. Wasn’t it?” She stomped her hoof on the ground and Vinyl flinched. “Wasn’t it?!” Tears flowed freely from the earth pony’s face now. “The real you was just… so sad. You made me so sad. You brought me down.” Rose shook her head, the tears flying from her face. “And I don’t want to hold your hoof anymore. I don’t want to have to rescue you or reassure you for every little thing.”
Vinyl stared down at the bed sheets. There was absolutely nothing remotely interesting about them, but it was better than looking Roseluck in the eye. She could never stand to see Rose cry. You brought this upon her. The same voice whispered again, You know… if you were just dead, this wouldn’t have been an issue.
“Don’t you want to defend yourself?” Rose asked, “Aren’t you even going to try and fight for me?”
“No.”
Rose’s ears tilted upwards at the sound of Vinyl’s voice. “No?”
Vinyl sighed, lifting her gaze up to see the shock in marefriend’s eyes. “I love you, Roseluck. But you can do so much better than me.” She gave a frown, surprised at how dry and uncaring she sounded. She didn’t want to sound like that. She wanted her voice to sound passionate, to sound like she truly had loved Rose with all her heart. That way, perhaps, Rose would understand that Vinyl loved her enough to let the earth pony go. There was another long silence. She wanted to fill the void, so she said the first words that came to her mind: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. But that’s all I’ll ever be.” She hung her head, almost wishing Rose would rush to her side and hug her tightly.
No! Rose would say. That’s not true. To me, you’re perfect. Vinyl craved that. But that didn’t happen.
Rose shook her head. “I wasted so much time,” She whispered under breath, heartbroken. The words had not been meant for Vinyl, but she heard them anyways. You’re such a waste of time. The voice in her mind scrambled what Rose told her. More fuel to the fire for later.
Vinyl watches as her ex-marefriend stormed out of the room, her bags in tow. Vinyl waited for what felt like hours, hoping that Roseluck would come back. Hoping that Roseluck would change her mind, and only once the front storm slams shut does her own tears fall.
Rose wasn’t coming back.
Rose, probably, was never going to come back.
For the better. The voice in her mind reassured her. You’re no good at relationships anyway. You just dragged her down. Vinyl laid back down, her back against the bed and eyes glued to the plain white ceiling. On their own accord, her eyes slid shut.
“Yeah,” She says out loud, defeated. “You’re right.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
819 users online
1,138,769 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*through gritted teeth* how the hell did you do that, I've been sitting on this idea for two months now. Now I gotta come up something else...... fuckin hell
Oh, alright chapter Btw.
Wow, this was really well done. When I went through depression when I was younger, that's what it felt like but written at a much stronger level. I can't wait to see where this goes!
6782278
Aw, sorry! I've actually had this idea in my mind for a while.
6782342
Thank you very much, that's quite the compliment. (:
The description caught my interest, this will remain in my read later list until more chapters are uploaded.
Congratulations, this is the reason I still come to the site: To find these works of legitimate, and good, writing within everything else. Good job, and keep it up.
I really like the picture, and what I had read in the description, I´m going to read it later.
This is awesome, I just hope you don´t plan to let it end after a few chapters, please make it a long one, and actually show us how she is probably going to get better slowly. I like that type of story, maybe because it is about the brain, emotions, or whatever. psychology, it looks like it would go into that direction a little bit, and I like it.
However I hope Fluttershy doesn´t just have a magic touch, and everything get´s better right away, that she is able to make Vinyl get out of the bet without really trying, and stuff like that. I somehow want for Vinyl to actually believe that she s a failure for a longer time, maybe that even makes the feelings even better.
If Fluttershy is going to help her, I actually want her to have to search for the right answer, nothing of that "I´m the element of kindness, and that means you have to get better right now!!!" stuff. I have the feeling I already saw something like that somewhere. Well it is nothing bad, but because of the type of story, I don´t want it to be to easy for Fluttershy.
I know it is to soon, but I take it into my favourites, and give you a thumb up now too, I would like longer chapters, but then again I don´t want to wait to long, because this is really interessting right now.
This was actually really good, can't wait to read more
Ugh... This. I know this. Depression is such an awful filter for reality.
You describe the desolate and weary side of depression well. Talking takes effort, and it's like there's a wall between you and the world. When you do feel anything, it's bad. The numbness is almost like a coping mechanism. You just can't deal. You can't cope. So you shutdown.
Not everyone gets that.
door