• Published 31st Dec 2015
  • 23,051 Views, 2,461 Comments

Second Chances, Many Changes - ASGeek2012



I used to be a human girl named Rachel. Now some self-appointed "Spirit of Chaos" (who surely has an ulterior motive) decided to "rescue" me from my fate and give me a second chance. Yeah, being a pastel pony in an insane world is SO much better.

  • ...
62
 2,461
 23,051

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 16 - Education

Spike threw the doors open with a flourish. "And this is the library!"

I refrained from mentioning that I had already seen this, but I had never really gone inside. I hesitated a moment before stepping across the threshold. Spike had mentioned this served as Twilight's second home; I felt a bit like I was trespassing on a private residence.

"This has nowhere near the number of books as the Golden Oak Library had," said Spike as he walked ahead. "But Twilight's on her way to filling it up."

I lifted my head. Shelves stretched upwards, far more than I could reach with my hooves. A tall ladder on wheels was attached to the shelves, but the rungs appeared spaced for Spike's feet rather than pony hooves.

"And the best thing of all," said Spike with a smile. "Is you can use it, and no one will bother you."

"Oh, um ... what?"

"You can stay here if you like, and look up anything you want. Absolutely anything."

My eyes darted over the shelves. My heart skipped a beat.

Wasn't this what I had wanted the other night, a trip to the library to try to understand this world better? Yet as I swept my gaze across the titles, I had no idea where to start. I could spend hours or even days in here and barely scratch the surface of what I needed to know. "Um ... well ... what about the rest of the tour?"

"This is the last stop," Spike declared. "I saved the best for last!"

The best? Better than the Cutie Map that helped determine destinies of friendship and had prompted Rarity into trying to foster me?

Dammit. All this knowledge at my hooves, but no better than if I had been dying of thirst and thrown into the middle of the ocean. But ... no, I had wanted to know only a single term: Element-bearer. Yet I faced the same problem. Where do I look? What subject was it under? History? Politics? Magic? Myth? Fashion?

"Do you need help?" said Spike.

I blinked and looked down. "Huh?"

Spike stepped up to me. "Would you like to read about something specific? Twilight's filing system is, um, a little arcane."

Maybe this was useless after all. What could knowledge of that term possibly matter now? What relevance did it have to my situation? Why go through the bother when I had a path forward? Chrysalis had given me all the information I needed. She gave me a time and a place. She had given me a way out. An escape.

Another escape.

I burned with a need to know regardless. Maybe I would understand Rarity better, if nothing else. I owed her that much for how terribly I had hurt her. Maybe Chrysalis was right about everypony else, but I had to ease my conscience at least that much before I left.

And again, I faced the same dilemma that plagued my quest for knowledge since I had arrived: I assumed everypony knew this already. I had to admit my ignorance. I had to take a risk.

I had to stop being a coward.

"Candy?"

"E-Element-bearer," I said in a quavering voice. "I ... I want to read about that."

Spike rubbed his chin as he stepped towards the ladder. "Hmm ... let's see ... Twilight had to nudge the magical publishers up in Canterlot to update their texts on that sort of thing. Not exactly just legend anymore, you know?"

I simply nodded, my heart pounding.

"Ah, I've got it!" Spike clambered up the ladder. He braced his left foot against a shelf and pushed, rolling his ladder to the right. He closed a claw around a thick book and pulled it out, holding it aloft. "This should do."

He waited.

"Um, Spike?" I said.

"Oops!" Spike said, blushing. "Sorry, kinda forgot you're still having magic problems." He slid down the ladder. He brought the book over to a table and set it down.

I trotted over. The title read: Compendium of Equestrian Arcana - Second Edition.

"That oughta do it," said Spike.

"Thank you," I said in a barely audible voice, still staring at the book.

Spike started to walk away. "Sooo, I'll just leave you to it, and I'll close the doors so you're not disturbed."

I climbed onto the seat before the book, turning my head towards the doors. I watched as they swung closed, leaving me alone. I took a deep breath, lifted my hooves, and opened the book. I flipped through it until I came to the proper entry, except ...

Element-Bearer - See Elements of Harmony

A few more page flips, and I was at the entry. I started to read ...

Elements of Harmony

The Elements of Harmony are a set of six magical artifacts in the form of precious gemstones. They are the arcane embodiment of Harmony, the powerful magic which, in part, keeps Equestria in balance and promotes friendship and good will throughout its lands.

Five of the gems represent the five Foundations of Harmony, namely Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty, and Laughter. The sixth gem, Magic, is the means by which the other five are bound together and activated.

The Elements of Harmony originated from the Tree of Harmony. They were first retrieved from the Tree by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna during the First Reign of Discord. They subsequently utilized the tremendous power of the Elements to defeat Discord by encasing him in stone.

I paused.

These things had the power to turn living things to stone. Obviously it had not killed Discord or imprisoned him forever, or I wouldn't be here reading about it. If this had been Earth, this would have made a good legend, but in this world, stuff like this was real. They actually existed.

My heart thumped so hard my chest ached. I read on ...

After Discord's defeat, the Elements were housed in a special room in the Everfree Castle (also called The Castle of the Two Sisters). They sat largely unused until the unfortunate circumstances leading to Princess Luna's transformation into Nightmare Moon, and her attempt to impose eternal night upon Equestria.

Princess Luna did what now? So the creature which infested my dreams since I had arrived had been some sort of monster? Was this another valid reason for Chrysalis to oppose the alicorns? Should I trust anything Luna had ever said to me in--

No, stop.

I couldn't let myself be distracted. Princess Luna's past actions bore no relevance to me in the present. And ... Chrysalis had her say. I had to hear the other side. Both Rarity and Fluttershy were Element-bearers; I had to know what that meant and who they really were.

I swallowed hard and read on ...

When Princess Luna failed to listen to reason, her sister Princess Celestia was forced to utilize the Elements against her, resulting in Princess Luna's banishment to the moon for the following one thousand years.

During Princess Luna's banishment, knowledge of the Elements faded from the public eye and became known more as myth or legend rather than magical fact. Modern mages speculate it was during this time that Princess Celestia lost her connection to the Elements, but this is by no means certain.

Upon her return from banishment, Princess Luna, still in the form of Nightmare Moon, again attempted to impose eternal night upon Equestria during the Summer Sun Celebration. The Elements then fell to individual ponies to bear them (hence the term Element-bearer), each of which was believed to best embody the Element which chose them. The individual Element-bearers were:

Applejack - Element of Honesty

"Wh-what??" I croaked softly, staring.

No, this ... they couldn't be ...

Fluttershy - Element of Kindness
Rarity - Element of Generosity

Oh, dear God.

No, somehow, I knew. The moment I turned to this page and read what the Elements were, I knew. Maybe if I had read this before I had come to know them, I would have taken it with a grain of salt, but I had experienced Fluttershy's kindness and Rarity's generosity personally.

And I had stupidly tried to reject it.

I wiped my eyes and continued ...

Rainbow Dash - Element of Loyalty
Pinkamena Diane ("Pinkie") Pie - Element of Laughter
Twilight Sparkle - Element of Magic

Twilight had been sent to Ponyville to find the new Element-bearers without knowing the true nature of her mission. She nevertheless successfully found and helped unite those who came to embody the Elements of Harmony. She herself provided the spark of Magic via her friendship with the others to not only reconstitute the Elements after having been smashed by Nightmare Moon, but activate the Elements and utilize their combined power to defeat Nightmare Moon and begin the process of reforming Princess Luna.

This began the period when the Elements of Harmony were represented as jewelry, specifically necklaces for the five Foundations, and a tiara for Magic, the gemstones shaped like the corresponding bearer's cutie mark.

Later, the six Element-bearers were again called upon to defend Equestria, this time from the threat posed by Discord, who had escaped from his stone prison. They subsequently ended the Second Reign of Discord -- shorter by far than the First Reign -- by once again encasing him in stone. However, they later utilized the Elements to release Discord so that he may be reformed, a task which fell to Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness.

Eventually, the Elements were returned from whence they came, as their prolonged absence had weakened ...

The words blurred into a watery mess as faint splashes dotted the parchment. I shoved the book forward and dropped my face into my hooves. My sides shuddered as I sobbed.

I couldn't have just accepted their friendship at face value. No, I had to find out they were the goddamn living embodiment of virtue, that they were saviors of this world several times over. Only then did I dare to believe it. Yet Chrysalis' words still whispered insidiously in the back of my mind to lure me away from this revelation, to disregard it as more lies.

What the hell was wrong with me? Was I so horribly broken I couldn't let myself feel anything other than suspicion and fear? I still wanted to reject what I had read and retreat from their friendship. I still wanted to escape, to give up the pendant, to run away.

What had Chrysalis done to me?!

I laid my head on my crossed forelegs, tears spilling onto the table. No, I couldn't blame her, not completely. She had messed with my head somehow during our meeting despite all the supposed safeguards against it, but I had already messed with my own head aplenty. I had done most of the work for her, long before I ever came to Equestria.

I had believed that I didn't want or need friends, but that was never it. I believed I didn't deserve friends.

I sniffled and drew my head up. I wiped my eyes with trembling hooves. I had to fight not only Chrysalis' influence, but my own weakness. I could not tell where one ended and the other began. I had let my emotions descend to a level of chaos that would make Discord proud.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and climbed off the chair. My legs wobbled a bit. My body ached almost as much as my heart, and my thoughts were thick and sluggish from nothing that had to do with Chrysalis or her infernal influence over me. I shivered, my blood running cold at the idea of not just having had my mind messed with, but knowing it had been and still feeling like I could do little against it.

And yet, was I not fighting it now? Why would I be entertaining these notions if I had not managed to carve out some corner of my my mind free of the changeling queen's seductive words? Yet Strong Wing's words to me in my room--

I winced. Pain had again flared in my head, there and gone in a matter of seconds. Vague images of black shapes and green light flitted through my mind. I saw the apartment again. I felt a dam about to burst, but would the resulting flood clear my head or just drown me in more uncertainties and half-truths?

I stepped out of the library. "Dining hall," I said in a listless voice to my guards.


"Candy? Are you all right?" said Spike.

I sighed and closed my eyes, holding my head in my hooves as I sat at the table alone. I closed my eyes and resisted the urge to lash out at what had to be the most annoying and loaded question ever conceived. How many times had that same insipid question been asked in the wake of my mother's death?

I lowered my hooves to the cup of tea Spike had brought to me earlier before I had even asked. I had almost broken down into tears all over again at the simple act of kindness. "I'm not," I said in a soft voice. I lifted the cup and took a sip. "But there's nothing you can do about it."

"Oh. Well ... do you want some company?"

"Not right now, Spike, but thank you."

"Um, okay. Well, if you want me, just call."

After a pause, I heard his footfalls slowly retreat. I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh. Yes, very good: keep up the perfect record of pushing friends away. Seriously, there could not possibly be a more incompatible world for me than one based on harmony and friendship.

I closed my eyes and dipped my head at the sound of approaching hooves.

"May I join you, Candy Swirl?"

My head snapped up and turned. I swallowed hard as my eyes beheld Princess Luna standing in the doorway. Despite the soft and almost tired smile on her muzzle, my heart leapt into my throat, and I scrambled to get off the chair to bow properly.

Luna lifted a hoof. "Please, stay where you are." She trotted into the room and yawned. "I'm not at all formal this early in the day."

I nodded, not daring to trust my voice. My heart skipped a beat when she sat next to me.

Spike came rushing in. After a short bow, he said, "Up early for the summit, Princess?"

"All too early, Spike," said Luna with a small smile.

"Anything I can get you?"

"Just a cup of coffee, please."

"W-wait, did you just say coffee?" I blurted. "You have that here?"

"Well, it is the Princess' special blend that she sent down from Canterlot," Spike said.

"Oh," I said, my cheeks burning.

Luna smiled. "I would be quite pleased to share some with you, Candy. Spike, two cups, if you would."

"Coming right up!" Spike said. "How do you take yours, Candy?"

"Black," I said. "No sugar."

Spike nodded and scampered away.

"Thank you," I said softly to Luna.

"Coffee is not a beverage of choice in Ponyville, it would seem," said Luna. "I understand it once was, but apparently that ceased due to some incident involving Pinkie Pie. I know no more detail than that."

I smiled faintly. I had been right. Chalk one up for me for actually understanding something about this world. More so, it seemed, than I understood myself.

"I was told you have been living in the castle for a few days now," said Luna. "I hope you have found the experience enjoyable despite the events surrounding your pendant."

After a long pause, I lifted a hoof and placed it gently over the gleaming gold instrument of my failure across two worlds. Or was I being too hard on myself? So much grief I could have avoided had I chosen not to cling to my story of amnesia. "Maybe 'enjoyable' is not quite the right word."

"Oh? What would be more appropriate?"

I considered for a long moment, my thoughts still worming their way around half-truths and Chrysalis' bombast. "Enlightening," I said in a low voice.

Spike emerged from the kitchen. My drooping ears perked up a bit as the wonderful aroma tickled my nose. I pushed the tea aside as he slid the steaming mug before me. I stared down, watching the black liquid ripple slightly before closing my hooves around it and lifting it to my muzzle.

The small sip of what should be a familiar beverage still offered more surprises like everything else in this world. Subtle, unexpected nuances of flavor played over my tongue, and whether that was from equine senses or a fundamental difference in the coffee blend was irrelevant, because it was still coffee. I still enjoyed it, like many other experiences I had in Equestria. Why had I lost sight of that? How had I so diminished those experiences to the point of hurting ponies who only wanted to be my friend?

Luna took a sip of her own coffee, levitating the mug with her magic. "If I may ask, what sort of enlightenment did you come to?"

"That's a hard question to answer, Princess."

Luna looked thoughtful. "Then perhaps I should rephrase. Is there anything in particular you learned that stood out from the rest?"

"Yes ... I ... I don't know myself as well as I thought I did."

Luna nodded once. "That is a rather profound thing to learn about oneself."

"I d-don't know who or what I'm supposed to be."

"Interesting."

I swallowed hard. The words from the book flowed through my head. I had never seen the Elements of Harmony in action, but I could almost picture it anyway. "P-Princess ... I ... did ... did it hurt?"

Luna paused. "I'm sorry?"

"The Elements of Harmony. When Twilight a-and her friends used them against you. Did it hurt?"

Luna slowly lowered her mug to the table. "Now that, my dear Candy Swirl, is a most intriguing question," she said in a soft voice. "One that I don't believe has ever been asked of me before."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer if it ..."

"It is a perfectly valid question, and one deserving of an answer. And the simple answer is ... yes. But nothing of this sort is ever simple."

"Nopony is no more aware of that than I am, Princess," I said in a quavering voice.

"Then perhaps you already understand that sometimes pain is necessary."

I remained silent and sipped my coffee.

"I made a mistake," said Luna. "I made a bad choice. I falsely believed it to be my only choice. No amount of talking, or of reasoning, or of debate would deter me."

I lowered my mug and stared at her. "But what drove you? Why did you do it?"

"I was driven by an emotional pain of my own creation which I refused to admit to those who would have listened, who would have helped."

"But you just said pain is necessary ... I-I don't understand."

"And that is where the answer is no longer simple," said Luna. "Pain can drive us to do things that normally we would never consider, Candy, and to take a path that, ideally, we would rightfully shun. Yet to turn from that path, no matter how dark it is, no matter how wrong it feels in our hearts, means we must admit our failings. We must admit we were wrong. That is never without pain."

My throat threatened to close up. I took a deep breath. "Princess, were you ever subjected to any ... to any sort of influence?"

"Influence?"

"Somepony wh-who told you what you wanted to hear," I said in a shaky voice. "Who played to your weakness. Who said they could take away all the pain if you just did what they said."

Luna was quiet for a long moment. "No, there was no such outside influence. I started down my dark path through my own faults. But had there been one such as you describe, in my vulnerable state before my transformation into Nightmare Moon, I would surely have listened. Eagerly. I sincerely doubt either myself or Equestria would have been better for it."

I stared down into my mug and blinked back renewed tears.

I heard a gentle rustle, and something soft had draped itself around me. My head rose, and I trembled as I realized it was her wing. She turned her soft gaze towards me and said, "And a pony who has been subjected to such influence and yet still questions, still seeks her own answers, still wonders if she is on the right path, is one of a strength of character I cannot help but admire."

Tears trickled down my face. "I don't feel like I'm s-somepony to admire. I did everything wrong! I didn't trust the ponies would could've helped me! I couldn't get out from under my past! ... Or my fear ..."

"And, yet, you came to this realization yourself," said Luna. She slowly smiled. "And you didn't need the Elements of Harmony used upon you."

I uttered a shaky laugh. "In a way, they were. That may sound crazy, but ..."

Luna drew her wing in and pulled me towards her. "However you received your enlightenment is not as important as its effect on you."

I trembled with the desire to give up all my anguish, to bury my face in her soft fur and cry my eyes out. Yet that would only be giving in to the pain and letting it continue to rule my actions. I could express my pent-up grief later. Any descent into emotionalism would give Chrysalis' influence more reign. Her offer still enticed me as a way to distill all my pain into a simple piece of jewelry that I could so easily shed.

I could not wait any longer. My new-found courage hung by a single thread.

"P-Princess," I murmured. "I-I need to tell you something about me. I-I'm not--"

Galloping hoof-beats approached from the hallway, drowning out my soft-spoken words. I drew myself from Luna's wing embrace as she turned her head towards the entrance. "Sister, what is it?"

I jerked my head around. Princess Celestia stood in the doorway, a frown creasing her muzzle. "We must make haste for the meeting hall, Luna."

Luna frowned and glanced at the clock. "It is still a full fifteen minutes before the scheduled start of the summit, Tia."

"Yes, but Queen Chrysalis has already arrived and is demanding the summit start now."

My heart leapt into my throat. I flinched hard when Luna clopped a fore-hoof on the table. "Does she truly wish to engage me before I have been sufficiently caffeinated?! Can we not tell her to cool her hooves until we are ready?"

"Normally, I would agree, sister, but Queen Chrysalis has been browbeating Twilight, and I suspect she is reaching the breaking point."

Luna sighed. "I had thought something more was amiss with Twilight than mere nerves over preparations for the summit. Perhaps we should call upon her friends to--"

"They are already here," said Celestia.

I stopped breathing for a moment.

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? As much as I hate to sound harsh, they have more sense than Twilight has been exhibiting lately." She slid off her chair. "I will be there shortly."

Celestia left, and I let go the breath I only realized then I had been holding. "W-wait, Princess Luna, please, I need to tell you something!"

"I am sorry, Candy, but I need to get to the summit."

I jumped down from the chair. "But--!"

"You can tell me later. I--"

"Chrysalis wants me to give her the pendant!"

Princess Luna stepped up to me. "I know."

My eyes widened. "You know?! And ... a-and you didn't say anything?! You didn't warn anypony?!"

"You have a decision to make, Candy Swirl."

I stared, my mouth open.

"The magic of your pendant is such that nopony can make it for you."

"But ... sh-she wants me at the summit ..." I said in a weak and helpless voice.

"Then I will be seeing you quite soon." Luna touched the tip of a wing to my shoulder. "Faith in your friends is always important, Candy, but not as important as faith in yourself."

I tried to speak, but no words would come to me.

Princess Luna withdrew her wing, smiled, and rushed out of the room.

I fell back onto my haunches, my heart thundering, and fought to hold onto that tiny thread of courage for just a little longer.

Author's Note:

Last cliffhanger for this part of the story, I promise! :raritywink:

PreviousChapters Next