• Published 30th Dec 2015
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Pinkie's Off Day - The Engineer Pony



What if the Element of Laughter wakes up one day feeling kind of depressed?

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Pinkie strolled along the outskirts of Ponyville.

Yes, she actually strolled for once. Rather than hopping, or bouncing, or inexplicably teleporting from one location to the next, the normally boisterous pony walked like a normal pony at a rather relaxed pace. In fact, at times she even moved more slowly than the average pony. And occasionally, in the few brief moments when she was sure nopony was watching her, Pinkie would halt, droop her neck, and stare blankly at the dirt beneath her. But then, she would immediately straighten up, check that her mane was puffy and her smile was broad, and quickly trot for several paces before slowing down again.

Pinkie reached her hoof into another secret hiding spot in another nondescript tree. She felt around for a few seconds until she had located the eye patch concealed within. With a satisfied nod, Pinkie withdrew her hoof and turned in the direction of the next clandestine repository of piratic therapeutic eyewear.

She paused for a moment when she heard a quiet noise. Amid the rustling of leaves and the gentle song of a nearby bird, Pinkie listened again for the soft whisper. It had almost sounded like a sniffle, like somepony was crying. Forcing herself to remain perfectly still, Pinkie strained her ears to pick out the low sound. After a few seconds, the sound came again: the unmistakable whimper of a weeping pony.

Pinkie wavered for a moment with indecision. On the one hoof, it was her solemn duty to make sure every pony she came across was unequivocally joyful. But on the other hoof, she was not sure if she was in the appropriately boisterous mood she needed to be in so as to cheer somepony up. On the other, other hoof, here was a chance for Pinkie to break out of her own depressed state, by cheering up somepony else. But on the other, other, other hoof, Pinkie found that raising all four hoofs up in the air caused her to fall to the ground with a sudden splat.

As she bounced back upright, Pinkie reached her decision. With a quick leap, she bounded in the direction of the crying pony. Weaving in and out of trees as she followed the source of the low whimpers, Pinkie acquired the necessary items for cheering a pony up: a delicious cake oozing with frosting, a bundle of vibrantly colored helium balloons, seventeen streamers, and a tuba. Frowning at the large brass instrument, Pinkie quickly swapped it out for the far more appropriate kazoo.

Her target was directly ahead, just beyond a clump of bushes. With a mighty spring, Pinkie hurtled the shrubbery and tossed confetti in every direction. Streamers unfurled behind her as she landed, the cake held triumphantly before her. Pinkie held her pose proudly, until she noticed the pony cowering in front of her.

Fluttershy lay curled up on the ground. Startled by the sudden arrival of Pinkie Pie, she had ducked down and hidden her face behind her hooves, only slowly peeking her head up as she realized it was only Pinkie. Her startled gaze began to soften, but even her frightened look could not hide the puffiness around her eyes.

“Oh, um, hi, Pinkie Pie,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Hi, Fluttershy!” Pinkie responded with a massive grin. She forced energy into her voice as she continued. “It sounds to me like you need somepony to help cheer you up!”

“Um, well, actually,” Fluttershy began as she turned away from Pinkie, “I’m not sure if this is exactly the best time for…”

“Don’t be silly!” Pinkie exclaimed, drowning out Fluttershy’s subdued declaration. “Everypony deserves to be cheery and glad. If there’s one thing that makes me happy…”

“Please don’t start singing,” whispered Fluttershy. But it was too late; her exuberant friend had already launched into an impromptu musical routine, complete with colorful backgrounds and random ponies appearing to provide harmony.

For the next several minutes, Fluttershy lay silently as Pinkie Pie belted out her joyous melody. Finally, after an extra chorus, a key change, and the inexplicable appearance of Cheese Sandwich among the backup singers, the song reached its conclusion. Then it was just Fluttershy and Pinkie again, the latter staring with an expectant smile straight into the mournful eyes of the former.

“That was, um, that was nice,” Fluttershy murmured, with little conviction in her voice.

Pinkie’s face fell.

“Come on, Fluttershy! You should be happy! What reason could you possibly have for being sad?”

At this, Fluttershy’s face hardened. She stood up, turned directly toward Pinkie, and took a step forward.

“Do you want to know what’s bothering me?” Fluttershy said with quiet firmness. “I’ll tell you what the matter is. This morning I found that Mr. Beaverteeth had been seriously injured when a tree fell on him. I’ve spent all day tending to him, but he’s been getting weaker every minute. I’m not sure if he’ll recover, I can’t find his family to let them know what’s going on, and the last thing I need is somepony to come skipping by and tell me I should be happy!” Fluttershy raised her voice as she took another step toward Pinkie. “Maybe life consists only of sunshine and parties for you, Pinkie Pie, but the rest of us have real problems to deal with. Now if you’re done be frivolous, I must be going!”

Fluttershy turned her back on Pinkie Pie. Spreading her wings, the Fluttershy took flight and soared away from her dumbstruck friend. A single tear trailed behind the pegasus as she departed.

Pinkie Pie sat there a minute, not moving a muscle. She just stared into space, even as the balloons she held sank to the ground and a stray breeze blew out the candles on the cake. The kazoo fell from her gaping mouth and landed in the dirt. A passing squirrel picked up the instrument and excitedly carried it off, but still the pony did not stir. She sat, she stared, and she pondered as her mane slowly deflated.

Today was not going well.


“This party is great!”

With eager excitement, Spike plucked another gift off of the table and quickly tore open the wrapping paper. His eyes gleamed at the sight of the rich assortment of gemstones that fell from the package. Spike immediately snatched up the loose gems before any of them could fall to the floor.

From her seat on the throne opposite Spike’s, Pinkie surveyed the scene. To Spike’s left, Twilight fidgeted nervously, unconsciously reaching one hoof under the table for the photos of Spike she had kept nearby. Twilight seemed concerned that Spike might show signs of greed again, and she was ready to step in at a moment’s notice. When she and Pinkie had met the previous week to begin preparations for the party, they had agreed that a series of photographs that showed Spike being helpful and generous would probably be enough to keep him from succumbing to draconic envy. If they could remind Spike of his true nature before he grew out of control, then they could avert another crisis. Still, Pinkie knew that as a precautionary measure, Twilight had also researched large-scale freezing spells, capable of incapacitating a full-sized dragon.

But she need not have worried. As Spike earnestly thanked Rarity for the gift, Pinkie saw they had no reason to fear him. Spike would not let greed get the better of him again. He was far too kind a dragon to let such evil tendencies take control of him again. No, Spike would always be himself, and that would never change.

The thought almost brought a smile to Pinkie’s face. Well, it would have, had she not already been grinning ear to ear.

“Ooh! Ooh! You should open mine next!” Pinkie leaned to the side and reached for a gift that was somehow hidden just barely out of sight from all her friends. Stretching across the table, she dropped the large, colorful box in front of Spike in a brief flurry of confetti.

Pinkie returned to her seat as Spike began to rip open the present. She wondered for a moment what it was she had gotten him. Then Pinkie remembered that she had been the one to pick out the gift. She could just ask herself what she had bought for Spike.

Pinkie Pie was in the process of doing just that when the sound of a small explosion interrupted her. Pinkie leapt into the air, hooves flailing every which way. Eventually she managed to grab onto one of the roots of the tree chandelier. Dangling high above the party, Pinkie surveyed the chaos below her.

A brightly colored piece of heavy artillery protruded from an equally vibrant—but far less tactically valuable—box. Waves of confetti and streamers surrounded this epicenter that had vomited its cheerful contents across the entire room. Five ponies cautiously poked their heads above the table under which they had taken momentary cover. And lying in a daze on the floor next to the surprise present was one dragon too shocked to move.

Twilight recovered first. Her gaze turned from the twitching dragon on the floor, to the party cannon gift resting on the table, and finally up to the sheepishly grinning pony hanging above her. With the all the calm reserve and elegant demeanor befitting royalty, Twilight succinctly expressed her assessment of the situation with a single word.

“PINKIE!”

The pony in question grinned sheepishly. Letting go of the decorative tree root, she quickly dropped back down to her throne. Pinkie halted her fall immediately before landing, so she returned to her seat with a barely a sound.

Silence reigned for a few more seconds as all eyes turned toward the party pony. Spike sat up with a groan and fixed Pinkie with as questioning a look as he could manage in his befuddled state.

“What was that supposed to be?”

Pinkie swallowed slowly without dropping her smile. Then she answered, “Sorry, I may have possibly accidently made a slight mistake in wrapping your present. There’s a distinct chance that instead of wrapping the hoof-picked masterpiece that I had carefully selected to ensure you were satisfied with your gift and pleased with your party and generally happy enough that you would look back on this evening with fond memories that most certainly would not include being temporarily paralyzed by the shock of an unexpected explosion…instead-I-accidently-wrapped-a-party-cannon-instead,” Pinkie Pie finished in a rush.

Spike blinked, stared at Pinkie, and blinked again. “That’s ok, Pinkie. It just startled me, that’s all. And…I still get a real present, right?”

“Of course!” Pinkie quivered with excitement and plunged a hoof into her mane. “What I really meant to give you was…” She paused while searching for the right item. “This!” Pinkie triumphantly pulled a dustpan out of her mane and presented it to Spike.

Spike paused. “A dustpan? Seriously?”

“Oh, um, that wasn’t it either.” Pinkie hurriedly stuffed the dustpan back in her mane and rummaged around for the thing she was actually looking for. “No, no, no,” she mused as she extracted, in quick succession, a bowling ball, a scepter, and a mailbox. “Where did I put that?” Pinkie began to search more frantically, the occasional random object falling out of her mane as she hastily sifted through her entire inventory.

Spike waited as a pile of assorted items formed in front of Pinkie Pie. But when what looked like a parasprite emerged from her mane, Spike decided he had seen enough. “You know what, never mind. You can just give me your present the next time I stop by Sugarcube Corner.”

“Aw…” Pinkie moaned. “I really picked out a good one, too. I just can’t seem to find it, for some reason.”

“No big deal,” Spike replied. “I’m sure it will be worth the wait. Now, who has my next gift?”

Dejected, Pinkie began returning her heap of miscellaneous objects to its proper place. She filed them away in silence as Spike turned his attention to the next present in line: a curiously rectangular package from Twilight.

Pinkie never was able to find the gift she had picked out for him.