Velvet Kiss is a young vampress in Ponyville, and the product of Trottingham's political elite.. She is no killer, but a simple pegasus enjoying the finer things of life, however struggling with the perils of boredom along the way.
When Velvet's fledgling, a mare she beholds as her best friend, and even a daughter, disappears, leaving behind only one cryptic clue, Velvet must find her, and bring her back home before time runs out. Will Velvet be able to bring back her friend, and uncover the true meaning of her disappearance?
((This story currently goes under the assumption that ponies have modern technologies, like GPS, mobile phones, and firearms.))
Chapters (5)
Well everypony, this is my very first story. Does it crash or burn? We'll see!
So far, so interesting! Keep going.
Amazing! Keep up the good work.
714216 Thanks! I appreciate the feedback. Keep checking back for new chapters. And trust me, Velvet's story's won't end after the Fledgling's Trail.
A very good story so far. You're very good at writing, I'm looking forward to read more chapters
Wasn't velvet a pegasus why would she need a parachute? It feels as you ignore the pony setting with handguns and airplanes and stuff. I have nothing against this because its still a good story but when pegasi suddenly can't fly it gets a bit ridiculous.
Also I like it when vampires are a bit more undead like when they don't need to breathe and are sensitive to the sun and stuff but thats just a personal preference
721147 thanks for the feedback!
You're absolutely right. I failed to take into consideration her wings. But, thinking about it now, the saddlebag she had on wouln't allow her to spread them, and she couldn't survive without its contents.
And making her less undead simply makes her a better character.
721855 Well if you do decide to edit the story and get rid of the plot hole or something I think that the easiest way to fix it would be to give pretty much the same reason as to why she couldn't parachute. Something like that she would have become a target and ripped apart by the aa guns. I don't think the saddlebags would be very practical because then you would have to keep her grounded for as long as she wears them and besides there has been pegasi in the show who have flown with saddle bags on but then again it could also be smart since you would be able to just add the explantion in the next chapter so you don't need to go back and change anything. Sorry if I sound too criticizing it really is of very minor importance to the story.
722686 No, really! I appreciate the criticism a whole lot. I hate stupid plot holes like that myself, and I'm glad you brought it to my attention.
I just finished the third chapter, and I addressed the issue there. Go read it!
725153 Bayonets can't really be held compactly. Plus, Swiss army knives have multiple funtions.
I'm really liking this!!! Keep it up.
EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! I liked it a lot! But if you don't mind me asking, will this story continue, or will there be another adventure?
749564 Tomorrow there will be an epilogue added to this story. After that...
You'll have to wait and see
XD
Not sure if want.