Can't I Pick Which One?

by Kyle_67

The Changeling Saga Pt. 2

Author's Note:

Did you know befuddledly isn't a word? Neither is terroristic, as I found out.

Anyways, I'm tired after both 2 hours of writing and 4 days of waiting on Equestria Daily for a response to my submission, so this will have some errors, I'm sure. But this is the return to standard loop form.

Oh, and there's like one or two cuss words in here.

I open the door to see Fluttershy, who is taken aback at the pony greeting her.

"Twilight?" She gapes at my form. "Why are you here?"

"Oh, you know," I say in Twilight's classic inflection while trying not to laugh at Fluttershy's confused face, "me and Rainbow Dash had a little play-date of our own, if you get my drift." I end with winking at the shocked pegasus in front of me.

She shakes her head. "Wow, I... I didn't know you two were an item," she replies, clearly trying to be positive about the blizzard of information she was just hit with. "I'm really happy f-"

"Oh, we're not together," I counter, cutting her short. "We're still friends. Just with benefits." I accidentally let out a snicker, but Fluttershy is too stunned at my last quip to notice. Stoic in her frozen stance, Fluttershy stammers while I turn my head to get out a giggle. Then, to my surprise, I hear a POOMPH and swivel my head back. Fluttershy eyes go wide when she realizes I've noticed her, erm... excitement.

Now, Fluttershy is not a fast flyer. She refuses to race or compete in any speed based event, even when I promise to go easy. But damn, that pegasus flies away faster than a peregrine falcon after her wing kerfuffle. I wish I could accelerate that fast. After the initial shock, my only reaction is to laugh wildly before eventually ceasing in my hysterics to think about how Fluttershy, upon hearing of a potential non-committal, sensual relationship between her two friends, is somehow... not disgusted. Does she really find filly fooling appealing?

Maybe I'm just making assumptions. After all, I know her really well, and she is not romantic about anypony, mare or stallion. I've always been curious why she doesn't pursue love; she would make anypony happy. I mean, she's kind, but assertive, she loves all things alive, she has a motherly instinct, a good heart, a great figure, a beautiful--

I shake my head. I still have business with Twilight. As long as I learn how to better control my form, I'll be happy.

-----------oOo-----------

I am not happy right now.

After having the same conversation with Twilight when I greet her as Starlight, minus the gaps in information, a certain fact comes to my attention. While it's true I can choose what I become when I wake up, it only works for pony-like creatures, like dragons, griffons, and, of course, changelings, it turns out. I guess the magic field can't make big changes, like massive size difference. But then, how come I became animals like a rabbit before? How would I have transformed if the damn magic field can't do drastic changes?

It's shit. It's all shit. Starswirl's theory is clearly not what's happening, but then what the hell is? Why does the rule set of my situation allow me to pick my form, but only equines, as Starswirl outlined in his report? And, most importantly--

Wait, why is Twilight leaving?

"Where are you going?" I ask the departing alicorn.

"I have to leave for a check-up at the Ponyville Medical Center," she replies. "This visit is running a little long."

I nod, then pause. "Wait, so you leave your house today at--" I glance at the clock "--10:43 AM?"

She looks at me questioningly. "Yes, I am leaving my house now, at 9:43 AM." She says back. Huh. Well isn't that a useful bit of intel? Twilight stares at me. "Why did you need to clarify that, and how did you read a digital clock wrong?"

I open my mouth to answer but am cut off by the door opening.

I hear a timid voice say,"I wanted to continue our, um, conversation from earlier."

Oh shit.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "I'll just be leaving, then."

=-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-=

Okay, 9:43, here we go.

Now, stake outs are a trope across many types of media, often done at night and are very hidden in nature. Therefore, is me peering at Twilight's library in mid-morning on a cloud 15 feet off the ground still considered a stake out? I'd like to end today by having accomplished one, but I'm unsure if this is cheating. Oh well, I'll be the one telling the story, anyways.

Twilight's door opens and the alicorn waves goodbye to Spike. After she turns a corner and is out of sight, I fly down and change from my usual self to the Princess of Friendship. I inhale sharply.

It's go time.

"Spike?" I yell from outside the library's entrance. "Spike, open the door right now!"

I hear a shuffle from inside. "Um, hey Twilight," the little dragon says in surprise. "Didn't you leave for an appointment?"

I gasp in pretend shock. "How dare you not refer to me as 'master'?" I lean forward and stare at him intensely. "You must always call me 'master', young man!" Spike huffs in defiance.

"Haha, Twilight, give it up. Do you really want to be late for the doctor's in turn for a dumb prank?" he counters.

I raise my eyebrow at him and calmly trot inside and find a copy of some comic laying on a table. Spike gasps as I hold the comic book over a candle. "You will call me 'master', understand?" I ask for the final time.

He gulps. "Yes... master."

-----------oOo-----------

"Oh, Spike!" I holler after finishing my sandwich,

"I'm right here, you don't have to yell," he says from his post beside me.

"I fancy a cold drink, could you fetch me a glass of water?"

Spike grunts as he walks away. "Fine, master."

As he ducks into the kitchen, I partake in a quick giggle fit. Spike is an awesome little dragon, but I think all of my friends would love to have him as a servant for a day; it can't just be me.

Shit, what's that noise? It sounds like... hoofsteps. Wait, uh-oh.

They're coming from outside the front door.

I quickly change into myself, Rainbow Dash, and soar across the room into a beanbag as, sure enough, the lock clicks and Twilight walks in to see the area I made for myself--well, technically her. It's a lawn chair with a stool beside it.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight calls out upon coming inside, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I... uh, I helped Spike set up this gift for you." I nervously reply. "He wanted to start being your servant and calling you master." I gesture to the seating arrangement. "That's my, er, your throne," I inform her, aware of my slip-up.

Twilight pads silently over to the 'throne' and sits down. I tilt my head when she doesn't question anything further. In fact, the news somehow pleases her. Spike enters the room and notices me in the corner sat in a beanbag.

"Rainbow Dash?" he says, cup of water in hand. "Why are you here?"

"Quiet, servant," Twilight says. I prick my ears up. Did she just fucking call Spike his servant? "Bring that water here, now!" she barks.

Spike waits a heartbeat before sighing. "Yes, master."

Twilight's eyes glow. I can't tell whether or not she thought that command would work, but she sure as hell is pleased at its result. The alicorn uses her magic to take a sip before nodding towards a plant in the corner.

"Spike, get me a fern leaf from that plant," she orders. Where is she going with this. When the baby dragon comes back, leaf in hand, she commands, "Fan me."

What?!

Even I didn't go that far. I get up and leave, offering a quick 'goodbye' before fleeing the scene. Does everypony have a damn skeleton in their closet? First Fluttershy and now Twilight!

How damn unstable can a group of friends be?

=-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-==-=

Let me explain myself. I'm a mare. Okay, that much doesn't need explaining, but when given the ability to turn into anypony at will, I always stuck to female transformation. Not by accident, either. But the differences between stallions and mares seem to slip my mind when, after arriving in Canterlot to try and have some fun there, I decide on the idea to infiltrate a federal meeting and disrupt the government and pick Shining Armor as the pony to be when I do so, since he's the head of the military; that has some potential.

But now that I'm looking in the mirror, I only have one thing to say.

Cadence is a lucky woman.

I mean fuck, I am handsome from head to head. I still have the mind of a mare, thank Celestia, so dammit if I don't want the reflection I see to be mine. That's awful phrasing; I don't want to be a stallion. I just want him to be mine! Even though he's married with a kid... I'm gonna stop myself there.

But I'm getting off topic. After changing into a clerk at the hotel he's staying at and informing him that his wife called to tell him she's getting remarried, a lie that should distract him for a good 30 minutes, I take his place and trot up to the royal conference room. as I'm going to dub it, for a meeting on military activity when the two guards salute me. What is it that all the ponies say in movies? 'Ease up' or something?

"Ease up, men," I say, feeling like an alien when my masculine voice comes out. The two soldiers exchange confused looks.

"Do you mean 'at ease', sir?" the first guard asks. Dammit, I was close.

"Yeah, sorry," I apologize as I think of an excuse, finally settling on, "It was a long night of travelling."

The second guard nods. "Its okay by us, captain. Pass on through."

I enter the conference room to see a bunch of important looking ponies that I don't recognize. Ooh, actually, I think I spot General Wheyfeather, an important military commander I remember seeing on the back of a cereal box in my youth.

I take a seat at my name card and the organizer thanks us for coming. "Before we start with our agreed topics for discussion," she begins, "does anyone have any pressing issues they need to be urgently addressed?"

I stand up. "I believe I do," I call out. "It is my opinion that we should attack the Crystal Empire," I say, just talking for the sake of getting some reactions.

A wave of piercing silence falls over the room. "I'm sorry, but isn't the Crystal Empire part of Equestria, as well?" one pony asks.

I'm not sure what my plan is at this point. "Yeah," I reason, "but we could make it look like another country did it." I bang my hoof on the table. "Think about it, it's the perfect excuse to wage war on a neighboring country and take over!"

"What would the attack be on?" General Wheyfeather asks. I blink. Has no one shut my bullshit down yet?

"The Crystal Castle," I explain, mostly just continuing from being too deep to quit. "We can plant explosives at the bottom and blame it on another country, like Saddle Arabia," I say, mostly pulling the impromptu details out of nowhere. I'm curious, how far can I get with enacting war on another country?

"I say we do it," a new voice speaks up. I turn to see, of all ponies, Spitfire. I forgot the Wonderbolts were Equestria's air force. I stare at her for a moment in awe. Why the hell would she agree to this?

"All in favor say 'aye'," the organizer says in a surprisingly drab voice.

About every member says 'aye', as the organizer calmly states, "motion passed."

I freeze. Did I just get the military to agree to an inside job of terrorism in less than a minute of convincing?

What the fuck is wrong with everypony today?

Comments

[Spiral_Donut]

What Have you Done Rainbow Dash?

Edit: Also Congrats you were Actually Featured This time
i.imgur.com/06sO476.png

[Galactic Raincloud]

This is hilarious! Keep it up!

[Caffeinated Pinkie]

I like it.

[Brass Cogs]

I think everyone knows that a structure like the crystal palace is asking to be toppled over.

[Mares-a-Mares]

Ah. There's the consequences. What you done, Dashie?

[ARTL]

Mother of Celestia, somepony give this bitch a medal. A random, silly as hell story Im actually amused by.

Carry on.

[EnderHooves]

Wow.

I stand up. "I believe I do," I call out. "It is my opinion that we should attack the Crystal Empire," I say, j

I am to bang head to wall!! Yes thank!!!

Seriously!! WHAT!?! What is wrong with all these ponies!?!
I eagerly await more!! (So that I can figure out what the buck just happened)

[Lt Rainbow Slash]

Oh my sides! This is too good!

[Rainbow87dash]

Why is no one curious as to why Shining Armour, prince of the Crystal Empire, wants to blow up his own house?

Insurance fraud??

[Kevin Lee]

Next cycle:

Celestia catches Rainbow Dash driving golf balls from her balcony into Luna's bedroom window....
Celestia: "RAINBOW DASH! WHAT IN THE NAME OF TARTARUS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? "
RD: "IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKSWING!? "

[Lunara]

This is a good story, but, um... It seems like eventually Dash is gonna realize that if the days keep resetting, she's not gonna be able to have a normal life. Or are the days not resetting anymore? I'm very confused.

[Cookie_Girl]

....wow....ponies are vicious.

[Revan]

This is going from bad to worse. Hilariously.

[Ash Bark]

I told them to blow up the crystal empire and they actually did it, those absolute mad men!

[nekoknightette7]

I had to wait about 7 minutes before continuing to read, because I was laughing to death