Chapter 1: Meet n' Greet
On any special occasion such as tomorrow, you would have remembered to get a suit, however being one to forget most things didn't much help your cause. Tomorrow is a special day for most of Equestria. It is... Hearts and Hooves day. This being your first ever Hearts and Hooves day since moving to Ponyville you felt insecure considering you don't know many ponies. Having moved in a month ago wasn't helping.
Well, you thought to yourself, now is as good a day as any to make a friend or two.
As you head out the door of your small one bedroom, one bath, house you forget to lock the door behind you, too worried about making a friend, or perhaps, meeting a special somepony. You flush at the thought and keep on walking, your cheeks mildly pink, shaking your head you trot down the street towards the town's own clothing shop where seemingly everyone went.
The town was nicely painted. Different colors of houses quietly complementing each other, almost like there was a big master-plan to make sure all buildings were perfect. The streets weren't overly busy, not too many ponies except where the town square was, it was practically full of ponies buying from the local market stalls in town. Idle chatter floating through the air, you hear a man trying to rip off another pony just for a single cherry! Typical market you thought. Just not even two minutes after leaving your house you hear a cry for help.
“Help! Help! Somepony, anypony!”
Panic ensuing and not knowing what's going on you head straight for the shop in full stride dodging through other ponies, also stunned and wondering what's going on, however you notice not one is going to help the damsel in distress.
What is going on in this town? Are they all crazy? You think to yourself, totally bewildered at the predicament. You press on, hoping to get there quickly.
Upon finally reaching the shop you line your hind hooves up with the door and kick it open, bursting your way inside to help the damsel in distress. Not that you can do much with your current build anyway, you aren't the strongest stallion in Ponyville.
“I'm here to save you!” your voice trailing off as you look around the room, noticing not one thing wrong in the shop.
“Who... me?” said the mare in a whiny fashion.
“What was all the 'help!” about?” you ask, curiously.
“Oh... uhm, well... my mane was just all messy and there was a hair I couldn't get back into place, sorry for worrying you dear”
You could immediately tell she thought of herself as an upper-class pony, it was painfully obvious. One small thing out of place and the whole world goes nuts for these type of ponies.
“Really? So all the commotion was over a loose hair?” Replying furiously.
“Well i'm sorry for being one of fashion and good taste, my mane means everything to me”
“yeah enough to start a riot” you mutter to yourself.
“what was that?”
“Oh... uhm, nothing...” you respond, nothing at all you think devilishly.
With the current predicament having been resolved you turn to walk out of the boutique, just as you start to walk out the door you remember what you initially wanted to do before that little masquerade of a dramatic convention.
“uhm, I actually have a request...” you proclaim.
“what is it dear? I'm currently busy filling out this big order for the Princess.” she responds distracted, as a small measuring tape flies up past you in a light blueish glow.
“W-well I need a suit, or rather, something nice for this coming Hearts and Hooves day. You see, i'm new around here, and could use some nice cloth-” you begin to say, interrupted.
The white mare gasps, “That's right! Where are my manners, my name is Rarity.” she replies, curtsying towards you. She evidently stopped all work she was doing and started to focus on you.
You, just now realizing how much of a beautiful pony she is, taking notice of her white fur, expertly brushed, almost as if she goes to the spa once a week. Her slender body, her sophisticated purple mane bouncing up and down as she trots over to you. The eyes, oh those beautiful sky blue eyes. You start to think to yourself, wow she's beautiful, maybe I misjudged her at first? Hmm... Just in middle of thought she asks.
“Ahem, is something the matter?”
“Oh, uh sorry, my name is Thunder Dash.” you reply while bowing politely.
“Hmm. Quite the gentlecolt you are.” she says giggling to herself.
You never were one to shy away from other ponies due to their beauty or from a compliment, just shy enough to not ask somepony to be your very special somepony. Sighing slightly you decide it's best not to make a fool of yourself. First impressions are always the critical moment in a meeting right?
Just as you were about to ask her if there was anything she needed from you for the suit, the door to the boutique burst open and well, what seemed like an eternity, was only mere seconds before a rainbow-ish blur hit you right square in the face knocking you unconscious, which could have very easily been mistaken for a ROCKET!
--------------------------------------------Later-------------------------------------------------------
You slowly start to wake up, feeling a massive headache and what could only be described as mind-numbingly annoying chatter, headache's tend to do that. Why must everything be so much louder?
You muse to yourself, still feeling the after affects of that rocket that slammed into your skull.
“ugh...” Saying groggily, barely even getting it out properly.
“Oh, he's awake. Good!” You hear across the room. It's a very refined voice, kind of like the mare's from the boutique's.
Wait, you think you yourself. Was she here the whole time watching me? Oh man, I must have seemed like I was weak, and in front of her too! Oh no, oh no, oh no! Those thoughts hurt your brain, you were thinking too fast to even keep track of what you were thinking for more than a second. Taking a quick look through your left eyelid you see a nurse dressed in a white overcoat with a weird looking hat. Must be the uniform here. Your eyes drop to gaze at her flank and notice a red cross with a few hearts around it. Yup, you thought. I'm in a hospital.
Sitting up from your bed after getting over the small pains in your head pounding away like hammer's at a construction site, you open both your eyes to, low-and-behold, see the very mare at the boutique, what was her name again? Oh right! Rarity, and somepony you've never seen before, and yep! Rainbow colored mane. Just great, the very color of the thing that kn- WHAT?! No way anypony could be THAT fast! Curiosity got the better of you and you spoke up.
“Was it you that hit me?” sounding a little frightened.
“Ah, yeah. Sorry about that, name's Rainbow Dash.” She replied.
“I'm Thunder Dash.”
Rainbow's eyes widened as she heard the “Dash” part of your name. She quickly started to bombard you with questions about speed. “Do you like speed, going fast, or doing dare-devilish tricks?”
“Uh, I guess so...” Replying slowly.
“Oh, when you recover want to have a race?”
“Rainbow!” You hear Rarity blurt out.
“Alright, alright, when he's up to it.” She responded, sounding bored.
The nurse that was in the room seemed to of have vanished, almost without a sound, you didn't even see her leave. Like magic. Wait, magic? Oh yeah~! Looking around the room you notice it's moderately spaced out, fortunately, your forte was healing magic, something your father taught you how to do. Both your mother and father were unicorns from Manehattan. Nice place in all fairness, but just not the kind of place for you, as your horn begins to glow green your headache ceases to exist and vanishes just like the nurse had just a few minutes ago.
It's been a while since you recalled your parents, practically masters of healing techniques, why when you were young they taught you how to mend scrapes, cuts, and bruises just so you could do it yourself or to any of the other children that were hurt. Not much else to recall from them other than providing good schooling, and healing magic, they never did have time for you. Snapping back to reality you realize the two mares are looking at you like you were in some sort of daze.
“Are you okay?” Curiosity better engulfing the cyan colored mare.
“Yeah, i'm fine, just recalling some memories.”
“Well, now that you're fine, is it all right for you to come by to my boutique tomorrow night?” Asked the white mare, Rarity. You just flushed at the thought of her asking you to her place.
“Yeah, i'll be sure to make it. Not like I have anything better to do.” Bitterness sounding in your voice. Rarity just glared at you like you meant that to be rude to her.
“Well i'm gonna go try my new moves out before it gets dark, bye!” Zipping out the window as fast as she came into the boutique, Rainbow Dash was gone. She really IS that fast! Better watch out to not meet her when she's angry, you thought, shivering at the thought of getting rocket pummeled like you just had recovered from moments ago.
“Hey Rarity, how did I even get here?” you ask sheepishly.
“Well uh. I. Carried you. You're not exactly the heaviest of stallions, very light.” she replied, her cheeks blushing red.
“Oh, haha, thanks. Am I really that light though? It seems as if i'm not really a stallion the way you say it.” a slight nervousness in your voice.
“Oh not at all deary, I didn't mean it like that, you're actually very cute, you're just a different type of stallion. Perhaps I could make your suit to you as a gift? I've never seen a stallion like you, the others are always so bulky and huge, very unflattering if you ask me.” she says calmly, but you can see the slight blush on her cheeks.
You lower your head sighing with relief. And here I though muscle was everything, maybe brains are a must as well... You thought to yourself.
“Alright darling, i'm going to go back to my boutique, I still have a lot of work to do, i'm sure I can fit you into my schedule later tomorrow, so come by sometime then?” Asked Rarity, a slight smile coming to her face.
“Yeah, okay then, i'll see you tomorrow night Lady Rarity” You reply, trying to sound as gentlecolt as you could.
The white mare left the room through the sliding door to the far left of your bed, you see the window open still letting in the cold air from early spring. The beautiful spectacle that is the glowing white circle in the sky surrounded by a dark blue canvas with glowing stars all around polka-dotting the area, you'd think the moon kind of looked like Rarity same white-ish glow, beautiful as she is. Wait, why can't I get her off of my mind? You think to yourself. Surely the first pony I met couldn't be the one. Could she? My mind makes it seem like the first available mare is the one i'm supposed to be with, maybe she is? You muse to yourself.
Thinking back to your past, you seem to recall a mare you also had similar experiences with, but in Manehattan. Forgetting her name isn't really helping, especially since you seem to recall having made some pretty stupid mistakes, like staring at her from across the lunch table at school with your jaw dropped to the table top almost like you're expecting the food to get up and walk into your mouth. And how you had asked her to be your date for graduation, and how you had blushed every time she looked at you. It was a foal romance, nothing really could come of it. You thought. She was beautiful, but like all things that begin, they must end. She ended up moving to Canterlot. That much you remember, feeling sad the rest of the week because you couldn't tell her your feelings, missing on the opportunity to maybe have a very special somepony and growing old together in a nice cottage with a few fillies of your own. Oh well, you thought while sighing. Maybe she was supposed to leave and fate had separated us? Maybe I should ask Rarity to be my very special somepony tomorrow? Your thoughts are starting to make you sleep deprived, what now seems like eleven at night, you start to drift off to sleep as you lay in your comfy hospital bed. I guess i'll sleep on it then, and solve these problems tomorrow. As your eyelids got extremely heavy you nodded off and the world around you became pitch black, the night air still flowing through the room as everything goes quiet.
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ehh its a pretty good story. defintly could be better but in all good.
oh and FIRST
711427
Thanks, i need feedback on how to improve, seeing as i've never written a single story in my life, this being first, it's good to hear some criticism. Do you know what could be changed by any chance?
711509 im not sure but you should try and get some people to proof read your story if you dont have someone doing that already.
711528
Well i don't know anyone to proof read, i've tried getting someone in the groups here on fimfiction but none have responded, and i'm not one to wait when i'm excited about showing off my attempt of a good story :)
711536
well other than that you have done a great job so far. Keep it up!
A few mistakes here and there, but you are doing very well on explaining the scene, as well as having a good plot. Keep it up!
711698
you got a proof-reader or able to proof-read my story? i could really use a proof-reader. especially since you pointed out some mistakes i hadn't noticed, and i had triple-checked it :)
Im not much of a proof reader but i could try to help out. plus it was just with som small things like missing commas
711731
lol my writing mortal enemies
You know what they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
so wise :O
Tracking. Good premise.
712395
:o yay!! you're the first!
I like the story a lot. It's pretty good for your very first one. You need a proofreader, eh?
712488
yes i do
712497 I can proofread, then. I'm happy to help.
712508
Alrighty! you're hired xD (so to speak) i'll write whatever it is, then i'll send a link with it to you :) be on the lookout, i write when i have time/an idea, so it may be once a week, or 2-3 days xD
712520 Would you like me to proofread your first chapter as well? And, would you like me to tell you how to improve?
712442 I love a good read. Especially when I can start at chapter one.
Patiently awaiting further developments.
712530
You can yes, and i'd love to know how to improve.
712566
lol thanks, i'll be writing more to it, it for sure isn't done. just gotta give it some time. :)
712805
712994
Fluttershy is best pony. (in all honesty it's tie between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
Fluttershy and Rarity. Although Fluttershy wins just by being adorable.
713072
hence the reason why rainbow is tied, Fluttershy imo, would be good to date. and Rainbow as a best friend.
I love Rarity!
This is a must read for me! I'll give feed back also. 
713158
Awesomesauce!
713096 Agreed.