• Member Since 14th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 25th, 2012

Kenseirabbit


E

(I am sorry for the layout I am completely new to posting stories so any help would be great.)
Sweetie Belle and her friends are now attending high school in Ponyville. Just as the school year begins they are taking a trip to Canterlot for a Choir concert. While there Sweetie Belle meets a certain colt that she can't get out of her head. (This story is based with the CMC being teenagers)

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 19 )

724113
Exactly!:rainbowlaugh: Mr.Webb is my Trig teacher and I love him with a manly passion so I decided to add him on here! He will have a couple of appearances actually.

724140 Do you think you would tell him about the cameo? Might be interesting to see his reaction to him being a pony? :applejackunsure:

Overall this was good. Your main issues were formatting. like starting a new paragraph when a different person speaks. sometimes it was very confusing who was speaking at times. My biggest complaint thought is this section...

"Scootaloo grasped Sweetie Belles tail in her mouth and lifted her up in the air. “Herld on! I gotsh sha shcooter fer ya!” She sat Sweetie Belle on the scooter and she promptly tied it around Scoots waist with her magic."

I have no idea what was going on there. I only got that it was something with a scooter.
Like i said overall it was good and the story was interesting but could use some tweaking.

Edit: And considering you actually know what a C clef is, Im guessing youre into music? Play any instruments?

you should make more. cause this is really good :rainbowkiss:. i only have one question what are their cutie marks?

724625
Thank you for the criticism! My little brother said the same thing for that part. :facehoof: Do you know anypony that could help me out with editing and the sort?
I played the trumpet in marching band, and I sing bass in my honor choir class! (my new school is to small for a band class sadly :ajsleepy:) Though I want to learn to play the piano (I am about to start taking classes.) and I want to learn guitar. (acoustic and electric)

Sweetie Belles is a C-clef, Scootaloos is a storm cloud (a lot like RD's), but it has a purple bolt and the cloud is grayed out oh and the bolt is thinner and longer (just to give detail for visual). Apple Bloom is an apple with gears behind it. (you shall see why later in the story.)

724192 I already know what he would say word by word. "I better be a Pegasus dammit." :rainbowlaugh: He is a hilarious teacher. He would also tell me to draw him an OC me and my :heart:fiance:heart: are his best friends. Which reminds me.... The fact that my fiances name is Celeste and she is a pegasister, does that make me a future king of bronies? :rainbowhuh:

Im not sure if i missed something. Im confused.:rainbowhuh:

Edit: Yep apparently i only read half of the last chapter for some reason.
Okay, anyway, good chapter. only issues i saw were just some formating things but it was easy enough to read anyway.

756833 Yeah I know the format is weird. I am still trying to get used to it, and I am browsing typing things like using Word, Notepad, or even using the page it self and just typing it on here. Thank you for sticking by for me though! I know it can be torture trying to figure what I am saying sometimes...:ajsleepy: I will get it all sorted out trust me.

728550
hmm for some reason i just saw your response for my first comment. :rainbowhuh: I can help you some with the editing if you would like, Im not the greatest, but another set of eyes is always good.

And guitar is definitely a good instrument to learn (my favorite haha, hence my username.) Fun for just casual stuff with friends and such. But im a fan of all instruments, and music in general, and play around with different instruments a lot.

764586 Any help would be great I you want to help just PM me and I will get back to you. lol Message fail much? :trixieshiftright:

728558
NEVER EVER EVER SPOIL THINGS IN YOUR COMMENTS!!!


P.S. Great start, keep up the good work.

Please make new paragraphs when there is dialoug :applecry:

769521 Yeah I know.... I plan on working on that like I said earlier...

769480 Wait.... Where did I spoil? :rainbowhuh: Was when I talked about the cutie marks?

799894
Yea, I know it's minor but still....

"Daddy helped build this? Then it must be divine in the hall itself." Diamond said happily trotting inside. Mr.Faulkner stopped for a second. "Daddy?" He asked looking at the girls. "Yeah she is Fancy's daughter. You didn't know that?"
According to "Family Appreciation Day", (S2, Ep12), Diamond Tiara's father is Filthy Rich, not FancyPants.:raritywink:

811382 Oh crap... I knew I had that wrong somehow.... Thank you for that, I have been meaning to change that.

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