I Miss You, Girl

by TheTimeSword

The Beginning

The Past –

“Why wontcha stop barkin’ and whinin’, girl?”

The blind, deaf, and aged Winona continuously yelped as she lay in her tan and brown bed, Applejack fretfully standing over her with worry written all over her face.

The years had not been kind to Winona, her once deep, dark brown eyes phased slowly over time into a glossy, gray blindness. The ability to hear went shortly after she had lost her sight. Her fur had been shaven at the beginning of summer to prevent fleas, but had not returned months later, and so she remained with only her head and feet having fur.

“What’s the matter sugarcube?” Applejack asked as she pet her best friend.

She was worried about Winona. The sudden start of her dogs cries were not a good sign, especially with no cause to be found. At Winona’s age it was only a matter of time before the end would come, and it was not something Applejack was willing to accept.

“C’mon girl, let’s go outside. Getting ya on yer feet will be a good thing, I reckon.”

Applejack pulled Winona to her paws, only to witness the limp in her step as she hobbled around in circles on her bed. Her back left leg would not sit flat footed on the rough, black pads of her paws, instead, whenever she took a step she would stand on the furry knuckles atop her paw.

“Aww, darlin’. I’m sorry girl, did you run into somethin’ again and slip and fall? I knew I should have put more rugs on these hard wood floors. They’re so darn slick.”

Quickly, Applejack headed to the bathroom. This had happened many times before, having a blind and deaf dog made things difficult for the Apple family, and so precautions were needed. Padding on hard surfaces that were eye level with Winona helped prevent harm when she would blindly stumble into something. A gentle hoof was always there to help guide her up and down the front porch steps.

She quickly found bandages in the first aid kit. While it was mostly used to stop bleeding, it was also used to put a sprained paw back into place. The yelping could still be heard from the bathroom, along with the movement of Winona trying to get comfortable in her bed. Panting would replace the yelping every few minutes until she got the will to bark once more.

Applejack returned with the bandage and began to wrap Winona’s back left leg. Kicking and squirming made things difficult as the bandage wrapped around the leg and paw.

“Now dontcha chew on this, yah hear?”

Wrapping from ankle to the top of her nails prevented her from moving or twisting her leg. While harder for her to walk, this made it impossible for her to step on the knuckle of her paw. This would give Applejack time to get the sprain looked at.

“It’ll be okay darlin’, I’ll make an appointment with Fluttershy and we can get you looked at once she returns on Friday. Hopefully yah won’t be barkin’ for three days.”

Applejack pet Winona who continued to pant, letting out a yelp every once in a while. At that moment, Applejack got an idea to help calm Winona down. She rushed off into another room and then returned with an electric fan.

She quickly placed the fan facing Winona and turned it on to the highest setting, a blast of cool air blew what little hair Winona had left in the propelled wind.

“There ya go. That’ll help yah,” Applejack said.

The fan seemed to help as Winona panted, ceasing her yelping. Applejack laid her hoof on Winona’s chest to feel her temperature. She then felt the leg to see if it was hotter than the rest of Winona’s body. When she touched the leg, the yelping began once again.

Winona sat up and slowly stood to her feet. Her balance was off and her leg was wobbly, but she managed to stay upright.

“No, no. You stay down and rest. You need to keep off the leg,” Applejack commanded, forcing Winona to lay on her side.

Her forcing did nothing as Winona just got back up and turned around in circles amongst her bed.

Applejack watched her spin like a broken record as she tried to get a comfortable spot.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you try and get some rest,” Applejack muttered as she scratched her head, unsure of what she could do at that moment in time.

It was getting late in the day as Applejack finished up with Winona. Dinner had come and with a few yelps throughout the night, the Apple’s and Winona managed to sleep fairly well.

The next morning, Applejack was the first to rise as usual. She immediately greeted Winona, making sure the bandage had not been removed sometime through the night. Winona seemed to be walking fine, even with the bandage preventing her from moving her paw. Applejack let Winona out to do her morning business in the grass, no sign of any pain in her movement.

“Don’t worry girl. When I get back from buckin’ apples tonight, I’ll remove the bandage.”

Winona stumbled back up the steps and into the house. No yelps, cries, or whines could be heard. Applejack poured her some food and filler her water bowl for the day. Winona ignored the water, but could smell the food and had clearly been hungry from the barking she had done the previous day.

Applejack pet Winona’s short haired back as she ate. Thoughts ran through her head, discomforting and worrying her. I wish we had more time girl, I know we’ve only got about two more years left, she thought. I wish we had more money to get your eyes fixed, just so you could see us and be reminded who loves you.

She sighed, knowing that two years wouldn’t be enough time to get the money, nor would it be known if it could truly work.

The morning would be quiet as the Apple family got ready for their day. Applejack gathered her lunch and headed for the front door. She stopped to tell Winona goodbye as always.

“I’ll see yah this afternoon baby girl. You keep the house safe, okay? I love you.”

A kiss on Winona’s head and Applejack was out the door.

It was still hot. Not the hottest summer, but the hottest they had in a while, even so late into the season. Applejack hoped the house would be cool enough not to cause discomfort for Winona. The last thing her old dog needed was to be uncomfortably hot. Even Granny Smith spent her days out of the house and in the lake cooling off from the summer heat.

“Better get started. Yeeeeehaw!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

---

The Present, One Week Later –

That entire week, Applejack remained in her home. While she mostly stayed in her room, she had slept in the living room on the couch during the night. The only interaction she had were with her family, although they dare not saying anything about her attitude. Her friends did make an attempt to console her the day after, but were met with stubborn resistance and a slam of the door.

While the other Apples knew Applejack needed time to grieve, they also knew she needed time to breathe. With an order from Granny Smith herself, Applejack was kicked out of the house on the morning of the seventh day – only able to return once dinner was ready. Begrudgingly, Applejack set off for Ponyville, knowing that she’d have to face her friends eventually.

The fresh air didn’t help her attitude, but it did help her clear her mind as she reached Ponyville. Ponies left and right greeted her with half-smiles and apologies for her loss. Every time somepony gave their condolences, Applejack would thank them and quickly move on. In her mind she just wanted every pony else to shut up, to mind their own business, to be left alone.

She would not be getting her way.

Rarity was the first of Applejack’s main circle of friends to find her out and about on this day. While she had nothing against Rarity, she knew that the eggshells Rarity would have to walk on would be extremely awkward for the both of them. To Applejack’s surprise her tact was far more normal than other ponies.

“Oh darling, I’m sorry for you loss,” Rarity said as she studied Applejack’s demeanor. “But I’m sure you’re hearing that a lot lately.” She placed her hoof on Applejack’s shoulder.

Applejack nodded in kind. “Thanks, Rarity. I appreciate it.”

“Listen, I won’t keep you nor will I pry. I’m sure everypony will ask if you want to talk about your loss, but my door is always open if you’d prefer to get your mind away for a moment.”

A kind gesture that Applejack appreciated, but would most likely bare no fruits. She had no intentions of talking about her loss, she wanted to bottle up her feelings. To her, no pony else could understand the way she felt.

They went their separate ways before Applejack was finally stopped by the one pony she didn’t want to see. Twilight Sparkle had been sitting on a bench, reading her book, when she caught the eye of the orange colored earth pony. She called out to Applejack who, while reluctant, did not wish to be rude.

“Mornin’.”

“Good morning Applejack, it’s good to see you out and about,” Twilight replied as she sat up, closing her book. “Please, take a seat.”

Applejack looked around for a moment, then to the bench. “I’d, uh, rather stand if you don’t mind.”

“That’s fine. If you would though, tell me about your dog.” The straight and narrow question came as a surprise to Applejack. While others gave their condolences, Twilight gave something different, she gave questions.

“Well, you knew Winona. Not sure what else I could really tell yah,” she stammered as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Sure, I met her, but I didn’t really know her. I’d like to hear about her from your perspective,” Twilight insisted.

Applejack let out an exaggerated sigh before she answered, “She was brown and white furred, big brown eyes. Loved to play fetch. Barked whenever you said bird or squirrel, well, back when she could hear.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed as Applejack described Winona. “So did you love her?”

“Well, of course I loved her! Loved her more than anything!” Applejack exclaimed, defensive about the way the question was asked. She quickly composed herself, knowing that Twilight didn’t mean anything rude.

“Alright, alright. So do you think she loved you?” The question rang in Applejack’s ears with a stinging sensation.

“W-What?” she questioned, finally sitting down next to Twilight.

“Did you do everything you could for her?”

“Of course I did! What kind of question is that?” Applejack snarled, becoming more and more irritated as the questions progressed.

“Do you felt like you did the right thing?” Another stinging in her ears as Twilight asked that question.

“I-I-I mean… I hope so, but…”

“But?”

“Well, I-I don’t know. I wish I had more time with her. I wish I had gotten a second opinion. I wish…” Applejack answered as she stared down at the ground. All these questions had been on her mind the entire week she had been staying at home. Now she was having to answer them to some pony else when she couldn’t even answer them herself.

“Sometimes we only get to think back on what could have happened, what we could have done differently, the ifs and buts.”

Applejack looked up. “I wish I hadn’t been in control, I was the one that gave the okay. I was the one to have her killed.”

The two ponies sat in silence for a moment before Applejack spoke once more, “I had her cremated. I don’t want my body to be a cremated… But I needed her remains. I never want somepony to make a decision like that for me, it’s not fair. It’s selfish, and I’m selfish because of it.”

Twilight placed her hoof on Applejack’s. “It isn’t selfish, because you loved her and she knew that. She would have wanted you to be happy, and if that meant having her remains then I’m sure she would have been okay with that.”

“I keep tellin’ myself that…” Applejack replied in a low tone. “The ashes are supposed to arrive today. I reckon I’ll feel better after holding them.”

A smile came from the alicorn with some tough words. “Perhaps you should see a specialist, or maybe a counselor.”

Applejack stared back at the ground with a frown.

“If you need to bounce your thoughts off some pony, just give me a shout. No matter what, we all care about you. It’ll take time to heal, but just know that you don’t have to do it alone,” Twilight reassured her friend.

“I appreciate it. I better get going,” Applejack replied in a swift tone.

She didn’t remain in Ponyville for long. The amount of attraction she was garnishing was far too much for her to handle. The words from Twilight helped ease her clouded mind for the moment, but she decided to head home.

Of course, she wasn’t able to enter the house, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t work the farm. Bucking trees helped comfort her, relieving some of the stress that the day had built upon the awful week. Twilight’s words echoed in her mind for the rest of the day until the sunset had arrived. Dinner was sure to be starting soon, and the appetite she worked up from bucking trees gave her a better attitude than the one she began the day with.

“I’m home!” she called out. Her voice wasn’t sunny like it used to be, but it wasn’t a saddened tone either.

“Dinner is almost ready sis!” Apple Bloom yelled from the kitchen.

Applejack set her hat down next to the door just as a knock rang out. ‘Who could that be?’ she wondered aloud as she opened the door.

A unicorn in a blue uniform stood tall in front of Applejack. An aura surrounded the package he held out.

“Post pony at your service! Here you go ma’am. Have a nice day,” he said.

She knew what the post pony had brought, and she was sure glad to be the one who answered at that moment in time. Quickly tearing the package apart revealed an even smaller box.

The small, light brown box was surrounded by two envelopes and a clay circle that held a paw print. Applejack lifted the box out first and the other items fell into the missing space. She held the box close, hugging it tightly. Tears began to fall steadily onto the open package in front of her.

Granny Smith had walked out of the kitchen and saw Applejack sitting by the front door. The sight warmed her heart as she smiled with tears in her eyes. She slowly walked over to a shelf on the opposite side of the room. Quietly, she moved pictures around, creating space for the new arrival.

“Applejack,” she called out, causing Applejack to look up with tears running down her cheeks. Granny pointed to the now almost empty shelf. “Why don’t yah get her things and place ‘em here youngin’?”

With box in hoof, Applejack rose to her hooves and wandered over to the shelf. She placed the light brown box square in the middle of the shelf, and then walked back to the open package. She carried the letters and clay circle back to the shelf, setting the envelopes behind the box and the clay circle in front of it.

“Ah don’t have my seein’ glasses on. What is that?” Granny asked as she pointed to the clay.

Applejack placed a hoof in the grooves of the hardened clay. “They pushed her paw print into clay and let it harden,” she answered, tears fell slowly down her cheeks.

Granny placed her hoof around Applejack, holding her close before she spoke, “She’s home now.”

Applejack couldn’t contain herself any longer, she broke down in shambles, tears gushing down her cheeks.

Big Mac stared from the kitchen doorway with tears in his eyes. He watched as his usually strong, proud, and independent sister, lost all control of her emotions. Apple Bloom ran out into the living room, crying just as much as Applejack, and cuddled up next to Granny.

Mac grabbed the collar off the back of the couch and walked over to the other side of Applejack. He placed the collar in front of the box, next to the hardened clay, and then put his foreleg around Applejack.

With a few sniffles, Applejack said, “Thanks, y’all.”