• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 25th, 2021

KyleHillVA


I just enjoy writing.

T

Star Wars

Episode I
Revenge of the Empire

Shrouded in darkness, a small REPUBLIC colony on the edge of known space, ILIODONNA, has gained the attention of the JEDI ORDER.

A growing feeling of dread among the JEDI, and no one having heard a word from the far-flung world, has forced the REPUBLIC to acknowledge the situation.

Fearing the return of the DARK SIDE, the JEDI COUNCIL has sent one of their JEDI KNIGHTS to investigate the disturbance, and hopefully prove their fears wrong….

(Thank to Deadreaderz for making a Star Wars crawl! You're awesome, man!)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vS4WYKD7zaA

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 40 )

Just one nitpick for the summary. It's spelt Council. Counsel is another word for advice.

6817362

Fixed. Thanks for pointing that out! How did you enjoy this first chapter?

6817401 You missed one in the intro Bold-Text.

Otherwise, very good. My interest is grabbed.

Excellent descriptions, and an awesome start to what will hopefully be an Awesome story. 9.5/10 dude.

6817891
6817885

Thank you both, I get certain words confused a lot.

Glad you've enjoyed it! Hopefully, I can deliver in these next few chapters...

6818005 I haven't read it yet. I was just helping out with your spelling in the description.

6818079

Oh, alright! Please share your opinion once you've read it!

Ok, so I'm not going to lie. I didn't think this would be good. I had no hopes going in. However, you managed to make a crossover with something that everyone tries and actually make it interesting in a different way. In short, I like this very much. I'm already brimming with possiblitues for what could happen next.

As far as improvements go, I think you should try and make it longer and have a bit more happen. One of the most common problems I see when reading stories is that there are a butt load of chapters but nothing happens in all but two or three of them. This was a nice intro into this story but you'll need more happening or jumping around between viewpoints like I'm Star Wars where they have multiple things going on all over the galaxy.

TDLR version: "Great, kid. Don't get cocky." or some other Star Wars quote. Very good if you want help the Force will guide you. (or at least I will:twilightsheepish:)

6823582

Glad to hear this, Rayman! I'd love to hear some of these ideas that you're talking about.

And as for stuff happening, trust me, plenty will start happening soon. This won't be to long of a story, but it'll be action-packed.

Anyways, glad you enjoyed! Hopefully, I can continue to deliver!

I rather really enjoyed it!
I'm quite a stickler for punctuation, and proper tenses (which are RARELY properly used). However, much to my surprise, it was neigh perfect!
Amazing work friend, keep it up!
~Harsh

6823813

Why, thank you! I hope I can continue to impress!

I'm intrigued. Let us see where this goes...

omg omg omg this was awesome. tbh this made my day 20% cooler.

i would love to write a story with sometime.

I saw about maybe two typos. I like it so far. The first chapter is real subtle and the character introduction is real nice. Keep it going!

It a good and promising introduction. I will track this story to keep up with how it unfolds. I'm kind of interested in a little more back story for how our protagonist got to being a master jedi.^^

6827132 Pls Tell me you will do more chapters please and if you finish can you do the entire Star Wars Triogly Please.

6899311

Working on the next chapter now, in fact! I'm wanting to get it out in less than a week, so hang on just a little while longer.

Also, there's a reason why it's called "Episode I"

Comment posted by Pony Rhage deleted Feb 3rd, 2016

This gonna update! I was looking forward to doing fan arts when this picked up.

6912328

Yes! Hopefully very soon. I'm sorry, I would've posted the next chapter, but a lot's been going on in my life right now. But I've almost finished the entire second chapter, and I'm trying my best to have it out this weekend!

I'm a little surprised Cheerilee attempted the mind trick on someone she was just noting in the last chapter was super powerful with the force, albeit completely untrained. last I checked the two things needed to make that work were a lack of force sensitivity and a weak will, neither of which Twilight has given any indication of having.

That aside, the obvious conspiracy is becoming a bit more obvious now, and someone clearly doesn't want cheerilee leaving. Color me intrigued.

Looking forward to more.

An interesting story you have going here. I just hope Twilight is more Obi-Wan then Anakin. Now tracking this story.

Ok, we are getting some traction. Keep going!

6951565

I just forgot to fix "Stallions", that's all. I'm about to fix that.

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Don't worry, I've got much more to tell! I'm assuming you liked the chapter?

6946501

You're going to have to keep reading to find that out~

6946494

Well, she wasn't exactly thinking properly. She's annoyed and hasn't slept in two days.

Only two spelling mistakes in that last section which is good considering there could have been more. However it was good. Though more planet explosions would be nice:moustache: Gotta love planets going boom!:pinkiehappy:

But yes, good chapter. I like it.

Fantastic! I second the, "Another!" motion.
Can barely wait for chapter 3! :moustache:

I do like how in depth you go with story. You succeeded at immersing me into the story to keep me interested. I will admit that some of the star wars fics I've seen here were not really that good. But since I came across yours, I now believe other wise. I'm glad to of read this story and will be looking forward to the next chapter.

So, as a fan of Star Wars and MLP, I thoroughly enjoyed what we have in front of us here so far. I am certainly looking forward to how this continues. Keep up the good work!

I like it I like it lets see where this goes

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