Pirates!
The Orithyia was making slow progress across the vast grasslands south of Manehattan when the pirates came into view.
They were just a dot above the horizon at first. For once, Rainbow Dash was awake and alert in the crow’s nest, and her sharp pegasus eyes picked the dot out from the clutter and haze as soon as they broke through a layer of clouds.
She watched it for a moment, to make sure it wasn’t just an air whale or dragon or some other common sighting, and when it hadn’t moved for a few minutes she leaned over the edge of the nest to call down to Nutmeg.
“Airship ahoy!” She glanced down at the compass mounted to the rail and did some quick math. “Bearing seventy-five degrees, thirty kilometers!”
“Roger!” Nutmeg’s voice drifted up from below, and a second later she felt the balloon shift as he began climbing up the side. His head popped over the edge, followed by the rest of him clamboring into the nest beside her.
It was a tight fit with the two of them, and Rainbow hopped up onto the railing to make more space. “Way out there. See it?”
“I think so.” He squinted at the horizon, then pulled a small collapsible spyglass out of his vest. It extended with a flick of his hoof, and he held it to his eye.
Her hooves beat a tattoo on the rail. “Well?!”
“Airship. See for yourself.” He offered her the spyglass, which she eagerly snatched away.
The spyglass was small, with a main lens only an inch or so across. The image it produced was tiny and blurred and filled with bubbles, but even so she could discern the basic construction of their guest.
The airship was slender, with two hulls joined amidship by a thin waist. The fore and aft hulls each had their own balloons, equally narrow, suspended above the superstructure. Wings and fins extended on long spars away away from the hulls, dipping ever-so slightly, lending the entire ship the vague impression of a wasp.
The wings beat, and the airship bent at the waist as it turned. It was either heading toward or away from them – they were too far away to tell just yet.
“Huh.” Rainbow Dash handed the telescope back. “Never seen a ship like that.”
“It’s a Zebrican model. Their revenue service cutters used that double-hull for several decades, until they switched to conventional single-hulled corvettes.” He squinted at the horizon. “I’m guessing somepony purchased an old, retired Zebrican cutter and refitted it for commerce.”
“It seems to be heading toward us,” she noted. “You sure it’s for commerce?”
“Ah, no. I’m not.”
“Uh huh.” She glanced down. To the aft, just barely visible below the envelope, the Orithyia’s twin gem-fired engines were chugging away with the contented hum she had long-since associated with their operation. “Are we faster than them?”
“Normally? Absolutely.” He glanced behind them, where half the horizon was blocked by the massive iceberg they were hauling to Los Pegasus. The Orithyia was like a gnat against its side; a barn swallow attempting to carry its entire barn. “Laden like this? Not a chance.”
“Right. Orders?”
“Get some diamonds ready for the engines and prepare for an emergency detachment from the iceberg. Remember how to do that?”
“Yup.” In fact, the emergency detachment procedure was one of Rainbow Dash’s favorite things to practice, as it involved swinging her scimitar and chopping through ropes with vigor and abandon. “Think we’ll need it?”
“I hope not. But hope’s not a good strategy.” The strange airship was visible larger now – obviously heading toward them. “Let’s go, Miss Dash.”
“Aye aye, captain.”
* * *
Preparation only took a few minutes. The engine nacelles were opened, exposing their feed trays, and each had several diamonds in the hopper ready to drop. Rainbow Dash wore her cutlass at her side, and Nutmeg had his truncheon. They were not, she realized with some nervousness, all that well armed.
They’re probably not pirates. Probably just merchants who saw the iceberg and wanted a closer look. She shuffled her hooves on the deck and tried to keep her wings from flaring.
Nutmeg must’ve sensed her agitation. “Stay calm, Miss Dash. Remember, even if they are criminals, there’s nothing we have that they want. Their ship can’t exactly haul an iceberg.”
“Yeah, what if they want to steal the ship?” she retorted.
“Well,” he paused. “We’ll have to make sure they don’t do that.”
The strange airship was barely a kilometer away, now. Close enough for Rainbow Dash to see the individual crewponies. At this distance the ship’s rangey, gangly nature was all the more apparent, like its shipwright had taken the leftover pieces of several other ships and roped them together. The overall effect was one of two or three or even four small airships flying in very close formation, tethered together with lines and the occasional plank.
“Looks a little, uh, shaky,” she said.
“It’s by design,” Nutmeg said. “Maneuverable, resistant to damage. Able to work at low or high altitudes equally well.”
“Huh.” She frowned at it. “Zebras, you said?”
“Yes.”
“Zebras can’t fly.”
“Indeed. Their crews are renowned for their bravery.”
Dash peered over the rail. The ground was less than a mile below them – not very far for a pegasus – but for a pony (or zebra) without wings any altitude above 50 feet was largely academic in nature. All falls beyond that height tended to end the same.
She glanced back at their guest. The crew appeared to be ponies – or, at least, she could make out a few pegasi among them. As she watched one took off from the forward hull and flew a quick orbit around the ship.
“It’s flying an Equestrian flag,” Nutmeg said. “Good sign.”
“Oh? Pirates aren’t allowed to fly Equestrian flags?” She couldn’t help but smile.
“Well, it’s bad form. They seem to be slowing.”
Indeed, the cutter had cut its engines and drifted to a slow stop about fifty meters off their port bow. A dozen ponies of assorted colors and tribes lined their rail, staring at the Orithyia, and after a moment a giant pegasus broke through their ranks. He was crimson, with a flame-orange mane hidden beneath a tall tricorn hat decked out with gold piping. A black eyepatch completed the stereotype.
“He’s just missing the parrot,” she said.
“Right. I don’t like this.” He loosened the strap binding his truncheon to his belt. “Get ready to cut the—”
“Ahoy!” A booming voice from the cutter seized them. They looked up to see the captain shouting. “Be this the Equestrian vessel Orithyia?”
“Is he talking like a pirate, too?” Dash hissed.
“Some ponies just talk that way,” Nutmeg hissed back. He straightened and placed his forelegs on the railing before shouting back. “I am Nutmeg, Captain of the Orithyia. Who are you and what business do you have—”
“Arr! Prepare to be boarded! At ‘em, boys!”
“Damn it!” Nutmeg jumped away from the rail and ran toward the wheel, calling over his shoulder. “Cut the lines, Dash!”
“Aye aye!” Pirates! It was pirates! Dash spun toward the rear of the ship and took off, flying between rope ladders and masts and heaps of cargo netted to the deck. The sword rattled in her teeth as she pulled it free from the scabbard, and she nearly nicked herself with the blade.
The dozen lines tethering the Orithyia to the iceberg converged onto two anchors on the hull, one on each side near the rear of the ship. Cutting either set would enable the airship to maneuver; cutting both would free the ship entirely, though they would lose their prize as a result. Some small part of her railed against that loss, demanding that they stand and fight. That small part of her was entirely drowned out by the hammering of blood in her ears and the frantic, panting hiss of her breath around the scimitar’s hilt.
C’mon c’mon c’mon! She reached the port anchor and planted her hooves. The cable connecting the ship to the bundle of lines was as thick as her foreleg and covered with tar. In practice, it had taken her a dozen swings and nearly a minute to sever.
It went much faster this time. The engines mounted just meters away screamed as Nutmeg drove them to full power, and cable instantly drew tight. Her first swing rattled her head, but cut nearly a third of the way through. Her second swing sliced halfway into the cord, and the strain of the engines began to pull the rest of it apart. It frayed and unwound as she lined up, and her third swing chopped clean through and struck wood hull.
The ship jerked as the line shot away with a thunder-like crack. Rainbow lost her footing and fell to her knees as the deck spun beneath her, pivoting around the sole remaining anchor point. The maximized engines, suddenly free to actually move the ship, began to roar, and the acceleration knocked her back into the rail. Something cracked in her ribs, and her breath escaped in a shockingly painful burst.
That was bad. Worse, she noticed, was the way the Orithyia was swinging toward the iceberg. At least we’re going away from the pirates.
The ship jerked again, knocking her fully to the deck this time. She groaned around the scimitar’s hilt and stood, wondering what they’d hit.
Nothing yet, it turned out. But something new was latched onto their hull – a grappling hook tossed by the pirates. She looked out from the rail to see a line stretching off to their ship, which was slowly growing closer.
“Cut the other line, Dash!” Nutmeg shouted. She could barely hear him over the engines. He gave the wheel a sudden spin, lifting Rainbow Dash’s stomach up into her lungs until the deck settled back down.
Right, the lines! She staggered across the deck toward the tether and raised the scimitar.
“Not so fast, lass!” The pirate captain’s booming voice cut through the roar like a knife, and she felt as much as heard his hoofsteps on the deck as he barreled toward her. “Drop that sword!”
Ha! Nopony gave her orders! Well, nopony except Nutmeg. She spun toward the pirate, the sword clenched in her teeth. “Never!” she mumbled around the hilt.
Behind him, near the front of the ship, four more pirates had boarded and were working to surround Nutmeg. He had his truncheon out and smashed at their swords as they approached. The last she saw of Nutmeg before the pirate captain’s bulk got in the way was his sandy tail vanishing up into the rigging.
“Arr! Have at ye, then!” The captain had a short cutlass in his grip, and he swung at her with a haymaker of a blow. Had it landed it would have split her in two. But he was slow and his blow was slow, and she slipped to the side easily.
“Ha! You call yourself a pirate?” she taunted. Her legs tensed, her wings flared, and she leapt into the air like she was shot from a canon. She barely avoided smashing her head on the underside of the Orithyia’s balloon, and she came down like a meteor, her hooves hammering the captain’s back and knocking him to the deck. The sword flew from his mouth in a whoosh of breath, and she placed the edge of her scimitar against his neck.
“Everypirate stop!” She shouted. Toward the front of the ship, the pirates who had Nutmeg surrounded froze and stared back at her. “Drop your weapons, or your captain gets it!”
“Do it, boys!” the captain shouted. His voice shook, and he pressed his head against the deck, trying to relieve the pressure from the sword’s edge. “Do what she says.”
There was a chorus of grumbling, followed by the clatter of swords, cudgels and nets hitting the wood. Nutmeg kicked the weapons away and ran to the wheel – with a few taps of his hooves the engines shifted to idle, and the Orithyia began to sway in the gentle breeze wafting from the iceberg.
And… that was it? They’d fought off pirates? Dash felt a giggle working its way up her throat. They’d… no, she’d beaten the pirates. She laughed, then gasped as her broke rib reminded her of its presence.
“You okay?” Nutmeg asked. He came up and rested a hoof on her side, pulling it away abruptly when she winced.
She grunted. “Yeah, just a bruise. You?”
“I’m fine.” He glowered down at the pirate beneath her hooves. “Which is more than I can say for you, sir. Piracy is a serious crime in Equestria, and our courts have no sympathy for—”
“Arr, we’re not pirates!” the captain protested. “We be privateers. Ruby! Get the letter!”
“Aye sir!” A small red colt, one of the pirate boarders, saluted their fallen captain and jumped over the side. His wings snapped open to catch him, and he zipped off toward the pirate airship, whose remaining crew watched from the railing.
“Wait…” Rainbow Dash frowned. “What’s a privateer?”
“It’s a form of legal piracy,” Nutmeg said. “It hasn’t existed for hundreds of years, though. I can’t imagine why it would.”
They waited in tense silence for several minutes. The other pirates had regrouped near the bow and frowned at their fallen captain. Nutmeg chewed on his lip. The pirate captain did his best not to breathe. Rainbow Dash was just confused.
Fortunately, the cabin colt returned before things became too uncomfortable. He bore a scroll in his mouth, and at the captain’s urging he handed it politely to Nutmeg, who unrolled it and read it quietly.
Finally, “Huh.”
“Arr, see? Privateers.”
“Wait, what’s going on?” Rainbow asked. “What should I do?”
“Here, just read.” Nutmeg took the scimitar from her and held it loosely. The pirate – privateer? – captain rose to a seated position, but didn’t otherwise move.
This is crazy. Rainbow shook her head and started to read.
LETTER OF MARQUE AND INSTRUCTIONS
To all to whom these presents shall come or may concern, Greeting:
By virtue of the power and authority to me given as her most Royal Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle and reposing especial trust and confidence in the loyalty courage and conduct of Captain Woolly Bear of the Equestrian Vessel Happy Bird:
I the Princess aforsaid do give and hereby grant unto him the said Woolly Bear this my Letter of Marque and Instructions herewith given hereby authorizing him as captain and commander of the sloop or vessel called the Happy Bird now outward bound unto Cloudsdale to pursue, subdue, take, sink, burn or otherwise seize the Equestrian Vessel Orithyia, crewed by a pegasus pony known to us as Rainbow Dash, pursuant to the collection of several items of civil property, including the following:
1. A book titled “Daring Do and the Marauding Manticore”
2. A book titled “Daring Do and the Aquamarine Albatross”
3. A book titled “Daring Do and the Wondrous Lanthorn”
4. A book titled “Daring Do and the Lost Lantern of Lith”
5. Overdue fees totalling 124 bits plus one bit for each book for each day after the signing of this letter until the date of their collectionBy my hoof,
Twilight Sparkle
The bottom of the letter was embossed with Twilight’s cutie mark. Rainbow stared at it for what felt like a long time, then looked up at the captain.
“So… you’re Woolly Bear.”
“Arr… aye.”
She closed her eyes. “And your ship is… the Happy Bird? Really?”
“Aye, it be a fine name for a ship, too.”
I’m going to kill her. I’m actually going to kill her. The ache in Rainbow Dash’s side was back, throbbing in time with her pulse. She scowled at the Happy Bird, scowled at Woolly Bear, and scowled at the letter in her hooves.
“Well, you know what?” She tore the letter in half and tossed it back at the pir—privateer. “Not today, captain! Today is the day you lose! Today is the day you’ll always remember as the day Rainbow Dash got away! So why don’t you just crawl back to your little ship, and—”
“Here you go,” Nutmeg said, suddenly reappearing by their side. He had a stack of books in his arms, topped with a small coin purse, and he handed them over to Woolly Bear. “Sorry about the trouble. There’s a little extra in the purse.”
“Arr, it be alright,” he said, taking the books. “I be thanking ye.”
“Wait, no! No Nutmeg!” Rainbow grasped at the books, but Woolly Bear was already off the deck, flying back to his ship. “I need those! I wasn’t done reading The Lost Lantern of Lith!”
Ruby, the cabin colt, paused on the railing. He turned back toward her. “It turns out Fossil Fern is actually Daring Do’s father. In the very last scene, she nearly escapes Cinnabar’s tomb without him, but turns back to help him escape the ghosts as well.”
“What? No, no! Stop!” she wailed. “Don’t spoil it! Don’t… wait, don’t go! Do they survive? Do they escape?!”
Ruby was halfway back to the Happy Bird when he answered. His voice was nearly lost on the wind. “It’s not clear. The last scene is ambiguous!”
“Nooo!!!” Rainbow collapsed against the railing, her face buried in her hooves. The pain in her ribs was a shadow compared with the pain in her heart.
She felt a hoof pat her back between her wings. “It’ll be okay, Miss Dash. You’ll get through this.”
“Yeah, but…” She sniffled, then frowned. After a moment’s thought she stood and shouted over at the Happy Bird, which was casting off the grappling lines that connected their ships. “If you’re not pirates, why are you talking like them?!”
“Arr! It just happens to be International Talk like a Pirate Day!” Woolly Bear shouted back. “It’s fun!”
The rest was silence as the two ships parted, like lovers taking their leave for the final time, and soon the Orithyia was again alone in the sky, drifting alongside its iceberg.
In time, Nutmeg spoke. “Huh.”
Rainbow slumped against the railing. “I… I missed Talk like a Pirate Day, too?”
“Well, you know.” Nutmeg scratched the back of his neck. “You can talk like a pirate tomorrow, if you want.”
She sighed and stood. “It’s won’t be the same, Nutmeg. It won’t be the same.”
And then she went belowdecks to find the first aid kit.
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Was not expecting the letter of marque, but not returning library books is srs bns
Oh my god. This is amazing.
I don't know who you are. I don't know why you stopped typing this story. If you are looking for inspiration I can tell you I am willing to help with that. I do have are a very particular set of writing skills, skills I have acquired over a very long time of reading and writing. Skills that make me a somewhat passable writer. If you go back to your computer now, that'll be the end of it. I will not troll you, I will not constantly bother you by constantly asking for MORE!. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will restrain you to your writing station until I have more words to read.
...aaand Twilght loses it.
6770489
Are you okay?
6770852 lol. I am fine. It's actually a quote from the movie "Taken" I modified it and posted it as a comment on this story in an attempt to be more creative in my request for more chapters.
6770489
This is a good meme. Yes.
6770809
Not as badly as Rainbow, when she loses those Daring Do books!
Got to admit, I didn't expect Twilight to go quite so far. I wonder how the other princesses feel about this? I'm guessing Celestia has a headache, Luna is giddy, and Cadence oscillates between laughing until she cries, and writing a stern but kindly letter to Twilight, telling her to remember her breathing exercises and not grant letters of marque.
Oh, Lord. Twilight, why?
This is the best, CiG. I love this so much. It's so silly and it just feels like the kind of story Rainbow Dash should be in.
Uh oh. Looks like we're back to being updated regularly often.
6776152
I won't get one out tonight, unless you want one under 2k words :(
6776768
Well, I will admit two or three days is still more common than most can pull off. You're not a robot like Skirts is, so I'm happy to wait.
6770809
Wisdom was her dump stat.
I see what you did there.
Man, I'm all about libraries, but if my best friend ever tried to kill me and my captain and burn our livelihood over some damn library books I think I'd be a little peeved with her.
You don't fuck with Twilight's books.
Oh my god, Twilight, just, oh my god.
I'm pretty sure the larger lesson here is never get in an escalation contest with Twilight, she has never even heard of the "too far" line.
7108240
Yeah, just ask Tirek!
6771234 Letter to Twilight, from Celestia: "It has come to my attention that you approved of privateers to physically attack Rainbow Dash and Nutmeg in actions which could have resulted in death and DID result in serious injury. The reason for this was overdue library books. Twilight.... MAGIC... KINDERGARTEN!!! NOW!!"
It would have been very cool for the story that Rainbow got away with the books.
But lol
She -had- to be the Princess of Friendship instead of Books.
Darn it. The Dread Princess Of The Bibliographic Arts had such a nice ring to it as a title.
It never occurred to Twilight that Rainbow Dash might not have access to regular postal delivery services???
And what is worse, she didn't put out a search, or even a request for information from Royal Guard posts?
No, Twilight authorized (and paid, I suppose) a privateer to seize the missing books and burn her ship. Only RD's actions prevented the second part. This Twilight Sparkle is most definitely not yet ready to assume a position of authority as a princess. The "Smarty Pants" incident was an innocent prank compared to this.
Twilight hiring privateers to retrieve books.
BOOKS
I fucking love this story
She hired, PRIVATEERS, to get the books back. I, don't know why I'm surprised.