P.P.O.V. (Pony Point of View)
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher
Dear Diary,
So, recently, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie went on a boat trip to get out of their element. But I'm pretty certain they were avoiding me just like Fluttershy and Rainbow. Honestly, how rude! I was stuck trying to bone Starlight these past few days instead! I've seriously had enough of student-teacher role play.
Thus, I was waiting for those three bitches to come back and then we could try a foursome with the mind control spell Starlight created the magic of friendship. To my utmost surprise, out came not my friends, but the three stooges instead. They looked and acted like shit! Curious, I decided to set up a tea party and invited them here to tell me of their little misadventure. I was really hoping to see them tear each other’s manes out. Instead, they had the nerve to send a message to me via their pets saying that they didn't want to join in a very bitchy manner. What complete assholes! Writing a disgruntled letter to dis somepony and bitch about how life is so horrible... who does that?
It was because of this that I decided to investigate and find out how these three dumbasses became like this just so that I could one day use this tactic to get my friends to leave me forever the fuck alone. I even had Fax Machine do my dirty work and record down the whole damn story.
First up was the whiny, purple-maned bitch and this time, she was complaining about how her precious clothing was ruined. Well, I have some latex clothes that she could try out later with me when I get this shit over and done with. Upon my questioning, she explained how she planned to give the drug mare and hillbilly a luxury cruise meal. Was she intentionally trying to get them seasick? Who eats that stuff? I'm pretty sure the dirty farm mare did the right thing to throw them overboard. Furthermore, she described the farm mare as some would-be pirate. Does she not even realize how she's describing the whole story? She's exaggerating it! Who in their right mind would describe their friend in a personified manner that makes them comically out of character?
Next came the drug mare, and when questioned, she said that she intended to make the trip more fun with guess what? More Drugs!!! She even provided it in the form of shitty carnival food and Little Miss Whiny-pants was being as uptight as usual and replaced them with the luxury snacks she brought herself. Sounds accurate so far... that is, until the druggie said that it was that overgrown marshmallow that threw the luxury snacks overboard. Wait... what? After that, she got that damn farm mare drugged up into swinging her bat around like some drunken pirate... Okay, that explains why she was described that way by Miss Whiny-pants... but why does the high-on-drugs party pony describe that purple-maned bitch as an arrogant, egotistical slave driver? What kind of a pony would force any creature to do their dirty work for them? It was really getting very odd with where this whole story was going...
Finally, we interviewed the hillbilly, because out of all the Celestia damned bullshit I've been hearing so far, an honest mare like her can tell me the proper course of events right? Right...? The worthless earth pony explained how she got a treasure map to make the adventure more entertaining. How old does she think her friends are? Five? Pretty sure it was that apple obsessed freak herself who is that age as she made her version of our anorexic diva speak more of her fucking annoying catchphrases than she fucking normally does. Fucking hell! Who would use the same fucking word so many fucking times??? It's fucking ridiculous!! Well, at least she described the the drug mare and anorexic diva accurately. Completely insane!!! What kind of a pony would care about nothing but themselves when hanging out with friends? And it was actually an accident that the luxury food was thrown overboard? This. Is. Utter. Bullshit!!! Screw this!
Fed up, I decided to send those mares on another boat trip, threw some cucumber sandwiches overboard and let nature take its course. But instead, I somehow solved all their arguing unintentionally and now I'm stuck on an old rundown ship for the rest of this trip. How's that for a plot twist? Fuck my life.
Your angry princess,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Nurse Redheart,
Medic! I can't feel my hind legs!!!
Numb with pain,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Applejack,
Didn't we go on a boat trip like this before with your family? Let's not do a boat trip ever again.
Your possible cousin,
Pinkie Pie
The Pegasus News
MISSING PEGASI AT THE SCHOOL REUNION
Three ponies; Hoops, Dumb-Bell and Score, were reported missing from the Cloudsdale Flight School Reunion. While initially thought to be the case of just tardiness, it was found out later that they never reported leaving their working place at the Rainbow Factory. Investigations have been conducted and there are suspicions of a certain draconequus. Interviews were conducted on the old classmates of these three ponies, but with no result. In fact, a rainbow maned pegasus told our staff to "buck off". Whatever happened to these missing ponies? Rest assured, our reliable Canterlot Guard will find them.
Meanwhile in the sock puppet dimension....
~It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight
"Somepony... Please... HELP US!!!" cried Dumb-Bell
Dear MLP:FIM Writing Staff,
Season One called. They want their episode back.
Sincerely,
Pinkie Pie
Dear diary,
So these three whack jobs wanted to get the other two out of their element?
So how does one exactly make Applejack dishonest, Rarity a selfish whore, and Pinkie a paranoid unfunny bitch?
Oh, right.
Hey, Discord! Job for you!
-Princess Twilight Sparkle
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Better a boat trip than bowling, or a heist.
Which episode was that again?
7972336
Put a cork in it, RD fanboy. Don't come stirring up shit from over four years ago just because you can't handle a little RD-smackdown.
Behold, the one time Letters succumbs to Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.
Also, I think Twilight missed the point of her own joke when she wrote her second journal entry.
Fax Machine? Really? Hasn't that joke been run into the ground at this point? Spike is besties with the heads of state of two kingdoms, and is a national hero with his own statue in the kingdom of the mare who knows all Twilight's humiliating foalhood secrets. Being dismissive of Spike at this point is tactically unsound.
7972514 To be fair, it is easy to tell which jokes are Miles' and which jokes are other people's.
Though yeah, by the time season 6 is over, Spike can rally three entire kingdoms by his side if he wanted to since he's friends with their leaders (Cadance, Ember, and Thorax -- Cadance actually does appear really nice in this series; she says that Twilight used to be a sweet little filly, which makes me think Celestia is to blame for all this.).
7972523
Yes, because RD is the ONLY main character who needs to be "smacked down" that harshly. Because she shouldn't ever have any real pride in her accomplishments, it's not like she actually WORKS to earn the right to brag.
Plus, Mane five get on her case about her huge ego while she’s at a gathering of said fans at Sugarcube Corner, which was technically after all her heroics. And yet it was ok for Mare Do Well to attend her own parade under the same circumstances?
They both technically EARNED that praise.
Not to mention that with episodes like Applebuck Season, The Last Roundup, Bats, Sonic Rainboom, and Sweet and Elite(which takes place AFTER this one!) under their belts, AJ and Rarity are the LAST characters I want teaching anyone about humbleness.
7972523
No one complains when Mare-Do-Well punches Rainbow Factory!Rainbow Dash in the face.
7972530
Really? Which ones you think is Miles and which is his co-author
7972514 It has been a common place nickname for Spike in this story. Twilight is supposed to treat Spike like dirt and I doubt that will change as that is her character. Maybe what can change is a new insulting nickname if possible.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fruitless trip
That started from this pony port
Aboard this pony ship.
The mate was a drugged-up party mare,
The skipper Apple pure.
Three dumb cunts set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The water started getting rough,
when the sandwiches were tossed,
despite the incompetence of the inbred hick
no useless mares were lost, no useless mares were lost.
The bunyip capsized the ship 'bout two feet from the shore
With Pinkie Pie
And the rest,
adding to the world's lore.
7973336
Ooh, I think I might know!
My dearest Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I got crabs from Rarity! And I want to share them with you! If you like tasty animals, you are going to love my crabs. You can have all the crabs you want, I promise I will not be shellfish!
Signed your loyal slave and saucier,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
7973336
Friggin' Diamond Tiara had brains enough to be nice to the CMC when they got close to one of Equestria's movers and shakers.
7972299 Look Before You Sleep, I think.
7975651 Not sure what The Sleepover Episode has to do with The Rashomon Effect Episode, but thanks for telling me.
7975675 In both episodes, Applejack and Rarity's personalities clash and result in a clusterfuck.
7976986 Well, there are episodes where Discord's personality clashes with the rest of the cast's, but does that make them all the same episode? Of course not, they all have their own unique spin that makes them different from each other and allows the viewer to take something new from it.
Likewise, Look Before You Sleep was a sleepover episode about Rarity and Applejack coming to odds out of due to their differing viewpoints, and learning about getting along with people even if they don't always see eye to eye. Pony Point of View was a Rashomon Effect episode, where a misunderstanding brews from Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack's well-meaning attempts to bring the other two ponies out of their element, and learn that doing so requires themselves to be willing to get out of their elements as well.
But it probably doesn't matter anyway.
I misread that as "Medic! I can't find my hind legs!!!" And was wondering why she wanted an earth pony nurse for a Splinching accident?
Drugs?
Just brilliant.
Oh, I can think of a few...