Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Crusaders of the Lost Mark

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Crusaders of the Lost Mark

---

Hey dad,

You do know about this little thing called divorce, right? Is mom like, really great in bed or am I missing something else here? Because I've turned over a new leaf at school, and from where I'm standing, that cunt became useless after she popped me out.

Think about it.

Love,
Diamond Tiara

---

Princess Celestia sat in her throne room, performing the trivial, mind-numbing routines that befell Equestria's princess, when suddenly out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a green sparkling trail of smoke coming towards her window.

"No... No way... NO WAY! Oh myself oh myself oh myself... Luna! LUNA! Get in here! It's a LETTER!!!"

Luna burst into the throne room just as the smoke trail burst and materialized into a sealed scroll.

"Well no shit, you're not completely forgotten about. What has it been, two years?"

Celestia opened the letter and disappointment began to show on her face.

"That's it? Just a picture?" Celestia said, dumbfounded.

Luna came around and looked at the photo herself.

"Well what do you know? The three stooges finally got branded."

"I give it a week before they're bored."

---

Dear Diamond Tiara,

Look, are you sure they didn't get the scripts mixed up or something? Because as it stands, you've got more character development than me.

Sincerely,
Spike

---

Dear Spike,

Yeah, and it happened in just about ten minutes for me. You've had five years, and all you've managed to do is hoard a shitload of items, go on a quest of discovery where you pretty much decided you were happy where you were in the first place, and managed to piss off an entire royal summit. Hell, the only time you really made a difference was in a comic book. Sucks to be you, Fax Machine.

-DT

Author's Note:

Comments

[MixMassBasher]

What about in Inspiration Manifestation. Spike did helped.

[Aotrs Commander]

6616666
Ssh! Don't ruin the (little bit too true) joke with your FACTS!

[FanOfMostEverything]

6616666
And "Lesson Zero." Spike is at his best when he's keeping unicorns relatively sane.

[euphgeek]

My theory: Equestria Girls humans do get cutie marks, but since they have to wear clothes over them, they just sew their cutie marks onto their clothes.

[meerkat8472]

6616666
6616716
And don't forget the Equestria Games when he melted that huge chunk of ice. Spike has actually done a fair bit when you think about it.

[ShadowLDrago]

You do know about this little thing called divorce, right? Is mom like, really great in bed or am I missing something else here? Because I've turned over a new leaf at school, and from where I'm standing, that cunt became useless after she popped me out.

You know, I may feel that DT's reformation was a bit rushed, but this was absolutely fantastic.

Look, are you sure they didn't get the scripts mixed up or something? Because as it stands, you've got more character development than me."

He's not wrong.

the image

Oh god, the implications...

[Triaxx2]

6616716 Spike's Cutie Mark would be a unicorn horn and a lasso.

[xd77]

Yeah and then one week later it's like "now what"?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Hey dad,
You do know about this little thing called divorce, right? Is mom like, really great in bed or am I missing something else here? Because I've turned over a new leaf at school, and from where I'm standing, that cunt became useless after she popped me out.
Think about it.
Love,
Diamond Tiara

You think a diamond ring cutie mark would be a warning sign as to who you're getting hitched to. Unless it's one of those "Arranged Marriages".

[Kichi]

Okay... Someone need to do a story about the image... How the CMC in Equestria Girls, try to do anything to get their first period and how DT laugh at them because they did not get the period.

6617037

Maybe her talent is to get money from rich people by weddings and then take almost everything in the divorce.

[Alex Prior]

That image at the end.

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!

[Mnemonic_Horse]

Holy hell, has it really been two whole years since Tia got a letter?? Also, once again, Fax Machine Spike Fax Machine got shafted for improvement of character.

[treos]

6616560 ...considering the genitals you were born with to be a deformity... well, thanks for that mental image. now i feel weirded out and slightly horrified.

...this conversation is over, goodbye.

[MixMassBasher]

Dear Twilight,

Sempai Why won't you write to me?

Desperate,
Princess Celestia

[kooarbiter]

6616452

oh thanks

gonna rembed

[kooarbiter]

6617082

well, the cmc have proven that more than one person can get the same cutie mark, and I've seen a lot of people with that particular talent

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Spoiled Rich,

How can anyone be so ugly and so hot at the same time? Everything about you is contradictory. Your sexy ass with your hideous, can opener nose. Your self worth with the intrinsically worthless value of the diamond in the ring of your cutie mark.

Spoiler alert: You are not worth the computer program you were created on. Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle has deemed you unfit to be a part of her stable.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and proverbial bomb dropper,
Neko Majin C.

---

---

---

~KBO.

[QuantumEnigma]

Spike has character development, but do to writing he has all the character traits. That's why while reading this Spike is the only one that is in character.

[Intervir]

Dat Celestia scene
10/10 kek, would kek again

[fractalman]

6617178

[Mnemonic_Horse]

6629047
What I mean is that there are people more deserving of recognition for actual achievement in this world.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

6629143 Why does it always have to be a contest of who's MORE deserving? Can't you call someone "brave" even though you know someone else who's braver? By that logic, you shouldn't compliment anyone on this site unless they've written the best story you've ever read.

[OtakuBrony47]

6494061
You do make some pretty valid statements.
But I'm still somewhat offended.

[OtakuBrony47]

6629802
Nice choice of reference. This pleases me.

[ferret]

6630133
Well, yes. More plates come out of the dishwasher that oops, I left some food residue on, than plates that I ended up washing by hand myself. Just a perfunctory wiping is always going to miss more bits of food than a soapy scrubbing. The dishwasher won't remove them at all. I don't worry too much about germs either, unless I was washing dishes with someone who was sick. Sterile surfaces are dangerous environments that harmful bacteria can grow on... so I shy away from bleaching dishes, but dishwashers can do that if you use soap with bleach in it.

I personally happen to like the smell of strong Indian dishes, so that doesn't bother me as such.

[articunos bitch]

You do know about this little thing called divorce, right? Is mom like, really great in bed or am I missing something else here?

I got the idea that she cares a good deal for her daughter, gives her the best, and demands the best. I think she also trusts Diamonds judgement to listen to her as easily as she did at the end. Yes, she's a bitch and a half, and a loving mother besides, in her own way.
I can see earth ponies not having divorce, at all. It's like, 'We made a vow, we'll keep it. And if we're miserable, kids can learn from us.' Maybe adultery is the exception. It seems likely to me.

Princess Celestia sat in her throne room, performing the trivial, mind-numbing routines that befell Equestria's princess, when suddenly out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a green sparkling trail of smoke coming towards her window.
"No... No way... NO WAY! Oh myself oh myself oh myself... Luna! LUNA! Get in here! It's a LETTER!!!"

Dear Princess Celestia, no-one writes to me anymore. Signed, Me.

"Well what do you know? The three stooges finally got branded."

Perfect description.

Dear Diamond Tiara,
Look, are you sure they didn't get the scripts mixed up or something? Because as it stands, you've got more character development than me.
Sincerely,
Spike

Sucks to be Spike. Babs got more development in one episode than he did in five Seasons too.

[Alex Warlorn]

Forgot where Spike is now worshipped as a living legend at the Crystal Empire.

[Web of Hope]

"I give it a week before they're bored."

And then all hell broke loose.

[Raul]

that image!

[Coyotek4]

Yeah, they're excited now ... but just wait 20 years.

[Somber Star]

6649637

I got the idea that she cares a good deal for her daughter, gives her the best, and demands the best. I think she also trusts Diamonds judgement to listen to her as easily as she did at the end. Yes, she's a bitch and a half, and a loving mother besides, in her own way.

That's... terribly idealistic of you. Also misinformed. Spoiled was willing to smother her own daughter's chances at social development just to keep her from associating with "lesser ponies". And she only obeyed Diamond because that's literally DT's power: to compel other ponies to obey her, like Starlight only less obviously, without actual spells (it really bothers me how many of those there are) and with much more reliable returns.

Speaking from experience, a mare like Spoiled is the way she is in at least virtually all aspects of her life. Why wouldn't she be? Her behavior has clearly not had any ill consequences for her until this episode, now that she's already middle-aged and halfway through raising a child.

[StormLuna]

You know one thing I have always wondered is why Filthy Rich wound up marrying Spoiled Milk to start with. He doesn't seem like that half bad of a guy while Spoiled Milk is just that, spoiled milk....absolutely disgusting. I have several head canons and when it comes to those two, it is a matter of her lying about taking her pill before they were married. He knocked her up, was forced to marry her and has somehow managed to not commit suicide despite putting up with her shit for so many years.