Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Tanks For The Memories

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06

Tanks For The Memories

---

Dear Rainbow Dash,

Alright, let's just calm the fuck down here.

Remember when I first came to Ponyville? Winter only lasted one day. You can't live without your turtle for one day?

And really? This is NOT your first winter without him. If I recall, we performed the Hearth's Warming Eve play in Canterlot the winter after you first got him. So what gives?

You didn't have to go and create a nuclear winter for Ponyville.

-Twilight

---

To the desk of Princess Twilight,

Oh, we don't keep track of time by the seasons. If you haven't noticed, the snobs up in Canterlot change the seasons in a timely manner, but us? We just change them whenever we feel like it.

Cordially,
Mayor Mare

---

Dear Rainbow Dash,

No no no! When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Demand to see life's manager! I'm the man who's gonna burn your winter down! With lemons!

Sincerely,
Cave Johnson

---

Personal Journal of Twilight Sparkle

According to the evidence I have seen today, I have made an amendment to the stages of grief, and will be forwarding it to Equestria's Board of Psychologists for approval:

The Five Six Stages of Equestrian Grief
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Millions of bits in industrial property damage
5. Depression
6. Acceptance

---

Personal Journal of Rainbow Dash

Alright, alright, I'm ready to confess. The reason I didn't want Tank to hibernate now is... Well...

The sex.

I mean, how the hell am I going to get off now? Have you seen how slow he is? I've always came 4-5 times before he works his way up to it.

I mean, I guess, maybe, I could give Twilight a call...

Author's Note:

Thanks, Larson.

Comments

[Admiral Biscuit]

4. Millions of bits in industrial property damage

The episode was worth it just for that.

[KiltedKey]

...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Tank/Dash sex. But go ahead and call Twilight. What could go wrong?

[ManlyDerp]

Knowing Equestria, the sixth stage of grief being added won't be number 4 but instead actually 6.

[Harmony Charmer]

Well, I'm glad to see you're feeling better enough to write! Sorry you're feeling bad, Miles. That pic, tho.

[Razalon The Lizardman]

I mean, how the hell am I going to get off now?

Don't worry, Rainbow, wait til you meet Old Man Winter. After all, he is cming.

[Shadowmane PX-41]

Dat Cave Johnson one though...

[Blitz the Dragon]

5906590 Oh come on, tortoises make the most adorable noises when they're fucking. Youtube has proof.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Dear Rainbow Dash,
No no no! When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Demand to see life's manager! I'm the man who's gonna burn your winter down! With lemons!
Sincerely,
Cave Johnson

Why hasn't anyone made fanfics about Cave Johnson in Equestria? I really wanna know.

[silvadel]

5906587

I concur. RD shouldn't have gotten away with that scott free.

[Vigriff]

5906741 ...Because he's a lunatic?

[Admiral Biscuit]

5906741

Why hasn't anyone made fanfics about Cave Johnson in Equestria? I really wanna know.

You mean like Cave Johnson's Lemonade Stand, or Cave Johnson and Twilight Sparkle here! Let's do this for Science! , or Sweetie Belle vs. a Lemon?

[Magic Song]

Alright, let's just calm the **** down here.

I didn't like this episode very much, and Twilight here sums up how I felt watching it XD

[articunos bitch]

If I recall, we performed the Hearth's Warming Eve play in Canterlot the winter after you first got him. So what gives?

Episodes air out of order. I don't think eight months have gone by since Canterlot Wedding.

Dear Rainbow Dash...
Sincerely, Cave Johnson

This man knows what he's talking about. Listen to him Dash.

Author's Note

I was going to be sincerely pissed if you did not include something like that Sir Author, but I had faith in you.

[SpacePaladin]

Rainbow Nash: Each week, Cat and the Mirror Dead Air audience go out on the World Wide Canterwebs, find all sorts of horrible stuff, and bring it back here for a little segment we like to call "What the Buck is Wrong with You?", AND I know we all love our pets, and we don't want to have to give them up for anything but there are limits on what we should be allowed to do, and I think this mare exceeded them.

PONYVILLE MARE DESTROYS WEATHER FACTORY TO PREVENT PET TORTOISE FROM GOING INTO HIBERNATION.

Ponyville mare...

Terra: Ponyville Mare strikes again!

RN: ...Ponyville Mare strikes again. Ponyville mare, Rainbow Dash, destroyed the Cloudsdale Weather Factory to prevent winter from coming to Ponyville. Upon realizing that her pet tortoise was going into hibernation, she decided that the best thing to do was to stop winter. After several unsuccessful attempts including stealing snow clouds and leading birds the wrong direction, she eventually broke into the factory and tried to drain the water. Unfortunately, something happened and she ended up trashing the entire factory. Nopony was hurt and Ponyville was snowed over in record time, but much of the factory was flooded and most of the snow production equipment was destroyed.

Lady, there are better ways than to destroy hundreds of ponies' livelihoods. I know in Ponyville, that sort of thing is just how they roll, but not everypony thinks freaking the buck out and going on a destructive rampage is the answer. Did you consider moving him south or something?

Terra: Wow... look, I know you're like a national heroine and have helped saved Equestria like half a dozen times, but you gotta stop doing clop like this. Because, like, this isn't the first time I've heard of you and your friends wrecking stuff on a massive scale. If this keeps up, we're gonna need like a backup set of Elements of Harmony just to save us from you.

[Neko Majin C]

Cannot... properly... comment. Mistress'... photo... is... too... beautifully epic! I... am not... worthy... to gaze... upon... such... radiance! Must... not... stop... worshiping.

What the absolute fuck is your problem?

Um, I-I am m-m-marveling at y-your beauty?

Just get back to work, you're already a week behind.

Yes, of course. Whatever you say, Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle. Right away.

Ugh, dumbass.

---

---

---

~KBO.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5906764 Hasn't stopped people from making Deadpool in Equestria fics. And I'm pretty sure Deadpool is at least ten times more luny than Cave Johnson.

[Onyx Heart]

5906872
Though for a minute there I thought you were referencing Rob Dyke and his show Why Would You Put That On The Internet. Yeah hopefully in destroying the weather making division of the weather factory. She at least inadvertently blew up the Rainbow Factory in the process.

[Vigriff]

5907015 True but I see a method to Deadpool's madness, Cave Johnson has no method for his madness.

[Eclipse LunarSol]

How do you burn down winter with lemons?

. . . . . . . . . Best not think about how Johnson-Senpai does it.

[TDR]

Dear Rainbow Dash,
No no no! When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Demand to see life's manager! I'm the man who's gonna burn your winter down! With lemons!
Sincerely,
Cave Johnson

YES!!!

[Gadman85]

lol I cracked up at that picture in the Author's note. I loved it when Twilight said that line in the show! It's probably my favorite shout out of the season so far. I know it's only been 5 episodes total, but still that was a great line.

[Azure Sandora]

Hands down my new favorite episode. This one was just... perfect to me.

Oh, and the letter was great as always.

Oh, and Rainbow, if you don't want to turn to Twilight, you can always let me take care of you.

[euphgeek]

For goodness sake, you used 9/11 as a joke once! Couldn't you have worked the Oklahoma City bombing into this one? Especially since it's the 20th anniversary. I was almost expecting it. You could have even used Timothy McNeigh as a horse pun! Come on!

Otherwise, excellent as always.

[JimboTex]

You didn't have to go and create a nuclear winter for Ponyville.

Literally:
4.bp.blogspot.com/-mTVqKiXAlB0/VTw1jCIMRMI/AAAAAAAABMk/IHGktfiB9Tc/s1600/Image%2B43.png
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/190/373/131942790061.jpg

[FanOfMostEverything]

And then Twilight Starkle was responsible for beheading defectors from the Crystal Empire.

[articunos bitch]

Does Twilight Sparkle read/watch Game of Thrones for the characters, the settings, the writing, or the plot/porn?

[Matt11]

What's with the lemmon thing? I don't get it. But this was good.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

5908557 It's from the game Portal 2, where the character Cave Johnson, explains that he angrily and violently disagrees with the saying "If life give you lemons, make lemonade"

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5908557 This will explain everything.

[Matt11]

5908662 ah now I see why he used it, I re watched the episode and heard the lemon bit, makes sense now.

[mr.myxsiple]

Dear Rainbow Dash,
Hope you know a good lawyer.
Sincerely, Cloudsdale Weather Factory Owner

[TheWraithWriter]

I believe in M.A. Larson.

[JimboTex]

5908489

But mostly the pr0n.

[kooarbiter]

I love how no one has realized this ep was an allegory for pet death, yet, from the denial, to the depression, and doing whatever it takes to stop the inevitable and even "burying" him at the end, tank was already presumably old, so this was a way to send a moral about pet death without it actually being about it, using hibernation as a stand in for "pass away" "be put down" etc.
5907015

wait! just stop there and imagine...

Deadpool with a portal gun

[Starguy135]

5910335 I'm pretty sure everyone got that, at least every single person who's review I read got that.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5910008 I think it's just for the porn. Everything else is an added bonus for her.

5910335 Way to give fics writers a new idea. You have no idea the madness you have just unleashed.

[kooarbiter]

5910428

it was vince's laugh from thriller, it hasn't been letting me embed lately

[Dusty Old Qrow]

That was unexpected.

[JDunk1971]

And thus another meme is ponified!

[Blyndpwn]

I can't think of anything clever to say, so I'll hand my comment off to someone cleverer.

[AHurdOfBronies]

Dat poorly done Twilight vector, tho

[milesprower06]

5912619 That's why I selected it.

[AHurdOfBronies]

5912621
u w0t m80 ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

[BionicBrony]

When Twilight said: "Prepare, everypony. Winter is coming!" I was on the floor laughing. A GoT reference in My Little Pony? NO FUCKING WAY, MAN! But hey, I couldn't deny it: it was right fucking there.

My next thought was whether or not you would mention it in this week's letter(s). I was a little disappointed when I got to the author's notes without seeing anything, but then I actually saw the author's notes and...

It made me happy.

I'm also glad that I'm not the only person to immediately think of burning winter with Cave Johnson's incendiary lemons as soon as RD mentioned said lemons.

[Scarheart]

5906590 When you demand cold blooded and slow lovin', accept no substitutions.

[drone_r0m-3]

4. Millions of bits in industrial property damage

Is Rainbow even going to get held responsible for that? I'm pretty sure "Weather Team Manager" doesn't pay enough to cover that bill.

That Cave Johnson letter... thanks for that.

[Kiryu]

5906638
ARGH!!! EL LIZARDO HUMANA!!! It has returned!!!

[ferret]

> the sex
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/6/318181/medium.png

[Doctor Elite]

Glad to see a Fallout: New Vegas reference in here.

[Valikdu]

6. Acceptance

7. The screws go tight, all around.
8. Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your eye.