• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Donraj


If you like my writing you can encourage it.

T

Nearly a thousand years have passed since Nightmare Moon was banished. As the old memories well up Princess Celestia is crippled with guilt and depression over the loss of her sister. Her faithful student Twilight Sparkle takes it upon herself to make her teacher happy again by giving her what she wants more than anything else in the world.

Audio reading generously performed by AShadowofCygnus. And it is lovely.

Written for the 9th Bimonthly Twilestia Contest

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 13 )

A divergence, what is twi cooking up and I wonder what shinings part is.

This looks interesting... Is it strange that I dread whatever Twilight has in mind, regardless of how benevolent it is?

...so, that just happened. Actually, what just happened? Or rather, why did that happen?

Err... Twilight, what the fuck was that? I have no idea what is going on here, but damn if I don't want to find out.

Watched.

I am very intrigued to see where you go with this. So far it's one of the more interesting AU premises.

wait so shining armor is the element of magic

In some ways errie but also interesting. Eggads celestia has her work cut out for her.

Hmm. So apparently Twilight still is Magic, but Shining Armor could focus the Elements to help her?

Overall, it feels a bit forced. Rarity's part, while kind of out of the blue in the show, is pretty non-existant here. It's hard to practice or even demonstrate Generosity in the middle of the forest in a situation like this, so it's not an easy task to describe, and yet the absense of it still feels wrong. Same with Pinkie, to a lesser extent, she has no definitive impact. Plus, Luna spitting into Celestia's face, and then not half an hour later crying in her lap and pleading for forgiveness feels... odd? Then again, magic or not, the emotional back-and-fourth she would be having in this situation would be immense, so it's unlikely she was rational at any point here.

Also, we got to see Shining Armor the pony, the unicorn, but not the CO. Might come across as odd for him to accompany Twilight personally (and alone), as well as going alone-ish into the Everfree, but it's actually the most sane solution. Nobody else present even came close to Twilight's power level. At least the local mares knew the land. It's certainly refreshing, with american citisens in general having an unhealthy obsession with their military and projecting furiously onto ponies. And that gets grating after a while.

All in all, it's an interesting take, well done. 8/10. You deserve more exposure than you got.

6763265

Granted this is kind of tell rather than show, but I did assume that Rarity and Pinkie Pie did things between the manticore and reaching the castle that helped solidify their roles in Shining Armor's mind. Ultimately the story was about Twilight and Celestia (and Luna) and I didn't want to get bogged down reinventing every detail of the pilot.

And yes, there was some pretty serious emotional ping-ponging at the end. But Luna saw her sister take a magical bullet for her and also got hit by the backwash from the Elements of Harmony. I think spitting in Celestia's face was the natural reaction to hearing that the only reason she was freed was to make her perfect princess sister happy.

I don't think I showed it as well as I wanted to, but even before mainlining Luna's Nightmare powers Twilight was feeling some pretty deep seated resentment of her own that Celestia cared so much about Luna instead of Twilight. Even if she didn't recognize that going in.

Interesting, nice intro.

She looked at him. “Yes, Captain Shining Armor?”
“Requesting permission to collapse unconscious.”
Princess Celestia smiled. “Permission granted.

:rainbowlaugh:
Very nice work.
:twilightsmile:

6750589 dark magic draining spell tirek used a variation on the spell

“I, I’m so sorry,” she stammered. “I never meant—”

I'm calling bull. Twilight is trying to cover up how much she fucked up. Big time.

Love the story. Just the fact that Twilight is trying to sound innocent of this isn't working for me. She knew darn well what she was doing. Nothing was forcing her to do it.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!