By the Light of the Moon
The pair sat down by the river. Starlight still had so many questions. In time one pushed its way to the forefront of her mind.
“So, um, what happens now?” she asked the purple alicorn princess beside her.
For a long time there was no reply, only silence. When Starlight opened her mouth to repeat the question, Twilight spoke. “I don’t really know. I’ve read book after book on the subject but none of them really mention this specific situation in depth. I know a lot about how to be a good friend but I think it’s a bit different being a good partner. A bit more intimate. I guess I should start by learning more about you.”
“Sounds simple enough, what do you want to know?” she made a pose as though bracing for impact.
“Well, what’s your favorite book?”
Starlight grimaced. “That’s a bit difficult.”
“Why is that?” her mentor gave her a quizzical look.
“Over the past few years I’ve used books more for their function than for pleasure. Running a village was harder than it seems and constantly studying magic on top of that was... stressful to say the least. Now it all just seems like such a waste”
Twilight was reminded of her own foalhood, buried in books with no time for friends. “Hey Starlight,”
“Yeah?”
She put a hoof over Starlight’s withers “ it wasn’t a waste.”
“But… ”
“It brought you here, didn’t it? And there’s so much a pony with your talent can do for Ponyville, for all of Equestria.” she smiled. “Your turn to ask a question.”
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She tossed and turned, but no matter how she tried, sleep continued to eluded her. What is it? Am I nervous? Am I excited? Maybe it’s both. Nervouscited? That’s a Pinkie Pie word if I’ve ever heard one. Starlight got up and trotted over to her balcony. It was a strange feeling. She had spent so long getting what she thought she wanted, only to have that torn apart and all of it leading up to this. How many years have I wasted when what I wanted was right in front of me the whole time? Do I really deserve this?
She leaned there for a while, looking out over the broad expanse of Ponyville as working ponies came and went, some returning from a long day at work while others headed out to work the night shift. All those wasted years. she sighed. It was something she thought about a lot now, where might she be if she had never started Our Town, if she never ran away from home. What happened to her parents, did they still care what happened to her? Had they moved on?
She levitated her journal, quill, and ink to a podium she had placed on the balcony. At times like this, the best solution was usually writing it down.
It’s near midnight again and once more I’m depriving myself of sleep. So much happened today. I confessed to Twilight and she said yes (well sort of) and she kissed me! At first I was very excited but now I can’t help but think of how much I don’t deserve this, don’t deserve her. I thought I’d finally come to terms with that but here it is rearing its ugly head again. This feeling of inadequacy.
I mean I haven’t really done much to make up for my mistakes. Twilight told me that I could help other ponies but so far all I’ve done is freeload off of her, apologize to the ponies I manipulated, play around with my new friends, ask Twilight to be my marefriend, and think of myself. I haven’t done anything for anypony else, let alone something worthy of Twilight’s affections or this new life.
I haven’t even gone to see my parents or written that letter to Sunburst that Twilight keeps encouraging me to write. I mean I’ve made attempts, but how do you write to somepony you haven’t seen in years about something that happened so long ago? He’s probably forgotten all about me.
I need to quit thinking about these things, Twilight told me I’m well on my way, but what have I, no, stop. I shouldn’t worry her unnecessarily. I just need to sleep. Hopefully I can do that now, I’d best not keep Princess Luna waiting.
She floated her journal back to its spot on the shelf and laid down once more on her bed.
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The sky was gray ash blowing on a breeze. The ground shared in the sky’s demeanor and the world was bleak. Starlight stood in the middle of it all. She’d been here before half a dozen times by now though often this revelation of a recurring dream occurred only in her sleeping mind. The dream always lingered far longer on one subject than it should.
She would wander the wastes for miles and miles, never finding any remnant of civilization or even a single pony dead or alive. Her only real markers were the dead trees which were few and far between. It was just her, the last mare in Equestria.
So she wandered. She wasn’t necessarily looking for anything or if she was she never found it. After some time she saw a mare with a mane of stars approaching from afar.
“Princess Luna!” she called as she galloped over to the alicorn.
“Hello Starlight, we, I assume this is the wasteland timeline Twilight told me about.”
That stopped Starlight dead in her tracks, once more aware of how bare her subconscious was before the princess of the night. “Well, yes. I guess you know why too, huh?”
“There is no need to feel ashamed my little pony, I have been in a situation that was much the same.”
“What do you mean? You had nightmares like this?” Starlight was skeptical that the princess of the night could have nightmares and looked every bit of it.
“I’m sure you recall our, my return a few years back.”
“I remember hearing something about that, I was fairly busy during that time and didn’t really hear much aside from that Celestia’s sister had returned to the throne and around that time some monster tried to make it night time forever or something. I do recall the night lasting longer than usual though so I guess they succeeded for a bit.” she shrugged.
“That monster was me or to be more precise it was a being produced by the jealousy that consumed me over a thousand moons ago.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Do not worry, thou didst not offend dear Starlight. Even we, even I consider that side of me to be a monster. In any case I was stopped and released from my dark persona Nightmare Moon and in the time following that night I was filled with guilt over what I had done. Not just then, but also a thousand years ago. Sound familiar?” she leaned her head down to meet Starlight’s gaze.
“Yes. So what happened then? How did you get over the guilt? Will I ever really feel like I deserve anything other than the contents of this miserable dream?”
“Calm down, I was getting to that. As a result of this feeling I created a being to ensure that I would have a nightmare every night to remind me of the pain I’d caused. We thought this to be no less than I deserved. A few years passed and eventually this creature grew strong enough to escape my dreams. In the end the only way to keep it from escaping the dream world was to forgive myself.” She looked at Starlight with a serious expression. “It took a disaster for me to let go of my past mistakes, it does not have to be that way for you. You must realize as I did that the best you can do is try to make up for your mistakes and while you may never succeed in fixing everything you have to let go of your past and focus on the future if you want to be happy.”
Starlight turned and stared out at the barren landscape. “You make it all sound so simple. Is that really it? What about all the ponies I hurt? It seems like they’ve forgiven me but I still can’t begin to understand why. I wasted years of their lives. I’ve ruined their lives. I keep feeling like one day I’ll wake up and everything will have been a dream. I keep waiting for the other hoof to drop but it never does.” she could hardly hold back her tears. Then she couldn’t.
She sat there for a while wrapped in Princess Luna’s hooves. Allowing the liquid representation of her pain, her regret, her fears, and all her wasted years flow from her eyes to the barren ground below. When she was done, Luna let go and stepped back.
The royal mare locked eyes with the lilac unicorn. “Starlight, the ponies you hurt joined you because they believed the same thing as you. Your methods were cruel but none of them tried to stop you or ever believed the path they took was wrong until recently. Yes, some longed for their cutie marks; but this was more a natural feeling they felt deep inside that something important was missing from their lives than because they did not believe in the same ideology. The only crime you were ever guilty of in their eyes was hiding your cutie mark and not making the same mistake they did. They probably blame themselves for the rest. Sometimes life cuts ponies like us a break, my advice is to take it, do your best to enjoy what you’ve been given, and fix what you can.”
Starlight slowly breathed in, then out. A therapeutic measure Twilight had taught her the last time she’d gotten really worked up. “Okay Princess Luna, I’ll try it. Thank you.”
“Now how about we leave this place?” she opened a door to another dream and Starlight followed her out.
“Where is this?” Starlight asked, looking around at the scenery. It looked so peaceful, from the violet skies to the placid shores surrounding the small island on which they stood.
“This is my new dream. I have never really brought anypony here. We, I did not make it long ago. How do you like it?” she looked at Starlight, eager to hear her response.
“It’s so peaceful. Just being here makes me feel so calm.”
Luna smiled. “Good, then we can meet here next time. If that is alright with you, that is.”
“Of course, oh and before I forget I had something else to talk to you about.” she beamed.
“I am guessing she said yes?”
“Yeah, but she’s not sure about how she feels about me. She said she’s willing to give us a try and that even if we don’t work out she’ll still be my mentor and friend. And she kissed me! But after that I had no idea what to do so we ended up just asking each other questions to get to know each other better, did you know Twilight’s afraid of quesadillas?”
Luna laughed at that “Really, quesadillas? But they are delicious, not scary.”
“I know right? I mean anything’s better that those muffins we used to get in Our Town but still.”
She waved a hoof. “But back to the topic at hand, you asked her out on a date, correct?”
“Um, no, it’s weird. I mean we live together so we can see each other all the time. I’m not sure where I’d take Twilight either if not the library and we live there. And I assume from the phrase 'go out' you're supposed to leave the house. I’ve never been on a date myself either, I wouldn’t know what to do. Maybe go somewhere to eat? But where?” Starlight looked at the ground and dug at the soil with her hoof.
Luna stared at her for a few moments before exclaiming “I have got it! We will practice.”
“Practice for a date? Is that a thing ponies do? How’s that work? Will it help me?”
“Yes. Yes. I will be Twilight and you will be you and we will go on a pretend date. I think it should help you.” The princess was looking forward to this. She’d been gone a thousand years and had missed many chances to play and enjoy being young because of it so she always enjoyed a break from her more serious duties. Though to be fair they weren’t nearly as demanding as her sister’s.
“Okay! I’m Twilight, ask me on a date.”
“Oh, okay. T-Twilight, would you like to go pthhhhahahaha, Princess Luna, don’t make faces like that! I can’t take you seriously.” Starlight put a hoof to her face.
“But what if Twilight ith making thith fathe when you athke her out?” she said through a tongue which currently seemed to be reaching for her left eye.
“Trust me, Twilight’s too serious for something like that.” Starlight replied, trying and failing to suppress another chuckle.
“Are you thure?” her tongue suddenly drooping like the tail of a dog being scolded.
“While that is very funny, we should try to be at least a little serious about this. We’ve only got so much time until morning.”
“If you want I can make the dream last longer.”
“And how would you do that?”
“Time moves faster in dreams than in the waking realm, I can control the speed of the dream and make it go faster.”
Starlight shook her head. Even after so many years of study, advanced alicorn magic was still confusing to her. It was like magic trigonometry but the bar was much higher. And if it were magic from another creature like dragon or hydra magic, it would be like learning another language and that was before scaling it down to be economical for a pony to use. At least Twilight’s spells still made sense. This kind of magic seemed almost foreign. “Let’s just go ahead with the practice date. If it’s too long of a dream I’ll probably forget a lot of it anyways.”
“Ok, suit thyself. Ask me again.”
Breathe in, breathe out. “Twilight, will you go on a date with me!?”
“Where do you want to go?” Luna said in her best Twilight impression.
“That didn’t, never mind let’s just um… wait, where should we go? Would a restaurant be ok or would that be too much? Should we just go for hayburgers or maybe Donut Joe’s? Maybe she’d prefer to go somewhere out of town or somewhere sentimental to her. What do you think?”
“Forsooth, I think that Twilight will enjoy it wherever you take her. This is only your first date. I asked Cadence for more advice after last night and she told me that a first date does not need to be in a romantic setting to be romantic.”
“You asked for more advice? How did you know Twilight would say yes?”
Luna smiled. “I didn’t, but even if she said no, she does not seem to be the type of pony who wouldn’t give you a second chance in due time. On Nightmare Night when everypony else was acting afraid of me, she came after me twice to show me that sometimes ponies like being scared, it was not I they were afraid of. She takes her friends seriously and from what I can tell she cares about you a great deal.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The way she talks about you. Even when she was in Canterlot she was worried if you were eating properly and agonizing over how to teach you. That was actually why she came.”
“Why doesn’t she just teach me the same way Celestia taught her?”
Her smile seemed to waver a bit at this. “Our, my sister works a lot. Probably more than she should and certainly more now than in the past. I learned that the hard way when I tried taking over for her for the day. Always it seems there are more problems in Equestrian politics than the day before. Monster attacks, entire castles and kingdoms rising from the ground, the Summer Sun Celebration, Grand Galloping Gala, and numerous other events; even with Twilight helping where she can, it is a lot. When Twilight was young she never got more than half a day out of her. My sister wishes they could have spent more time together and when she sent her off to Ponyville it was not without difficulty. She’d actually written the letter beforehand so she didn’t hesitate when the time came. Twilight wants to be close to you. As your mentor she wants to make a bond that will last.”
A bond that will last she almost couldn’t believe her ears. More and more things are seeming too good to be true. Maybe this is all a dream within a dream after all.
“Sorry we couldn’t do that practice date. Want to try again tomorrow night?”
“What? It’s morning already?”
“Yes, but should we meet up tomorrow night?”
“Sure, hold on, I have a…
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...better idea” she looked around and found herself in a room made of glistening jewels. My room. How quickly did I come to think of this room as my own anyways. It’s Twilight’s house.
She considered this thought for a moment. If Twilight’s home has room for me, her heart must as well. How big is my room in her heart?
As Starlight headed down for breakfast she heard mumbling in the kitchen.
“...why would she think that? She should know...”
“Morning, Twilight” she said as she walked through the door. “What’re you reading?”
Twilight quickly shoved the book behind her. “Just a… uh, a… cookbook, yeah a cookbook, I was thinking of making something new.” She never was very good at lying. About on par with Applejack if not worse, and Applejack was the element of honesty.
“Sounds good, mind if I take a look? Maybe I could find something to make for lunch.” she said as she inched closer to Twilight, trying to look around her at the book.
Twilight backed up but quickly found a wall. Starlight seized the chance to grab the book in her telekinesis. As soon as she saw it she dropped it. It was her journal. “Twilight, why do you have this?”
“Well you see I went to wake you up and I saw that book on your shelf. I didn’t remember ever seeing a book like that and you told me you only had spell books so I thought it was one of those and…”
“How much did you read?”
“Only the most recent entry, well about two thirds of it. I’m so sorry Starlight, I just started reading and when I realized it was your journal I just couldn’t stop. I mean I want to help you with what you’re going through but in the month or so you’ve been here you didn’t tell me much and then after you told me how you felt I just couldn’t hold back. I needed to know more.”
Starlight sighed. Now I’ve gone and made her worry. Great job Starlight. No, I can’t keep doing this. Luna said I have to forgive myself but where do I start and how?
“Starlight, is everything alright?” the purple mare asked, a bit concerned over her marefriend’s silence.
I just have to focus on the situation at hand, I can deal with that later. “It’s okay Twilight, I’m okay, I just don’t want to”
“Worry me?” Twilight finished.
“You read more than two thirds, didn’t you?”
“No, but I’ve been there before. It’s a completely natural thing to feel.” she smiled, making Starlight somewhat less tense. “I may not know much about romantic relationships but one thing I’ve noticed in my study of friendship and in books is that it’s best for ponies to be honest with each other and work through problems together.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
“I’m more than okay with it, I insist upon it. And you don’t have to rely on me alone, we have six wonderful friends who are usually more than willing to help. Though we should probably give them the news before asking anypony about things involving our relationship.” Twilight said, looking somewhat embarrassed.
“So, um…”
“Yeah.”
“Should we?”
“I don’t know, maybe. Pinkie probably knows already, you know Pinkie. Maybe we should invite everypony over for lunch?”
“That sounds good. I guess? I don’t really know much about these things. Should we make a big deal about it? We could never top one of Pinkie’s parties but”
“I don’t think we need to make it anything that big, just lunch should be fine. Really it should be fine to just gather them together and tell them but I figure lunch is as good an excuse as any.”
“Yeah, speaking of, all this talk of food is making me hungry. What’s for breakfast?” Starlight glanced around the kitchen, looking for signs of a meal in progress. Finding none, she looked back to Twilight.
“Sorry, you got up not long after I went to wake you up and I was reading and well, long story short I haven’t made it yet. Spike was asleep last I saw him.” A few moments later Twilight’s head shot up. “That’s it! This is perfect!”
“What is it, Twilight?” Starlight wore a confused expression. She knew what Twilight was getting at but was all too happy to play along.
“We’ll make something together!”
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I really liked it, and this time I make sure to activate the tracking button.
7097476 Thanks, I'll try not to disappoint. It may be a bit of a wait tho, I'm currently working on a side story to this as a small break before I start the next chapter.
Next amazing chapter
I am in love with this story, please don't abandon it.
7634490 so this is really kind of for everyone who reads and enjoys this fic. I'm not gonna abandon it, I'm in (community) college right now and working and currently have a lot of excuses to procrastinate. I am working on the next chapter, but progress has been slow. The biggest problem I think is that I just figured things out as I went instead of planning ahead and I expected a longer hiatus between season 5 and season 6 and had fewer ideas about how Starlight's reformation would change her.
Now I have too many having seen the episodes of the newest season so I'm trying to get back to get back to the character I gave Starlight so that I can develop her my way (I have no intentions to retcon any prior development I've done with this version of Starlight). Of course it'll still be a while before the next chapter is released, I might've marked this story as on hiatus if I'd known how much life and my own laziness would get in the way or if I had a better opinion of the Hiatus status. Hiatus just feels like a cancellation waiting to happen and I refuse to let this story end until I deem it complete.
All that said, I'm perfectly willing to accept help, be it reference material (clean fics you've enjoyed that are similar to this one in some way or another), general comments about where you think I should go from here, or writing tips/criticism of the fic as it stands now. Feel free to tell me what you like about the fic so far, what you think could be improved, or offer support as these are greatly appreciated and could well speed up the release of the next chapter. The next chapter I publish will be for this fic, followed by another chapter for the side fic Only Time will Tell which I intend to eventually overlap multiple times in big ways with this one. You may PM me for this or just leave a comment on the story, whichever you prefer.
I would like to have a new chapter please.
I should be posting a new chapter either this or next month.
I have 3,046 words of Chapter 3 done so far, once I'm done writing the chapter I plan on triple checking it against the last two chapters for inconsistencies and/or contradictions, then I'll have my proofreader look it over as with the past two chapters. After fixing up any mistakes she catches, I'll check through it a couple more times myself before publishing. Sorry again for the long hiatus, I never intended to take such a long break. Life just happened and I got distracted by various other things. 
Anyways, I feel like at the rate I'm going it should be done before 2017. Thanks for your patience and I hope that my story continues to be to your liking.
Omg talk about irrational fears ahah
8424075
They do say you can tell a lot about an author by their work and irrational fears are a consistent and complicated issue for me. As such I imagine others having similar issues, though for some maybe they don't think about it as much. With Twilight and Starlight (Twilight being pretty neurotic in general and Starlight having to come to terms with how normal relationships work) I don't have to worry about that.