Awkward Conversations And Other Stories

by No one is home

Wrong Turn at Albuquerque (Train Wreck): Welcome to Ponyville

It was a quiet day in Ponyville, birds were singing, bees were buzzing, old ponies were old-ponying. Nopony was expecting a monster attack that day, which was just as well, since the monster in question wasn’t especially in a mood to attack. There was a brief explosion of earth before the bright blue pony thing emerged, glowing with strange symbols racing and changing along it’s fur. The thing took a minute to examine itself, seemingly pleased with itself. The ponies in the market whispered nervously, but neither ran away nor attacked. They looked far more likely to try the former, but the beast in question had seen both reactions from ponies.

“Alright! Good as new and fully charged to boot.” There were muted gasps from a few ponies who had noticed the slightly… wrong movement of the creatures lower jaw. “Can any of you ponies tell me where I am?”

When nopony answered he looked around to find himself snout to snout with pinkest of all possible answers. The beast couldn’t help but smile with relief. “Pinkie Pie, I know we’ve never met, I’m mar… Married to your clone?” Already the Pink mare had disappeared in a preternatural burst of speed. “Right. Watch the smile. God’s in hell, Diane makes it look so easy. So Ponyville, right, and all the little ponies are running in panic. Thank you Pinkie Pie.”

The monster sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked down the street talking to himself. “And here comes Rainbow Dash. I bet she’s coming over here to give me a nice friendly welcome to to-OWn…”

The cyan mare's hooves connected as expected, actually driving the giant monster back a step. “Why don’t you pick on ponies who can fight back!” The pegasus attacked with flurry of strikes, forcing the beast strike back with a brush of a draconic wing sending the mare flying into a wall.

“Oh damn! Oh damn it to hell!” the strange creature rushed to the fallen pegasi, seizing her in a snake like appendage the struck the mare quickly and fastened to her neck. Arcane energy crackled down it’s length. “I’m really sorry about this Miss Dash.”

“Not as sorry as I reckon’ yer gonna be mister!” The creature turned to face an angry orange earth pony just in time to receive two stolid hooves to the forehead.

-=-=-=-=-

“Well what was I supposed ta do, he was attacking Rainbow Dash!” Applejack argued fiercely.

“Actually I was attacking him. He just brushed me with his wing, I don’t even think he was trying to hit me.” Rainbow dash admitted rather sheepishly.

“Rainbow Dash, why would just go attacking some random pony?” The Princess of Friendship was none too pleased with the escalation of events.

Rainbow Dash didn’t even seem to consider it a problem. “Because, A) I’m not even sure if that IS a pony, and B) I totally saw him attack Pinkie Pie.”

“Hi everypony!” Pinkie Pie, summoned by her name, burst through the door. “Guess who I just saw! Surprise’s husband just popped up out of the dirt, and he’s all better and not burn-victim-y anymore. So I ran straight to the train station and sent a telegram to her in Canterlot, and now she’s bringing the whole family to Ponyville to visit! And by the way, why is my clone-sister’s husband tied up and unconscious in the throne room?”

“You guys are not gonna believe this!” Somewhat goofy looking human entered followed by Spike the dragon. Blissfully unaware of anything in the room beyond his own news, the human continued his less than believable tale. “Lyra just got back from Silver’s Coronation, and she said Discord made some kind of monster mash pony and now he’s insisting that the Princesses’ recognize it as alicorn royalty. Lyra said she agreed to it, but Bon Bon figures she was just telling the big D whatever would make him stop holding up the ceremony. What’s that thing tied up by the table?”

Before anypony could answer Spike belched forth a note from his dragon-fire, seizing it quickly Starlight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, began to read it out loud.

Dearest Twilight,

I am wed and my Prince is Crowned. The royalty Canterlot is united as one family in what we hope will serve as a symbol of unity. Of course you were already expecting this news, but I wanted to open this letter with happy tidings. If you haven’t already heard, the coronation was interrupted by Fluttershy’s friend, Discord. To say that his interruption was unwelcome would be the greatest of understatements.

During the temporal disturbances caused by your final duel with your student Starlight, Discord transformed a poor human from one of the alternate realities into a mismatched combination of a pony, a dragon, and a hydra. The poor thing's appearance alone was enough to alienate it from most other ponies, but then the poor thing was viciously assaulted and forced into a fire by one of my own guards! The burned mass that remained was barely recognizable as a pony.

Now the victim’s creator has demanded that we recognize his “alicorn” as royalty. My sister has agreed, though I am sure more out of a show of pity for discord’s poor victim than anything else. While I truly believe the creature has the best of intentions, he IS still an agent of chaos and not to be completely trusted. That said, pay the poor wretch all the courtesy you would extend to, say, a foreign dignitary. If it makes the poor soul happy and keeps Discord content and out of the way, assign every title of royalty to the former human then I see no harm in it.

Discord refuses to turn the creature back into a human, and in fact insists that it’s no more possible than turning you back into a unicorn. Apparently he is prepared to go all the way with this little “alicorn” game of his. If you see this creature handle him with caution, but with kindness. He is immensely powerful.

Sincerely,
Your Friend and Peer, Luna

“That’s him, alright!” Pinkie Pie pointed happily. “I’m glad he got over all those nasty burns. Surprise was super sad!”

“Why am I tied up?” The blue, fuzzy monster spoke, causing everypony to jump. “Why do I keep on waking up tied up? You know that’s not normal right? Or is it normal here, because honestly I’m confused?”

“Oh… heh, heh…” Twilight rubbed the back of her head with one fetlock. “Well, you see your highness, there was a little misunderstanding…”

“Your friends beat me unconscious and tied me up.” The creature stated the case flattly.

“We… uh… kinda thought you were a monster…” Applejack admitted uncertainty. “We’re awfully sorry Mister… I mean Prince Train Wreck.”

"Prince Wreck” Rainbow offered less than helpfully.

“Okay, I thought my head was just still ringing earlier.” Train Wreck cocked his head to the side. “Why are you calling me that? And also could you please stop calling me that?”

“Okay I see the dragon and the pony, but I’m not seeing the hydra part.” Jake admitted.

“That would be these!” Pinkie stuck foreleg into the giant's mouth and hauled out his snake-like tendrils which glared at the mare in annoyance even as they patiently tolerated the abuse.

“Ah, yeah, now I see it.” The human nodded.

Author's Note:

So here's the chapter I had to rewrite this morning because Discord ran his mouth at Prince Ships-alot's coronation/wedding/sexy-time-boogaloo. Will Train Wreck be able to rescue Princess Twilight from the lecherous Prince of Shipping with the Princesses?

Comments

[Dravkwn]

Not sure if lawlz or sad face for Train Wreck.

[Not so New Brony]

muted gaps

gasps

So ponyville, right, and all the little ponies are running in panic. Thank you Pinky Pie\

Ponyville , Pinkie Pie

Rainbow dash

Rainbow Dash

The royalty Canterlot

The royalty of Canterlot or the Canterlot royalty

The poor things appearance

thing's

assaulter

assaulted

I am sure more out of a show of pity

I am sure it is more out of a show of pity

Prince Wreck”

Missing the quotation mark at the front

So our new prince learned how to use his powers to restore himself from Mountain Flower...as well as the ability to dig really fast like a Diamond Dog(or was this ability shown before and I forgot). And I'm fairly certain having AJ and RD attacking someone on their first visit to Ponyville has become a trope by now but.

Luna seems awfully distant from Train Wreck in that letter but I suppose she decided to distance herself from the Pastels after what she heard Diane said. Also, it feels like she's underestimating Discord and this little game of his, cause with Discord, anything is possible.

[No one is home]

7431256 I'm still restructuring my story plans after David dropped that particular little bomb. I got no warning on that. For these reasons typos will be hunted and exterminated... in the next day or so, for reasons that are totes David's fault (the use of the word "totes", also Davids fault).

I will answer questions, though. The digging ability was shown to be native to hydra-ponies in Pink Step. It's one of the abilities of the three plague tribes he was made from.

I don't think Luna's being distant with Train Wreck as she's being furious with Discord. After all she most likely thinks Train Wreck actually wants this title. She feels like his present form is curse inflicted by Discord. So she is showing sympathy by bestowing the title and official appearance of royalty, even though Train wreck wants or needs neither of those things. She wouldn't hold the angry words of a hurt filly over her family, on the other hoof that was her special day Discord interupted as much as it was Silver's.

[No one is home]

7430810 At least he doesn't look like Pony Krueger anymore. At worst he got knocked out and tied up. That's a pretty regular thing in this story, so ya Train Wreck!

[Not so New Brony]

7431307 Ahh, so Luna was venting out some internal frustrations at the interruption and I know Luna isn't petty enough to take the words of a hurt filly to heart but I see the attempt to distance herself from the Pastels as a way to avoid causing them more grief than she already has, even if all of them weren't directly her fault.

It's not going to fix the existing rift between them but it won't cause it to widen at least though with Diane and Moonbeam's encounter as well as Train Wreck's new title, an encounter with the Pastels and the Canterlot Royals might be inevitable.

[Boulder]

The ponies in the market whispered nervously, but neither ran away now attacked.

nor

The pegasus attacked with flurry of strikes, forcing the beast ? strike back with a brush of a draconic wing sending the mare flying into a wall.

? = to

seizing her in a snake like appendage the struck the mare quickly and fastened to her neck.

that

“Rainbow Dash, why would ? just go attacking some random pony?”

? = you

Before anypony could answer Spike belched forth a note from his dragon-fire, seizing it quickly Starlight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, began to read it out loud.

Wut the??

The poor things appearance alone was enough to alienate it from most other ponies, but then the poor thing was viciously assaulter and forced into a fire by one of my own guards!

assaulted

If it makes the poor soul happy and keeps Discord content and out of the way, assign every title of royalty to the former human then I see no harm in it.

This seems screwy, could it read 'by assigning every title of royalty'?
(Like the Bugs Bunny reference in the chapter title.)
img.pandawhale.com/43656-bugs-bunny-left-turn-at-albuqu-Twgs.jpeg

[David Silver]

now attacked -- nor attacked