• Published 18th Dec 2015
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Awkward Conversations And Other Stories - No one is home



A series of disjointed, interconnected stories about people and ponies. There are many conversations. All are awkward.

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Trials and Tribulations (Dead Lift): Lock Down

“Stay on your side of the cell sunshine,” Stormy Night growled at the massive pale horse as the guards locked the door behind him.

“My side is whichever side I want it to be, bat!” Deadlift casually slapped the lunar pegasus to the floor with a foreleg. “And since you wanna be big on boundaries your share of the slop is whatever’s left over when I get done eating.”

“This isn’t right!” The gangly blue unicorn wailed from the adjacent cell. “I didn’t do anything wrong! Alias was the one who tied up that foal and…”

“Shut up Frank,” Deadlift snarled through the bars, “I’m of half a mind I should have caved in your skull right along with your wife… wives… whatever! You’re lucky to be in a cell.”

“You killed them!” Franklin Nathaniel Stein glared through the bars at the the massive earth pony. “You murderer! They were the most beautiful, gentle, loving creature on this damned horse-ridden planet, and you murdered them!”

“Your wife was monster, Frank.” Deadlift heaved a heavy sigh. “She was a cannibal. And you can go on all you want about her ‘nature’, but she wasn’t some dumb animal following instinct, she had three brains in those heads of hers that knew exactly what they were doing.”

“Why’s he get his own cell?” Stormy Night grumbled, mostly to himself. “Damned unicorns get all the breaks.”

“They’re worried I might lose my temper and beat him to death,” Deadlift explained, “Which they don’t seem to be too worried about me doing to you. Which makes me wonder, given that I know what HE did, what the hell did you do?”

“I drove a monster back into a burning building and let him burn back to Tartarus.” Stormy Night grinned broadly, showing no remorse. “I did Equestria a favor, just like you did. Just because he didn’t ‘hurt anypony’, we were all supposed to pretend it was okay to let that abomination walk around with normal ponies. I just wish his horse of wife and the little changeling monster he called a daughter could have burned with him! If I had my…”

The former lunar guard’s hateful words were interrupted by swift, bone shattering blow. When Deadlift spoke his words were careful and measured. “Maybe a broken jaw will teach you to keep your mouth shut. You’re damned lucky, luckier than Frank over there. I’m pretty sure I know the ‘monster’ you're talking about. And you didn’t kill him half as dead as you seem to think you did, and if you had hurt his daughter… I don’t think Ki would leave enough of you to bother burying.”

“Ki’s here?” Franklin sat up at the news, “He’s on this world? I thought we’d determined this was the wrong universe!”

“It’s not the Equestria that we initially contacted. It’s a parallel, if I had to guess.” Deadlift shrugged his equine shoulders in an almost human gesture.

“Of course! With our world out of resonance with the plague source, we must have been drawn to this parallel following his path of probability!” The unicorn pranced excitedly in his first real hint of enthusiasm since the night of the circus. “That means the first group is probably here too! If we could find them, I could compare notes with Donna and it’s possible we could triangulate a way home!”

“Stuff it Frank,” Deadlift replied in irritation, “Our mission ended when we threw in with Noone. We all agreed back then that our lives were on this world. Besides, from what I gathered, we got here years ahead of Ki. Even if the first group made it to this same world, we have no way of knowing when they arrived. Maybe it’s next week, maybe it’s a thousand years ago. Hell maybe that’s why we keep coming up on ponies with American names, I don’t know and I don’t care. This world has been our home for years, and we made a nasty mess of it. Ain’t no jumping ship now. We had our dance, now it’s time to pay the piper. I’m just glad the ponies could see that the others weren’t in on what happened. Me and you, though? This is exactly where we belong!”

“But I didn’t do anything Jimmy!” Franklin protested, “It was all Alias. She’s the one who tied up that poor filly and gave her to my wives. Yes she was wrong for what she tried to do, but it’s not like I could have stopped her!”

“Let’s just let lie for a minute just who it was that made all Iam’s drugs.” Deadlift looked at the unicorn with unveiled disgust. “Just answer me one question, Frank. Was that the first time it happened? Was it even the second? How many times of the times we had to pack up the tent and leave town in a hurry were so you and Noone could cover for your wife? How many foals never went home to their parents because your wife wanted something special for dinner?”

“T-that was the first foal, Jimmy, I s-swear!” Franklin stammered.

“That’s what I thought, you sick son of a bitch. And stop calling me Jimmy. My pony name is Deadlift. There’s no cure, there’s no going home, there’s no more mission. It’s time you got that through your pointy head.” the earth pony scowled.

“But if Ki’s here… he’s immune. He may not be Patient Pink, but his antibodies could…” the unicorns desperate thought process was interrupted again by Dead Lift.

“He’s not as immune as we thought, Frank.” Dead Lift’s tone softened as he spoke. “I’ve seen him, and he’s not just transformed, he’s a damned royal.”

“A princess?” Franklin’s face screwed in confusion.

“No, apparently he took the royal treatment without having his junk scrambled. But he’s definitely a royal. I could feel him buzzing in my head. The real question is is he still infected, and if not, who cleaned him out?” Deadlift sat back on his haunches only to jump at a new, unexpected voice.

“That is one of many questions, and how forthcoming the two of you are with answers will weigh heavily on your judgement.” Princess Luna melted effortlessly from the shadows, gesturing to the whimpering form of Stormy Night. “And what, may I ask happened to him?”

“He didn’t know the ‘monster’ he was bragging about murdering was a friend of mine.” Deadlift spoke evenly, without regret or remorse. “Now he knows better.”

Author's Note:

Two days of laziness, writer's block, and other excuses have ended. I finally wrote a new chapter. :trollestia:

We’re gonna leave the Pastel family to rebuild their bakery and go back to the baking of cupcakes for a little while. :pinkiehappy: It’s time to go back and look in on what became of the circus ponies. :pinkiesad2:

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