• Published 16th Dec 2015
  • 1,055 Views, 17 Comments

First World Problems of an Undead DJ - CountDerpy



Desiring to eat brains, DJing, limbs falling off and a nagging marefriend all before breakfast? How much can one mare take!?

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Problems With Friends

Author's Note:

Only took 4 damn years, but it's here finally.....God I have to get a better writing schedule.

Most ponies would think that after about 15 minutes of turning the handle to a locked door, whoever was trying to get inside would give up and look for another way in or even leave. But Vinyl wasn't like most ponies, and was all but considering giving the knob a name and taking it out for a night on the town to get it to open up.

"Now look here, I don't know what your problem is but you better open up!" She snapped as she glared at the knob, her face scrunching in a way that Octavia would probably define as adorable.

"Um....are you talking to your doorknob again Vinyl?" A voice from beside her asked inquisitively, making her jump at least a good foot into the air.

"God damn it Derpy! Can't a mare sweet talk her door into opening up in peace?"

"...you call screaming at the top of your lungs sweet talking?"

"Well...Tavi likes it."

"Sure she does." Derpy chuckles as she reaches into her bag and pulls out a small bubble-wrap envelope. "Got a package for you."

"Huh, neat." Vinyl takes the package and shakes it a bit, a little rattling inside but nothing that is a sure fire giveaway. She sets the package down beside her and turns her attention back to the doorknob, her eyes locking on it as if in a life or death staring contest with a cockatrice.

Derpy just raises an eyebrow. "Do you want me to call a locksmith?"

"Please, Bob Knob here is giving me too much sass."

"Alright, I'll have them come right over." She sighs as she flies away. "And they say I'm the crazy one."

Vinyl sticks her tongue out at her as she leaves. She turns back to the door and sighs. "Now just have to sit here until the locksmith shows up."

"........"

"........"

"......STOP MOCKING ME DOOR!" She beats on it a few more times before growling in frustration and storming away "Whatever, didn't need to take a shower or play on my phone anyways."

Vinyl's walk from her house to the market district of Ponyville was a short one, but one that she didn't always enjoy. You had the Flower sisters usually setting up in the early morning along with every farmer in seemingly all of Equestria bringing wagons full of fresh produce. The entire place smelled like someone took a pile of dirt and threw it in an over with a good sprinkle of manure on top. Despite Vinyl's disdain for the smell, she enjoyed the fact it was at least strong enough to hide the smell of death that followed her around like a thick fog. In her mind, that beat a shower any day.

Her walk this morning, however, was cut off by a shadow bolting out from under a stand and tackling her to the ground. The two figures rolled a few yards away before coming to a stop, Vinyl's eyes squinting from the morning sun even behind her glasses, the figure dark and towering in her vision.

The dark figure leaned in and growled with drool dripping down from its mouth. Vinyl just stared ahead, clearly not amused by their antics.

She levitated over a newspaper from a nearby stand and smacked the figure on the head. "No! Bad Lyra! Down!"

Lyra jumps off an whines as she rubs her head. To anyone from out of town seeing a fully groan mare with paws, canines and a dog-like snout would be a shocker, but to the market it was an all day occurrence. "Hey! You didn't need to go for the newspaper. That was just uncalled for!"

"So is getting tackled by a wall of wolf-pony" She groaned as she picked herself up, noticing something isn't quite right with her vision. "So, are you hanging from a tree.... or is my head on upside down again?"

Lyra plops down on her rump and laughs. "God I bet Octavia really loves it when you go down on her like that. Guys must really love you too."

"I'm not even into them but I can tell you they'd prefer my rotten head to your tooth filled mouth any day of the week, bitch." Vinyl grabs her head and quickly twists it around, accidentally going all the way around again. "Damn it!"

"I'm not even going to comment on the bitch thing, because your kind of right, but at least I'm soft and cuddly, I bet doing you is like doing a plank of wood, but it fucking talks back to you."

"Oh I'll show you a plank of wood when I fix my fucking head!"

Suddenly a pair of hooves grab her head and snap it, fixing it the right way up. "You two realize how insanely loud you are being right. I don't need to hear your vulgar talk from halfway across town."

Lyra looks up and her ears go down a bit. "Sorry Bonnie, you know how we can get."

Bon-Bon sighs as she takes her seat at her nearby confections stand. "Yes I am very well aware of how you two act on a daily basis. Doesn't make my job any easier keeping tabs on you when you just yell out everything to the world."

"Eh, it's Ponyville. Literally no one in this town gives two shits." Vinyl shakes her head as she finally gets her barrings. "You find me one normal pony who actually care about the shit we've yelled out at each other over the last few years and I'll show you a coc-"

"Nope! Don't you dare finish that statement out loud."

"....you know you can be worse than Tavi most of the time with the whole mom routine."

"Well for one her job and lively hood doesn't involve keeping tabs on what amounts to two bickering teenagers with supernatural abilities. Secondly, if she pulled that more on you, I wouldn't have to pick up the slack!"

"Ahhh come on, Bonnie. You know you love babysitting." Lyra smiles as she rubs against her side.

"I really, really don't. I just put up with it so some wacko doesn't waltz into town again talking about purging the evil demons and firing into open crowds. Surprisingly this is the lesser headache, for what that is worth."

She sighs as she looks at Vinyl, giving a sniff to the air. "...You didn't shower this morning, did you? What was it this time?"

"Hey! I chose not to shower today. I'm a big mare and I can do what I-"

"You're locked out again, aren't you?"

".....well when you put it that way it makes me sound like I'm just a fuck up."

"You kind of are." Both of them say at the same time. Vinyl's hoof smacks her face hard enough to nearly knock her glasses off. "We may be teenagers, but you are seriously a broken record."

"Whatever." She reaches into her bags and tosses out a key. "You can shower at my place, but this time for the love of god do not use the nice towels."

"Awww but the other ones are coarse, rough and irritating!"

"Good they match your personality to a T."

"Awwwwww."

"Now get going. You smell like a dumpster fire."

Vinyl sighs and picks up the key before walking off. Lyra sighs and looks up at Bon-Bon. "You know you don't have to be so rough on her."

"Lyra, it's been over half a year since she's been like this. Hell in two months time you've matured more that she did by a long margin. I have to be harsh on her so she can handle this stuff herself. She's not a regular pony anymore and she needs to stop treating every aspect of her life as if it was."

"Yes but it's a big change and it's not easy. Trust me there are set backs I ha-" She stops and looks around for a moment, sniffing at the air."-ve...Sorry there was a squirrel nearby."

The two have a nice chuckle. Bon-Bon starts setting up her candies while Lyra curls up on a chair. "Vinyl just needs more time than others to adjust."

"I hope you're right, Lyra. But somehow I don't think that is going to happen any time soon."

"Who knows? Maybe things can just snap one day and fall into place. Hell, it could even be today!"

The two perk up at a loud banging noise from about a block away. They look at each other deadpanned as a loud, yelling voice echoes out across the market. "Bon-Bon! Do you have another key! I broke this one!"

Bon-Bon raises and eyebrow at Lyra, who returns a sheepish, toothy grin. ".....maybe tomorrow?"

Comments ( 11 )

Hello! I was wondering if it was dead yet, but like a zombie, it came back from the grave. Hopefully the next chapter doesnt take four years? I liked this chapter.

9439987
Thank you and I hope it doesn't either. I think by 2023 the fandom might be in it's death rattle so that won't be good ^^

9439988
FiM may be, but the next generation might be able to hold the mlp fandom together

9439992
Very true. We'll have to see.

When I first saw this fic, I was like "NO WAY! AN iZOMBIE CROSSOVER?!" Turns out, it's not, but still a good fic anyways. I enjoyed the antics. (Trust me, I'm snickering and people around me are looking at me like I'm crazy.).

On an improvement note (not sure if you want it, if not, hit me with a newspaper and I'll back down.) Chapter two has RP language (still in present tense) like "The two have a nice chuckle".

Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

IT LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!

This shit is too funny to not be continued in the future... I hope.

9439987
So about the next chapter taking 4 years

11535370
It's 90% done, just final editing. Plan is next week most likely. Next one for sure wont take 4 years, i have a major writing bug.

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