Weeks after defeat, the sirens known to many as the Dazzlings lost their magical voice. Adagio became depressed, Aria shut herself from the world, and Sonata just did what she could.
Adagio used to pay for everything, but ever since that fateful encounter, she was simply too depressed. Sonata thought she could do it, but suddenly, Aria was paying for everything.
Sonata wondered; where is she getting all the money?
Now has a sequel! “Whoa Adagio, Why are You So Small?”
Wonderfully edited by Level Dasher.
Want more shorts on EQG? Check out my the other Equestria Girls one shots!
Chapters (1)
When characters are talking, you use double quotation marks ("), not single quotation marks ('). I'm unsure as to whether this was intentional or not, but other than that, this was an enjoyable story
I don't know if I would call this story "good" but it did make me smile through sheer lighthearted adorableness and innocence. You need some work on your grammar and structure, but I like the gist of the story.
This was cute, and while Gamer Aria is by no means a new concept, the idea that she'd become a web personality and make a career with it is an angle I've never seen before. The roles the others fell into seemed fitting as well, even if it doesn't stay that way after today.
6751360 It's intentional, actually. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Also, can you tell me some grammar and structures I did wrong? I can use the feedback.
6751406 I'm glad it made you smile!
6751879 I did what I felt was right for them, Thankfully, it paid out well, seeing that you like it.
D'aww
It's so cute!
And I can soo see Aria being some sorta gamer. Or a rapper. Eh.
6752278 I'm not the only one, yes!
Not sure about rapping though... 
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I read it somewhere okay? I forgot the title, but it was real funny. The sequel's 'Shut Up And Drive'. Go read it, it's funny.
Wow, this story is amazing!!
Haha, that was cute,
I got feelsy at the end,
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg
Hnnng, that ending got really feels heavy.
Lived the story! And the concept. I've got my eye on you now
6751360 Single quotes for attribution is common in the UK, and for attribution-within-attribution, they use double quotes.
For some reason I can actually imagine Aria reviewing The Force Awakens.
Aria as a Caustic Critic? That's...that's just ingenious! And it works so well! Like TOO well! I love this idea! So much so I might have to take it at some point if I ever get around to writing my own fic with the Dazzlings. I hope you won't mind.
I love the story and the ending and again Reviewer Aria. But...man you have got to get a beta reader. The only thing holding this story back from be truly great for me are the massive grammar errors. Like words missing or some sentences that just don't flow right. Trust me I know what it's like to get so excited or into a story that you don't notice these things but they do happen. They happen to me a lot! So that's why I have a friend look them over before posting. I think if you do that then you'll be on your way to being one of the best!
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I didn't even know that!
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I have done my duty
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She does love Star Wars! (My headcanon)
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I'm not really sure where I could get a beta reader. Is it too late to have it edited?
6755755 You could just ask one of your friends if they don't mind looking at it. That's what I do. If not I'm sure if you asked around you'd find someone who's willing too. and it's never too late too change it. Just replace it once you get it looked at.
Needs some big grammar clean up, but I otherwise love it!
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I'll look for one now...
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Didn't mean to irritate you, just constructive feedback.
6759340 No, it's more like I'm irritated with myself. Not your fault!
The big areas this needs work on are:
- Showing vs. telling. Right from the opening sentence, this has way too much telling, both as regards the characters current thoughts and perceptions and in the form of exposition that's often really not necessary. As a side effect of all that telling, this story has a lot of excess length that causes some parts of it to be too dragging. It could be done in about half as long and have much stronger pacing.
- Tense agreement. There's a random, haphazard mix of present and past tense. This particular story should be uniformly past tense.
- Contrivance / coincidence. Things fall into place for Sonata by random chance much too easily, making the narrative very hard to buy into.
I don't normally read stories, but when I do, they are enjoyable reads.
If I might share some advice, I recommend picking up an actual editor with firm handle on phrasing to help ya out; as some awkward/clunky phrasing and show vs tell seems to be only real surface issues here.
Other than that...
41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7bjvpfcsh1r3k1m8o1_500.png
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I really need an editor quick.
Aww! What a sweet story!
Since when is Battlefront EA on PC? also, I hope aria has good taste in games and not call of doodie... Get Doom
6801292 I didn't even thought of Battlefront when I wrote that part.
But I think it was because I was thinking more of Star Wars The Force Awakens.
6801401 oh OK lol, you confused me
Gotta love Gamer Aria. Does anyone know her handle in Twitch or Youtube?
6843085 You'll have to go to an Earth where there are colorful people
That's what she said...
Yeah, I'm bad at this
6843937 We can see that
I legit teared up at the end there. While it definitely can use some more polish, the plot holds up fine for me. Other than she'd need more streaming in her schedule to keep up, the experience is pretty believable. I am wondering about where the Vinyl thread leads though, could be interesting if you ever revisit.
6952483 I am glad that the story touched your heart as much as it did to me. I never really thought of Vinyl's story in there since I was more focused with the Dazzlings. Maybe I'll come up with something, but Vinyl isn't really a favorite of mine.
6952962 Just a loose end that could make a plot convenience into a connecting/continued story.
6954971 I never thought of it that way. Might actually work.
ARIA IS A GAMER YOUTUBER!
OHMYGOD I DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH I NEEDED NERDY!DAZZLINGS IN MY LIFE UNTIL NOW
Aria is a Youtuber. Brilliant. Sheer and UTTER brilliance. Adorable, loved it to pieces.
Keep up the good work!
7173676 I will. It makes me happy that this story still is lovable despite the time passed. Thank you too
7152463 That's the idea.
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I don't quite understand this scene, why did Aria get mad?
7211969 You don't find Jar Jar annoying? Most people do.
7527404 Well, Aria started the hug...
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)". I really like it.
I liked this quite a bit, despite the characters being...quite a bit different from the established characterizations. It's such a strong story that that doesn't really matter.
Ah, the only hat that could contain the infinite hair is one that's bigger on the inside. Great idea!
This was so touching it almost brought me to tears.
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I don't find him annoying either. I really don't get all the hate he gets.
7755793 Well, he just make things happen to make the plot move along. Also, he single-handledly defeated troops with accidents. Too unbelievable, they say. That's the most common reasons I hear. Also, thank you that you felt that way. I felt that too even before I wrote the thing.
This was a surprisingly good read! Well done!
This was adorable!. Makes me wish there was a prequel with Aria that shows how she decided to be a streamer (youtuber?)
Nice!
okay but that was adorable