Part 2: Even Worse
As it turned out, Rainbow was more than capable of penetrating Twilight’s inner sanctum. This was made perfectly clear when she rammed into the study through the wall, knocking down bookcases and trashing the whole room in moments.
“Rainbow!” Twilight shouted. “Did you have to throw away all that I taught you?”
“I didn’t throw it away,” moaned Rainbow from under a pile of books. “I used it. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Well, now everything is torn open and gaping.” Twilight gestured to the massive hole in the wall. “The least you could do is help me fix it.”
Rainbow pulled herself out from under the books. “Are you going to give me another lengthy lecture or the quick tips version?”
“Just the tip.”
That cheered Rainbow considerably, although when she saw Twilight pulling out the heavy equipment, her face fell. “What’s that?”
“This is an air compressor unit that we can use to run various power tools.”
“It looks like a big unit.”
“It has to be, to blow so well.”
Twilight took out a nail gun and a pneumatic screwdriver, attaching them to hoses. “All right, let’s get something temporary up to cover the hole. Start putting up this plastic.”
Rainbow stretched it across the hole, but it didn’t seem to want to stay stuck. “This bag won’t fit.”
“Have you even tried nailing it yet?”
While Rainbow was busy with that, Twilight made a quick sketch of her plan for fixing the wall. If Rainbow was going to make things so hard, then she was going to improve the resistance.
She called Rainbow over to look at a diagram of two sturdy steel plates with a space in between. “Here’s what we’re going to do. This is called a Whipple Shield. It’s used in some spacecraft. The outer surface causes objects to begin to deform, and the inner void allows them to spread before slamming hard into the inside.”
“We’re going to put this on the wall? How are we going to attach it?”
“We’re going to screw it.”
“It would take some strong screwing to keep it attached to stone,” Rainbow noted.
“Long, hard, screws,” Twilight confirmed. “The metallurgy won’t allow for softer, more malleable metal.”
Applejack arrived as they were assembling the materials. She looked around at the mess and decided that she didn’t really want to hang out. She had a lot to do at the farm.
“Twilight, I came to drop off the bushel of apples you ordered,” she said.
“Thanks, AJ.”
“It’s against my better judgement to ask, but what happened here?”
“Rainbow took it as a challenge to penetrate my castle walls. She didn’t quite get the double penetration, though.”
“Twilight taught me how to get hard,” Rainbow said.
“Shoot,” said Applejack. “You didn’t know how?”
“She said I was squishy. Do you think I’m squishy, AJ?”
Applejack backed up as Rainbow flexed and tried to get her to come closer. “Now sugarcube, I’m all for feelin’ you up, but should you have known what the hardest part of your body was.” She grinned. “Your head.”
“I actually used my hoof to break into Twilight’s private space,” said Rainbow, gesturing to the books strewn around.
“Stuck your hoof right up in there, huh?” said Applejack. “So what took so long to figure this out?”
“Rainbow was splatting too much,” said Twilight. “What was it I said? ‘A meatbag hitting a stone wall.’”
“Instead, I just moved my body faster,” said Rainbow.
“Well of course,” Applejack remarked. “It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion.”
Applejack turned to go. “All right, I’ll let y’all get to work before this becomes a threesome. Stay cool in this weather, now. Big Mac was workin’ in the orchard and was all hot and bothered.”
Rainbow and Twilight went back to work. The screwing wasn’t going well.
“Your walls are just too hard!” Rainbow complained.
“I guess we’ll have to start drilling,” said Twilight. She connected an air drill to the compressor. “Here, try this. Make sure you use the proper lubrication. That drill bit could overheat if it’s not oiled up.”
Rainbow rubbed the lube all over and started drilling. She easily reamed the holes they needed and the two of them went back to screwing.
“‘It’s not the meat, it’s the motion,’” Rainbow muttered as they worked. “Did I hear Applejack right?”
“That’s what she said,” Twilight confirmed.
Rainbow shook her head.
In another few minutes, they finished drilling. With the holes in place, they could hang the first metal plate. “That looks good,” Twilight commented. “It’s a tight fit, but it works.”
“You know, I think this section of the wall might end up being stronger than it ever was before,” said Rainbow.
Twilight nodded. “I think you’re right. Harder, better, faster, stronger.”
“Faster?”
“It sure is going up quicker than resetting new stone blocks.”
That was true. They were already installing the outside metal plate. “Once we fill this gap in between, this place will be impregnable,” Twilight commented. “This could function as the breastworks for a more formidable defensive line. Earthworks, ironworks, parapets, towers, the whole shebang. Just one thing left to do. We have to fill that crack.”
“With what? Some kind of liquid? Would something sticky help hold it together?”
“In a way. We’re using foam.”
“Expanding foam?”
“Not your average foam. We’re building a hard, solid wall, remember? This stuff does triple duty of buffing up the armor value, as well as insulating from noise and temperature. I’ve got the canister right here.” Twilight showed Rainbow an industrial-sized container of liquid foam mixture. “Here’s the hose. Stick it in there.”
“Just stick it in?”
“Push it deep. You want it to spray everywhere, fully impregnating and integrating the slit between the two metal plates. Fill it up completely. There shouldn’t even be room for air.”
“I don’t know, it’s pretty tight. I’m pushing.”
“Harder!”
Rainbow finally got it in and started shooting her stuff, making sure it went everywhere and giving everything a good coating.
Twilight watched her work, giving her a reach around to help hold the hose. “Yeah, that’s it, impregnate the breastworks.”
“Should we throw some solid screws in there to help tighten it up?” Rainbow asked.
“Couldn’t hurt.”
The two of them continued working hard, sweating. But when everything was done, they stepped back to admire their work.
“It looks great,” said Rainbow. She tapped a hoof on the metal. “It’s so hard.”
“Yeah,” Twilight agreed. “It fits perfectly.”
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Yep, the innuendo is even worse...
“It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion.”
I feel like this was the sole purpose of this chapter; Getting someone to say this. Fantastic use of inuendo, yet again.
cannot stop laughing
7024391 "Pounding." They were even working with tools, I can't believe I missed this one.
7024392 well ya cant nail em every time right
Eh puns are only funny until like, the third one.
I thoroughly enjoyed this; a pleasurable read.
Why doesn't this story have a sex tag?
7024569 No sex.
Ouch... Still, hey, better innuendo than mine.
Twilight might later enchant a cloth belt with an illusion spell, and wrap it around her tree castle. No matter what direction anyone approached by, the illusion would make the castle appear to be a short distance to the left or right of its actual location. To an attacker, it would seem as though the castle was running away from them...
And so, Twilight's precious sanctuary was protected from penetration by a ...chased-a-tree belt.
I was more intriged by the work of twilight spackle than the innueno, thats a first
What I love about this story is that it plays it so absolutely straight. Normally there's some sort of self-awareness, a wink-wink-nudge-nudge, but it's missing here, and it's very refreshing.
7024652 oh you.
I work in industrial mechanics as a electrician and it always amazes me how many terms crossover with sexual innuendoes.
Very funny chapter by the way. 
I was happy and amused to see that the hilarious "Twilight Sparkle is vexed by Uranus" is mentioned in the Also Liked box to this story. If there were ever two fics that are spiritual kindred to each other, those are it.
I am head, neck, and body in the gutter right now.
Ah that's hilarious and... OH GOD HE INNUENDOS ARE TAKING OVER!!!
But I ain't scared 'cus God of Fear
7024587 indeed, but now you're morally compelled to make a porn version in which they make good on all the innuendos. That, or more of this, either is fine by me XD
This is so terrible. It's so terrible I think my brain temporarily shortcircuited.
I love it.
This innuendo is so long it could be calls an inyourendo.
7027909 You didn't.
I'm going into this hoping it's about either welding or mining.
Second story that I have ever read that made me cry, first one to make me cry from laughter, good job sir or madame
7028095
I did.
Oh god
So, this is a thing.
...
7024873 I think it's a side effect of being an engineer. After all, from the computer side, it's nothe any better. All that screwing, shoving things in holes, and then it gets kinky. Gender changers, discs in slots, all the breathy howls from the parts. And at the end, you get frustrated.
Well done, sir, well done. You know, I keep coming across the term intumescent paint in my line of work, and well... intumescent is another word that puts my mind into the gutter.
7026245
That profile pic makes that comment so much better.
Yeah, it just doesn't work. :/
7120008 Content, the bane of clop everywhere.
Commence read.
Funny stuff.
>kooarbiter your profile picture makes this comment gold
Ugghh.
...
*upvote*
*sigh*
Why is this so hilarious?
And in the long string of hilarious innuendo, suddenly there comes a D&D reference?
The fact that no one there is aware of the innuendo in this story makes it all the more hilarious.
I feel like Discord is silently laughing somewhere because he's the only one aware of those innuendos.