Chapter 2 My Own Adventure
Chapter 2- My Own Adventure
I woke up earlier than usual that morning. I came downstairs to see Cynder still asleep on her cushion. Twilight tapped me on the shoulder, and I nearly jumped out of my scales. I forgot she got up this early all the time. I guess those new books weren't going to read themselves.
"Spike, what are you doing up so early?" she asked, trotting softly down the stairs so as not to wake our house guest.
"I couldn't sleep," I whispered, "I want to spend as much time with Cynder today as I can."
My stomach grumbled loudly, and I bet Twilight was just as hungry as I was. I'm usually the one who cooks breakfast (and lunch and dinner) between the two of us, even though Twilight is the only one that eats it. Give me some tasty rubies or sapphires, and I'm all set! Speaking of breakfast, I hope she hasn't burned down the library. Twilight has read every cookbook she's come across, and can still barely make toast.
I really need to stop guilt tripping myself like this. I needed this, and Twilight even told me before the migration that it was okay if I went off on my own with my own kind! This was just an extension of that... except she isn't right behind me to help me if I get in over my head this time.
Darn it, Spike! You're a dragon! And dragons don't get homesick, or scared, or cry! And besides that, I've got Cynder with me, and she's three times the dragon any of those other jerks I met were. Anyway, back to breakfast! I couldn't help but wonder what Cynder would eat. I mean, she's from some far off place, and I know she isn't the same kind of dragon as I am. She must have heard Twilight and I, as she began to stir from her pillow, rubbing her eyes with her wingtips as she yawned. It was a wonder she didn't cut herself with those wings. I don't know if those tips were natural or what, but they looked really sharp.
I slid down the bannister and hopped off smoothly (avoiding the painful end piece I sometimes hit when I wasn't paying attention or missed my chance to jump). Cynder smiled at me as I strode over.
"I wish I had your energy this early in the morning," she yawned.
"Well, it's not everyday I get to hangout with a real dragon," I admitted. I know she's a black dragon, but I swear I saw her blush a bit.
"Thanks Spike, it's not everyday I get to hangout with such a well mannered purple dragon," she replied kindly.
"The other purple dragon is rude to you?" I asked. Jerks always seem to get the girls.
"No, it's not that, it's just that sometimes he can be a bit... thick."
"Well I can assure you Spike is the nicest dragon in all of Equestria," Twilight added happily as she trotted over with her tea hovering in front of her. "What would you like for breakfast Cynder?"
"Oh, um, you don't have to do that, I've actually brought a few supplies for my trip," she answered; opening the bag she'd been carrying since she was locked up.
After she opened it, I noticed a bunch of tasty looking gems inside, though there was something very very different about those gems, compared to the ones I normally dig up for Rarity, or for a midnight snack. They glowed like there were a bunch of fireflies trapped inside them! Emeralds, rubies, and sapphires all shone with an unearthly light from inside the bag. She plucked a red crystal from the bag and held it in her paw, before reconsidering Twilight's offer.
"You wouldn't happen to have any lamb, would you?"
The color drained from Twilight's face almost instantly. Ponies were strict vegetarians, and even the dragons here didn't usually partake of meat if there were gems to be had. "You-you mean like... for eating?"
Luckily, Cynder was as quick as she was pointy. "Oh, uhm, forget I said anything," she backpedaled quickly, "I'm fine."
"Okay," I could tell Twilight was a caught a bit off guard by her request, but she'd get over it. I had read every book there was about dragons, and most of the ones that still ate meat either lived in regions without gems, or were just more primitive than she or I.
"What kind of gem is that?" I asked. I'd never run across something so beautiful. I bet Rarity would make a fortune putting gems like those in a dress!
"These are what give my kind their power. The red ones are kind of like food, and they give you a quick boost of energy that lasts a while," she explained, placing one in her mouth and holding it between her teeth. "And they're kinda shpicy."
With that, she bit down on it, cracking the outside and allowing the light from inside to travel down her throat. She happily crunched the remaining shards until there was nothing left. Her eyes flickered the color of the gem for a second before returning to normal.
"Can I try one?"
They looked delicious, and her bag was literally stuffed with them.
"Sure, I think I can find a smaller one for you in here," she replied, digging through her bag and finding one about the size of my claw.
"So I just bite on it?"
"That's right."
I did what I had seen her do a moment earlier. Gems around here tasted good, but this! This was like I was filled with the energy to run laps around town all day! I bet I could run as fast as Rainbow could fly with one of these things! She wasn't kidding about the spiciness though. I have a fire resistant tongue and all, but this did have a bit more of a kick than I would have liked. I chewed up the rest of the rock, and I felt ready to take on Discord by myself! After a bit of settling, the rush began to fade, and I was left with a pleasant feeling of energy. Not too wired, but no longer tired, that was for sure.
"Those are good!"
"Told ya. So, I think I'm going to head into town to try and gather supplies for my trip if you'd like to come along. I'm not sure where to look for some things."
Like she had to ask. "Of course! I'm ready when you are!"
We bid Twilight goodbye and set off into the square to round up whatever supplies we could get our claws on.
On the outskirts of the Everfree forest, Fluttershy hovered about, tending to her garden and smaller critters. It was breakfast time, and it took her a few hours to make sure all her animal friends had been fed before she and Angel got something to eat. She had grown comfortable in her routine, and enjoyed getting to see her animals when they woke up and before they went to bed.
She was feeling quite good about herself, having stayed for the entire party Pinkie had thrown for Spike's new friend, and having only hid in the closet in terror once! Considering her fear of every other dragon except Spike, this was quite the milestone.
Just as Fluttershy was finishing up her last food delivery, dark clouds began to swirl around the edge of the forest. "That's odd, Rainbow didn't mention any thunderstorms today," she said to Angel as her little bunny tugged on her tail expectantly. He was getting hungry!
"Yes, I guess we'd better head inside before—" Fluttershy screamed as a bolt of lightning hit a tree a near her home. She and Angel darted inside and waited for the storm to pass. Oddly enough, as quickly as the wind and lightning had come, it stopped. It had to have been less than a minute!
What kind of storm was that? she thought, coming out of her cottage to survey the damage. Most everything seemed intact, except for a tree a few yards away from her home. It had been split right down the middle by the lightning that struck earlier. Her first concern was for any birds that may have been living in it. As she trotted over, she noticed a strange looking creature laying near it. It was covered in coarse, black fur, though its face was devoid of similar hair. It seemed to have strange appendages on the ends of its legs, similar to dragon claws, only these were fleshy, not scaly.
By far the oddest thing about this creature was its manner of dress. It was wrapped in a black cape, and seemed to have multiple bags and satchels secured around it. A small black tunic was wrapped tightly around his torso, and it looked as though he had multiple items tucked into it.
"Oh my goodness! I think it's hurt!" Fluttershy exclaimed to no one in particular. Upon closer inspection, its right ankle seemed very swollen. She hoped it was the lightning, and not this creature that had split the tree. Seeing no bird's nests or animals in distress, she turned her attention to the wounded animal before her. Grabbing the back of his cape in her mouth, she began to drag him back to the safety of her cottage.
Once inside, she knew there could be nothing done until it awakened. She had certainly never seen a creature like this before, and judging by the fact that it wore clothes, she assumed it was intelligent. After feeding a very hungry Angel, she ate a quick breakfast as she heard her patient begin to stir.
His eyes opened slowly as they fluttered to life. He took in his surroundings before Fluttershy came into view from her kitchen.
"Hello, can you understand me?"
He blinked. At first, it took a moment to try and recall how he had gotten here in the first place. He glanced at the horse-like creature talking to him. "Yes, I can."
She smiled. "Do you remember how you ended up outside?"
His memory came flooding back to him, but he held his tongue, knowing it would be unwise to reveal his true purpose just yet.
"I'm... not from around here. I was sent here to find someone," he answered, realizing this pony meant him no harm.
"Oh, well I'm sorry to say I don't think you'll be doing much searching for a while. Your ankle looks pretty swollen."
He glanced at his appendage. It did seem larger than normal. He sat up on the couch he was on, trying to test it with a bit of weight. He hissed and sat back down, as Fluttershy flew to his side to try and comfort him.
"Now, now, no need for that," she said softly, helping him back on the sofa, "What is your name?"
"Blackfang. And yours?"
"Fluttershy."
Blackfang smiled. It was quite unusual to find beings not hostile to his race due to their alliance with the dark dragon during the Great War. Though not all of his kind swore their lives to his service, many suffered under the suspicion. "Thank you for taking me in Fluttershy, but I'm afraid I cannot stay long."
"Nonsense, you can stay with me until your ankle heals. There's no sense in you going and hurting yourself again by trying to leave before you're better."
Ordinarily, he'd have healed his own wound with the potions he'd brought for his mission. However, finding a home untouched by conflict was rare where he came from. If this pegasus had been kind enough to share her home with a stranger, perhaps this place was not as hostile to outsiders as he was initially led to believe.
"Do you do this for all the strangers you find in the wilderness?"
Fluttershy smiled warmly as she headed back to the kitchen. "Well, I knew I couldn't just leave you out there. I wouldn't want someone to just leave me hurt in the woods if I were in your position."
As nice as a relaxing few days in this cottage would have been, he knew why he was here, and knew he had a job to do. First thing tomorrow morning, he would be off to track down his target. Until then, however, he certainly found this couch to be quite comfortable. "I've got some soup on if you'd like some."
All he had brought to eat was what he could carry. Preserved meats got the job done, but it certainly wasn't his first choice in meals night after night. Perhaps after he collected his full payment, he could find a way to live here, free of the strife that plagued his homeland.
"I'd love some, thank you."
Cynder didn't need too much, and what she did need I was able to help her track down. We had some trouble with payment at first, but only because diamonds are valuable in her world, but not so much in ours. I knew there was only one place in town that would be able to exchange gems for bits.
We arrived outside the Carousel Boutique, and I could only hope Rarity was in a better mood.
"What is this place? Do they sell cakes here too?" Cynder asked, thinking she had finally gotten the hang of identifying buildings based on their design.
"Not quite, but Rarity's the only pony in town who'll give us the bits we need for your diamonds," I explained as we entered the shop.
"Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Our fashion visionary is currently hard at work on another marvelous creation, so if you'll— Oh, hi Spike!" Sweetie Belle interrupted her rehearsed greeting when she saw her friend and occasional sleepover companion.
"This must be your new friend!" the energetic young filly added, jumping from behind the desk and trotting towards them, "Rarity's told me about you!"
"All good things, I hope." Cynder smiled, "I'm Cynder."
"I'm Sweetie Belle!" she chirped happily, "What brings you guys here? I don't think Rarity's ever made a dress for a dragon before."
Cynder blushed, but I let her know our business.
"We have some diamonds to sell to Rarity."
"Oh, she's been looking for some! I'll go get her."
Sweetie Belle bounded up the stairs to fetch her big sister while we waited in the lobby. I could see Cynder staring at all the dresses on display. If her world was as bad as she described, there probably was as much use for fancy dresses as there was for cupcakes.
"Ah, Spike... and Cynder!" she called from the top of the stairs, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and a pencil behind her ear. "What a lovely surprise."
"I was looking at your dresses, they're all quite nice!" Cynder complimented, seeming to earn a bit of Rarity's respect.
"You have a keen eye for fashion, darling. Are there many boutiques where you come from?" she asked trotting elegantly down the stairs.
"Not really, this is the first I've ever been to, but I can see why yours is so successful!" Cynder added. Maybe these two could get along after all! "Your daughter makes an excellent greeter!"
Then again, maybe not. I've never slapped my forehead harder. Rarity forced a laugh through gritted teeth, but I knew she was upset. Ever the classy mare, she played it off, though I knew I'd be hearing about this one. I know Cynder didn't mean to insult her, in fact, she meant the opposite. But the damage had been done.
"Well, Sweetie Belle is actually my sister." Cynder realized her mistake and was mortified. She apologized, but Rarity insisted it was an honest mistake, and she was not offended. I knew better.
"So, I understand you have some diamonds you'd like to sell?" she asked, retrieving her magnifying glass, cash register and scale.
"Oh yes," Cynder replied, pulling out a small purple bag and setting it on the counter.
"They seem to be of fine quality..." Rarity began, inspecting them as though she were a police detective looking for hoof-prints. After a few minutes, Rarity produced some bits from the register, though it was not nearly enough for what she would need.
"Normally they'd be worth more, but a new diamond vein has been discovered in Hoofington, and the prices have dropped." I hoped she wasn't shortchanging Cynder because of the Sweetie Belle remark, but Rarity did keep up with the latest gem exchange rates, so it was entirely possible they just weren't very valuable at the moment. Still, I knew one way to get more bits out of her.
"Do you think you could sell one of those other gems you have?" I asked. Cynder thought for a moment.
"Well, if everyone else in this land is as nice as you all have been, I suppose I won't need as many of these..." she said, producing one of the emeralds than shone so brilliantly that morning. One look at Rarity and I knew we had her. Her eyes lit up like the stars themselves.
"Sweet Celestia... where did you get such a magnificent emerald?" The entire room was bathed in a green glow as Cynder placed it on the counter.
"They're everywhere in my world. How much can I get for one?"
"How much do you want?" Rarity asked, still hypnotized by the gems light.
"Seventy more bits ought to do it," I answered. Though I bet we could have bought Rarity's entire boutique with a few more.
"Cynder darling, if you're ever in need of money, don't hesitate to bring more of these wonderful gems!" she called as we left. Maybe Rarity could be swayed, given the proper motivation.
Anyway, once we had the bits, we bought a very warm wool blanket, some canteens of water, some water purifying tablets, and a few pounds of salt. I asked what that was for, and she said it was to preserve what she killed when she hunted. I have to admit I was intrigued. I know Twilight would have been appalled at the idea of me taking another being's life, much less eating it, but there was something so... primal about it. That, and the fact that I had been curious about what meat tasted like since I first discovered dragons could actually digest it, unlike ponies.
Once we finished shopping, we went back to the library. We packed all her stuff, and I practically begged her to show me what other things she could breathe. I'd already seen fire, and didn't want to press the issue as to why it was purple. But I still wanted to know how you could 'breathe fear'.
"Spike, I can't just... do it. For you to truly understand its effects, I would have to use it on you," she explained, "And you're one of the few friends I have."
I could see she was pleading with me not to make her use it, but I just couldn't help myself! I mean, fear? How awesome would that be to control?
"Pleaaaase Cynder? Just a little bit, so I know what it's like?"
She sighed in defeat. "If I do this once, will you please never bring it up again?"
"I promise!" I was excited. I mean, how could fear effect me? Would I be afraid of everything? Was it supposed to make me a coward or something? I couldn't wait!
She took a deep breath, and blew on me, though I didn't see anything come out. I just slowly saw her dissolve into thin air! After she was gone, I was kind of wondering when the scary part would start. I was still in Ponyville, and none of the scenery had changed or anything. That's when I heard a voice I recognized.
"Well, well, if it isn't the half-pony!"
It was Garble, the teenage dragon and his pals I met during the migration!
"Looks like your pony babysitters aren't here to save you this time," he sneered, cracking his knuckles. "You think you can bring ponies to the sacred dragon grounds and not pay for it?" his friends began cracking their knuckles as well. I was terrified. I couldn't even bring myself to run! As shameful as this is for me to admit, I was cowering like a filly.
"Ugh, look at this guy. And you have the nerve to call yourself a dragon? You aren't one of us, and you never will be!" They leaned in close and I was still paralyzed with fear. At that point, I had forgotten Cynder had even cast her power on me. "All you are is a girly little pony," he growled in my ear.
"Get him, boys!" They jumped at me and I shut my eyes. I was expecting a ton of weight, but nothing happened. They must have dissolved into thin air, just like Cynder had.
"Spike! Are you okay?"
I opened my eyes. I was on my back with both Cynder and Twilight standing over me. I had a bit of a headache, but it was nothing major. Twilight glanced at Cynder suspiciously. "What in Celestia's name happened?"
Apparently I'd been in the fetal position for the past few minutes, though my encounter with the imaginary Garble had only taken what felt like thirty seconds.
"I'm so sorry Twilight, I didn't mean to—" I stopped her. I could see Twilight was growing more uncomfortable around Cynder.
"It wasn't her fault," I said, getting to my feet. "I asked her to use her fear spell on me."
Now I was getting the weird look from Twilight. "Why?"
"Because the only way she could show me how it worked was to use it on me."
Now Cynder was just as uncomfortable as Twilight. "Uhm, I'm going to stretch my wings. I think I'll be on my way tonight."
I was somewhat upset at Twilight for making Cynder feel like she was causing trouble. "You aren't going to leave without saying goodbye, are you?" I asked. At this point, I was still not sure if following her was a good idea.
She smiled at me. "Of course not, Spike."
With that, she spread her great magenta wings and took off into the sky, like I've always dreamed of doing.
I followed Twilight back into the library, and was met with the remark that would confirm my wanting to follow Cynder on her quest. "Thank goodness you'll be back to being my number one assistant after she's gone."
I stopped dead in my tracks. I know Twilight meant it in the best way possible, and I know that I mean a lot to her. She means a lot to me, too! But, I knew if I didn't follow Cynder, if I just stayed here, organizing books, that all I would ever be in this life is her assistant.
That's when I made my decision. I would wait until Twilight's asleep, and sneak out of the library. I knew every creaky floorboard and noisy door hinge by heart, so I could make it out quietly.
Cynder came back as the sun began to set. She gathered her supplies, and secured them in the lone bag she carried. Twilight and I were outside the library, ready to send her off.
"Goodbye Spike, remember to keep on all fours when you use your gift," she smiled.
"Thanks, I will."
"Good luck on your journey Cynder. I hope you find what you're looking for!" Twilight added. She meant it this time, and I was happy about that. I knew Twilight wasn't one to judge someone by their appearance.
She took off into the air, and shrank over the horizon as we waved goodbye. It was dark by the time we settled into the library. Luckily for me, Twilight wanted to turn in early. To this day, I have no idea why, but thank Celestia she had, or I may have never been able to catch up with Cynder.
I packed what I thought I would need on my adventure. As many gems as I could carry, with as much water, and a map of where Cynder told me she was going. I had prepared all this stuff while Twilight was doing her evening readings. All that was left now, was to leave the note I'd written on my pillow. I didn't want her to follow me, so I didn't say where I was headed, but I didn't want her to think I'd run away or something (Even though I guess I did, technically).
I tiptoed over to her bed. She was sleeping peacefully, a light snore was the only sound in the house.
"Goodbye Twilight, I promise I'll be safe, and come back a better dragon than I left," I whispered. She didn't move. I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. I'd have kicked myself if that would have woke her up, but thankfully, she's a pretty solid sleeper.
I crept down the stairs, avoiding the seventh, fourth, and last step so as not to make any noise. Once I was outside the library, a fresh jolt of adrenaline washed over me, like I had just eaten one of those special rubies of Cynder's.
This was it! The start of my very own adventure! All I had to do now was catch up to Cynder. I pulled the map out of my bag, and remembered which direction she had flown. I wasn't as fast as she was, but I knew if I was persistent, I could catch her by dawn.
I'd been walking for hours. I don't think I'd ever walked this far in my life. My feet were killing me, and this was a journey of more miles than I cared to count! For the first time, I seriously considered turning back. Rechecking my map, I knew I was on the right track, however I couldn't help but think about how hard it would be to find one dragon in the wilderness of the Everfree forest.
Still, I had already come this far, and to turn back now, and return to Ponyville with my tail between my legs like last time was not an option. I'd find her, I knew I would. It was just a question of when.
I was farther from home than I'd ever been before. I knew the sun was only an hour or so away from coming up, and if Cynder continued on before I caught up, my chances of finding her were next to nothing. Then I'd just be a lost little dragon in the woods, just as helpless without Twilight as I'd felt when they came to my rescue during the migration.
Unfamiliar voices echoed through the woods around me as I crouched down. I didn't know who they belonged to, but I had heard of the legends and ghost stories about the things that live deep in the Everfree forest. They were getting closer, and they sounded like they were having a conversation. Whatever they were, I could smell them before I could see them. After crawling through some underbrush, I found them. Two griffons wandered through the woods; it looked like they were hunting. Their feathers looked like they hadn't been preened in months, years maybe, and had they spears that looked like they made themselves.
I creeped back into the bushes when I heard my back foot crunch a twig. I looked up, afraid the two would see me, but they were gone!
"Well, looky what we got here, Chet."
I turned around. They were right behind me! How they were able to move that fast, that quietly is still a mystery. I scrambled backwards until I hit a tree. I had nowhere to go.
"Looks ta me like we caught ourselves a baby dragon!"
"S-stay back! I'll burn you!" I threatened, but since I was scared out of my mind, I had completely forgotten everything Cynder taught me about using my fire breath.
"Aw, now ain't that just precious. He thinks he's gonna burn us, Earl!"
The bigger griffon pulled a rope from around the end of his spear.
"The only thing gonna burn tonight is you. Dragon soup is so hard ta come by out here."
I was ready to try and at least claw my way out of this, when my black angel came to my rescue.
"Don't. You. Move."
I've never been so happy to hear another voice before in my life. Behind them, Cynder stood ready to attack the two hungry bumpkins.
"Well, looks like we'll be having soup and sandwiches tonight!"
Oh, these guys had no idea who they were tangling with. I saw Cynder smirk.
"I was hoping you'd be that stupid," she grinned, "Spike, hold your breath!"
I covered my nose and mouth and watched as she blew what looked like black smoke from her mouth. I guess that's what the fear breath looked like when it wasn't being used on you. The griffons began to cough, before screaming hysterically about spiders. They both tore off through the woods in different directions, dropping their spears.
Cynder watched them go, before turning her attention to me. She didn't look happy to see me.
"Spike, what are you doing all the way out here?"
Well, now's a good a time as any to come clean. I thought.
"I followed you."
Cynder rolled her eyes, "Well duh! I know you followed me, but why? Don't you know how dangerous this place is for a dragon with no combat training? Especially one who's just a—"
"Just a what?" I snapped. I couldn't believe Cynder was about to say it. She was going to call me a baby dragon just like everyone else I'd ever known! "Go on, say it! Tell me how I'm just a baby, and how I don't belong anywhere but safe in a library, living a pathetic life as a laughing stock for all the other dragons of the world!"
Cynder's glare softened. She didn't know my past, or how what I had just described to her was essentially the story of my life.
She sighed, "Spike, I would never be able to forgive myself if I let something happen to you. I've lost too many friends, and done too many terrible things to live with another death on my conscience." I hadn't honestly considered how she might feel about me tagging along. I guess I was still immature in some respects...
"What would I tell Twilight if I came back without you? She's probably worried sick!" Cynder's anger began returning, "She raised you from a hatchling, and this is how you thank her? Do you know how lucky you are to have even just one parental figure?" I knew this was coming from her own experience, but still, she was right. Twilight didn't deserve the stress I'd put on her by running off like this. Maybe I should have just gone home.
But then I had a realization.
"I love Twilight, and don't think for a second that I wouldn't do anything for her! She would want me to find myself, she told me so! And if it means I have to go on some crazy journey with a dragoness I just met, then she'd support me! You don't know what it's like to live among a species that is in every way, the opposite of what you've always heard your own kind is supposed to be!" I was yelling now, though I didn't care. Even if she is cute, no one questions how much I care about Twilight.
Cynder scoffed, "I know more about that than you think." Though I didn't want to argue with her, I think she began to relent. There was no way she could take me back to Ponyville and keep good enough time to find that crystal. "But you've come this far, and honestly, you remind me a bit of Spyro when I first met him. Stubborn, but with a good heart. I suppose as long as our journey is quick, I can have you back to her soon enough."
My mood lightened immediately. I knew this was a good idea!
"Gather your things, we can head back to my camp for a bit of rest before dawn."
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definantly reading this.
So Spike eat this
spyropedia.com/images/thumb/7/7c/Redgem2.png/150px-Redgem2.png
and you end up like this
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/58760_o.gif
Good read, keep it up
I knew I tracked this for a reason!
-Delta-
892336 XD lol
Damn, when Cyder actually said the name Spyro I nostalgia'd all over
myself. I haven't played any of the new games but the original Spyro
was one of the earliest game I remember playing and not being afraid to die.
Thanks for the update man it made my night.
I've been waiting for a long time for a Spyro crossover! Totally gotta read this now. :D
I was thinking this was somehow a crossover with the old kids show Dragon Tales...That for some reason I would like to see...but alas, tis a Spyro crossover...and because I have never played the games I have no interest...but now I really want an actual Dragon Tales crossover...So I will thank you for sparking that bit of interest...
904832 Yeah, literally EVERYONE commenting on EQD thinks it is a crossover with the old TV show.
Not bad. Your style is decent but you've got some pretty basic punctuation problems.
For your dialogue, when using a speech verb that's attatched to it you're supposed to use a comma, not a period. Stranger still is that you don't capitalize the speech verb, which is correct, but still use the period. Use this for more info: http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/dialogue.shtml
Next, commas should not preceed "and" unless it's an Oxford comma. This rule is relaxed in dialogue, mind you, but it shouldn't be present in exposition. This rule is due to "and" being a connector designed to replace a comma entirely. The same applies to "but" or any other coordinating conjunction (hereon referred to as a "connector" for simplicity's sake).
You may notice I've put a comma before a couple of my "buts" here, but that's because they're seperating an additional thought. Examine this sentence for why this exception exists:
>This rule is relaxed in dialogue, mind you, but it shouldn't be present in exposition.
As you can see, there's a comma before my "but". However, this is due to the "mind you" not being a necessary part of the sentence. If I were to remove it, I'd be left with:
>This rule is relaxed in dialogue but it shouldn't be present in exposition.
The sentence retains its topic and isn't impacted in any meaningful way by removing "mind you". That addition was only for flavour. Granted, I could write it as:
>This rule is relaxed in dialogue but, mind you, it shouldn't be present in exposition.
and technically achieve the same effect while avoiding the comma-before-a-connector issue, except it loses natural flow in the exchange. This is an example of where not following the rules to the letter is better. Remember: If you know how the rule works, you're allowed to break it as long as it improves the story in some way.
Apologies if that was unduly confusing.
904975 Firstly, I recognize your name from Ponychan, so I know you aren't just some guy spouting nonsense. Also, I haven't had any clarification for the longest time over the comma/period in ending dialogue thing, and simply wasn't sure how to phrase what I wanted to ask in any threads. The link is greatly appreciated. Grammar was arguably my worst literary subject in school, so I suspect I'll be behind a bit of a learning curve in comparison to other authors submitting their work to EqD (which is what I'm sure has brought you here).
Secondly, I want to thank you for taking the time to point these things out to help me improve as a writer, which is something I'm always striving to do. I enjoy praise as much as the next reckless egocentric hedonist, mind you,
but constructive criticism is something I rarely get, and I try to convey my gratitude to those who take the time.
So thanks again!
904863 I said it there as well...but now I'm thinking of a bunch of old TV shows...The Nostalgia is palpable...so again...I thank you anyways...
Oh god I remember that show. Thanks PBS, for all the torturous moments that show put me through.
Hold on, didn't all the color get sucked out of the land in one episode of Dragon Tales, and an episode of MLP? *GASP*
The title led me to believe that this was a crossover with the PBS cartoon Dragon Tales.
I am disappoint.
interesting... I shall watch this...
905033
My pleasure. The story is interesting and I think I might give it a watch. I'll hold off on that "Like" key until I see where you're going with this; I felt a twinge of weakness with your villain, especially in regards to how you introduced him (IE a giant infodump that reveals everything about him in a paragraph of mind-numbing tedium instead of letting his actions and words speak for him as the story progresses). It's like you decided developing in a similar way to Cynder was too much work, threw your hands into the air and said "Fuck it, have ALL the exposition!" If it's not too late, I'd suggest stripping that down and working his monetary-based allegiances into the plot more organically.
Yes, constructive criticism is in short supply on most websites. We at /fic/ pride ourselves (or at least, I do) on being soulles reviewing demons that poke you with pitchforks composed of grammar and mechanic rules.
It's an easy fix, it just takes a little memorization. Drop by /fic/ at some point with this (better now than before it gets Too Big To Edit) and you 'ought to be able to find a reviewer to help you with it.
JUST MAKE SURE TO READ THE STICKY FIRST.
Otherwise, I might have to eviscerate you ^_^.
905281 You're correct, the offending exposition has been expelled. I'll gradually introduce his reasons in later chapters, leaving him a bit of mystery for anyone still to be brought over from the EqD post.
905310
Most agreeable.
And again, drop by /fic/, that way you can get some help catching those sorts of scenes before posting. "Ten minutes of reading the rules could save you fifty hours or more of wasted effort."
/lame reference
I'm not really a big Spyro fan, but this is actually pretty good.
Never played Spyro, but I love anything dragon-related so I'm enjoying this immensely.
Fun Fact: Ponies are very capable of eating meat. It's actually easier to digest meat than plant material, so herbivores don't have a problem with eating it if it is convenient. Also, even in canon material ponies eat eggs.
904975
Ugh. Grammer Nazis.
I am also one of many, who thought it was that old kids show
someone should totally write that though
So far so interesting... wonder if Spike turns out to have a different power than "fire," what with his heavily magical attributes... he even has the same color spines as those emeralds!
This is indeed very interesting... and I pity those Griffons, what with Cynder using that attack on them. I presume that was poison?
So Spyro is suffering an infection of Darkness, and approaching Malefore's level of eeeevil... but why can't he swat it down like he's done before? Heck, he managed to suppress Cynder's darkside before!
And now I just pictured Spike with Dark attributes. That's not cool. Wonder if he has Dragonfury...
907030 Cynder used fear on the Bumpkins! It's super effective!
Spyro is cursed, which is different than the darkness trying to control him. The curse put on him just makes him crazy, and unable to defend against anything that would attack the dragon temple or Warfang. but that'll be explained later on, as right now they managed to freeze him in time until cynder gets that crystal.
And yes, there is more to Spike's abilities than I'm letting on in these early chapters, but Cynder's crystals are the key to him discovering what they are.
Maybe it's because I'm more of an old-school Spyro fan (Elora for the win), but this didn't really do it for me personally.
now to the epic quest to save spyro.
I just love this story
906695
Ugh, an uninformed, uneducated, unrefined plebeian who most likely considers Twilight to be the pinnacle of English prose.
I'm not even close to being a proper Grammar Nazi, merely a loud and outspoken person who places a little extra emphasis on knowing how to piece together more than two sentences together.
You know, when I first saw this on EqD, I thought it was a crossover of this,
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/dragon_tales_7088.jpeg
but I think the Spyro crossover has so much more potential.
914881 you and everyone else!
This is awesome
I love it.
Red gems: Health
Green Gems: Energy (Mana)
Blue Gems: Spiritual
Purple Gems: Fury
From the (actual) games, back when Spyro was awesome.
Games such as:
The Legend of Spyro: New beginning
The Legend of Spyro Eternal night
The Legend of Spyro Dawn of the Dragon
943132 She isn't my character, she's from the Legend of Spyro game series. I'm not gonna argue that point, her whole character is very Mary Sue, but I didn't write her that way, the creators of the video game did. I'm just trying to stay true to their canon, while using her in a pony setting.
Lamb! Oh god, the reference. It brings back so many fond memories of a childhood spent flaming herds of sheep in Artisans.
soooooo awesome :DDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
916545 rather play spyro riptow's rage or spyro enter the dragon
2363820I started playing Ripto's Rage and other Spyro ps1 games then went to a couple of the Gameboy games, don't remember what they were, and finally Dawn of the Dragon. out of all the Spyro games I've played Cynder is my favorite character, so I'm hoping for good things with this story.