• Published 20th Dec 2015
  • 1,524 Views, 85 Comments

An Unholy Confession - Zyrah

Twilight finally finished her 'read later' list of books. It took her years to do but she missed one.

  • ...

An Unholy Confession

The Golden Oaks Library, 1 A.M.

As Daring Do flew off into the sunset, she glanced back at her backpack, the bulge of the ancient artifact she had recovered from Ahuizotl inside her saddle bags bouncing against her sides. Daring Do turned back around, her face bearing a triumphant smile.

She did it.

The end.

Twilight let out a content sigh, as she finally finished the book. That's when her eyes went wide and she darted over to a bookshelf dedicated only to scrolls. She found the one she was looking for; it had a sparkling gold band around it, with big letters reading 'Read Later'.

She grabbed the scroll with her telekinesis and brought it down to her. She slipped the band off of it with her magic and the scroll unraveled, rolling down the length of the library and stopping at the bookshelf across the room.

She desperately searched through it, looking at all of the titles to books she had written on it with intention of doing just that; reading it later.

Check marks were next to every single title she had seen so far, her steadily pulling the long list up to keep reading. When the last title came across her searching eyes, she stopped. It didn't have a check mark by it but that was about to change.

She teleported a quill from her desk nearby and levitated it against the paper. The scratching of quill on parchment meant two things at once. Twilight finally finished the latest installment of the Daring Do series. Two, she just finished her entire 'read later' list.

She took in a big gulp of air and held it for a second.

Then she screamed in joy and hopped around and teleported off of every wall, doing cart wheels and flips, the chaos of which woke a sleeping Spike in their bedroom.

Spike opened the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What gives, Twilight?" He said groggily followed by a deep yawn. He removed hands from his eyes to see a book being hurtled at him. "Woah!" he yelped as he ducked, the book narrowly missing his spikes.

Twilight continued her burst of accomplishment-induced insanity when she noticed Spike staring at her, wide-eyed from the top of the stairs. "Oh hey, Spike!" she said cheerily, before she looked at the clock on the wall, now knocked sideways. Noticing it was one in the morning, she asked, "Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

"I was asleep, Twilight," Spike said in an annoyed tone. "All of your racket woke me up."

Twilight blushed a little and letting out a little hysterical laugh and rubbing the back of her head with a hoof, "Sorry."

Spike couldn't stay mad at her but it still left the question, "Why are you so excited anyway?"

"I finally finished my 'Read Later' list! Every single book has been read cover to cover!" She said, puffing out her chest with a massive smile.

"That's awesome, Twilight! You've been worrying with that list ever since we came to Ponyville!"

She smiled even bigger, her triumphant look still plastered on her face.

Twilight and Spike turned to a knock at the door. "I've got it," Spike said as he jumped from the top of the stair case down and did a ninja roll to the door.

Right as he finished his roll and stood up, the door busted open, slamming Spike into the wall behind it. Pinkie Pie bounced into the room with a big smile.

"Hi Twilight! What's all the excitement about?" She asked bubbly.

"How did you know there was any excitement?" Twilight asked with a puzzled expression.

"I could feel your excitement all the way from sugar cube corner," she replied. "I couldn't resist finding the source of such joy!"

"Remind me to study you one day," Twilight said with a joking smile.

"Will do!" Pinkie responded with an ear to ear smile. "So, what's got you so hyped up?"

Proud to be able to tell her excitement to yet another pony making her very giddy. "I finally finished my 'Read Later' list."

Pinkie Pie ran over to the list in question and picked it up and began skimming through it. "Huh," Pinkie said to no one in particular.

"What?" Twilight asked curiously.

"This book doesn't have a check mark by it," she said, holding the list up for Twilight to see.

Twilight looked at the list, the missing check mark, and the title next to it. 'Art of Stealth' was the title of the book she hadn't read and hadn't noticed on the list.

Twilight deflated until she was nothing but a purple mat with a nervous smile on the floor.

Spike walked through the door rubbing his head as he shut the door, a Spike shaped hole to the outside world on the wall behind it. Upon noticing Twilight's deflated state he said, "You popped her!" He ran to the closet under the stairs and pulled out an air pump. He returned to Twilight and stuck the nozzle in her mouth and started airing her back up.

Once refilled, Twilight's smile faded. "How could I have missed one?"

"If I had known it would cause you such grief," Pinkie began, looking sad, "I wouldn't have pointed it out."

Twilight immediately reacted to this. "No no! It's good that you pointed it out. I would have come across it in anyway when I go to add another book to it." She levitates the list over to her to look at it and trots over to her endless shelves of books. "Plus, I'm a fast reader, I'll finish it no time."

Twilight searched through her bookshelves, looking for Art of Stealth. Upon finding it she levitated the book from the shelf when she felt a slight pain in her head and dropped the book. When the book connected with the floor, it left a crack in it.

"Jeez, Twilight," Spike began as he walked over to the book. "I don't think being a fast reader is going to help you with that thing."

"Uhh..." Pinkie Pie said leaning towards the door. "I'm going to go now, toodles!" And with that, she flew out the door full speed smashing straight through the door, leaving a Pinkie Pie shaped hole in it right next to Spike's on the wall.

Spike stared at the door for a moment and blinked really hard and opened his eyes once he turned back around to face Twilight.

Twilight's horn began to light up as she zapped the book with a spell. The spell formed numbers on the cover, Twilight read these numbers and her ears pinned back.

"Two million words..." She said, her ears drooping back in disbelief and anguish.

"Wow," was all Spike could say.

Twilight walked slowly over to her favorite pillow to lay on top of while she read and teleported the book over in front of her. She made a gulp in fear and then a defeated sigh. "Well, time to get started."

Twilight opened the cover of the book and began reading.


Two months later...

Twilight slammed the book shut and threw it out the window with her telekinesis and screamed at the top of her equine lungs.

She had a look of insanity and joy mixed on her face, "Finally! I finished that Celestia forsaken, two million word book."

She levitated her read later scroll over to her, it sitting in the same spot since two months ago. She checked the title off her list and through it aside.

Twilight began to go insane again, about to teleport off the walls when Spike slammed their bedroom door open and said, "Don't you even think about making a ton of racket again."

"But Spiiiike," Twilight whined. "I finally finished that book!"

"And I'm happy for you but you aren't done with your list yet."

"What?! Yes I am! Art of Stealth was the last book!"

"Yeah...but you added like thirty more books to your 'read later' list while you were reading that one."

Twilight disintegrated in a pile of disappoint ashes, only her mouth remaining on top of the ashes.

"Spike, take a letter," she said with her signature quote.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I regret to inform you that I will no longer be studying the magic of friendship anymore as I have come to a realization about myself that shocked even me.

I hate reading. I hate reading and I will never touch another book again so long as I can avoid it. I'm moving back to Canterlot and I'm going to lock myself in the highest room on the tallest tower and I will sit there until my untimely demise.


Twilight Sparkle

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Spike asked curiously as rolled the scroll up.

"Spike, I have never been more sure of anything in my life," She said, rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

"Okay," he said as he huffed and puffed that scroll right out the window that the Art of Stealth had taken.

Twilight spawned to gas cans in front of her and handing one over to Spike. "Take this and pour it on everything, everywhere."

Twilight turned the gas can upside down and sloshed the hostile liquid over everything. The floor, the bookshelves, the furniture, everything, Spike coming in with the assist.

Once both cans were empty she walked outside the Pinkie Pie shaped door and rolled up the 'Read Later' list. Spike joining her by climbing on her back and watched as Twilight zapped the scroll, it lighting up in an orange and yellow flame.

She tossed the flaming scroll into the Golden Oaks Library door and watched for the next three hours as the blaze turned the library into a massive pile of ashes.

Comments ( 84 )

6751351 I thought it was original, I haven't seen anything like it. Do you like?:twilightblush:

I had a laugh.

I'm also going to set up an iron mining camp here. Seems like it'll be profitable fairly quickly.

6755174 Whatever your heart so desires :rainbowkiss:


I'll make sure you get all the leftover y. They must be good for something. Like ending the. Or adverbs. :rainbowwild:

You're story provided such a rich bounty of iron. We just have to knock off that y at the end of it to get to the good stuff.

It's the metal we need to mine, not your mettle in executing a tried and true literary device.


All the irony. See...
1. Collect Irony
2. Separate Iron
4. Profit!

The only problem is... I am left with so much y.


I never thought about it like that. Now I feel dumb:facehoof:

Thanks for explaining the plans for your operation, but if there is a pretty penny to be made on the iron, I want in on it!

I guess I could use the excess y to ask you y you are making the camp here when you could be making it over there?

Very good!

I especially liked the scene where Twilight deflates and Spike had to pump her up again.
I seems Spike didn't do it for the first time.

By the way:
When will you (yes, you, reader of this comment!) read your entire "read it later"-list?

6763983 haha probably never because short stories i wanna read or one shots ill just sit down and read. Its massive 200,000 words or more books that fill my read later list...i think one of them is 1.7 million words so...yeah. Gunna take me years to finish even if i didnt add anythinelse to it.

Oh...im glad that you liked the story btw :] means im doing something right i suppose(thats a first)

6763983 Which list are you referring to?

I have no fewer than ten, and only one of them with less than fifty stories in it. (Several have several hundred....)

So… never, basically.

6763983 I have 86 88 stories in my "read it later" list, and it grows every day. I almost never finish the longer ones on the list, and I mostly read those over the one shots. The list sometimes gets none in one day, but it sometimes gets 20 in about 15 minutes. So basically, I will never finish it, even if I dedicate a whole week just to reading, because by the time I get close to finishing what I have, 50 more will be in their place.

6860843 That's the struggle man and I know how you feel. Even if I finished all of my read laters on fimfiction, I still have a whole list of nonpony books.

IT NEVER ENDS:raritydespair:

thanks for the favorite btw

6860907 So my "read it later" list has about 7,030,000 7,200,000 words. My problem isn't nonpony books, it's the never ending stream of fanfictions. All 88 93 stories on the list are on Fimfiction. For nonpony books, I usually read ones which are 200 to 600 pages long. If I try, I could finish a 502 page book in a little under 24 hours, but I no longer wish to try.

I don't know why I'm saying all of this.

6860925 Hey it is what it is. It doesn't matter how fast you read because you will never finish it all. Which is depressing.

6860929 Agreed. By the way, I almost added this to the read later list, then decided to just read it immediately.
By the way, is this really in The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau?

6860939 I hope you didn't regret reading it. I think it is, why?

6860942 First, I did not regret reading this story. Second, I wanted to know if you actually put it in The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau or if someone else did it, since they can do that.

6860951 I think I did that. But someone else might have too idk

I look back at this conversation of about a week ago and wish that those conditions still remained. I have not finished any of the stories in my read it later list, though I'm close to done with a few of them. The number of stories in my list is 129, with a total of 11,157,565 words.
I'm not sure if you care anymore.

6889727 I always care lol, your list is a ton bigger than mine lol

6889733 A miracle occurred: I finished something on the read it later list and I'm on the last chapter of another.

6890057 Here's another problem for me when it comes to read later list...I'm OCD as hell and refuse to read books out of order and refuse to read more than one at a time

6890059 I read about 8 at a time, so that makes it hard to actually finish one of them, especially since they generally are somewhere from 20 chapters to 50 chapters long. But what do you mean by "out of order"?
Also, the total number of words only decreased by about 16,000 words.

6890072 What I mean in order is like say there is a trilogy of books. I refuse to read the second before reading the first. Sorry to hear about your count not hardly going down but mine wouldn't either.

6892168 You know when people say "one step forward, two steps back" or some thing like that? Well, I have 130 on the read later list, and a total of 11,319,456 words.

6892460 one step forward and a couple hundred steps back

6892485 And halfway through my next step forward, I will suddenly twist to the right again, throwing me off course. Again.

6892485 And looking through this, I start to wish that I had time to read all of the stories on my read it later list while not adding any to it. The list has gotten too big. How many books were supposed to be in Twilight's Library/home?
Because I now have 203 stories on that list, amounting to 20,254,020 words, and many of them have sequels which I haven't counted for it. About half are over 100,000 words, some breaching 400,000, while some others on the list are thousand-word one-shots.
The average amount of words in a normal book is about 64,000 words. The longest novel ever created (that showed up when I looked it up) was Devta, with 11,206,310 words. However this was split into 56 volumes, all part of the novel, but still 56 volumes. The longest single book without being split into volumes for the sake of not killing whoever reads it (again, when I looked it up) is Zettels Traum, which has about 1,100,000 words.
The longest story on my read later list is The Chase, with 2,204,172 words total. The second longest is MLP Time Loops, with 1,772,214 words. Both are still receiving updates. When I first attempt to read MLP Loops on FanFiction, I got to around set 70 before giving up. After that, I went to this website and found a number of other fanfictions to read.

6931173 As far as Twilight's home goes...it's a mediocre size library so I'd say anywhere in the thousands of books. However her read later list, as we've seen in the show, a lot of her books are spellbooks and whatnot and I doubt anyone is just going to sit down and read a spellbook(or a dictionary) and not including how many she has read that we haven't seen in the show itself and in Canterlot...well...I have no earthly clue as to how long her list was. I guess I never gave it much thought. Pretty long though.

6763983 Mm... Probably never.:rainbowlaugh:

6931608 I look back on this once again, and wish that I could stop looking back, because it reminds me that the read it later list is out of control. 334 stories, about 29 million words.

6970625 Don't allow yourself to put anything else on there until you've read all of it. I'm starting to think that this what you'll need to do. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND YOU NEED TO HELP YOURSELF!


Twilight deflated until she was nothing but a purple mat with a nervous smile on the floor.
Spike walked through the door rubbing his head as he shut the door, a Spike shaped hole to the outside world on the wall behind it. Upon noticing Twilight's deflated state he said, "You popped her!" He ran to the closet under the stairs and pulled out an air pump. He returned to Twilight and stuck the nozzle in her mouth and started airing her back up.


She tossed the flaming scroll into the Golden Oaks Library door and watched for the next three hours as the blaze turned the library into a massive pile of ashes.


Seriously though this was... a thing. Definitely a thing.
I... think I liked it, but it's also jumbled up my brain too sure to much be.
...wait no what

7007875 I'm glad you...liked it? I'm not sure lol thanks for reading though, whoever it was :twilightsmile:

7007966 It was certainly well-written, though, and it did well in being that sort of Pinkie Pie brand of surreally confusing. Which I admit I enjoyed a lot. :rainbowlaugh:

7007976 LoL well I'm glad you liked it!



What does League of Legends have to do with this


My phone autocorrect to that :rainbowlaugh:

That certainly exists. :rainbowlaugh:

And that's why Twilight Sparkle will never get a boyfriend.

As a man with constantly around 30 stories on the list, I feel the pain.

7052435 I know that feeling :raritydespair:


Do you know how long it would take to read a 2 million word story?
for a reader like twilight who manages about, eh, on a reading spree twi should manage 100k words a day, saying as I have done so, a 2 million word story would take her 20 days to accomplish reading, lets put it at thirty for distractions, saturday mornings (when everythng happens), monsters, outings, and taking care of the dragon.
Off by a month.

*points to my "read it later" list, which currently consists of no less than 747 stories*
Not as much as I do.... :facehoof:

woah. fire. ~hug (must read like a high hippie).

It's been about 10 weeks since I last looked at this, and in that time, I think the list has quadrupled. 1,239 1,240 stories, a total of 76,974,812 76,979,026 words. I don't think I can fix it any time soon, unless I just purged the list of every story I put on it. At least two of the stories have over a million words, and a number of the stories have sequels, like Austraeoh and it's sequels, each with 200 chapters. I also have 58 chapters on the tracking list. The extra story? You made that one, Zyrah. Also, I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, and may have ADHD symptoms.

ADHD Autistic/Aspergers guy here. And my 'Read it later' list now consists of 1038 stories. :facehoof:

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